


College Parties, Punk Concerts, and Pride Parades - What Could Go Wrong?

by Nikolaus_Chaser



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol as a Coping Mechanism, Alcoholic John, Angst, Asexual Castiel, Asexual Dean, Asexual pride, Genderfluid Dean, Hurt Dean Winchester, Kissing, Low Self Esteem, M/M, Moody Castiel, Music, Nightmares, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Past Non/con, Piercings, Punk, Tattoos, Verbal Abuse, confusing feelings, past self harm, punk!Cas
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-05
Updated: 2015-12-26
Packaged: 2018-03-10 15:18:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 85,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3295157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nikolaus_Chaser/pseuds/Nikolaus_Chaser
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After coming out to his parents as asexual and genderfluid in his senior year, Dean Winchester is happy to leave for college. Now he can finally focus on his dreams to become an an engineer and design cars.</p><p>Of course, he was never expecting his roommate to be the moody Castiel Novak, a punk rocker who Dean may have more in common with than he realizes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Moving In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean says goodbye to his mother and his little brother and sets off to start his life in college. Of course, he was never expecting to have a boy like Castiel for a roommate.

**Asexual Genderfluid Dean Winchester/Asexual Punk Castiel – College Roommate AU**

Dean hopped out of the Impala as soon as it came to a stop, slamming the door and dragging his bags behind him as he made his way up the path towards the Admissions Office of MIT. He heard footsteps behind him, and then his mother calling his name.

“Dean, please wait.” She called, jogging after him. Dean huffed and came to a stop, turning around to give his mother an annoyed look.

“What?” He snapped. Mary frowned and came to stand in front of him, cupping his cheek with one hand.

“I’m sorry about your father. You know he means well, he just…”

“He just can’t accept that his son is a freak. I get it.” Dean said gruffly. Mary sighed and looked down.

“Dean…”

“It’s okay, mom. And look, I’m gonna be okay here. You don’t need to worry about me.”

Mary smiled sadly, a few tears slipping down her face. “Don’t tell me not to worry about my baby, Dean.” She sniffled. Dean licked his lips.

“I’m not a baby anymore, mom. Anyway, you have Sam to worry about now.” He said, reaching out and ruffling Sam’s messy hair, as the boy had suddenly appeared behind Mary. Sam scowled and swatted his older brother’s hand away.

“You’re such a jerk.” Sam complained as he fixed his hair. Dean laughed.

“Whatever, bitch.” He said. Mary frowned at him, ready to complain for his language when the Impala’s horn blared behind them. Mary huffed and glanced back at the car, frowning. Then she turned back to Dean, who had a sad smile on his face.  
“You can go, mom. I’ll be fine.”

Mary nodded, leaning in and kissing his cheek. She hugged him tightly, and Dean found himself dropping his bags to hug her back.

“I love you, Dean. Make sure you call me every day.” She said. Dean licked his lips.

“Don’t you think that _every day_ is a bit much?” He whined. Mary scowled and Dean cracked a smile, looking down at his shoes. “Fine, ma. I’ll call you every day.” 

“Is it really such a chore to call your mother, Dean?” Mary complained, pursing her lips. Dean smiled.

“Nah. I love you, mom.” He said, kissing her cheek. Then he reached out and ruffled Sam’s hair, which the boy had just finished fixing. “Don’t cause too much trouble, ya brat.”

“Yeah, because _I’m_ the trouble maker.” He grumbled, jumping out of his brother’s reach. Dean grinned and Sam couldn’t help but smile, stepping forward and hugging Dean around the waist. Dean smiled and picked his brother up, squeezing him tightly. Sam made a weird squeaking noise and Dean chuckled, putting him down. Right then John honked on the Impala’s horn again, and Mary sighed.

“We should go. Come on, Sam.” She said, touching her younger son’s back. She smiled at Dean. “I love you.”

“Love ya too, ma.” He said, then picked his bags up again. He watched Mary and Sam walk away before he turned on his heel and headed off towards the Admissions Office.

He was directed to the A Building, where he was told he would be rooming with another Freshman for the semester. He hadn’t quite caught what the kid’s name was, but he knew that it sounded weird. Casteel or Castile or something.

He made his way to the building with minimal issues. He was met at the front door by an RA, who very excitedly told him that his room would be on the third floor. She assigned him a guide, a Junior by the name of Benny, and sent him on his way.

“You’ll like it here.” Benny drawled as they walked up the stairs. “The elevator is down at the moment… A couple Freshman set off a firecracker inside and the blazer hit the control panel.” He rolled his eyes. “But they’ll have it patched up soon enough.” 

“Okay.” Dean said, looking around as they walked through the halls. Some doors were open, and he could see other boys decorating their rooms with posters and pictures from home. He bit his lips. “Are there girls in this dorm?”

Benny laughed, deep and long, smirking over at Dean. “You sure do know what’s important, brother.” He said. Dean frowned slightly but continued to listen to the boy. “The girls have their rooms downstairs. But we aren’t allowed down there unless we’re invited.”

“Alright.” Dean said. He was just about to ask another question when Benny stopped, pointing to the door in front of him. 

“This is your room, brother. RA Becky gave you your key, right?”

“Yeah.” Dean nodded, sticking his hand into his pocket where the key was. He smiled tightly. “I’ll be fine from here.”

“Alright.” Benny said, smiling at Dean. “You know, there’s a party tonight at The Roadhouse… it’s a bar right down the street from here. You should come.”

“I’ll see.” Dean said, smiling. Benny nodded and then turned, walking away. Dean sighed and then turned back to his door, trying the knob. He was confused when he found that the door was locked (after all, hadn’t the RA said that it would be open?) Nevertheless, he pulled his key out and pushed it into the lock, opening the door.

His nose was assaulted by the smell of cigarettes as soon as he walked into the room. He coughed, covering his nose as he looked around. A boy sat up from the bed on the right, his messy black hair falling into his striking blue eyes as he waved his hand at Dean.

“Close the door!” He ordered. Dean frowned.

“No. It smells disgusting in here.” He said. The boy scowled and stood up, walking to the door and slamming it shut. Dean frowned and turned to look at the boy.

He was just a bit shorted than Dean, his midnight black hair messy and sticking up in every direction. His eyes were blue and shining, and they sparkled as he squinted at Dean. Dean noted that his eyebrow was pierced with a blue stud that almost matched his eye color. The boy straightened his back, spreading his broad shoulders. He was muscular, but not as muscular as Dean, who had been the captain of his football team back in Kansas. His smoldering cigarette hung loosely from his lips, which were pierced with snakebites. One piercing was purple, and the other black. Dean looked at them carefully as he was waiting for the boy to speak.

“I guess you’re my new roommate.” He said after a few moments, looking Dean up and down once before he made a little snorting noise and turned back to his bed. He plucked the cigarette from his mouth, crushing the bud in a little ashtray he had set up on the table beside his bed. Dean frowned.

“Yeah. My name’s Dean Winchester.” He said. The black haired boy looked over at him, smiling tightly.

“Cool.” He grunted, then turned his attention to his phone. Dean frowned, clearing his throat.

“What’s your name?” he asked. The boy raised an eyebrow and glanced up at Dean.

“My name is Castiel. I don’t see why you care, though.” He spoke. Dean bit his lips.

“I, uh… I think we got off on the wrong foot, Cas. Can I call you Cas?” He asked, but then continued without an answer. “I’m sorry if you were insulted. I just… I hate the smell of cigarettes. They bring back a bad memory.” He said, swallowing. Cas glanced up at him, squinting at him. After almost a full minute, he spoke.

“It’s okay, Dean. Perhaps I was a bit rude… I’’ try to pray our window open- it’s sort of stuck at the moment- so I can smoke out the window from now on.”

Dean smiled a little and nodded, picking up his bag and placing it on his bed. “That would be much appreciated.” Dean said. Cas grunted and went back to tapping away on his phone. As Dean unpacked, he glanced back at his roommate.

“So, Cas, are you going to the part at The Roadhouse tonight?” He asked. Cas snorted.

“Please. I think I’d rather be run over by a bus.”

Dean licked his lips. “Not the social type?” He asked. 

“I guess not.” Castiel said, not looking up from his phone.

“Big surprise there. A charmer like you…” He wasn’t trying to flirt with his roommate, but it sort of came out that way. He cursed his naturally flirty personality as Cas looked up at him, his pierced eyebrow raised. After a few moments, he spoke.

“Don’t you have bags to unpack?” He asked. Dean frowned and turned back to his bed, picking up some of his clothes and shoving them into the small dresser beside his bed. He sighed, pulling out his radio and plugging it in. He set it up on top of his dresser, turning it on. He was pleased to find that he could easily pick up a signal, and he put on the first rock station he could find. The Sex Pistols blasted through the speakers, and Dean smiled in contentment. Now, _this_ was his music.

Castiel rolled over in his bed, watching Dean’s back carefully as he moved his hips to the music. He had to admit that it was a good song, even if it wasn’t his own taste. He watched Dean for a bit, listening to the music. He hardly noticed when the song changed, but then Dean had turned around and was looking at him. He glanced up at him and offered him a small smile.

“I dig your music.” He said. Dean smiled back at him.

“Sex Pistols are one of my favorite bands. But I’d have to say that my favorites are Metallica and Led Zeppelin.” He smiled fondly. “Nothing says Rock N’ Roll like good ol’ Zep.”

Cas’s lips twitched a little and he sat up a bit, tugging on one of his lips piercings with his teeth.

“I’m not conventionally a Rock fan. I’m definitely a fan of the Sex Pistols, but I’m more into Vice Squad and D.O.A… punk bands, mostly.”

Dean sat back down on his bed and looked over at his new roommate. Castiel, he said his name was. Cas. Dean thought that he could probably get used to this guy (as moody as he seemed to be). He smiled.

“I think you and I are gonna get on just fine, Castiel.”

Cas smiled a little, watching as Dean reached out and turned the volume knob on the radio, turning it until the music was blasting and sending vibrations across the floor.

“Me too.” He whispered, a smile growing on his face. He watched as Dean threw himself back on the bed, getting lost in the music. And he thought at that moment too that yeah, maybe they were gonna get on just fine.


	2. Settling In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean starts to settle into his new life at college, making friends and getting used to classes. Of course, his roommate Castiel can always find a way to make things interesting.

Dean quickly found that college was a much different experience than high school had been. His teachers didn’t care if he was five minutes late, his classmates didn’t really pay much attention to him, and everybody brought their laptops to class. Dean decided that he would have to start saving up for one if he was going to want to keep diligent notes in class. Not to mention that you didn’t have to ask your professor for permission to go to the bathroom. Of course, nobody had told Dean that, so on the second day of classes he embarrassed himself in front of the entire lecture hall by asking his Creative Writing teacher if he could use the restroom.

All in all, though, Dean was loving college. For the first time in his life, he wanted to pay attention to what his teachers were saying. He took notes like a scribe, his pen flying across his notebook as he scribbled nearly illegible sentences into the margins. For the first time in his life, Dean felt challenged. And he loved it.

It was his third day on campus when he decided to call his mother; he was alone in his dorm and had just finished his Human Relations homework. He threw himself back onto his bed, munching on an apple as he pulled out his antiquated cell phone. He flipped it open and dialed his home phone number, putting it to his ear and listening to it ring a few times. Eventually, it was picked up.

“Winchester residence, Sam Winchester speaking.” His brother’s voice came crackling through the speakers. Dean smiled. He missed his brother a lot, even after just three days.

“Hey Sammy. I’m gone for three days and you can’t even recognize when it’s your brother calling?” he asked, snickering. Sam made an annoyed sound.

“There’s no caller ID on the house phone, Dean. You know that.” He said, then paused for a few seconds. “How’s college going?”

“It’s great, Sammy. You would love it here. You know, they have a Star Wars club here.” He said, grinning as he heard his little brother gasp.

‘Are you serious? Did you join?” He asked excitedly. Dean chuckled.

“No, I’m way too busy for all that nerdy crap. I’ll leave it to the geeks like you.” He said, he could nearly _hear_ his brother roll his eyes on the other end of the line.

“Whatever, Dean. Say, I’ve got a ton of homework, and then I’ve got a date with Ruby. Did you want to talk to mom, or something?” Sam said quickly. Dean frowned slightly.

“Hold up… did you say you have a date with Ruby?”

“Umm… yeah.” Sam said, his voice squeaking a little.

“Our neighbor?”

“Yeah, that’s the one.” Sam huffed. Dean frowned.

“She’s like sixteen. She way too old for you.” He said. Sam made a clicking noise with his tongue.

“I’m almost fifteen years old, Dean. Plus, I like her.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t. She’s a sneaky bitch.”

“You just don’t like her because she put itching powder in your bathing suit when you were thirteen.” Sam said. Dean scowled.

“I told you to _never_ bring that up again. Anyway, just be careful around her. I don’t trust her.”

“Yeah, whatever. Did you want to talk to mom or what?”

“Yes please.” Dean said. 

He would never admit it, but he had missed the sound of his mom’s voice. For years, she had been his rock, always there to support him and love him. And after he came out as Gender Fluid and Asexual in his senior year and his father tried to kick him out, she had been the one to put her foot down and defend him. 

After that, she had really become his only source of comfort, besides Sam. But Sam was only 14 and still giggled when people said the word ‘nipple’, so he wasn’t really somebody that Dean could talk to about his sexuality. 

His mother was the only one who he could trust to talk to, so he did. As much as he could, anyway, considering how bad he was at talking about his feelings. But whatever he couldn’t bring himself to say, she could usually figure out. And she helped Dean in every way she could. In many ways (more than he would ever admit, anyway) she had saved Dean’s life.

So yeah, he missed her. He missed her a lot.

So when Mary got on the phone, Dean couldn’t help but croak out a pathetic, “Mom.” He could nearly hear his mother smiling all the way from Kansas. Though, he could certainly hear her crying.

“Oh, baby, I miss you so much. How is college? Have you made any new friends? How are your classes? Do you like your professors? Oh, Dean, it’s not the same without you here…”

“Slow down, ma.” He chuckled, smiling softly. ‘One questions at a time, please.” He said, then cleared his throat. “And, uh… I miss you too.” He said quietly. He heard his mother sniffling on the other end.

“How do you like college so far, honey? Are you eating?”

Dean nearly laughed out loud. “Yeah, mom, I’m eating. The food in the cafeteria isn’t nearly as good as yours is, though.” He said, smiling slightly. “I like it here. I’m really enjoying my classes, you know? Besides Calculus. But I can always send Sammy my homework, right?” He laughed.

“I’m so happy that you’re enjoying college, Dean. I was scared that you wouldn’t like it.”

“No, I love it. It’s been a blast so far…”

“Have you made any friends?” Mary asked. Dean made an odd squeaking noise, and his mother sighed.

“Dean, you need to make friends. Go out and have some fun… why don’t you join a Fraternity?”

Dean snorted. ‘I’m not gonna be some stupid Pledge and join a Fraternity, mom… Anyway, I did make some friends. There’s this nice girl named Charlie in my Organic Chemistry class. We went to Starbucks together the other day…”

“Oh, that’s nice!” Mary said excitedly. “Are you interested in her romantically?”

Dean chuckled. “Uh, no. She’s gay, mom.”

“Oh. Well, that’s nice. I’m glad that you’re making friends you can identify with.”

 _”Mom.”_ Dean whined, closing his eyes. 

“Sorry, sweetie. But I’m glad that you’re making friends. It’s good for you.”

“Yeah.” Dean licked his lips. “How’re things back home?”

“Oh, they’re just the same as when you left. You know Kansas doesn’t change much.” She sighed. “Your father threw his back out at work, so he’s on bed rest.”

“Oh, geez. Is he okay?”

“The doctor says that he’ll be fine. He just needs to be more careful lifting heavy things from now on.” She said, pausing for a moment. “I’m going to send you a care package. Is that alright?”

Dean couldn’t help the smile that spread over his face. “That would be awesome. And, uh… dp you think you could…”

“Bake you a pecan pie?” Mary finished her son’s sentence, laughing a little. Dean smiled and confirmed what she had said. “Of course, dear. I’m also going to send you some tube socks, since I’m pretty sure you forgot to pack those.”

It was true. Dean had been earing the same pair of socks for nearly a week. He blushed.

“Uh, yeah. Thanks.” He said. He was about to say something else when the door burst open and Castiel stormed in, a huge bruise on his left cheek and a blood soaked hand covering his mouth. Dean’s eyes widened.

“Jesus, Cas-”

“Do you have a towel or something? I’m sort of bleeding to death here.” Castiel growled out. 

“Who is that?” Mary’s voice came through the speaker. Dean frowned.

“Umm, I have to go, mom. I’ll call you back later. Love you.” He said, then quickly dropped his cell phone. He hopped up and grabbed one of his tee shirts off the floor, handing it to Castiel. The boy rolled his eyes and pressed it to his face, wiping the blood away and pressing it against his mouth. Dean frowned.

“What the fuck happened to you?” He asked, looking Cas up and down. Castiel frowned and sat down on his bed, looking up at Dean.

“I got into a fight.” He said bluntly. Dean rolled his eyes.

“No duh. I mean, what _happened_? Surely there’s a story.”

Cas shrugged. “Just an old acquaintance of mine being an asshole. Talking shit about my ex-girlfriend and I.”

“Oh.” Dean frowned a little. “I’m sorry, man. But, uh… you look pretty shitty right now, if I’m gonna be honest. You should probably go to the Nurse.”

Castiel shook his head. “It’s nothing. Asshole just yanked my piercing out. It’ll heal up in about two weeks… I just need to put some peroxide on it and I’ll be fine.”

Dean frowned, stepping forward. He reached out, hesitating before he touched the tee shirt in Castiel’s hands. “Can I look?”

Cas blinked up at Dean and then shrugged, putting the towel down. Dean sat beside him, turning the boy’s head and hissing when he saw the wound on his lip. His entire lip was cut and bloody, and there was a large gasp where the piercing had been pulled out.

“That must hurt like a bitch.” Dean said. Castiel shrugged.

“I’ve been through worse.” He said softly. Dean nodded and ran his thumb over Cas’s bottom lip, looking up at the boy as he flinched. He was suddenly aware of how close they were, and he swallowed, pulling back.

“I’m sorry.”

Castiel blinked a few times. “It’s fine. Do you have any peroxide on you, by any chance?” he asked. Dean shook his head.

“No, sorry. You should probably go to the nurse’s office, like I said.”

Cas sighed and stood up, stretching a little. “I guess. You want to come?” he asked. Dean shrugged, standing up and shooting Cas a small smile.

“Sure, why not. Nothing says fun like watching your roommate get their bloody lip stitched back together.” He said sarcastically. Castiel smirked a little and looked over at him, his sapphire eyes shining brightly.

“I would laugh, but my lip might split open and bleed all over you. And we wouldn’t want that, now would we, Princess Dean?” he said dryly. Dean grinned, shoving Cas forward a little bit.

“Shut the fuck up and walk, Cas.”

Castiel chuckled darkly. “Yes, sir.”

\---

“So, what was this guy saying about you, anyway?” Dean asked Castiel later that night as the two shared an order of Chinese food in their dorm, listening to one of Dean’s ACDC cassette tapes from the 90’s. Castiel shrugged, struggling to take a bite of egg roll without messing up the little bandage on his lip.

“I don’t know, he was just talking shit. Why does it matter?”

“It doesn’t, I was just curious. I mean, I didn’t think that a guy like you would go around just punching people willy-nilly.”

“A guy like me?” Castiel asked, raising an eyebrow. “What does that mean?”

“I don’t know, Cas.” Dean sighed, looking up at his roommate. “You’re just a little uptight sometimes.”

“Uptight?” Castiel raised an eyebrow. Dean nodded.

“Yeah, you’re uptight. Crotchety.” He shrugged. Castiel scowled.

“Yeah, well, you’re a brat.” He snapped. Dean frowned and put his hands up, shaking his head.

“I wasn’t trying to attack you or anything, Cas. Take it easy.”

Castiel squinted at Dean and picked up a container of white rice, forking some into his mouth. Dean sighed and picked up his chicken and broccoli, shoveling it into his mouth in order to avoid any further conversation with Cas, lest he instigate his grumpy wrath.

They finished their dinner and then Dean turned the radio off, laying down in bed. He tried to sleep, but he couldn’t. Not when so many thoughts were running through his head.

He couldn’t stop thinking abut what Cas had said. Cas had called him a brat. What had he meant by that, anyway? Dean wasn’t a brat. He could be a bit picky at times, but he certainly wasn’t a brat.

Castiel sat on his bed doing homework on his computer until about midnight. Then he shut his laptop down and put it on his nightstand to charge, plopping down in his own bed. He flicked the light switch on his lamp and turned it off, signaling that he was ready to go to sleep. Dean sighed and glanced over at Cas’s bed, where he could see his shadowy figure trying to get comfortable on the bed.

“I am _not_ a brat.” He mumbled. He saw Castiel stop moving in his bed, then heard the boy let out a quiet snort of laughter.

“Goodnight, Dean.” He said.

Dean didn’t respond, instead falling into a fitful, restless sleep and dreaming of his father.


	3. Bad Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean has a series of nightmares about his ex-girlfriend, Rhonda Hurley. It isn't hard for Castiel to notice that there is something odd about his roommate. Of course, that doesn't stop him from asking him to a Misfits Concert.

_Dean sat on Rhonda’s bed, looking up at her with wide green eyes as she rifled through her closet. She pulled out a pale yellow dress, one that had short sleeves and a white belt around the middle. She smiled and turned to look at Dean, holding it out to him._

_“I can… I can have this?” He asked, his eyes wide. Rhonda nodded._

_“Yeah. My mom bought it for me, but it’s too big. It should fit you though.” She said, smiling. Dean stood up and pulled her close, crushing her in a hug and kissing her cheek._

_“Thank you. Thank you so much.” He said, smiling. Rhonda chuckled and leaned forward, kissing Dean on the lips. Dean kissed back, still holding her around her hips. When she pulled away he took a step back, holding the dress up to his body and looking down at it._

_“Should I try it on?” he asked, his emerald eyes shimmering. Rhonda smiled and nodded._

_“Go ahead, baby.” She said, leaning against her closet door. Dean smiled and tugged his shirt off, throwing it to the floor. Then he unbuttoned his jeans and was about to slide them off before he stopped, licking his lips._

_“Do you… do you think I could have a pair of panties, too?” Dean asked, blushing hard. “Just ‘cause… umm… my boxers aren’t the most comfortable.”_

_Rhonda smiled and blushed a little. “Sure thing, Dean. Here.” She turned, opening a drawer and pulling out a pair of lacy yellow panties. Dean took them, smiling as he felt the silky fabric move beneath his fingers. He smiled._

_“You’re the best.” He said. Then he slid his pants down his legs, looking up at Rhonda. Her eyes traveled up and down his body and he blushed, swallowing nervously._

_“Could you, uh… could you turn around?” He asked, biting his lips. Rhonda frowned slightly but nodded, turning around. Dean slid his boxers down his legs and then slid into the yellow panties, sighing happily. He couldn’t believe how good this felt already. How absolutely_ right _it felt._

_He pulled the dress over his head slowly, slipping into the light fabric. He flattened it out against his skinny body, sighing happily and looking down at himself. Then he grinned over at Rhonda._

_“You can turn around, babe.” He said. Rhonda turned around and gasped, smiling at Dean. He bit his lips._

_“How do I look?” He asked nervously, his green eyes shining. Rhonda licked her lips._

_“You look perfect Dean. You’re beautiful.” She said. Dean blushed and smiled, flattening out his dress again and looking at himself in the mirror on the wall. Then he turned back to Rhonda, his smile widening._

_“Thank you so much, Rhonda. I... I love you.” He said softly. Rhonda smiled, stepping forward and placing her hand on Dean’s toned chest. She leaned up, kissing him softly on the lips. He kissed back, frowning and pulling back when Rhonda tried to deepen the kiss. He opened his mouth to tell her that he wasn’t ready; that he didn’t want things to get so serious between them… but she spoke first._

_“Then prove it.” She purred, pushing Dean back so that he fell onto the bed._

Dean woke with a start, his eyes burning with unshed tears. He quickly wiped his eyes on his sleeves, sitting up and looking around the Student Center, where he had fallen asleep. He sighed, sitting up in his chair and stretching a little before turning his attention to the table in front of him. He was pleased to see that nobody had disturbed his homework while he was asleep, and he picked up his now cold coffee and drained it.

He had been at MIT for a little more than two months. He was enjoying his classes, even if they were exhausting him. He had even picked up a job at a local mechanic’s shop, Singer’s Auto. He figured that he needed some spending money, and if he was going to save up for a laptop he would need a job to do it. He knew that if he asked his mother, she would probably buy it for him. But he also knew that money was tight back home, and he was pretty sure his father would be much opposed to sending him money. So he got a job. It exhausted him beyond belief, but he knew it was worth it. Once he bought his laptop, schoolwork would become a lot easier.

He sighed and turned his attention back to his Calculus homework, frowning down at the paper in front of him. He was working on it for a while when suddenly he was aware of a presence beside him. He frowned and glanced up, only to be greeted by his cheerful friend Charlie.

“Hey there! Are you interested in joining the LARPing club?” She chirped. Dean yawned and bit his lips, setting his pen down.

“The _what_ club?” He asked, frowning slightly. Charlie smiled.

“Live Action Role Play. LARP. It’s fun.” She said, handing him a flyer. He took it from her, looking at it carefully.

“This looks like fun, actually. But… I don’t have any time…”

“You can make time.” Charlie urged, grinning at him. Dean swallowed and looked back down at the paper, licking his lips.

“Maybe. Where do you guys meet?”

“We have our meetings every Tuesday at Bexley hall, but our events are typically at an off campus destination.”

Dean sighed. “I’ll think about it. But I don’t know...”

“Tell you what,” Charlie said, pulling out her iPhone and unlocking it. “I’ll text you the info for our next event. If you want to come, come. It’ll be fun, trust me.” She said. Dean couldn’t help but smile.

“Sure. I’ll try to make it if I can, I promise.” He said, smiling. Charlie started tapping away on her phone, and then she grinned down at Dean.

“I’ll text you. It was nice seeing you, Dean. We need to get lunch sometime.” She said, then turned and bounced away. Dean smiled and sighed, looking down at his homework. He scowled, stacking his books up and shoving them into his bag before standing up. He grabbed his bag and stood up, stretching a bit and then walking out of the Student Center. He was exhausted, and he couldn’t wait to catch some shut eye on his comfy bed back in his dorm.

Dean got back to his dorm within ten minutes, slouching into the room and plopping down on the bed. Castiel was out somewhere, and Dean was grateful for that. Although he and Castiel had been getting along well since they started living together (Dean might have even considered Castiel as one of his friends), but he didn’t really feel like dealing with Cas’s sarcasm at that moment. 

He groaned as he laid down on his bed, burying his face in his pillow. He sighed and snuggled into the sheets, slowly drifting off to sleep.

Dean woke up gasping for breath. He sat bolt upright, rubbing his eyes, which were burning with tears. He couldn’t remember what he had dreamt of, but he wasn’t sure if he really wanted to. He took a deep breath and leaned over, his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. Castiel looked over at him, frowning.

“You okay, Dean?” He asked. Dean sighed and glanced over at his roommate, shaking his head.

“I’m fine.” He said, swinging his legs over the side of the bed and stretching his arms above his head. Cas hummed.

“You were talking in your sleep.”

“Yeah?” Dean asked, looking over at Cas. The boy tugged at his lip piercing with his teeth, nodding

“Yeah. You wanna talk about it?” He asked, his eyebrows scrunched together. Dean swallowed, looking away.

“I don’t even remember what I was dreaming about.” He said, glancing at the clock. It was nearly eight o’clock. Before Castiel could say anything else (because he really didn’t want to hear what he had been saying in his sleep) he turned to him and spoke. “Say, do you want to order a pizza?”

“Uh… sure.” Cas said, laying back on his bed and pulling out some cigarettes. He picked up his lighter, setting his cigarette ablaze. He took a long drag on it, blowing the smoke out of his nose and closing his eyes. Dean made an annoyed noise in the back of his throat.

“What did I tell you about smoking in here?”

“You don’t like it.” He said bluntly, his eyes still closed. He took another long drag, opening his eyes and shooting Dean a lopsided grin, smoke escaping his mouth in wispy tendrils. Dean rolled his eyes.

“You’re an asshole.” He said, opening up his nightstand drawer and pulling out a knife. Castiel put his hands up.

“Please, Dean, I have a family.” He said dryly, his cigarette hanging loosely between his lips. Dean rolled his eyes and walked over to the window, stabbing the knife into the window jam and wiggling it back and forth.

“I _should_ stab you, you know. You’re a pain in my ass.”

“Kinky. You should know I’m not into that type of stuff, though.” Castiel said, smirking slightly. Dean cracked the window, then pushed it all the way open. He turned to glare back at Cas.

“Neither am I.” He grumbled, picking up his phone. Castiel cackled quietly on his bed as Dean dialed the number for the local pizzeria, sitting down on his own bed. Once he got connected, he started to order.

“Hey, can I get two pizzas? Yeah, one plain with extra cheese, and the other half pepperoni half mushroom.” He said. Castiel looked over at him from his bed and smiled a little.

“Get a Pepsi, too.”

“Pepsi is disgusting.” Dean said, frowning. “I’ll get a Coke.”

“Whatever.” Castiel rolled his eyes, blowing smoke out of his nose.

“Can I get a Coke with that?” he asked. He paused for a second, pursing his lips. “Okay. Umm… Just deliver it to MIT, Residence Building A. Dorm 37C.” He paused again. “30 minutes? Okay. Name’s Dean. Thanks.” He said, then hung up. He tossed his phone to the side, looking over at Castiel.

“Food’ll be here in 30 minutes.”

“Can’t wait.” Castiel said, rolling back over. He plucked his cigarette from his lips, holding it in front of him as he smiled over at Dean. “I got these tickets to a Misfits concert.” He said. Dean raised an eyebrow.

“Really? That’s so cool.” He grinned. Cas nodded.

“Yeah. I got them on sale, but they came in a set, so I had to buy two…” he bit his lip, tugging at his right piercing. “I figured you might want to go… I mean, I know you aren’t really into punk, but they’re a good band.”  
Dean licked his lips, looking at Cas with wide eyes. “No, no, I want to go. I’ve listened to the Misfits before… they’re good.” He smiled. “I’d love to go.”

Cas nodded. “Cool. It’s two Fridays from now… I know you have work, but…”

“I’ll take the day off.” Dean said quickly, propping himself up on his arm. Castiel smirked over at him, nodding.

“Alright.” He said. Then he pulled out his phone and started tapping away, and Dean knew that the conversation was over. He sighed and stood up, stretching and turning his radio on. He tuned in to the local rock station, turning the volume up and letting the sound of Van Halen fill the room.

\---

The next day, Dean went down to the Mail Office, grinning when he saw a small package with his name on it sitting in the mail pile. He picked it up, signing off on it and showing his Student ID. He rushed back to his dorm room, opening up the package as he walked in. he kicked the door closed, sitting down on his bed and tearing the box open. He gasped as he pulled out a small, personal sized pecan pie. Attached was a little note:

_Don’t eat it all at once or you’ll get sick again. I love you! – Mom_

Dean chuckled as he read the note, putting it to the side and opening up the package. He broke off a piece and popped it into his mouth, moaning quietly at the taste. That was when the door opened and Castiel walked in.

“Ooh, what’s that?” He asked, coming close to Dean’s bed and leaning over his shoulder. Dean grunted I response.

“It’s mine.” He grumbled. Cas snorted.

“ _Someone’s_ on their period.” He said, plopping down o his bed and picking up his laptop from his bedside table. 

Dean shrugged, putting the pie down and rummaging through the rest of the box. There was a couple pairs of new socks and underwear, a big bag full of Twix and Snickers bars, and a letter. Dean pulled out the letter, unfolding it and smiling as he read it.

_Dean,_

_I hope that you get this package before the pie goes bad… I made it special just for you. I also packed you some new underwear, since you said you were running out. Of course, if you went down to the Laundry Room I’m sure you wouldn’t have that problem._

_Sam misses you like a sick puppy. He tries to hide it, but I can tell. He’s always asking if you called and if he can talk to you… He wants to move into your old room. I think I’m going to let him. I miss you too. Call me when you get this, okay?_

_XOXO,  
Mom_

_PS: I hope you like the present I left for you._

Dean smiled and set the letter down, picking up the box. He was ready to toss it in the trash when he heard something jostling about in the bottom of it. He reached in and pulled out a small black tube, gasping when he read the name on the side. _Rouge._ A small smile graced his lips, and castiel glanced over at him.

“Is that lipstick?” he asked, frowning slightly. Dean looked up, quickly dropping the lipstick and shoving it under the covers.

“Huh? No.” He said, giving Cas a weird look. The boy raised an eyebrow.

“Okay then.” He said, going back to his typing. Dean huffed and stood up.

“I need to go make a phone call.” He grumbled, leaving the room. He went down to the lobby of their dorm, plopping down on the couch to call his mom. He dialed the home phone, waiting several rings before someone picked up.

‘Winchester residence, John Winchester speaking.” His father’s voice came through the speakers. He squeaked a little, swallowing nervously.

“H-hey dad.” He said uneasily. “It’s Dean. Is mom home?”

“She’s at the supermarket.” John said gruffly. Dean bit his lip. 

“Oh. Okay. Will you tell her that I called?” he asked quietly. John grunted.

‘Sure.”

“Thanks. Is, uh… is Sammy there?”

“Yeah, Sam’s here. You want me to put him on?” he asked. Dean hummed.

‘yes please.” He said. He heard his father yell out Sam’s name, and after about thirty seconds Sam picked up.

“Dean?” he asked, his voice excited. Dean smiled.

“Hey, buddy. How’re you doing?”

“I’m good. I miss you, Dean.” He said. Dean licked his lips.

“I know. I miss you too. But I’ll be home for Thanksgiving, I promise.” 

“I can’t wait.” Sam said excitedly. “Hey Dean, guess what?”

“What?” he chuckled.

“I got accepted to the Freshman football team!” Sam yelled. Dean gasped, smiling.

“Good job, Sammy. You’re gonna uphold my legacy, right?”

Sam snorted. “Please. I make my own legacy.”

Dean laughed, grinning. He was so happy to talk to his brother. He wound up spending an hour o the phone, until Sam had to leave for piano lessons. Dean was happy to talk to his brother… Happier than he’d been in a long time.

And he still couldn’t wait to use the new lipstick his mother had sent him.


	4. The Misfits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Castiel go to a Misfits concert, and they have a great time. It's what happens after the concert that has Dean freaking out.

Castiel sat on his bed with a hand mirror held out in front of him as he applied eyeliner to his face. He dragged the liquid pen across his eyelid, groaning in frustration as his hand slipped and he drew a crooked line across his eyelid. He huffed and put the pen down, wiping his eyes on his sleeve. At this rate, Castiel was never going to be ready for the concert, which was later that night.

About ten minutes went by before Dean walked into the room. He frowned slightly when he saw Cas sitting on his bed trying to apply the eyeliner. He bit his lips.

“What’chu doing, Cas?” He asked. Castiel had been in the middle of applying the eyeliner to his right eye, and the pen slipped when Dean spoke to him. He wound up drawing a crooked line across half of his cheek, and he sighed loudly, looking up at Dean.

“I’m trying to get ready for the concert. It’s not working out like I planned, though.” He said, shaking his sleeve down over his wrist and wiping his eye (by now puffy and red) off on it. Dean frowned.

“Dude, don’t do that.” He said, grabbing Cas’s wrist to stop him. Castiel glanced up at him, a curious look in his eyes. Dean sighed and sat down, grabbing the eyeliner pen from beside Cas. “Have you ever done this before?”

“No…” He frowned slightly, raising an eyebrow at Dean. _”Have you?”_

Dean blushed slightly. “I… I was in the drama club at high school.” He quickly lied. Castiel frowned slightly and Dean cleared his throat. “Do you want my help or what?” He asked. Cas shrugged.

“Whatever. I’m sure that whatever you do, it’ll be better than what I could do.”

Dean’s lips twitched a little and he leaned forward, bringing his hand up in front of Cas’s face. The boy flinched slightly, and Dean frowned. He grabbed his head, cupping his cheek and tilting his head to the side.

“You’ve got to stay still, man.”

“This is awkward.” Cas grumbled, but he didn’t move away. Dean rolled his eyes and held the pen up, moving his left hand so that he could press his index finger against the skin by the corner of Cas’s eye. He drew a dotted line along the young man’s lash line, then slowly connected them. He did the same to Cas’s lower eyelid, connecting the two lines and drawing a small wing. Then he switched eyes, doing the same to Cas’s left eye. When he was satisfied he sat back, putting the cap on the liquid pen and placing his hands in his lip.

“There you go.” He smiled. It had been a while since he had done someone else’s make up (let alone his own), but he thought he had done a good job with Cas. He watched as the boy picked up his hand mirror, his jaw dropping as he looked at himself.

“How did you _do_ that?” he gasped, blinking a couple times. Dean didn’t respond, but Cas didn’t wait for a response. He hopped up, grabbing his hair gel and popping it open. He smiled over at Dean. “Thanks, though. Now I just need to do my hair and we can leave for the concert.”

“Okay.” Dean smiled. “I’ve been excited for this all week. I haven’t been to many concerts.”

Cas chuckled, pouring the hair gel into his hands and running them through his hair. Dean didn’t notice until a few minutes later that the gel was actually colored, and the tips of Cas’s now spiky hair were turning purple, to match his left lip piercing. Dean smiled.

“That’s rad, dude.” He said. Cas smiled a little, standing up and putting the gel away. He wiped his hands off, then quickly tugged his shirt off of his head. Dean turned away respectfully, even though Cas was only changing his shirt. He knew what it was like to be watched when you were changing, and he hated it. He didn’t want to make cas feel the same way he did when he was watched.

“You ready?” Cas asked slapping Dean on the back once he had put on a new shirt, a white button down. Dean smiled and nodded.

“Yeah.” Dean grabbed his phone and shoved it into his pocket, tugging his brown leather jacket on over his shoulders. Cas grinned and darted out of their dorm room. Dean followed him out to the parking lot of the Residence hall, where the boy’s car was parked. It was an old, run down beige Cadillac. Dean made a face, and Castiel chuckled.

“I know she isn’t very pretty, but she’s a good girl. She gets me where I need to go, anyway. Come on.” He said, opening up the driver’s side door. Dean licked his lips and climbed in, sitting down in the passenger seat.

Dean soon discovered that Castiel was – by all definitions of the word – a manic driver. Every single turn they made had Dean gasping and clutching at his chest. Cas smirked over at him, laughing as he sped up a bit.

“What’s the matter, Princess?” He asked, laughing. “You scared?”

“Slow down, Cas.” He growled, clutching at his seat belt. Cas laughed and pressed a little harder on the gas, speeding down the desolate highway. Dean closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. He felt the car slow, and then Castiel hit Dean in the shoulder.

“There you go, Dean. You okay?” He said. Dean opened his eyes and let out a sigh, licking his lips.

“Yeah.” He said, making an annoyed sound and glaring over at Cas. “Dick.”

Castiel grinned. “Excuse me for wanting a little bit of adventure in my life.” He said. Dean rolled his eyes and sat back, looking out the window.

“Remind me why I thought it would be a good idea to go to a concert with you.” He grumbled. Cas smirked.

“You know you love me.” He said, laughing. Dean snorted.

“In your wildest dreams.”

_\---_

The concert was hectic. There were hundreds of people all crammed into the small stadium. Most of them were wearing Misfits shirts. Dean didn’t think he saw a single person who didn’t have spiked and dyed hair or piercings and tattoos on their bodies. Dean felt awfully out of place, if he was going to be perfectly honest.

He let Cas lead him to their seats, sitting down and smiling up at Cas. The boy grinned and sat down beside him.

“You want some food? I saw a hotdog cart outside the stadium and I’m starving.” Cas said. Dean nodded, pulling out his wallet and handing Cas a five dollar bill.

“Yeah. Get me one with sauerkraut and mustard.”

“Gross. Okay.” Cas said, grabbing Dean’s money and standing up. He shoved his way through the crowd, and Dean watched him go with a small smile on his face. Cas was such an ass…. And a real nuisance to Dean at times… but Dean couldn’t help but recognize the fact that being around Cas made him happy.

He also couldn’t help the fact that that terrified him to no end.

Castiel returned about fifteen minutes later, sitting down in his seat beside Dean and handing him his hotdog. Dean smiled over at him.

“Thanks.” He said, taking a big bite. As he swallowed it, he spoke. “When does the show start?”

Castiel took a large bite of his chili dog, shrugging his shoulders as he chewed. “The band should come out around 10 PM. It’s 9:45 right now, so we’ve got about fifteen minutes.” Cas said, grinning. Dean couldn’t help but smile.

“Cool. Can’t wait.” He said, sitting back in his seat. Castiel grinned over at him.

“Thanks for coming with me here, Dean. I know you aren’t the biggest Misfits fan…”

“Hey, it’s no problem. I’m having fun.” He said, reaching over and slapping Cas on the back. Te boy smiled and turned his attention back to his hotdog. By the time he had finished it, the band was stepping out onto the stage. The crowd went wild, cheering and screaming. Cas stood up, whistling with his fingers in his mouth. Dean smiled and stood up as well, clapping and cheering along with the rest of the crowd.

The concert went by in a blur. Dean wasn’t entirely fond of the band’s music, but he enjoyed himself nonetheless. What he really enjoyed, though, was seeing Cas so happy. He had rarely seen Castiel smile so much at once, let alone cheer and clap and go absolutely wild for something he as so obviously passionate about. It was quite enjoyable, Dean thought.

As they drove back to campus after the concert, Dean’s fingers tapped nervously against his thigh. Castiel was driving again, and Dean likened it to being on a shaky rollercoaster down the shore. He glanced over at Cas.

“You want to go grab a drink at The Roadhouse?”

“You think they’re open at this time of night?” Cas asked, looking over at Dean. The boy shrugged.

“Sure. It’s only 1 AM, after all.” Dean said, his lips twitching into a small smile as Cas slowed down and took the next exit. He looked out the window, watching the other cars drive by as they traveled down the road.

“I had fun tonight.” Cas said. “I never thought I’d get to see The Misfits in person. Did you hear them when they played Skulls?’ He asked excitedly. Dean bit his lips and nodded.

“It was great. A little loud, but I liked it. I have to say, Cas, you may be turning me on to all this Punk stuff.”

Castiel laughed. “Always happy to share my music, Dean. Punk is better than Rock, anyway.”

Dean gasped, feigning insult. “You take that back, Castiel.” He growled. Cas’s lips twitched a little as he pulled to a stop in The Roadhouse parking lot. He smirked over at Dean as he opened up the door, taking one step out.

“Never.” He said, then hopped up and shut the door. Dean followed, jogging to keep up with Cas as they entered the bar. He licked his lips.

“I think I’d look good with a piercing. Maybe one on my tongue.” He said. Castiel laughed loud, throwing his head back and smiling over at his friend.

“ _Sure thing_ , Dean. While you’re at it you can get a butterfly tattoo on your ass.” He said. Dean pursed his lips.

“Hey, didn’t you ever think that I might _want_ a butterfly tattoo on my ass?” He grinned. Cas raised an eyebrow at him and walked past him, sitting down at the bar.

“Two beers, please.” He said. The bartender nodded and went to get their drinks as Dean sat down beside Cas. He reached out, grabbing a handful of pretzels and shoving them into his mouth. Cas watched him carefully, his blue eyes bright. Dean couldn’t help but find himself blushing.

“Have you got any tattoos?”

“None that you have any business seeing.” Castiel said, his sapphire colored eyes shining bright in the light of the bar. Dean laughed, blushing harder and grabbing the bee that had been set down in front of him. He pulled out his wallet, putting a twenty down on the bar.

“This round is on me.” He said softly. Castiel bit his lips, tugging at his black lip piercing.

“Should I be flattered, Dean?” He asked. Dean snorted.

“You can be whatever you want to be, Cas. I’m not trying to get into your pants.” Dean said, making a face at Cas. The man continued to chew on his lip.

“Shame. They’re awfully comfortable, you know. I bought them at Old navy.” He said, rubbing his leg. Dean laughed, shaking his head and taking a swig of his beer. His eyes didn’t leave Cas’s, and he could almost smell the tension between them in that moment. He swallowed nervously.  
“Black and purple and white.” Dean said, frowning as he stared at cas’s face. Cas frowned right back at him.

“Huh?”

“Your piercings… I’ve seen those colors before somewhere. What’s the significance?” He asked flicking his finger towards Cas’s lips. Castiel shrugged, a frown forming on his lips as he took a long pull at his beer bottle. He shook his head.

“Just me… _being_.” Cas said, shrugging. Dean raised an eyebrow.

“You being what?” He asked. Castiel looked away, his eyebrows scrunching together as his frown deepened. Dean sighed and reached for some more pretzels, popping one into his mouth. He waited a few more seconds for Cas’s response before he cleared his throat and spoke in an attempt to relieve the awkward silence between them. “It’s okay, forget it.” 

“What’s it like where you come from?” Cas suddenly asked looking up at him again. And there were those bright blue eyes again. Dean bit his lips and smiled a little.

“It’s hot, mostly. And there’s lots of open plains, and farmland. There are cities too, but it’s nothing like the city here. In my part of Kansas, mostly everyone knows each other. It’s a small town.”

“I wouldn’t know what that’s like. I grew up in a tiny apartment in Manhattan with my two brothers and my sister and my mom. I bet it was awesome to have all that open space.”

“Sometimes.” Dean said, his lips twitching up into a smile. “When I was younger, my brother and I used to spend hours outside playing football. That’s probably why I got so good at the game... We used to just run around for hours practicing.” He smiled, sitting back and taking a swig of beer. Cas smiled at him.

“I should’ve known you were a Jockstrap.” He said dryly. Dean rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, yeah. Shut up.” He grumbled. Cas chuckled, leaning forward and setting his beer down on the table. His face was an awful lot of closer to Dean’s now, and he could smell the alcohol on Cas’s breath. He swallowed nervously.

“It’s okay. I always had a soft spot for the jocks.”

Dean snorted, looking down. “You’re an ass.” He said. Cas smiled and reached out, cupping Dean’s cheek and kissing him. Dean hummed into the kiss, his eyes falling closed as he felt Castiel’s lips moving against his. He felt Cas’s piercings pressing against his skin, scratching his lips. He was surprised that it felt good. After a few seconds he began to kiss back, reaching forward and grabbing at Cas’s shirt. Castiel gasped and pulled back, his breathing heavy.

“You’re a cruddy kisser.” He said. Dean grinned.

“Sue me.” He said, pulling Castiel close again and kissing him hard. Cas sighed and melted against him, kissing him back passionately, his piercings clicking against Dean’s teeth. Dean smiled into the kiss and pulled back after a few seconds, smoothing his hands over Cas’s chest and shoulders. Cas blushed and reached out, grabbing his beer bottle and draining it.

“We should probably head back to campus now. It’s late.”

“Yeah.” Dean nodded, standing up and grabbing his jacket. He watched as Cas stood up, the boy wobbling slightly as he went to get on his feet. Dean frowned.

“Maybe I should drive.” He said, holding out his hand. Cas rolled his eyes and pulled the keys out, handing them to Dean. Dean smiled a little and put his hand on Castiel’s back, steadying them as they walked out of the bar. 

They stumbled into their dorm room about half an hour later. Cas collapsed right on his bed, not even pausing to take his shoes off before he curled up under the covers and fell asleep. Dean looked at him one last time before he stripped his own clothes off, crawling into his bed and laying down.

But as Dean laid in his bed staring at the wall and replaying all of the events of the night, he couldn’t help but start to feel sick. He and Cas had kissed. They had made out at a bar like some horny teenagers. Dean closed his eyes, fighting back the urge to vomit. This wasn’t good, not one bit. Dean wasn’t ready for a relationship. After what Rhonda had done to him… Dean stopped his train of thought right there. Castiel would never violate him the way Rhonda had. He was different, Dean was sure of that. If Dean told Cas he didn’t want to be with him sexually, he was sure that he would respect that decision.

Now, all Dean had to do was find out a way to tell Cas that he was asexual.


	5. Avengers Cosplay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean spends all day cosplaying with Charlie to take his mind off of Castiel. of course, when Dean shows up at their dorm room shirtless and says he's been with a girl all morning, it leaves Castiel to misinterpret what's going on.  
> Warning: Flashbacks to physical abuse

“Iduwancoslaytoday.” Dean mumbled into Charlie’s Harry Potter themed mattress, his fists balled up in the sheets of her bed. The redhead frowned over at him.

“Why don’t you want to cosplay? It’s Sunday! We always cosplay on Sunday afternoon.”

Dean huffed and turned his head to the side, looking up at Charlie under hooded green eyes. “I don’t feel like it today. I’m not in the mood, that’s all.”

Charlie pursed her lips, dropping the cloak she had been holding at Dean’s feet and placing her hands on her hips. “In all the time that I’ve known you, you have never once passed up the opportunity to dress up at Natasha Romanoff and kick some ass.”

“Just drop it, Charlie.” Dan mumbled, turning his head and burying his face in her pillow again. It was the Sunday after the Misfits concert, and things between him and Cas had been tense, to say the least. He knew that they needed to talk about what had happened at the bar on Friday night, but Dean wasn’t exactly ready for that talk. So he had been avoiding Cas as much as he could, hence why he was hanging out in Charlie’s dorm room at that moment.

He felt the bed dip beside him, and then Charlie laid her hand softly on his bicep. “What’s wrong, Winchester?”

Dean sighed and turned his head, looking up at Charlie. He swallowed. “Something… happened… on Friday night.” He said, biting his lip. “Between me and Cas.”

Charlie’s eyes widened. “You and Cas?” She asked, raising an eyebrow. “Did you guys sleep together?”

“No!” Dean said quickly, making a face. Charlie frowned at Dean and he sighed. “We only kissed. But… we haven’t talked about it since. And honestly, I don’t really _want_ to talk about it.” 

Charlie sighed and rubbed her hand up and down Dean’s arm. “Did you like it?” She asked after a while. Dean frowned slightly.

“Uh… yeah. It was nice. Kind of weird, with his piercings and all… but… it was nice.” He bit his lips. “The best kiss I’ve had in a long time.”

Charlie licked her lips. “So you want to be with him?”

Dean frowned and shook his head. He couldn’t be with Cas. He couldn’t be with anybody. It would only cause trouble if he started dating again – not to mention confusion. He sighed.

“I don’t think so. I mean… I like being around him. He can be aggravating sometimes, but I like him. I just…” Dean trailed off, burying his face in Charlie’s sheets again, pressing his nose against the outline of Hermione’s neck. “Iduwanhasecswihim.”

“You don’t want to have sex with him?” Charlie asked raising her eyebrows. “Why not? Even I can tell that he’s an attractive guy.”

Dean groaned, rolling over and glaring up at the ceiling. He looked over at Charlie, taking a deep breath.  
“I’m asexual.”

“Oh.” Charlie’s eyes widened. She was silent for a few moments before she nodded her head. “That _could_ put a damper in your relationship with him. I mean, assuming that he wants to be intimate with you in that way…”

“Of course he does.” Dean snapped, frowning. “He’s a young man with needs. And I happen to know for a fact that I’m pretty good looking, too. Of course he wants to have sex with me.”

Charlie pursed her lips. “Has he told you that?”

Dean licked his lips. “Well… no. But that doesn’t mean it’s not true.”

Charlie sighed, reaching out and placing her hand on Dean’s shoulder. “I think you just need to talk to him about it, Dean. I’ve talked with Castiel before… he may be a pisshead at times, but he is a respectable guy. He’s not going to be an asshole to you, especially if he does have an interest in you.”

Dean sighed, looking down at the sheets of Charlie’s bed and tracing the scar on Harry Potter’s face. After a few moments, he spoke.

“I don’t want to think about this.” He sighed looking up at Charlie. “You still want to cosplay?”

Charlie grinned, hopping up and grabbing Dean’s hand. She dragged him over to the other side of her dorm room, where there was a small, cramped closet. She pulled out a pair of leather pants that were covered in buckles and a tight leather shirt, handing them both to Dean. He held them as she rummaged through the closet, proceeding to pull out a red wig, a belt and two fake guns. She handed them to Dean, smiling and ushering him towards the bed. He fell onto it with a grunt, looking up at the bouncing redhead in front of him.

“Get changed. I’ll get the makeup while you get ready.”

Dean nodded and put the clothes down on the bed, shrugging his shirt off. Just as he was unbuckling his pants, he remembered the lipstick his mother had sent to him. He gasped, hopping up. Charlie looked over at him.

“You okay?”

“I just remembered something. I’ll be right back!” he said, running out of the dorm room shirtless. Charlie watched him go, chuckling to herself. Dean really was something else.

Dean ran to his dorm room, bursting in and rushing over to his bed. Castiel was on his own bed, skyping with somebody on his computer. He frowned when Dean walked in, raising his eyebrows at his shirtless roommate.

“Umm… Dean?” He asked, frowning. Dean glanced up at him from where he was rifling through his dresser.

“I can’t talk right now, Cas. I’m busy.” He said quickly, searching through his socks. Castiel snorted.

“Yeah, I figured. Where have you been all morning? I didn’t see you at breakfast.”

“I went and got breakfast at the diner with a friend. I’ve been with her all morning.” Dean said quickly, smiling as his hand closed around the small lipstick tube. He quickly shoved it into his pocket, looking over at Cas. The boy had an odd look on his face. Dean thought it might even be jealousy, though he wasn’t sure. It looked almost as though he were about to say something, but he didn’t. Dean flashed him a smile.

“I have to go. See you later.” He said, rushing to the door. Castiel swallowed.

“Have… fun…” he said. Dean grinned and left, closing the door behind him and rushing back down to the girl’s dorms. Of course, he didn’t see the look of pain on Castiel’s face as he rushed from the room, nor did he hear Cas’s brother’s voice through the laptop asking, “Who was that?” and Castiel responding. “That was the guy I like.” In a hushed, shaking tone.

No, Dean was too excited for his and Charlie’s cosplay to pay attention to that.

He arrived back in her dorm room in record time, stripping down and changing into the cosplay suit. He was thankful to Charlie for being respectful and keeping her back turned as he changed. When he was done, he cleared his throat, and Charlie turned around, smiling at him.

“Perfect. Now sit down and let me do your makeup.” She said, walking over to the bed and dumping a pile of cosmetics on the bed. Dean smiled and pulled out the lipstick from his jeans pocket, handing it to Charlie.

“I want to use this. My mom sent it to me a few weeks ago…”

“We’ll use it.” Charlie smiled, putting it down and grabbing a bottle of cover-up. She poured it into her hands and rubbed them together, applying the cover-up to Dean’s face and jaw. He tilted his chin up, allowing her to cover the little stubble he had growing on his face. He closed his eyes as she applied powder and blush, looking up at Charlie as she pulled out some eyeliner.

“Stay still, now.” She said, crouching down and grabbing his face. Dean pursed his lips.

“I had to do this for Cas the other day.” Dean mumbled. Charlie smirked slightly.

“How did that turn out for you?”

“It was awkward.” Dean grumbled. Charlie snickered, drawing big wings on Dean’s eyes. When she was done she dropped the pen, grabbing the mascara and applying it to Dean’s eyes. Then she picked up the lip liner.

“What color is that lipstick your mom sent you?” Charlie asked. Dean pursed his lips.

“I think it was Ruby.”

“Okay.” Charlie said, dropping the pencil she had been holding and picking up another. Se slowly traced Dean’s lips with it, smiling.

“You have _perfect_ lips for this.”

Dean blushed a little bit. “Thank you.”

She finished applying his makeup five minutes later, and then Dean grabbed the wig. He put it on his head, grabbing one of the fake guns and standing up. He grinned.

“I look great, Charlie!” he gasped, turning to grin at the redhead. She smiled.

“Totally. Now, it’s my turn.”

After about five hours of cosplaying, Dean and Charlie were both exhausted. After grabbing some tacos for lunch they got the bus back to the dorm. Dean found himself taking his wig off and scrubbing his makeup off on a napkin. Charlie frowned over at him.

“You don’t need to do that.” She said softly.

“I really do.” Dean said gruffly, blushing hard. Charlie sighed and looked the other way, not going on anymore. She knew that Dean was self-conscious about his gender identity, even despite the fact that his friends were accepting of it. Of course, she wasn’t going to push him to do anything he was uncomfortable with. She wasn’t that much of an asshole.

Dean went straight to the showers when he got back to their building, scrubbing away all of the evidence of his and Charlie’s cosplaying (and his cross dressing). He decided that he would take the cosplay suit to the cleaners and return it to Charlie later. For now, he had his roommate to talk to.

Dean trudged into his dorm room after his shower, towel tied loosely around his waist. As was laying on his bed smoking a cigarette, the window cracked open and allowing the cold November air into the room. Dean shivered and quickly changed into his clothes.

He turned around once he was snug in his old jeans and sweat shirt, just in time to see Castiel shrugging into his jeans jacket. Dean frowned a little.

“Where are you going?”

“I have dinner with a friend.” He said coldly, not looking at Dean. Dean felt as if somebody had punched him in the chest.

“Oh. I thought that we could… talk… or something.”

“About what?” Castiel asked, frowning over at Dean. The boy blushed.

“About… umm… about what happened on Friday.” Dean said. Castiel shrugged.

“I don’t see what there is too talk about.” Castiel snapped, grabbing his keys and his wallet. Dean frowned and sat down on his bed.

“Oh.” He whispered. Cas smile slightly over at him as he opened the door.

“Later, Dean.”

“See you later.” He mumbled, watching Cas go. He sighed and laid back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. Dean had remembered what being with someone felt like, but he had completely forgotten how _horrible_ it felt to be rejected. He fell asleep with tears in his eyes and a dull ache in his chest.

_“Dad, I... I have something I need to tell you.” Dean said, fidgeting nervously where he stood in his living room. His mother gave him an approving nod; she already knew that he was gender fluid, and she was supportive of it. Now, he just needed to come out to his father._

_John looked at is son carefully. “What’s up?”_

_“Sometimes…” Dean took a deep breath, closing his eyes. “Sometimes I don’t feel like a boy. Sometimes I like to wear dresses and put on makeup and be…” He swallowed, his eyes meeting his father. “Be a girl.”_

_John was silent for a while, a deep frown on his face. Finally, he spoke. “So… you’re telling me that you aren’t a boy?”_

_“Not all the time.” Dean said nervously, glancing over at his mother, who gave him an approving nod. “Sometimes I’m a girl.”_

_John made a face. “That doesn’t make any sense.”_

_“Well… it does, actually, if you think about it. Sometimes, I don’t feel like I fit the gender binary. I don’t feel like a guy. I feel like I’m a girl.”_

_“So you’re a tranny?” John asked, his nose scrunching up. Dean blushed and looked away, a frown on his face._

_“Please don’t use that word, dad. It’s offensive.”_

_“Who cares?” John growled, standing up. Mary grabbed his wrist._

_“John, sit down.” She said softly. He glared at her._

_“You’re fine with this?” he yelled. “You’re fine with our son – oh, I’m sorry, our_ daughter _being a freak?!” he yelled, his tone turning mocking when he referred to Dean as his daughter. Tears filled Dean’s eyes but he quickly wiped them away._

_“Dad, I’ve felt like this all my life. It’s only now that I’ve realized…”_

_“Realized what? That you’re a freak?!” he yelled, reaching out and smacking Dean across the face with the back of his hand. Dean gasped and fell down to the floor, holding his cheek. Mary hopped up, grabbing John’s arm._

_“John, stop it!” She yelled. “Don’t hit him!”_

_“Don’t you mean_ her _, Mary?” he mocked, stepping closer to Dean and hitting him again._

Dean woke up abruptly to the feeling of cas shaking his awake. He gasped and looked up at the boy, his breathing heavy.

“Are you okay? You were screaming.” he asked, sitting down on Dean’s bed beside him. Dean swallowed and sat up, nodding.

“Just a nightmare. I’m fine.” He swallowed, wiping his face down. “Did you just get back from dinner?”

“Yeah. It’s only eleven.” He said softly. Dean nodded, sighing and plopping back down on his bed. Castiel frowned slightly.

“Are you okay?”

“I’ll be okay.” He said softly. Cas nodded, standing up and stretching.

“Alright. I’m going to bed.” He said, walking over to his bed as he shrugged out of his clothes. Dean turned to look at him, swallowing nervously.

“Hey, Cas?” he asked, biting his lips. Cas glanced over at him, though his attention was obviously not wholly focused on Dean.

“Yeah?”

Dean swallowed, suddenly not sure what he wanted to say. Castiel obviously didn’t want to talk to him about what had happened on Friday. And now that he thought of it… Dean didn’t want to either. He hated talking… he hated feelings. And despite the fact that he _did_ have feelings for Cas, he wasn’t going to go and be a pussy about it. He wasn’t going to force Cas to talk to him about their ‘relationship’ when he obviously didn’t want to.

“Goodnight.” He said, frowning to himself. Cas raised an eyebrow but said nothing, laying down in his bed and pulling his covers over him.

“Goodnight, Dean.”


	6. Talking Sucks

“I bought the nicest turkey the other day. Twenty-two pounds. Your uncle Bobby is coming over, and so is your cousin Jo. You’re coming home, aren’t you?” Dean listened as his mother talked to him on the phone. He bit his lips.

“Am I welcome to come? I thought dad said that I wasn’t allowed-”

“Oh, forget what your father said. You’re my baby and you’re coming home for Thanksgiving, end of discussion.” She said quickly. Dean blushed.

“Mom, I’m _not_ a baby.” He whined. Mary hummed.

“You’ll always be my baby. Did you ever get to use that lipstick I sent you?”

‘yes, actually.” Dean grinned. “Just last week I got to wear it. Thank you.” He said softly. He could nearly hear his mother smiling through the receiver.

‘I’m glad you liked it. I wasn’t sure if you would like the color, but I figured that red would look good.”

“It was great. Thank you.” Dean said.

“How are your classes going?” Se asked. Dean sighed, looking down at the bed sheet he was laying on. He picked at it.

“It’s getting harder. I guess I should have paid a little more attention in science class.” Dean said, snorting a little. He licked his lips. “My classes are going fine, mom. I’m keeping my grades up, at least.”

“That’s good, sweetheart. You’re a smart boy; whatever you set out to do, I know you’ll do great at it.”

Dean blushed a little and smiled into the receiver. “Stop sweet talking me, ma. I’ll come home for Thanksgiving.”

“Yay!” He heard his mother squeal and he chuckled, rolling his eyes. 

“Is Sammy there?” he asked hopefully. It had been a while sicne he talked to his brother, and he missed his voice. He heard Mary sigh.

“He is… but I doubt he wants to talk. He’s upstairs right now crying his eyes out because his girlfriend broke up with him.”

Dean scowled. “Ruby broke up with him?” He asked. He was so angry, he didn’t even have words. Who did that bitch think she was, messing with his little brother? It was ridiculous. He found himself growling out loud as his mother responded to him.

“Yes. The poor thing is heartbroken. I made him some hot coco, but I don’t think it’s done much good. He’s still devastated.”

Dean frowned. “He really liked her, didn’t he?”

“He was crazy about her.” She said. Dean sighed.

“Tell him that I said I’ll take care of it. I’ll glue her to her lawn chair again.”

Mary made a clicking sound with her tongue. “There will be no gluing of any butts in this house, Dean.” She said. Dean smirked.

“It won’t be in our house, don’t worry. It’ll be in her lawn.”

_”Dean.” _Mary hissed. Dean snickered.__

__“Alright, alright, calm down. Why is he dating at his age, anyway? He’s only fourteen.”_ _

__“He’s growing up, Dean. Anyway, he’s not like you. I think you had your first girlfriend at seventeen.”_ _

__“And my last.” Dean snorted, pursing his lips. He didn’t want to think about his first girlfriend. Any and all good memories he had ever had of her had long since disappeared and been replaced by horrible memories. He heard his mother sigh._ _

__“I’m sorry, sweetheart. But isn’t there anyone at college that you’ve hit it off with?”_ _

__Dean sighed and looked over at the empty bed on the other side of his dorm room. It had been an entire week since he and Cas had gone to the Misfits concert and shared their awkward kiss. Castiel was currently at his Saturday evening class. Dean had already finished all of his classes for the day, and now he was just waiting for ten o’clock to roll around so that he could go to a party at the neighboring Residence Hall. He sighed, closing his eyes._ _

__“I guess there is a guy that I like.” He said, biting his lips. “But… I don’t know. Things are complicated between us, and he’s a mercurial jerk.”_ _

__“It’s a guy? That’s new.” Mary said. Dean sighed._ _

__“Yeah, I guess. But I don’t think it’s going to work out anyway, so you don’t need to worry. He’s been avoiding me.”_ _

__“Is that so? Why is that?” Mary asked curiously. Dean sighed._ _

__“We… kissed. About a week ago. We haven’t really talked since…”_ _

__“Oh, honey.” Mary sighed. “I’m sorry. Is it possible for you two to just sit down and talk things out?”_ _

__“It would be awkward. I mean, we sort of live together, so if we had some sort of falling out, it wouldn’t be very good for either of us…”_ _

__“Wait, you live with him? Is this boy your roommate?”_ _

__“Umm… yeah. His name is Castiel.” Dean said, blushing a little bit as he thought of Cas. He heard Mary sigh._ _

__“Honey, you should just talk to him. It’s not like you can go the entire year without speaking to your roommate at all.”_ _

__Dean sighed deeply. “Just drop it, mom. I’ll sort things out with Cas… eventually. For now, I’ll start packing for Thanksgiving next week.”_ _

__“I can’t wait.” He could nearly hear Mary smiling. “I love you, Dean. Stay safe.”_ _

__“Of course, mom. I love you too.” He said, and then he hung up. He dropped his phone on the bed, standing up and stretching. He changed his clothes into something more suitable for the party, and then grabbed his leather jacket and wallet. He decided to go down to Charlie’s dorm and hang out with her until the start of the party, seeing as he didn’t really want to be in the room when Castiel got back. Not after that embarrassing conversation he’d had with his mother._ _

__Three hours later, Dean found himself in the middle of a large crowd of college students as he danced with Charlie. For once he was actually enjoying himself, too. Dancing with Charlie was awesome. She was good at it, and she knew how to move with him. Plus, with her being gay and her knowing that he was asexual, there was absolutely no pressure for anything to happen between them._ _

__The song ended and Dean let go of Charlie, screaming to her over the music._ _

__“I’m going to sit down!” he called. Carlie nodded._ _

__“Okay! I’ll catch up with you later.” She said, then turned and grabbed the nearest girl. They began to dance and Dean chuckled, shaking his head and shoving his way through the crowd. He finally found a seat after a few minutes, sitting down and looking around. It was a few minutes before somebody sat down beside him. Dean looked up to see Castiel sitting there. He smiled weakly._ _

__“Hey there, Cas! I didn’t know you were coming to the party tonight.” He called. Cas shrugged._ _

__“I thought it couldn’t hurt to stop by.” He said, looking around disinterestedly. Dean bit his ilps and cracked his knuckles._ _

__“Are you… uh… are you here with anybody?” He asked. Castiel squinted at him, his blue eyes piercing into Dean’s green orbs._ _

__“No. Are you?” He asked, his voice almost accusatory. Dean quickly shook his head._ _

__“No, nobody.” He said. Castiel nodded, looking at him carefully. Dean swallowed nervously, looking back at him for a while. Then he smiled, trying to break the awkward silence that had fallen between the two young men._ _

__“Do you want a drink?” he asked, standing up and leaning against the table. Castiel blinked up at him._ _

__“Sure. Get me a beer.”_ _

__“Bossy.” Dean said, shooting Castiel a wink. The boy smiled weakly and Dean grinned, turning and walking over towards the refreshments table. He took a couple deep breaths, trying to calm his nerves. Since when had talking to Castiel become so unnerving?_ _

___Since you kissed him, dumbass!_ Dean thought to himself. He let out a deep sigh, his mind racing. Yes, he had kissed Cas, but it hadn’t been that bad. In fact, Castiel had seemed to enjoy it. But now he was giving Dean the cold shoulder… and Dean wasn’t sure why. Had he done something? Said something? Dean wracked his brain, but he couldn’t think of anything he had done that would have upset Cas. So that had to mean that he was pissed at Dean for the kiss, right?_ _

__Of course, Dean would never know unless he took his mother’s advice and talked to Cas. Which was a big no-no in his opinion. Things were already awkward enough between him and Cas, and he didn’t want to make them any worse by talking. If they were to have some sort of falling out, it would only mean more trouble for the two of them. And considering that he had to live with Cas for _at least_ another four months, he didn’t feel very much like fucking things up with him further._ _

__Dean arrived back at his and Cas’s table, handing the young man a beer and sitting down across from him. Castiel thanked him, though he didn’t look up from his phone where he was tapping away. Dean pursed his lips and took a long sip of his beer._ _

__They sat in silence for a few minutes, the only noise between them the thrumming of the music and the sound of people talking. Finally, though, the tension grew too thick, and Dean and Castiel both decided to speak at the same time._ _

__“Dean-“ “Cas-“ They both started, then stopped. Dean blushed._ _

__“You go first.” He said, waving his hand in front of him. Castiel sighed and looked away from Dean._ _

__“Dean, you can’t deny that things have been awkward between us since last Friday.” He said, a deep frown on his face. Dean licked his lips._ _

__“I know. And I’ve been meaning to talk to you about it… I just…” Dean trailed off, shaking his head. Castiel squinted at him, watching him carefully. After a few moments Castiel spoke._ _

__“I just feel like we need to sort things out between us. We have to live with each other either way, and I would rather things be okay between us that keep things the way they are; awkward and tense.”_ _

__Dean nodded, picking at the label on his beer. He glanced up at Cas, his cheeks red as he spoke._ _

__“When you kissed me… I’m not going to lie, I liked it. It just confused me, is all.”_ _

__“have you never kissed a man before?” Castiel asked, tugging at his left lip piercing with his teeth. Dean shook his head._ _

__“No, I haven’t, but that wasn’t what was confusing me. IT’s just that… I haven’t been with anybody in a while. I haven’t felt this way about anybody in a long time. I honestly thought I would never feel this way again, after...” He trailed off, looking away. He didn’t want to think about Rhonda right now. God, why did everything always come back to her? He took a deep breath and looked back up at Cas, who was staring at him intently._ _

__“And how is it that you feel about me, Dean?” He asked. His blue eyes shone bright as he looked at Dean intensely. Dean blushed._ _

__“I guess… I don’t know. I guess that I like you.” He said. Castiel licked his lips._ _

__“I thought you had someone else.” He said, his voice hard. Dean raised an eyebrow._ _

__“Someone else?” he snorted out a laugh, shaking his head. “Cas, I haven’t dated anybody since I was 17.”_ _

__“Oh.” Castiel’s eyes widened. “But… the other day you were with a girl…” he said, frowning. Dean laughed._ _

__“Dude, I was with _Charlie_! We were getting changed for a cosplay. I wasn’t _with_ her!”_ _

__“Oh!” Castiel gasped, and suddenly he smiled. It was the first time in days that he had seen the boy smile, and Dean was surprised by just how much he had missed the sight. He smiled back at Cas._ _

__“You thought that I had a girlfriend?” he laughed. Castiel blushed and nodded._ _

__“Yeah…. That’s… That’s why I’ve been avoiding you.” He admitted sheepishly. Dean’s eyes widened._ _

__“Cas… were you jealous?” he asked teasingly. Castiel scowled, rolling his eyes._ _

__“Of course not.” He stood up, holding his hand out to Dean. He offered Dean a small, almost shy smile. “Do you want to dance with me?”_ _

__Dean blushed and looked around, biting his lips. After a moment he nodded, standing up and taking Cas’s hand. The boy pulled him over to the dance floor, and they moved against each other to the beat of the music. Dean smirked at Cas, shaking his head._ _

__“I can’t believe you were jealous of my ‘girlfriend’.” He laughed. Castiel narrowed his eyes at Dean._ _

__“I was _not_ jealous. Just… disgruntled.” He said. Dean smiled and hummed, and Cas sighed._ _

__“I like you, Dean. You’re a cool guy… not to mention that you’re a great kisser.” He smiled as Dean blushed. He pulled him a bit closer, their stubbly cheeks brushing. “I’d like to take you on a date… a proper one. Would you like that?”_ _

__Dean flushed. Castiel wanted to go on a date with him? A _legitimate_ date? He hadn’t been on a legitimate date in over a year. What if Castiel wanted to get serious? What if he wanted to get _intimate_? Dean wasn’t ready for that. Not one bit._ _

__“Dean?” Cas’s soft voice was in his ear. “Do you want to go out with me? We could just go see a movie or get dinner… nothing too serious.”_ _

___Nothing too serious._ That’s what Cas had said. Dean liked the sound of that. As long as they took things slow and stayed in their comfort zones, maybe this could work. Dean pulled back and nodded smiling softly._ _

__“Yeah. I… I think I’d like that.” He said. Castiel grinned, pulling his piercing between his better and tugging on it. He looked so happy. Dean couldn’t help that that made him happy as well, and he quickly pushed away all the negative thoughts he had had before. He smiled._ _

__“Stop smiling and kiss me, ya jerk.” He said. Castiel laughed and leaned in, pressing his lips softly against Dean’s. And for the first time in nearly all of his life, Dean shit his brain off for the time being and let himself enjoy the feeling of Castiel’s lips against his._ _


	7. No Place Like Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean goes back home for Thanksgiving. Between relationships, family drama, and nightmares, Dean's holiday is pretty busy. Of course, he still enjoys the company of his mother and his little brother.

Dean and Cas decided to wait until they got back from Thanksgiving break to dive into their new relationship. Dean was going back to Kansas for a week, and Castel was driving out to New York to share the holiday with his own family. 

They set a lunch date for the Sunday after they would get back from break, after a long discussion about taking things slow between them. God, had that been awkward. Dean had done nothing but fidget throughout the whole conversation, and Cas nearly chewed his lips raw.

Needless to say, things were working out between Dean and Cas. And Dean was happy… happier than he had been in a very long time. So as he sat on the train going home to Kansas, he couldn’t even bring himself to think about his father back home. He was in too much of a good mood to do that to himself.

He was drifting in and out of sleep on the train when he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He yawned and pulled it out, a slow smile creeping across his face when he saw that it was a text message from Cas. He flipped his phone open and read the message.

_Bohemian Rhapsody is on the radio._

Dean chuckled, smirking slightly as he responded to Cas’s message.

_Thinking of me, Cas? ;)_ he typed. He got a response within seconds.

_In your dreams, Winchester. Did you actually just send me a winky face?_

Dean rolled his eyes and typed back.

_Aren’t you driving? Put your phone away._

It was almost a full minute before Cas responded to that one. Finally, Dean felt his phone buzz.

_I’m stopped at a gas station. R u trying to get rid of me, Dean?_

Dean licked his lips, shaking his head and snickering to himself as he typed back.

_I wish. My life would be much more peaceful without you._ he sent the message. Castiel responded once again within seconds.

_Your words wound me, Dean. Gtg, about to get back on the road._

_Have fun. Don’t miss me too much <3_

It was a few minutes before he got a response from Castiel. He hadn’t been expecting to get one, considering that Cas was supposed to be driving. But that didn’t seem to matter to Cas, as he continued to text Dean.

_Did you really just send me a heart emoticon? _Dean could nearly feel Castiel glaring at him through the phone. He chuckled and shook his head, stuffing his phone into his pocket and leaning back into his seat. Hopefully he could catch some shut eye before he got to Chicago and had to switch trains.__

__Dean was able to sleep for almost 6 hours before he made it to Illinois and had to switch trains. He had about two hours to kill before he had to catch his train, though, so that’s how Dean found himself sitting in a pizzeria and ordering some ‘famous’ Chicago pizza for a late dinner. He found that the pizza was actually pretty good, and he ate three slices before he was full._ _

__He got on the train a bit early and decided to do some homework. He had finally saved up enough money from working at the auto shop in Massachusetts to buy a laptop, and he couldn’t be prouder of himself. It wasn’t the best laptop in the world; a small Notebook that had cost him about $250. Of course, Dean didn’t care. It was what he needed and he was just happy to call something _his_._ _

__He pulled out his laptop and started working on a Chemistry paper he had been procrastinating on. He wrote about two pages before his eyes began to hurt, and he put his laptop away in his bag. Glancing at his watch, he saw that it was nearly midnight. The train was mostly empty by then, but the few people who were still traveling were asleep. Dean decided to follow suit, and he shifted slightly in his seat as he got comfortable. He closed his eyes and quickly drifted off to sleep._ _

____

_“I want you gone by the morning. Do you hear me? I want you out of my house!” John roared, shoving Dean into his bedroom. Dean stumbled backwards, tears streaking down his face._

_“Dad, please-“_

_“Just stop right there. You’re no son of mine. You’re just a faggot tranny.”_

_Dean’s jaw dropped as his father stormed out of the room. He fell backwards on his bed, feeling as if he had just been stabbed in the stomach. He shivered slightly, though it wasn’t cold at all, and curled in on himself. That was when his sleepy eyed thirteen year old brother padded into the room._

_“What’s going on, Dean?” He asked. Dean shook his head and looked away from Sam, not speaking. He knew that if he opened his mouth, he wouldn’t be able to form any words. He would just cry._

_Sam took a few steps into Dean’s room, sitting down on his brother’s bed beside him and resting his chin on Dean’s shoulder._

_“Are you alright? Did dad hurt you?” he asked quietly. Dean shook his head, letting out a small sigh._

_“Not too much.” He whispered, his voice shaking slightly. Sam frowned._

_“What happened? All I heard was a lot of screaming, and then dad called you a tranny and told you to move out.” He said. Dean took a shaky breath._

_“Never use that word, Sammy. Tranny is a horrible word.”_

_“Okay.” Sam said, biting his lips. “Is that… is that what you are? A transvestite?” He asked tentatively. Dean frowned and looked down at his brother, who was staring up at him with big, caring puppy eyes. Dean sighed and closed his eyes, shaking his head._

_“Not quite, Sam. There’s… uh… different ways to be trans, you see. There are transvestites- or crossdressers- like you said. Then there are transgender people, who don’t identify with the gender they were born with, but with the opposite gender. There are tons of other types of Trans, too, but I guess the only one you need to know is what I am. I’m… I’m gender fluid.”_

_Sam raised an eyebrow. “You identify your gender as a fluid? I don’t get it?” he asked, a little pout on his face. If Dean wasn’t so upset at that moment, he would have laughed. Instead, he simply shook his head._

_“No, Sam. It means that while I am a boy and I identify as one, sometimes I feel like a girl and I identify as a girl as well.” He said. When he put it like that, it seemed so simple. Of course, nothing in Dean Winchester’s life ever was very simple._

_“Oh.” Sam said, frowning. Dean felt the hole in his heard wide growing, and he was nervous for a minute that his brother would reject him just as his father had. That was why he was surprised when Sam looked up at him and gave him a small smile. “That’s cool, I guess. I always wanted a sister, and now I have one.”_

_Dean smiled, tears filling his eyes. He pulled Sam in to a hug, ruffling hi already messy hair._

_“Thanks, Sammy.”_

Dean woke with a gasp, sitting up in his train seat and nearly falling onto the ground when the train suddenly jolted to a stop. He grabbed onto the seat and looked around. It was bright in the train car, sunlight pouring in through the dirty windows. That must mean it was the next day, right?

Dean glanced at his watch and found that it was nearly 11:30 AM. The other passengers around him were getting up and carrying their bags off of the train, and it took Dean longer than it probably should have to realize that he was at his stop. He hopped up, grabbing his suitcases and his book bag and darting off of the train.

He stood on the platform and looked around, grinning widely when he spotted his mother and brother waiting for him off to the side. He walked over to them quickly, setting his bags down as his mother threw herself onto him, crying hysterically.

“I missed you so much, baby!” She cried, kissing his face. Sam smirked at the sight and Dean blushed, trying to dodge his mother’s kisses.

“I missed you too, mom.” He laughed, finally breaking free from her bone-crushing hug. He smiled down at his brother, who he noticed had grown _several_ inches since he last saw him. He reached out and ruffled his hair.

“How ya doing, Sammy?”

“I was doing fine until you showed up.” He grumbled, swatting Dean’s and away and trying to fix his hair. Once it was back to its previous state, Sam looked up at Dean and gave him a crooked smile. “I missed you, Dean.” He said. Dean smiled.

“I know. I missed you too.” He said, stepping forward and hugging his little brother tightly. Sam wrapped his arms around Dean’s shoulders and patted his back, his face pressed against Dean’s neck. Dean smiled, pulling back and grabbing his bags off the floor after a few seconds.

“Are we ready to go home? I’m starving.” He said. Mary laughed and nodded, wrapping an arm around her son.

“Of course, dear. We can stop and get lunch at your favorite burger place on the way home.”

Dean’s eyes widened. “Seriously? That would be awesome.” He said. Mary smiled up at her oldest son and nodded, leaning in to kiss his cheek.

“Anything for my baby boy.” She said. Dean pursed his lips. 

_”Mom.”_ He whined. Mary laughed as Sam ran ahead of them.

“Shotgun!” he yelled. Dean frowned and pulled away from his mother’s grasp, running after hi brother. He dropped his bags when they were about five feet away from the car, reaching out grabbing Sam by the waist s that he could hold him back. Sam squirmed in his arms, growling.

“Let me go, Dean!” he yelled. Dean laughed.

“No way, kiddo. The front seat is mine. I’ve been on a train for nearly 36 hours.”

“But I called it!” Sam whined childishly. Dean rolled his eyes and let go of his brother, shoving him to the side and opening up the door to the Impala. He slid in, grabbing his bags and tossing them into the backseat. Sam slid in and sat beside him, pouting as their mother sat down and started the car.

“Your uncle and your cousin will be arriving tomorrow. Jo is going to sleep in your room, Dean, so you and Sam will need to bunk together.” Mary said. Sam made a disgruntled noise from the backseat as Dean nodded.

“Sounds like a plan. You ready to sleep on the floor, Sammy?” he asked, turning around to grin cheekily at his brother. Sam rolled his eyes and Dean smirked, sitting back in his seat and looking out the window. He hadn’t realized how much he had missed the sight of Kansas; the rolling plains and the open skies. He could see the faint outline of the city on the horizon, miles and miles away. It was nothing like Massachusetts. It was Kansas, it was home, and Dean had missed it a lot.

“How are you liking your courses, baby?” Mary asked, glancing over at Dean. Dean smiled and licked his lips.

“I love them, mom. College is so much more fun than I ever thought it was going to be. I’m actually learning for the first time in my life.” He said. Mary smiled.

“Good. And… did you work things out with your roommate?” She asked. Dean swallowed and bit his lips.

“Um… yeah. We talked. We’re cool now.” He said, his lips twitching a little as he thought of Cas. Mary glanced over at him curiously.

“Just cool?” She asked. Dean bit his lips, glancing back at Sam in the backseat. He swallowed nervously.

“I’ll tell you about it later.” He said, and he couldn’t help but smile. Mary smiled back at him and nodded. Sam cleared his throat.

“Dean, are you going to come to the Thanksgiving Football Game tomorrow? I’m gonna be playing.”

“Of course I’ll come, Sammy. What position are you playing?” he asked. Sam bit his lips.

“I’m the quarterback.” He said, blushing slightly. Dean grinned.

“That’s sweet, man! High five!” he said, twisting his body backwards to give his brother a high five. Sam grinned and slapped his brother’s hand. Mary smiled over at Dean.

“You better watch out, Dean, before Sammy beats you out for the school touchdown record.” She said. Dean snorted out a laugh.

“Oh, please. Nobody could ever beat me.” He said cockily. Sam snorted in the back and Mary laughed to herself. Dean sighed and turned the radio on, and ACDC blasted throughout the car. Dean smiled and sat back, looking out the window. His mother drove for another fifteen minutes or so before she pulled into the parking lot of Dean’s favorite burger place, The Flip and Shake Place.

They ate lunch there. Dean regaled his mother and Sam with stories from college. He told them all about Charlie and her cosplaying adventures (He glossed over the fact that he often cosplayed with her, dressing up as a woman more often than not. That was too embarrassing to tell his baby brother and his mom.) He also talked about Castiel, about his taste in music and about how he and Cas had gone to a Misfits concert (Sam was _so_ jealous.) He never mentioned their relationship though; his baby brother didn’t need to know anything about his love life. Of course, he knew that he would wind up telling his mother later.

All in all, it was a good day.

Of course, it stopped being a good day the moment Dean walked through the front door of their house and his father caught sight of him. He dropped the plate he had been holding on the table with a clatter, his back straightening as his jaw clenched.

“What is he doing here, Mary?” he practically snarled, and though he was addressing his wife his eyes never left Dean’s face. Dean swallowed nervously, glancing over at his mother as she spoke.

“He’s home for the holiday, John. Aren’t you happy to see your son?” She asked, her tone trying. John narrowed his eyes, glaring over at her.

“Don’t you mean our _daughter_?” He mocked. Dean felt his cheeks grow hot as Mary snapped back at his father.

“Stop it, John.” She said, then turned to look at Dean, touching his arm gently. “Why don’t you head upstairs with Sam and get unpacked?”

“Umm… sure thing, ma.” He said, nodding at her. Mary smiled and leaned in, kissing her son’s cheek and giving him a tight hug.

“I’m so happy to have you home, Dean.” She said. Dean buried his face in her neck, taking a deep breath of her perfume and smiling.

“’S good to be home. I missed you.” He mumbled, pulling back and grabbing his bags. He quickly followed Sam up the stairs, trying his best to ignore the fact that his father was glaring at him as if he had killed a hundred people.

As soon as they got up to Sam’s room, Sam closed the door. Dean watched him, frowning slightly as he set his bags down on the bed.

“Do they still fight a lot?” He asked. Sam sighed.

“More often than not.” He mumbled just as they heard they’re father’s muffled screaming from down the stairs. Sam glanced back at the door, a deep frown on his face. Dean reached out and touched his shoulder.

“I’m sorry, Sam.” He said softly. Sam shook his head.

“It’s not your fault, Dean. You are who you are… Dad is just a jerk who can’t accept that.” He said. Dean’s lips twitched a little and he pulled Sam in for a hug.

“I missed you, Sammy.” He said. Sam snorted out a laugh and smiled up at his brother, his face pressed into Dean’s chest.

“I missed you too, Dean” He said softly, then turned his head to glare up at Dean. “And stop calling me Sammy. It’s _Sam_.”

\---

The football game the next day was hectic. Dean could hear the high school band playing on the field as he pushed his way through the throng of students, trying to reach the sideline before kickoff. He wanted to wish Sam good luck before the game started; he hadn’t seen his brother since early that morning when he went to school to get ready for the game.

He pushed his way through the crowd, hopping over the small gate that separated the crowd from the sideline. He ran over to where all of the students were, grinning when he saw a boy with ‘Winchester’ written on the back of his jersey. He walked up to him, clapping him on the shoulder and spinning him around. Sam gasped when he saw his brother.

“Dean! You’re not supposed to be back here- whoa!” he yelped as Dean picked him up, spinning him around. After a few seconds, he set him down. Sam looked up at him, smiling. Dean ruffled his hair.

“Good luck out there, Sammy. You’re gonna do great.” He said. Sam preened under Dean’s praise, and then suddenly somebody came up behind Dean and clapped him over the shoulder.

“Is that you, Dean?” A boy gasped. Dean turned to look at his old friend Chuck, who was one year younger than him. He grinned and hugged him tightly.

“Nice to see you, man.” He said, patting his back. Chuck grinned.

“What’re you doing back here?” He asked, pulling away and fixing his helmet.

“Came to see Sammy play.” He said, reaching out and ruffling his brother’s hair. Sam swatted his brother’s hands away, moving off to the side to talk to another player. Dean chuckled and looked back at Chuck.

“’S nice to see you, Dean.” Chuck said, then glanced back at the field as their coach blew the whistle. “I’ve got to go. Text me; we should hang out.” He said, jogging off. Dean smiled and ran back to the gate, hopping back over and waking his way to the stands to watch kick off.

The football game ended at ten o’clock. Lawrence High had one, and Sam had scored the final touchdown. He was beyond excited, and Dean greeted him at the gate by the sidelines with a huge hug.

“You did it, Sammy! You were so great.” He said, grinning. Sam smiled up at him.

“Did you see it, Dean? I ran it all the way down the field!” he yelled happily. Dean grinned.

“I saw. It was great, Sammy. You were great.” He said. Sam preened, standing up a little straighter and smiling at his brother.

“Can we go get ice cream?” He asked. “The rest of the team is going.” He said. Dean nodded.

“Sure thing, kiddo. “ He said cheerfully, his hand resting on Sam’s shoulder. Sam grinned up at him and thanked him quickly, then ran off with the rest of the team to go to the locker rooms and get changed. Dean leaned against the fence, pulling out his phone and flipping it open. He looked through his text messages with Cas, contemplating sending him a text message. After a few minutes he decided for it, and he opened up a new message box and began typing.

He was halfway through typing a message when he heard a familiar voice behind him and felt a hand on his arm. He jumped a little bit.

“Hey, Dean. I didn’t expect to see you here.” Rhonda Hurley was standing behind him, a gentle smile on her face. Dean stepped out of her reach, his voice shaking slightly as he spoke.

“H-hey Rhonda.” He said, not looking at her. The blonde girl smiled.

“Where are you going to college?” She asked.

“MIT.” Dean said, looking around the football field; anywhere but at Rhonda. He couldn’t bring himself to look at her.

“Oh, that’s right, you wanted to build cars, right?”

“Uh… yeah. Design them, actually.” He said shakily. Rhonda smiled.

“That’s nice. I always knew you would go places, Dean.” She said. Dean let out a reluctant laugh, forcing a smile.

“T-thanks.” He said. Rhonda smiled.

“Well, it was nice seeing you, Dean. Happy Thanksgiving.” She said, leaning in to kiss his cheek. Dean froze up, his heart beating a mile per minute. Rhonda couldn’t kiss him. No, not again. He quickly too a step back before she could kiss him, smiling tightly at her.

“I’ll see you ‘round, Rhonda.” He said tightly. Rhonda nodded, giving Dean a weird look before walking away. Dean took a deep breath, his body shaking slightly as he fought the urge to cry. That was when he felt his brother jump on his back, wrapping his legs around his waist and his arms around his neck. He gasped, grabbing Sam and holding on to him.

“Let’s go get some ice cream!” Sam yelled in Dean’s ear, raising his arm and pumping his fist. Dean took a deep breath, trying to calm himself as he smiled back at his brother.

“Alright. Let’s get going then.”

\---

_Dean looked up at Rhonda from the bed with wide eyes, his heart beating rapidly in his chest. She grinned at him and pulled her shirt off, and Dean swallowed nervously. He didn’t want this. He wasn’t ready for this… not with Rhonda. Not with anyone._

_“Rhonda, I don’t think…”_

_“Don’t worry, baby.” She said quickly, climbing onto the bed and straddling his hips. “My parents won’t be home for a few hours yet. And you just look so sexy in this dress…” She purred, running her hands up and down Dean’s chest. He took a deep breath._

_“Rhonda, I’m not ready…” He said, squirming uncomfortably as she began to kiss his neck. Rhonda nipped at his earlobe, running her hands up and down Dean’s thighs under the dress. Dean tensed up, closing his eyes. Rhonda breathed out against his neck, kissing her way along his jaw._

_“What do you mean, you’re not ready? You love me, don’t you?” She asked. Dean swallowed._

_“I do, Rhonda, but I’m just not sure… I’m not sure we should do this now…”_

_“It’s okay, Dean.” She said, hitching the dress up on his thighs and rubbing his erection through his boxers. He sat up a bit, trying to push her hands away and get her off of him. She pushed him back down, kissing him forcefully. Dean groaned into her mouth._

_“Rhonda, I don’t want this.” He said breathlessly. Rhonda frowned._

_“If you don’t want it, then why is this-” she slipped her hands into the yellow panties, squeezing his cock, “-so hard?”_

_Dean gasped and turned his face away from Rhonda’s, squirming as he tried to get away without hurting her. “It’s just a naturally reaction, Rhonda, it doesn’t mean anything.” He said. Rhonda frowned and leaned in, kissing along his neck and stroking up and down his cock._

_“Don’t worry, baby. I’ll make it good for you.” She said, slipping quickly out of her pants and straddling Dean’s lap. And it was as Rhonda let out a loud moan that Dean let out his first sob of the night._

“Dean, wake up.” His mother’s soothing voice reached his eyes, and Dean opened his eyes, his chest heaving. He sat up quickly, looking around frantically for a moment before he saw his mother crouching down beside the cot he was sleeping on. Sam was sitting up in his bed, looking over at them. Dean swallowed.

“Are you alright, sweetheart? Are the nightmares coming back?” She whispered softly, brushing his tears away. Dean took a deep breath and closed his eyes, leaning into her touch. He sighed.

“I’m okay, mom. It was just a dream… I’m fine.” He said. Mary frowned and nodded, leaning forward and kissing his sweaty forehead.

“Do you want to come downstairs and have something to drink? I’ll make you some hot coco.” She said softly. Dean opened his eyes and looked at her through the dark, nodding and sitting up a bit more. He shoved the blanket off his legs, standing up on shaky legs and following his mother out of the room. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Sam lay back down in bed, and he felt bad for waking him up. He hoped that he hadn’t woken his cousin or his uncle, either. That would be really awkward.

“What were you dreaming about?” Mary asked softly as she started to make some coco on the counter. Dean bit his lips.

“It’s not important, mom. Please.” He said, leaning against the breakfast bar. Mary glanced back at Dean, frowning slightly.

“Was it about Rhonda?” She asked. Dean flushed.

“I told you not to say her name every again.” He said softly. Mary sighed deeply.

“Dean, I _told_ you that you should go to a therapist. You need someone to talk to. I wanted to send you to one, but you wouldn’t do it…”

“It was too much money, mom! $400 per session is ridiculous.” He said, frowning. Mary pursed her lips. “We would have found the money for you, Dean.”

“And take it from where? Sammy’s college fund? I didn’t need some quacky doctor to talk to when it happened, and I don’t need one now. Please, mom. I’m fine.”

Mary sighed and turned around, handing Dean a mug of hot coco. He took it from her, taking a tentative sip and smiling at the taste. He looked up at his mom.

“Delicious, mom. As usual.” He smiled. Mary frowned and shook her head.

“I just want you to be happy, Dean.” She said. Dean shook his head.

“I am happy, mom. I’m getting good grades at MIT, I have friends… I might even have a boyfriend.” He said, blushing. Mary raised an eyebrow.

“Your roommate?”

Dean blushed, smiling a little. “Yeah. We have a date on the Sunday after we get back from break.” He said, hiding his face behind his mug of coco as he blushed. Mary smiled.

“That’s nice. What did you say his name was, again?” She asked.

“Castiel.” He said, blushing. “He’s really nice. He’s pretty moody, though. I think you’d like him.” He said, smiling slightly. “He’s good looking, too, you know. He had messy black hair- it’s always messy… and he has dark blue eyes and piercings everywhere.”

“Everywhere?” Mary asked, her lips twitching a little bit. Dean smiled.

“Yeah. He has a pair of snake bites on his lips, and a piercing through his right eyebrow. He has piercings in his ears, too. I don’t know how many, though.”

Mary smiled. “So I’m guessing that you two straightened things out.”

“Yeah… I took your advice and we sat down and talked. And then we danced… and then we kissed.” He said, blushing hard. Mary bit her lips.

“You keep saying that you’ve been kissing this boy…” She said, frowning. “But I don’t understand. I thought you didn’t have any interest in sex or any of that stuff. Have you changed your mind or something?”

Dean blushed hard, looking down at his feet. “Just because I’m asexual doesn’t mean that I can’t kiss somebody, ma.” He grumbled. Mary bit her lips and nodded.

“Okay… so you want to kiss him, but you don’t want to have sex with him?” She asked. Dean pursed his lips.

_”Mom.”_ He whined. Mary put her hands up.

“Sorry, Dean. I’m just trying to understand better.”

Dean didn’t respond at first, but after a few moments he sighed and looked up at his mother. “Thank you.” He said softly. She smiled and reached out, stroking his cheek.

“It’s no problem, Dean. I love you.”

“I love you too, ma.” He said. Mary smiled and took the mostly empty mug from Dean’s hands.

“Go to bed, baby. And take some Melatonin pills; they’ll help you sleep.”

Dean nodded. “Okay. Goodnight, mom.”

“Goodnight, baby.” She said tiredly, turning back to the sink. Dean went back to bed after that. Luckily, he didn’t have another nightmare.

\---

Dean woke up late on Thanksgiving Day. He took a long, scolding hot shower and dressed, finding his way downstairs around noon. He ate a banana for breakfast, then went to the kitchen to help his mother. He was useful until about 2 PM, when Mary started to make the pies and he was eating more filling than he was putting into the pies. Mary kicked him out of the kitchen then, sending him off to go play video games with his cousin and his brother.

Jo smiled as Dean walked into the room, putting her remote down and looking up at her cousin. He smiled back at her.

“Hey, Jo.” He said, plopping down on the couch beside her. Sam looked up at his brother carefully.

“Are you okay, Dean? You woke us all up with your screaming last night.” He said. Dean went tense, swallowing nervously. He smiled tightly down at Sam.

“I’m fine, Sammy.” He said. That was when his phone vibrated, and he pulled it out of his pocket to see a text message from Cas. He smiled slightly and opened it.

_Family reunions… shoot me._ It read. Dean chuckled to himself, typing a message back quickly.

_Tell me about it._ he typed. Jo leaned over, resting her chin on his shoulder. He quickly closed his phone, and she smirked at him.

“Who’s that, Dean? Your girlfriend?” She teased. Dean scowled.

“Fuck off, Jo.” He grumbled. Jo gasped.

‘That’s no way to tlk to me, your dear old cousin.” She said, grinning. Dean rolled his eyes.

“How’s art school going?” he asked. Jo was the same age as him, and she was pursuing a career as an artist. Jo smiled.

“It’s nice. I’m really enjoying myself.” She said honestly. Dean smiled.

“Yeah? What type of art are you majoring in, again?”

“Sculpting.” Jo said. “And how’s MIT going for you?” She asked. Dean shrugged.

“It’s enjoyable enough. The parties are nice.” He said, smirking. Jo laughed.

“ _Of course_ you would be a party animal. Are you in a Fraternity?”

“Hell no.” Dean snorted. “Are you in a Sorority?”

Jo blushed. “I am, actually. I’m a Capa.” She admitted. Dean laughed, throwing his head back. Jo elbowed him in the gut.

“Shut up.” She grumbled. Dean only laughed harder.

“Oh, don’t worry, Jo. I still love you.” He said, nudging her in the side. Jo rolled her eyes.

“Fuck you, Dean Winchester.” She said, pouting. Dean laughed, feeling his phone vibrate in his pocket. He pulled it out, smiling whine he read the message.

_What do you think about Chinese food on Sunday?_ It read. Dean bit his lips, quickly typing a response.

_Sounds like a plan._

They ate dinner two hours later. Once everyone was stuffed to the gills with food, Sam, John and Bobby all went into the living room to watch TV. Dean helped Mary and Jo out in the kitchen, and later they had pie. Dean ate almost an entire pecan pie by himself. The only reason that he stopped himself from eating the entire thing was because Jo and Sam were poking fun at him for gorging himself so much.

So sue him for wanting a homemade meal. Dean hadn’t had his mother’s food in months. He was allowed to indulge a bit, in his opinion.

The rest of his vacation was nice. They borrowed their neighbor’s horses and Dean went horseback riding with Sam two days after Thanksgiving. His brother was absolutely amazed by the way Dean was skilled with galloping (His friend Chuck lived on a farm on the outskirts of town and he had had plenty of experience riding horses with him). They enjoyed themselves, and Sam only fell of once, which was pretty good for a beginner (especially one as gangly as Sam).

Dean only had one more nightmare that week, on the day before he was supposed to leave for MIT. This one was worse than the last, and he had woken up in a cold sweat with Mary shaking him awake. The whole ordeal had only made Mary skeptical of sending Dean back to college, and it took nearly all day (and a screaming fight between John and Mary) to convince her that it was okay to send him back.

Mary drove Dean to the train station, handing him a brown bag lunch as they stood on the platform.

“Do you have all your things? Your toothbrush?”

Dean smiled a little, chuckling. “Yes, mom. I have everything.”

“Alright.” She said, rubbing his arm. “I washed all of your clothes for you, and I packed you a sandwich for lunch on the train.” She said. Dean smiled.

“Let me guess,,, is it turkey?” He asked. Mary laughed, tears filling her green eyes. Dean sighed and wrapped his arms around his mother, burying his face in her neck.

“I’m going to be fine, mom. I’ll call you as soon as I can.”

“I know, I know…” Mary sighed, wiping her eyes and pulling away. “If you keep having nightmares, you’ll call me, right?” She asked. Dean bit his lips and nodded.

“Of course, mom. I wouldn’t miss the opportunity to regale you with my rape nightmares.” He said, frowning. Mary pursed her lips.

“You’ll be okay, Dean. I love you.” She said, kissing his cheek. She pointed a finger at him. “And I want to hear all about your date with Castiel after it happens.”

Dean smiled slightly and nodded. “Of course, mom.” The train whistle blared behind them, and Dean sighed. “I have to go. I’ll call you, okay?”

“Okay. I’ll tell Sammy you love him.” She said, ushering Dean towards the train. Dean nodded.

“Okay. Make sure you tell him that there’ll be other girls after Ruby, too. He’s still pretty upset about her, as much as he hides it.”

“Okay, I will. Now go, before they leave without you.”

“Okay…” Dean took a step onto the train, turning back to look at his mom. He opened his mouth to call ‘I love you’, but the train whistle blared over him. He sighed and settled to wave at her, disappearing into the train as it started moving.

And as crappy as it felt to be leaving Kansas again, Dean couldn’t be happier to be going back to MIT and to Castiel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update! I had a little bit of trouble writing this chapter- I wrote about seven pages and then deleted them all because I hated how it turned out. I'm happy I did though, because I like how it turned out. i hope y'all enjoy it!
> 
> Please leave comments and feedback if you are reading! (They give me all the warm and fuzzies.)


	8. Asexual Pride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Castiel have their first official date. Dean's nightmares pursue and he and Castiel both encounter some big surprises.

Dean walked into his dorm room, dropping his bags on the floor in the doorway as Castiel nearly threw his muscular body into Dean’s arms. Dean grunted in surprise, wrapping his arms tightly around Castiel and turning his face so that he could nuzzle Cas’s cheek.

“Miss me much?” He asked, chuckling. Castiel nodded.

“I did. Kept on wishing you were back there with me. My family isn’t the best company.” He said, pulling back. Dean offered him a small smile, rubbing his hands up and down his sides. His eyes flickered over Cas’s face, and he gasped when he noticed a new, shiny gray/silver piercing on Castiel’s eyebrow beside the old one.

“When did that happen?” he asked, grinning. Cas shrugged.

“My brother Michael bought it for me as an early birthday present.”

“It’s sweet. Why gray?” Dean asked curiously, smiling at Cas. The boy shrugged again, throwing his arms around Dean’s neck and pecking his lips.

“Not important. I’m just glad you’re back.”

“I didn’t know you missed me so much, Cas.” Dean smirked, rubbing Cas’s lower back. He rolled his eyes.

“Don’t let it go to your head too much, Winchester. I just want to listen to some music, and you have the only functioning radio on this floor.” He said. Dean snorted and pulled away from Cas, opening up his suitcase and digging out his radio. He handed it to Cas.

“There you go, Your Highness.” He said. Castiel smiled.

“Thanks, Princess.” He said, plugging the radio in quickly and turning up the tunes. And damn it if Dean didn’t blush at that.

Sunday was the next day. Dean found himself standing in Charlie’s dorm room at 5:30, examining himself in the mirror and fixing his hair. Charlie sat on the bed doing her homework, not paying attention to Dean as he fussed over himself in the mirror. After a few minutes of trying to fix his hair, he huffed in frustration and turned to face Charlie’s bed.

“Can you help me?” He asked. Charlie glanced up at him, twiddling her pen between her fingers.

“What’s the matter?” She asked, pursing her lips. Dean sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.

“My hair isn’t cooperating. Can you help me?”

Charlie sighed and got up off of the bed, turning Dean to face the mirror and grabbing the hair gel from where it sat on her dresser. She squirted some into her hands, running her fingers through his hair.

“How do you want it? To the side? Or up straight?”

“Um… up straight. It looks better that way.” He said, blushing slightly. Charlie nodded and started to run her fingers through Dean’s hair, pushing the strands this way and that until finally she took a step back and smiled.

“There you go.” She said, grabbing a towel that was resting on the dresser and wiping her hands off. “Do you like it?’

“Yeah.” Dean nodded. He smiled down at Charlie. “Thank you.”

“No problem.” She said, sitting back down on her bed and picking up her pen. She turned the page in her textbook, then smiled up at him and winked. “Go get him, tiger.”

Dean licked his lips and grinned. “I will.” He said, grabbing his coat from where it was hanging on the doorknob and slipping it on. He left her dorm room after that, walking down to the lobby where he and Cas had agreed to meet at 6 o’clock. He sat down on one of the leather couches there, glancing at his watch. He hadn’t been sitting down for five minutes before Castiel was standing in front of him, a smile on his face. Dean stood up and returned his smile.

“Hey. You ready to go?” He asked. Cas nodded.

“You bet. I’m starving.” He answered. Dean smiled and started walking beside Castiel. They walked out of the Residence Hall, bracing themselves against the cold. Dean pulled his jacket closer around his body, shivering slightly.

“It’s freezing.” He said. Castiel smirked over at him and nudged him with his elbow.

“I can always warm you up.” He said with a wink. Dean rolled his eyes.

“In your dreams, Novak.” He said. Castiel chuckled and shook his head, flicking his hair out of his eyes and shoving his hands into the pockets of his coat. Dean licked his lips. “How was your morning class?”

“It was fine. I spent the entire class passing notes with Balthazar.” He said. Dean glanced over at Cas, watching him as he spoke. “He wants to drag me to his art show next Saturday.”

“You going?” Dean asked. Castiel nodded.

“Yeah. He says it’s supposed to be good, anyway.” He said, then bit his lips, tugging his left piercing in between his teeth. He glanced over at Dean. “How was your morning?”

“It was good. I hung out with Charlie, mostly. She helped me get ready of our date.”

Castiel snorted out a laugh. “She helped you get ready? Were you nervous, Dean?”

Dean rolled his eyes as his cheeks turned red. “Shut up, Cas.” He said. Castiel laughed.

“Aw, you’re adorable when you blush.” He said, nudging Dean with his elbow. Dean pursed his lips and glared half-heartedly at Cas.

“I hate you. D’you know that?” He said. Castiel smirked.

“Yes I do know, and I take great pride in it.” He said. Dean smiled and shook his head, reaching out and patting Cas on the shoulder, shaking him slightly. Castiel took a step closer to Dean at that, and Dean’s arms slipped down, hanging loosely around Cas’s waist. Dean blushed a little, looking down at Cas with a raised eyebrow. Castiel just smiled in response, and the two continued walking towards the Chinese restaurant, which they could see was straight ahead.

They walked through the front door, a little bell tinkling as they entered. The walls inside were a pale orange color, the woodwork in the room painted with blue floral patterns. There were dark mahogany tables spread throughout the restaurant, each one big enough to seat about 4 people. On every table there was a small vase of freshly cut orange Tiger Lilies (Dean wondered if they had had them shipped in special from a florist, since it was late November in Massachusetts and there wasn’t a wild Tiger Lily in sight outside). There were also several large, potted plants sitting in one corner of the room. At the take-out counter where a waitress was standing, there were several small Buddha statues. Soft, soothing music played throughout the warm restaurant, and Dean found himself relaxing as he and Cas made their way up to the counter to place their order.

“Hello, would you like to place an order for take-out or will you be eating in?” The young Chinese waitress asked, her accent heavy. 

“We’ll be eating in.” Dean said. The girl nodded, coming out from behind the counter and leading them to a nearby table. Dean and Cas sat down, and she handed them two menus.

“I will be right back with water for you.” She said. Dean and Cas both nodded and she walked away. Dean smiled at Cas.

“What do you want to get? I’m paying.” He said, flipping his menu open. Castiel smirked at him.

“Are you trying to impress me, Dean?”

Dean licked his lips and leaned forward. “Maybe. I have a job, you know. My own license, too.”

Castiel grinned. “Your own license? Wow, you might just have to take me to prom then.”

Dean chuckled. “Of course. What color will your dress be? I’ll want to get a tie to match.”

Castiel laughed loudly, throwing his head back and closing his eyes. Dean grinned at the sight, biting his lips. The waitress returned with two glasses of water, placing them down in front of the two men.

“What can I get you two?” She asked. Dean looked back down at his open menu, chewing on his lips. He cleared his throat.

“Ill… uh… I’ll have the spicy chicken and broccoli.” He said, smiling up at the waitress. “And a Coke, please.” Then he glanced over at Cas. “What do you want, babe?”

“I’ll have the vegetable-dumpling soup, with a Dr. Pepper.” He said. The waitress nodded and walked off to the kitchen to place their order. Dean watched her go, then turned back to Cas and smiled. Cas picked up his water and took a long sip. When he put the glass down he looked over at Dean, a small smile on his face.

“I like you, Dean.”

Dean grinned and leaned forward, his elbows on the table and his face close to Cas’s. “I like you too.” He said. And then he and Castiel kissed, smiles on their faces as they closed their eyes and simply enjoyed each other’s presence.

\---

_Dean squirmed on the bed, his breathing coming in gasps as Rhonda moved on top of him. Her loud moans smothered the sound of his whimpers and gasps._

_“Rhonda…” He gasped, trying to push her off of him without hurting her. Rhonda moaned in response, throwing her head back so her long blonde curls could cascade down her bare back._

_“Fuck, Dean…” She gasped, reaching up and playing with her own breasts. Dean closed his eyes; he couldn’t watch._

_“Please, Rhonda… Please…” He cried softly, his teeth clenched. Rhonda moaned and ground her hips against his, cupping his face and kissing at the corners of his lips. He didn’t kiss back, but she didn’t seem to notice._

_“I’ve got you, baby. Ugh…” She moaned in his ear, mouthing at his neck. “You feel so good inside of me…” She moaned._

Dean was awoken by the sound of his cell phone ringing. He gasped, sitting up and fumbling to find it in his sheets. When he finally reached it, he flipped it open, gasping into the receiver.

“Hello?” He said breathlessly. His mother’s voice came through the line.

“Hey sweetie. Can you talk now?” She asked. Dean took a deep, shaky breath, wiping his sweaty face off and groaning softly in response. 

“Dean, are you alright? Is this bad time?”

“No, no… I just… I just woke up is all.” He said, sitting up and running his fingers through his damp hair, breathing deeply. Mary made a clicking noise in the back of her throat.

“Oh. Were you having a nightmare, sweetie?” She asked softly. Dean sighed and closed his eyes, glancing over at Cas’s empty bed on the other side of the room. It was Thursday afternoon, and Dean was grateful that Castiel had a class at that time and hadn’t been present to see him like this. Dean, on the other hand, liked to schedule all of his classes for the mornings, and had been taking an afternoon nap when his mother called. He sighed into the receiver.

“Yeah… but I’m fine. Really.” He said. He could nearly hear his mother scowling on the other end.

“Dean, you’re not fine. You need to see a doctor.” She said. Dean huffed and rolled his eyes, and his mother continued. “How often do you have them? Every night?”

“No. No, it’s not every night.” Dean said, frowning. Mary sighed.

“Then how often do you have them? A couple times a week?” She asked. Dean whined.

 _“Mom.”_ He groaned.

“Don’t _‘mom’_ me. I just want to make sure you’re okay. You’re not cutting yourself again, are you?”

“No.” Dean snapped, feeling his arms tingle as he recalled the countless times in his senior year when he had dragged a blade across his skin. He closed his eyes and let out a deep breath. “Listen, ma, I’m fine. It’s just the occasional nightmare or two, and I’m dealing. So just drop it, okay?”

“Dean-”

“Please.” He said, his eyes closed. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Mary was silent for a few moments before she sighed. “Fine, I’ll let it go for now. But this discussion is _not_ over.” She said sternly. Dean huffed in response.

“Why are you calling me, ma?” He asked, agitated. Mary huffed on the other end.

“Can’t I just call you because I want to talk to you? I haven’t heard from you since you left home last week.”

Dean sighed. “I’m sorry. I’ve been busy with my classes.”

“I just worry about you, Dean.” Mary said softly. Dean rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, well, _don’t_. I’m fine, mom. And I’ll call you more often, I promise. It’s just been a crazy week.”

“Okay.” She said, sighing. “How was your date on Sunday?” She asked. Dean licked his lips.

“It was nice. We had a good time. We’re gonna go see a movie on Monday night, actually. Right after I get out of Creative Writing class.”

“That’s nice.” She said. “I’m glad that you’re having a good time with this Cas. When can I meet him?”

“Mom.” He groaned. Mary laughed on the other end, and Dean smiled. He bit his lips. “Maybe… Maybe Christmas. I’d have to ask him, but… I don’t know. He might say yes if I asked him. But- ugh. I don’t know. We’ve only been on one date.”

“Calm down, sweetie. I was just kidding with you.” She said softly, then paused. “Of course, if you _want_ to ask him over for Christmas break, that’s a different story.”

Dean hummed thoughtfully. Mary cleared her throat.

“Alright, baby, I’ll let you go. Call me soon, though.” She said.

“Of course, mom. I love you.” He said.

“Love you too, Dean.” She said, and then she hung up. Dean sighed and dropped his phone onto the bed, closing his eyes and covering his face with his hands. He drifted back off to sleep after that, exhaustion taking over.

\---

The first thing that he saw when he woke up was Castiel’s concerned face. He took a deep breath and blinked up at him a couple times, swallowing nervously. Cas frowned down at him.

“You okay, baby? You were yelling in your sleep.”

“I’m… I’m fine.” He said, sitting up a bit. Cas bit his lips, tugging his purple lip piercing between his teeth and reached out to cup Dean’s cheek. Dean closed his eyes and leaned into Cas’s touch. Cas stroked his fingers through Dean’s soft blonde hair.

“How about you and I go get a drink at The Roadhouse?” He asked softly, still looking at Dean with concern in his eyes. Dean nodded, getting up and following Cas out of their dorm room and out to his car.

\---

Dean stood in front of Charlie as she buttoned up his blouse. Or, rather, hir blouse. Dean was standing in Charlie’s dorm room, makeup done and hair styled with gel to hang into hir eyes, a stylish pink blouse and a thin, silky black skirt around hir waist. Ze wore skin-toned leggings that blended perfectly with hir complexion, and high-heeled black boots to complement the outfit. Ze looked stunning, and Charlie made sure to tell hir so.

“You look absolutely gorgeous. If I didn’t know you had a dick I’d probably be trying to have sex with you right now.” She said, grinning at hir. Dean rolled hir eyes, looking away from Charlie.

“Stop it; you’re making me blush. Anyway, isn’t it about time that you got dressed for the parade? You’ve been talking about your outfit nonstop for the past week and I’m actually really curious as to what it looks like.” Ze said. 

Charlie clapped her hands together, running over to her closet and pulling out a long dress that had a colorful pattern on it. The straps on the dress were blue, about the size of two of Dean’s fingers. The dress was striped vertically with rainbow colors. She held it up in front of her body, grinning happily.

(Charlie's Rainbow Dress)

“Isn’t it _amazing_?” She squealed. She tossed it onto the bed, quickly stripping out of her jeans and tee shirt and sliding into it. She twirled around, a happy smile on her face. Dean smiled and laughed.

“You look amazing.” Ze said. Charlie grinned and went over to her door, standing in front of the body length mirror and spinning around again. She smiled at Dean.

“Oh, I’m so happy. Now, help me do my makeup and then we can get going.”

Dean chuckled and nodded. “Of course.”

\---

Dean held on to Charlie’s wrist as she dragged hir through the crowd of activists and marchers. Music blasted throughout the crowd and Dean found himself enjoying the beat. He was having a better time than he had expected, and he was actually really glad that he had come with her.

They made their way through the crowd, stopping in front of a large float where there was a man speaking. Dean listened to the man talk for a bit, but he quickly lost interest and began to look around to see the other floats. Charlie, on the other hand, was paying close attention to the speaker. They stood there listening for about ten minutes, and by the end of the speech the entire crowd was cheering and screaming. Charlie turned to look at Dean, a bright smile on her face.

“Are you hungry? I think I saw a food vendor on the sidelines a little while ago.” She called. Dean nodded, feeling his stomach rumble at just the idea of food. He and Charlie made their way out of the crowd, walking over to the sidelines and walking down the sidewalk. Charlie looked up at Dean.

“You having a good time?”

“Totally.” Dean responded, smiling brightly down at Charlie. “Thank you for bringing me here.”

“No problem, Dean. I told you that you needed a little bit of pride in your life.” She said. Dean smiled, reaching out and rubbing Charlie’s shoulder. Charlie leaned into hir shoulder, grinning up at hir.

They reached the food stand within ten minutes. Dean ordered a Greek gyro and a Coke, and Charlie got a hot dog with basically everything on it, along with a Pepsi. Dean teased her relentlessly for being a Pepsi-lover, but she shook it off with a shrug of her shoulders and a snide comment of, ‘Coke can burn through car engines. Pepsi is clearly the better choice and you suck.’

After finishing their lunch, Charlie took Dean’s hand and dragged him back into the crowd.

“Oh my God, Dean, look!” She gasped, pointing to the left of them. Dean looked over, hir eyes widening when ze saw the float that Charlie was pointing at. The float was covered in flowers that had been dyed purple, black, gray and white. A small smile danced across hir face when ze saw several activists holding up signs that read things like _‘Asexuality is Real’_ and _‘Asexuals: We Exist’_. One sign he saw even said, _‘It’s not that you’re not sexy, I just don’t care’_. Dean laughed, a big smile spreading across hir face.

Charlie tugged hir forward. “Come on!” She yelled. Dean nearly tripped over hir boots as Charlie pulled hir through the crowd and towards the float. They got as close as possible, and Dean couldn’t help but grin at the sight of it all.

“This is awesome.” He said. Charlie smiled and nodded in agreement. Dean looked around, his eyes widening when he caught sight of somebody who he _definitely_ hadn’t expected to see at an LGBTQIA Pride Parade.

Castiel stood several feet in front of him, his face turned away from Dean as he held up a large Asexual flag that had writing on it that said, _‘Asexual and Proud’_. Dean’s mouth dropped open and hir jaw nearly fell to the floor. Suddenly, everything made sense to Dean. The oddly distinct colors of Cas’s piercings (as well as his reluctance to explain what they meant)? They were the colors of the asexual flag: purple, gray, black and white.

Castiel was asexual.

Dean was too busy staring at Cas in shock to realize that he was staring right back at hir, his eyes wide at the sight of Dean. Dean swallowed nervously, looking down at hir outfit as hir cheeks turned red. Ze looked back up at Cas, who was staring back at hir with an astonished look on his face. He couldn’t tell if it was an awed astonishment or an angry astonishment. Either way, Dean could feel hir heart filling with dread; he was mortified. Tears filled hir eyes and ze quickly spun around, running through the crowd. Ze wiped the makeup off on hir sleeve as ze went, tears streaking down hir cheeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the late update!!! I had a bit of writer's block- I had to rewrite more than half of the chapter. But I like how it turned out in the end.
> 
> TELL ME WHAT YOU GUYS THINK! <3


	9. IHOP

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean gets blasted drunk. Castiel takes him to IHOP. Discussions take place.  
> Warning: Thoughts of Self Harm

The first thing that Dean did as soon as he escaped the parade was find a men’s clothing store. The clerks and other shoppers gave him odd looks as he found a pair of jeans and tee shirt to buy, checking out and paying with cash. He ran to the bathroom after that, quickly changing his clothes and washing his face off.

As he scrubbed the makeup off of his face, he couldn’t help but let his mind drift to thoughts of Castiel. Castiel, who had just seen him marching in a pride parade wearing full drag. Castiel, whose mouth had dropped open at the sight of Dean in a skirt. Castiel, who was probably laughing about the fact that Dean was a tranny at that moment.

Dean quickly pushed those thoughts away as tears burned his eyes. Surely, Castiel wouldn’t laugh at him. Would he? His heart ached at the thought and Dean sighed, his hands shaking as he turned the faucet off. 

He couldn’t believe any of this. He couldn’t believe he had been so stupid as to let his roommate (and potential boyfriend) see him in drag. What had he been thinking, going out in public in drag? He clenched his jaw, closing his eyes and shaking his head. He was so naïve; so stupid. He could feel his self-hatred bubbling up inside of him the more he thought about everything, and his hands trembled slightly as the thought of cutting himself came into his mind. Surely that would take the pain in his heart away, wouldn’t it? Distract him from the ache in his chest?

Dean let out a shaky breath, opening his eyes and looking at himself in the mirror. He wouldn’t cut himself. He had promised his mother before he left for college that that was all behind him, and he had meant it. He swallowed the lump in his throat, fingers reaching for his back pocket where his phone was. He considered giving his mother a call… She would talk him through this; comfort him; make him feel better.

Instead, he chose to go get a drink. He fixed himself as best as he could before walking out of the bathroom, his skirt and blouse rolled up in his shopping bag. Then he walked out onto the interstate, hitchhiking sixteen miles from downtown to his destination: The Roadhouse. By the time he got there it was nearly dark out. Dean thanked the man who had given him a ride before getting out of the car and making his way into the bar. It was warm inside, as opposed to the chilly November air outside, and he was glad for that. He quickly found a seat at the bar and ordered a shot of whiskey.

He downed three easily, sitting alone at the bar and mulling over the vents of the day in his head. He couldn’t get the look of shock that was on Castiel’s face out of his mind for some reason, and he found himself growing more and more melancholy by the second. Surely, Castiel hated him now. He probably thought that he was some sort of freak or something. He’d probably spit on him the next time he saw him, or call him some horrible name like ‘tranny’.

But then Dean’s mind wandered back to the parade, and he remembered the sign that Cas had been holding up. It had said that he was “Asexual and Proud”. That at least gave Dean a little bit of hope, and he prayed that Cas might accept him. 

Dean sighed, shaking his head and raising his hand, signaling for the bartender to bring him another shot. He knew that he shouldn’t be drinking in such excess, but drinking away his problems had worked for his father, so why shouldn’t it work for him? He winced as he downed his fourth shot, the alcohol burning his throat. Still, the whiskey did its job of numbing the pain in his chest, and that was all that mattered.

The bartender cut Dean off after his sixth shot, when the man broke down in tears at the bar. The bartender sighed and cleared Dean’s place, telling him to go home and get some rest. Once Dean had finished crying he stood up, stumbling out of the bar and back onto the interstate to hitchhike the four miles back to campus.

Somehow, Dean made it back alive. He found his Residence hall and, slowly but surely, climbed all of the stairs to get to his dorm room. Once he found it he began to fumble for his key. Of course, he couldn’t find it.

With a defeated sigh Dean slumped down against the wall, closing his eyes. He wished that he could be inside right now, sleeping in his warm bed.

Of course, at that moment the floor of the hallway seemed just as comfortable to Dean, and he quickly drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

\---

Dean woke up to the feeling of somebody knocking into him, followed by the sound of a loud thud and a groan. He rolled over on the floor where he lay, looking up to see Castiel sprawled out on the floor beside him. The boy groaned.

“What the fuck?” He hissed, sitting up and glaring in Dean’s direction. Dean couldn’t help but blush.

“Uh… sorry.” He said, sitting up. He had a pounding head ache, but he ignored it, looking over at Cas instead. The man stood up, brushing himself off and reaching out to help Dean up. Dean was slightly relieved by this, thinking that maybe Cas was going to spit on him or kick him or something. Instead he was hoisted to his feet by Cas’s strong arms, coming face to face with blue eyes and messy hair.

“What the fuck are you doing sleeping out here on the floor?” cas asked. Dean blushed.

“I… uh… I couldn’t find my key.” He said sheepishly. Cas raised an eyebrow.

“Do you mean the key that’s tied around your neck?” He asked, pointing to Dean’s chest. Dean blushed even harder when he realized that he did, in fact, have the key tied around his neck. He scratched the back of his head.

“It was a rough night I guess.” He said sheepishly. Castiel hummed.

“I bet. I can smell the whiskey on your breath.” He said dryly. Dean said nothing in response, having no words to say to Cas. What on earth was he supposed to say, anyway. _’Hey Cas, so I know that you saw me dressed up as a girl yesterday, but we can still be friends, right?’_ It would sound ridiculous.

Dean must have been staring at Cas and thinking for longer than he thought, because suddenly Cas was waving a hand in front of Dean’s face.

“Earth to Dean, Earth to Dean.” He said. Dean blinked a couple time and bit his lips.

“Yeah?”

“I’m gonna go grab a shower, and then I was planning on going out to IHOP for some breakfast. Would you… uh… like to join me?” he asked, scratching the back of his neck and tugging at his purple lip piercing with his teeth. Dean swallowed and nodded.

“Sure. I should probably shower too, anyway. And brush my teeth.” He said. Castiel nodded.

“Alright. I’ll see you in the lobby in half an hour.” He said, whacking Dean on the arm before walking down the hallway. Dean swallowed nervously, turning back to their doorway and shoving his key into the lock. This was going to be a long day.

\---

The drive to IHOP was silent and awkward, to say the least. Dean was too self-conscious to ask Cas to turn on the radio, and Cas seemed content to drive in silence. Either that or he was waiting for Dean to ask for the music, the pretentious bastard. Either way, Dean spent the entire ride fidgeting in uncomfortable silence.

They didn’t have to wait long at all to be seated when they arrived at the IHOP, which Dean was grateful for. The waitress took their orders immediately upon being seated. Dean got a cheeseburger to help with his hangover, and Castiel ordered a short stack. As the waitress walked away, Dean and Cas fell into an uncomfortable silence. Dean was the first to speak.

"I think we need to talk about yesterday." Dean decided, a frown on his face. Castiel nodded in agreement.

"I agree." Cas said, stirring his coffee thoughtfully. He sighed, looking up at Dean a few seconds later. "Last night was crazy for both of us. I... Apologize if I made you uncomfortable at all."

Dean bit his lips. "I just... I never expected you to... To be there. I thought you had some Art Show to go to, or something."

"I lied." Castiel said bluntly. "I typically try not to, but I think you can understand why I had to lie to you about my whereabouts."

Dean didn't know why, but he found himself blushing as he spoke. "You didn't want me to know that you were asexual."

Castiel nodded. "No, I didn't." He said, frowning slightly. "And I assume that wearing a skirt and blouse was probably not very high on your list of things that you wanted me to see you doing."

Dean swallowed. "No, it wasn't."

Castiel bit his lips, tugging on his purple piercing with his teeth as the server came over with their food. She set Castiel's pancakes down in front of the man, and Dean's hamburger down in front of him. Cas thanked her politely before turning his attention back to Dean, eyeing his hamburger curiously before speaking.

"I believe that we have reached a climax."

Dean snorted, raising an eyebrow. "A climax? That's what you're calling this?" He asked as he opened up his burger and squirted ketchup on it. Cas nodded, slicing up his pancakes.

"Yes, that is what I would call it." He said simply, Dean licked his lips.

"Okay... Well, you're the English major, so why don't you tell me what usually happens after the climax of the story."

Cas but his lips and grabbed the syrup from the middle of the table, pouring some onto his pancakes.

"In this particular scenario, I would say that the main characters have two options." He said, forking himself some pancakes and shoving them into his mouth. As he chewed he spoke. "They can either work put their differences and pursue a relationship, or..." He swallowed, looking away from Dean. "Or they can part ways and put up with each other until the end of the semester when they can request new roommates."

Dean swallowed, flicking at one of the fries on his plate. "To be honest, the first option sounds a lot better than the first."

"I agree." Castiel said, forking himself some more pancakes. "But are you sure that you want to be with me now that you know I'm asexual?"

Dean couldn't help the smell smile that flickered across his face. "I'm pretty sure, Cas."

Castiel bristled. "Dean, are you positive? Because if we were together, that means that we would never have sex. _ever_. The biggest display of affection you'll ever receive from me will probably be a hug and a kiss. Are you sure you can deal with that?"

Dean smiled a little more, nodding his head. "I'm positive, Cas. It won’t be a problem." 

"But-"

"Cas, I'm asexual too." He said. Castiel stopped, squinting at him.

"Dean, this isn't a time for jokes." He said. Dean shook his head.

"I'm not kidding, Cas. My father nearly disowned me when I came out as ace. Between that and me coming out as Genderfluid, I nearly became homeless." He said. Castiel swallowed.

"Oh, wow. I'm really sorry."

"Don't apologize; its not your fault."

"I know... I just..." Cas shook his head. "I know what it's like to be ostracized by your own family, as it isn't something that's very enjoyable." He looked down at his plate, poking at his pancake with his fork. He swallowed. "I don't mean to pry... But how did you convince your father not to kick you out?"

"It wasn't really me who convinced him. When he told me to pack my shit and leave, my mother was the one who put her foot down and told him that I was staying." He bit his lips and pushed a ketchup-covered fry into his mouth. "She was very supportive of me throughout the entire ordeal... She really helped me come to terms with my sexuality and gender."

Cas smiled softly. "She sounds like a great woman." 

"Yeah, she is." He said, then coughed a bit. He picked up his burger after that, finally taking his first bite. There were a few minutes of silence between them before Castiel began to speak.

"You looked really beautiful in that skirt, you know." He said. Dean blushed, swallowing his bite of burger and looking away.

"Cas..."

"I mean it. You should wear stuff like that more often."

Dean coughed a little. "I... Ah... I don't know, Cas. I don't want people to start talking or anything." 

Cas raised an eyebrow. "Who cares if people 'talk'? If you enjoy wearing dresses and it's who you are, you should be allowed to do it."

Dean blushed, shrugging and grabbing his coffee. He took a long gulp of the now cool liquid, pursing his lips.

"I should be, but that doesn't mean that societal convention will allow it. Don't get me wrong; I love wearing high heels and makeup... It makes me feel right. But I'm not going to do it every time I feel like it, because society would never allow it."

Castiel frowned but nodded, reaching out and touching Dean's hand. Dean wrapped his fingers around Cas's hand, smiling softly at him. Cas strokes his skin with his thumb.

"Maybe someday societal convention will change." He said. Dean smiled a little and nodded.

"Maybe."


	10. Disowned

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Homophobic Langauge

“So, uh, Cas knows.” Dean spoke into the receiver of his cell phone, sprawled out across his bed like a cat. He was currently speaking to his mother, who went silent for a few seconds after Dean spoke.

 

“Knows what?” She asked after a few seconds.

 

“He knows that I’m… ah… that I’m genderfluid. And asexual. He found out.”

 

“Oh.” Mary sounded a little disappointed. “I’m sorry, Dean.” She said softly.

 

“No, it’s alright. He’s… uh… we’re cool. Him and I… We’re dating.”

 

“Oh.” Mary was surprised. “Wow. And he’s okay with everything?”

 

“Yeah, mom. He’s, uh… he’s asexual too.” Dean said, his lips twitching a little bit. “So it’s okay.”

 

“Oh. That’s nice, Dean. That’s really nice, actually. I’m glad that you’ve found somebody who is like you.”

 

“Yeah.” Dean smiled. “Me too.”

 

“I’m actually very glad, Dean. Now you know there won’t be any pressure from him for you two to have sex.” She said. Dean grimaced at the sound of his mother saying the word ‘sex’.

 

“Can we not talk about this?” he asked, embarrassed. He heard Mary chuckle on the other end.

 

“Alright, sweetie. But I’m happy for you. You deserve to be happy.”

 

“Thanks.” He mumbled. He cleared his throat. “How are things back home?”

 

“Oh, you know Lawrence… Always a busy little town.” Mary said sarcastically, laughing to herself. “One of the woman from the Rosary Society at church keeps bugging me for my pecan pie recipe. I told her that my son would have my head if I gave it away.” She laughed again, and Dean smiled. “I think I’m just going to bake her a pie for Christmas. That should shut her up.”

 

“Yeah. Your pecan pie could make anyone go speechless, ma.” Dean said. He could nearly hear his mother blushing through the receiver.

 

“You’re just saying that because you want me to send you one.” She said. Dean laughed.

 

“Yeah, maybe.” He snorted.

 

“Don’t worry, sweetheart. I sent you a package just yesterday. I baked you a cherry pie… I was out of pecans.”

 

“It’s fine. I can’t wait to get it.” Dean said. “But how’s Sammy?”

“Sam is doing great. He had a football game last night. I finally got to go, and he scored the winning touchdown.” She said happily. She sighed. “I swear, Dean, that boy is growing every day. Soon he’s going to be taller than you.”

Dean snorted. “I don’t think so.” He said. 

“I don’t know, Dean. It seems to me that he grows an inch per day.”

“Yeah, well, we’ll see.” Dean said. Just then the door opened and Cas walked into the room, slamming the door shut and pulling out a cigarette. Dean frowned slightly and looked at him carefully, watching as he began to pace back and forth and struggle to light his cigarette. “I have to go, mom. I love you.”

“Oh, alright. I love you too.” She said. Then the line went dead, and Dean tossed his phone to the side as he stood up.

“Cas?”

“Yeah?” The young man looked over at Dean, unlit cigarette hanging loosely from his lips as he tried to get his lighter to work. Dean reached out, placing a hand over Cas’s and taking the lighter from him. Cas watched him carefully, frowning.

“What’s the matter?” He asked, his voice soft. Cas scowled.

“For one thing, you just took my lighter away.”

“You can have it back once you’ve calmed down.” He said. Cas snorted and rolled his eyes, turning away.

“What are you? My mother?” He asked, his tone harsh. Dean ignored the sting that Cas’s words left in his heart as he spoke.

“I hope not.” He said softly. He reached out, his fingers brushing against the side of Cas’s arm. The man tensed up, but didn’t move away as Dean stepped closer to him and pressed his chest against Cas’s back and wrapped his arms around his waist. “Please tell me what’s wrong.”

Cas was silent for a few seconds before he spoke. “It’s my mom.” He said, his voice strained. “She stopped paying my tuition. Says she doesn’t support my ‘hedonistic, gay lifestyle’ and she’s done supporting me.”

Dean was silent, frowning against the back at Cas’s neck. The young man snorted. 

“It doesn’t matter. I wasn’t going to get anywhere in life, anyway. I’m failing half of my classes anyway, and now the school is gonna kick me out unless I can find some way to pay for my classes.”

“I’m sorry, Cas.” Dean said quietly, his arms tightening around Cas’s waist as the man tried to pull away. “Your mom is wrong. She doesn’t understand that you are so much more than just your sexual identity. But that doesn’t mean you aren’t going to go anywhere in life.”

“Like hell it doesn’t.” Cas said, his body shaking against Dean’s. “I can’t even get an A in Physics, and now my mom stopped paying tuition. I’m gonna have to drop out of college, and then where will I be? What will I have?”

“You’ll have me.” Dean said. Cas rolled his eyes but said nothing, looking out the window. Dean continued. “You’ll have your brothers. Your sister. You’ll have the people who love you and support you.”

Cas’s breath hitched slightly and he looked down, tears streaming down his face as the unlit cigarette fell from in between his lips. Dean sighed and turned him around, cupping his face and kissing his lips tenderly.

“It’s gonna be okay. You can get a job and apply for financial aid and you can still get your degree.”

Cas nodded, quickly wiping his eyes and looking away. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

“Come on. I’ll put on some music and we can cuddle.” He said. Cas pursed his lips.

“I don’t do cuddling.” He grumbled, walking towards his bed and laying down. Dean chuckled.

“Alright. Then we’ll call it ‘keeping each other warm for survival purposes’. How’s that sound?” Dean said as he turned on the radio and found a nice rock station. ‘You’re My best Friend’ by Queen was playing, and Dean quickly laid down on Cas’s bed and wrapped his arms around him.

“I hate you.” He grumbled quietly as Dean adjusted himself against Castiel. Dean laid a soft kiss to Cas’s neck.

“I hate you too. Now close your eyes and relax. You’ve had a long day.” he said. Cas frowned.

“Shut the fuck up.”

Dean laughed. “Yes, sir.” He said, and then he was quiet as Cas drifted off to sleep in his arms.

The next morning Castiel woke up slowly, his back sticky with sweat and his shirt clinging to his body. He moaned sleepily and squirmed, and that was when he heard a soft gasp behind him and felt an arm tighten around his waist. He frowned for a moment, confused, before he remembered that he and Dean had slept in the same bed last night. He also remembered how he had cried into the other man’s chest like a baby… but he decided that it would probably be less embarrassing to himself if he pretended that that had never happened.

“G’morning, Cas.” Dean murmured in his ear, sliding his arm over Cas’s hip and resting his open palm on Cas’s hip bone. Castiel looked back at Dean and smiled a little bit, slipping out of his arms and turning to face him.

“Hey. D’you sleep okay?” He asked as he stretched out, yawning. Dean smiled as he watched him, nodding.

“Yeah, I slept just fine. Better than I have in a while, actually.” Dean said, scratching the back of his neck. “Are you… uh… how are you feeling?”

“I’m fine.” Castiel said softly, smiling at Dean. He rolled his eyes when Dean raised his eyebrows in disbelief. “Really, Dean, I’m fine. I’ll get a job… I can take out some loans if I have to. I’ll make it work.”

Dean smiled and leaned in, pressing a chaste kiss to Cas’s lips and stroking the young man’s rough, unshaven cheek with his knuckles.

“Good.” He said, then sat up and stretched his muscles, yawning. He glanced over to the digital clock beside Cas’s bed, sighing softly.

“It’s nearly nine o’clock. I’ve got to get going.” He said, shuffling over to his own bed and opening up his dresser drawer. He began to pull out some clothes to change into, glancing over at Cas as he slipped out of his tee-shirt. Cas blinked up at Dean slowly, his head tilted to the side slightly. Dean couldn’t help but blush under Castiel’s inquisitive stare.

“What is it?’ He asked as he pulled on a Henley, pushing his hair back with his fingers. Cas shook his head, biting his lips and looking back down at his mattress.

“Nothing, Dean. Thank you for sleeping with me last night.” He said. Dean’s blush deepened and his lips twitched up a little bit as he struggled to get into his pants. He opened his mouth to speak, but instead he let out a yelp as he tripped over his right pant leg and fell onto the floor. Castiel began to cackle, holding his stomach and laughing violently as Dean struggled to his feet. He glared up at his boyfriend, pursing his lips.

“You’re not very nice.” He grumbled as he stood up, finally succeeding in pulling his pants on. Castiel continued to laugh and Dean rolled his eyes, walking over to the door and grabbing his leather jacket. He slipped it onto his shoulders, then walked back to his bed and picked up his book bag.

“I’ll see you later, Cas. Try not to stink up the room with your damn cigarettes.” Dean said, walking towards the door. 

“Wait, Dean. Come back.” He said, reaching out for Dean. Dean pursed his lips and took a step backwards, looking at Cas wearily. The black-haired man reached out and grabbed Dean’s wrist, pulling him close and kissing his lips softly.

“Have a good day, baby.” He purred. Dean rolled his eyes at Castiel but smiled, kissing him back and cupping his cheek.

“I’ll see ya.” He said, smiling sweetly at Castiel before he turned and left their dorm room, walking out of the Residence hall and to his first class of the day, Poli Sci. He pulled his hoodie tight around himself, shoving his hands into his pockets. He felt the breeze against his face, ruffling his dark blonde hair and making him squint. 

Dean smiled to himself as he walked to class, thinking about Cas and the night they had spent together. It was the most intimate they had ever been, and Dean was surprised by how comfortable he felt about it. Sure, all of this still scared him a bit- the kissing, the hugging, even the cuddling- but for the most part, he was fine. And last night had been wonderful, despite the fact that Cas had been so upset. Sleeping with Cas had kept the nightmares about Rhonda away for the first time in months.

Dean walked into the Grant Building, walking to his lecture hall and taking a seat. He took his books out of his bag and tried to put thoughts of Castiel out of his mind, knowing that it was going to be a long day.

After classes and a shift at the garage, Dean went back to his Residence Hall and took a shower. When he walked into his dorm room Cas was sitting on his bed with an older brunette man, his head rested on the stranger’s shoulder as he sniffled into his shirt. Dean frowned slightly and closed the door, looking between his boyfriend and the stranger curiously.

“Who is this, Cas?” He frowned, walking over to his bed and grabbing a pair of boxers to slip on.

“I’m his older brother.” The stranger answered for Castiel, looking Dean up and down. He smirked down at his brother. “You sure did pick a looker, little bro.” he chuckled. Castiel scowled.

“Shut up, Gabe.” He grumbled. Gabriel laughed and smiled, stroking his fingers through Cas’s thick black hair. Dean bit his lip, slipping into his underwear and then beginning to dry his hair.

“What happened, Cas? Is this about…?”

“About our mother being a close-minded bitch? Yeah, it is.”

“Gabriel, don’t talk about her like that.” Castiel mumbled into his brother’s shirt. Gabriel rolled his eyes.

“She disowned you and called you a dirty cock-sucker and you’re defending her? What’s wrong with you, Cassie?” He asked. Castiel made a squeaking noise in response and Gabriel sighed, kissing his brother’s forehead. “It’s okay, Cas. Don’t worry about anything, okay? I’ll take care of your tuition.”

“Gabe-” Castiel started, pulling away from his brother and looking up at his brother. Gabriel covered Cas’s mouth with his hand, shaking his head.

“No arguments, okay? I have a good job and I have the money, and I love you and I’m not gonna listen to you whine about how it’s ‘too much’ or ‘too generous’. Got it?”

Castiel swallowed and frowned, nodding slowly. Gabriel smiled and Cas rolled his eyes, looking away from his brother. He sighed.

“Yeah, well, I still have nowhere to go for Christmas.” He said sadly.

“Come home to Kansas with me for Christmas.” Dean said, the words tumbling out of his mouth on their own accord. Both Gabriel and Cas went silent, and Cas turned to gape at Dean. Dean swallowed and blushed, reaching for his shirt and tugging it over his head. “I mean, only if you want. It’s just… we’ve got the room, and my mom always makes the best pie, and my cousin comes over and we go horse back riding… And I know my mom’s been dying to meet you- not that I talk to my mom about you, but… you know…”

“Dean.” Castiel cut the man off from his senseless ramble, reaching out and grabbing Dean’s hand. Dean swallowed and looked down at Cas, who smiled up at him. “I’d love to come home with you for Christmas.” He said. Dean smiled widely back at him, and Gabriel made a gagging noise.

“You two are _disgusting_.” He said. Castiel rolled his eyes and punched Gabriel in the arm, then leaned up to kiss Dean’s lips. Dean blushed dark red but leaned down to meet his boyfriend’s lips in a kiss. The metal of Castiel’s piercings pressed against Dean’s soft lips and he smiled, pulling back.

“I’ll call my mom in the morning and tell her you’re coming.” Dean said. Cas nodded and smiled, leaning back on the bed and turning to grin at Gabriel. The man rolled his eyes and stood up, grabbing his coat off of the bed and slipping it on.

“It was nice seeing you, Cassie. Are we gonna get lunch next weekend?” he asked. Castiel nodded, standing up and hugging his brother.

“Of course we are. Are you leaving?” He asked. Gabriel nodded.

“Yeah. I’m gonna let you two be alone for a while.” He said, winking at his brother. Castiel rolled his eyes and pushed Gabriel away.

“Get out of here, asshole.” He grumbled. Gabriel laughed loudly and made a kissy face at Castiel, then turned and ran out. Dean chuckled and looked back at Cas, leaning in and kissing him softly. Cas hummed and pulled back, cupping Dean’s face and smiling at him.

“So… I’m gonna meet your parents.” He said. Dean laughed and nodded, leaning in and pressing his forehead against Cas’s.

“Yeah, you are.” He laughed, grinning. Cas smiled and kissed him back, his piercings clicking against Dean’s teeth. Dean smiled and pulled back, sitting down on his bed and reaching for his radio. He turned it up, searching for a station that would play 80’s music. A George Michael song came onto the radio and Dean sat back, pleased with the music choice. Castiel sat down on his bed beside him and cuddled into his side, laying his messy-haired head on Dean’s chest.

That was when the lyrics started to play.

_“There's things that you guess and things that you know… There's boys you can trust and girls that you don't. There's little things you hide and little things that you show. Sometimes you think you're gonna get it but you don't and that's just the way it goes! I swear i won't tease you. Won't tell you no lies. I don't need no bible, just look in my eyes. I've waited so long baby… Now that we're friends. Every man's got his patience and here's where mine ends. I want your sex, I want you… I want your sex.”_

“Oh my God.” Dean breathed, his body going tense. Castile gasped and looked up at Dean, his eyes wide. Dean closed his eyes and bit his lips, swallowing. Castiel laughed and turned to bury his face in Dean’s chest, laughing as his body began to shake.

The song ended after way too long, and then a new song came on. Castiel was still laughing, to the point where Dean simply pushed Cas off the bed. This only made the man laugh harder though, and Dean threw a pillow at him.

“I hate you.” He grumbled. Castiel grinned up at him, his hair messy as he reached out and wacked Dean in the head with the pillow.

“I hate you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO SORRY that this chapter took so long to be updated! I have no good excuse for it, really, besides writer's block (and the fact that I had a huge term paper due for APUSH)
> 
> Anyway, **PLEASE SHARE YOUR FEEDBACK AND COMMENT ON THE STORY!!!**


	11. Christmas Break (Part One)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Homophobic Language, Flash-Backs to Non/Con, Panic Attack

_”Fuck, fuck, Dean… yes…” Rhonda moaned as she bounced up and down in Dean’s lap. Dean squeezed his eyes shut and turned his head to the side, whimpering into the pillow. Rhonda leaned down and kissed at his neck, sucking a dark hickey into the skin there. “I love you…”_

_“Rhonda, please…” Dean choked out, tears rolling down his face. Rhonda moaned and sat up, throwing her head back as she reached down to rub her clit._

_“I’ve got you, baby. Fuck, your cock feels so good…”_

_“Rhonda, please!” He cried, gritting his teeth. Fuck, this was terrifying. This was a nightmare. An absolute nightmare._

“Dean, get up.” Charlie hissed into Dean’s ear, startling him awake. He sat up, looking around the Student Center where he had fallen asleep. Several other students were looking at him curiously, but they quickly averted their eyes when they caught sight of Charlie glaring at them. She gave Dean a gentle look.

“What were you dreaming about? You were whimpering and making all these weird noises.” She said. Dean swallowed and waved his hand at her dismissively, shaking his head and opening up his books.

“Just forget it, Charlie. Say, did you get the Physics notes? I couldn’t concentrate in class the other day.” He said. Charlie smirked at him as she pulled out her laptop, opening up her notepad and searching for the notes Dean had looked for.

“Thinking of _Castiel_?” She teased. Dean rolled his eyes and blushed, looking own at his text book and tapping his eraser against the page. It had been two weeks since he had invited Castiel to Christmas dinner back home in Kansas, and he and Castiel were actually scheduled to leave the very next day. However, Dean had a huge project due for Physics, and he wanted to finish it before he went back home, so that he’d have the entire week free to spend with Sam and Castiel.

“Shut up.” He grumbled. Charlie laughed.

“You are so in love with him, it’s hysterical.” She said. Dean turned beat red, growling at his friend.

“I am not in love with Castiel. He and I are just… dating. We’re still getting to know each other.”

“Doesn’t mean you don’t _love_ him.” Charlie teased, making kissy faces at Dean. The man scowled.

“I will get up right now and leave if you don’t shut the fuck up.” He said, pointing to the door of the Student’s Center. Charlie grinned.

“Ah, but you won’t do that, because I have the Physics notes that you need.” She taunted, turning the computer screen so that Dean could see that she had found the notes. Dean huffed and rolled his eyes, reaching for the laptop. Charlie pulled it just out of his reach.

“Nu-uh. Not until you say you’re sorry.”

“I’m sorry. Now give it to me.” Dean snapped, crossing his arms over his chest. Charlie pursed her lips.

“Hmm… I don’t think so. I think I need something else.”

“What?” Dean nearly groaned, giving Charlie an annoyed look. The redhead smirked.

“Admit that you love Castiel.”

Dean’s eyes widened as his cheeks turned crimson. “Charlie, for the last time, I am not in love with-”

“I can’t hear you.” She sang as she began to click away on her computer. Dean frowned.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m deleting the notes, since you obviously don’t want them that much.” She said. Dean groaned, facepalming himself.

“Charlie, this isn’t fair.” He whined. Charlie bit her lips.

“Then just say it.”

“There’s nothing to say!”

“Dean.” She said, giving him a knowing look. Dean stared at her for a few moments before he blushed, looking down at his lap and sighing.

“Fine.” He mumbled, biting his lips. “I… I guess that I… sort of… _you know_.” He squeaked. Charlie raised an eyebrow.

“You know what?” She asked. Dean scowled.

“I… love… him. But only a little.” He said.

“Love who?” She asked. Dean groaned.

“Charlie!” He growled. The redhead snickered and Dean huffed in annoyance, looking away from her.

“IloveCastiel. Happy?” He snapped. Charlie grinned, sliding her laptop across the table to Dean and standing up.

“I’m gonna go get some coffee.” She said, walking passed Dean. As she weren’t, she laid her hand on his shoulder, and he looked up at her with raised eyebrows. She smiled.

“Just so you know, he loves you too.” She whispered and then walked away, leaving Dean with a queasy feeling in his gut.

\---

“Did you pack remember to pack our toothbrushes?” Dean asked as he crammed the last suitcase into the trunk of Castiel’s beige car, turning to look at his boyfriend. Castiel made a soft humming sound in response to Dean’s question, tugging his black piercing between his teeth.

“No, I forgot.” He said. Dean frowned.

“Seriously, Cas? You were in charge of toiletries!” He complained. Castiel rolled his eyes.’

“Jesus, you’re annoying. I’ll go back and grab the toothbrushes, and you can get the car warmed up. How’s that sound, princess.”

“Shut up and go.” Dean said, landing a slap to Castiel’s ass and shoving him forward. Cas growled and glared back at him, rubbing the spot where Dean had slapped his ass as he jogged back towards the Residence Hall. Dean sighed and walked over to the driver’s side door, climbing in and jamming the key into the ignition of the car. It made an odd rattling sound before the engine started, and then the entire car began to vibrate as it waited to be driven.

Dean and Cas were currently about to embark on a road trip to Kansas, where Mary was eagerly awaiting both of their arrivals. Neither Sam nor John knew that Dean was bringing Castiel home for the holiday, although he didn’t think that Sam would have much of an issue with it. His father, on the other hand… Well, he knew that that dealing with John wasn’t going to be a walk in the park. Still he tried to be optimistic, because in the end he really was excited to spend a week in Kansas with Castiel.

Castiel came back to the car ten minutes later, a small Ziploc bag in his hand that contained two toothbrushes and a tube of tooth taste. He tossed it into the back seat and slid into the car, closing the passenger side door and turning to look at Dean.

“You ready?” Castiel asked, his lips twitching up slightly when Dean nodded and leaned in, kissing his lips softly.

“As always.” He said, grinning at Cas and then putting the car into gear. Castiel snorted and rolled his eyes, turning to roll down the window. He pulled out a pack of cigarettes and his lighter, placing the end of the cigarette in his mouth and flicking the button on the lighter. He lit his cigarette and slumped back in his seat, his lips curving upward a bit.

“Starting on the cigarettes already, Cas? I think that’s your second pack today.” Dean said, frowning. Castiel slid his eyes over to Dean, plucking the cigarette from his mouth and blowing out a puff of smoke from between his lips.

“Do you want me to put it out?” He asked, raising an eyebrow. Dean bit his lips, his eyes meeting Castiel’s for a moment before he turned his attention back to the road. He sighed.

“Whatever, Cas.” He said quietly. Castiel frowned and flicked his cigarette with his finger, ashes falling into his lap. He frowned down at them, then looked back over at Dean and sighed softly. He turned and threw the cigarette out of the window, wiping his hands off. He frowned slightly, glancing over at Dean.

“Are you happy, Princess?” he asked. Dean turned to look at him, his eyebrows scrunched together in confusion of Cas’s words.

“Huh? Oh, yeah. Of course I’m happy.” Dean smiled brightly and reached out, stroking the side of Cas’s face with his knuckles. Cas’s breath hitched slightly and he closed his eyes, pursing his lips. He could feel his heart swell and the butterflies in his stomach flutter when Dean touched him, and he swallowed nervously.

“Watch the road, asshole.”

Dean snorted and pulled his hand away from Cas’s cheek, turning his attention back to the road. ‘Way to kill the mood, babe.”

Castiel grinned, tugging his purple piercing between his teeth and fluttering his eyelashes at Dean, leaning in close to the driver.

“You’re welcome.” He purred. Dean rolled his eyes and reached out, pushing Cas’s face away from his and into the passenger side window.

“I should drop you off on the side of the road and leave you here.” He said. Castiel grinned, turning his head to the side and biting at Dean’s hand. The man quickly pulled his hand away, shooting Castiel a glare before his gaze slid back to the highway in front of him. Castiel smirked and took this withdrawal as an opportunity to lean in and press his body into Dean’s side, resting his chin on the man’s shoulder.

“You would never do that.” He said, pausing for a second before adding, “You love me too much.”

Dean swallowed and glanced down at Cas, chewing his tongue for a few seconds before he leaned down and kissed the top of Cas’s messy head. Castiel looked up at him with wide blue eyes, and Dean smiled back shyly.

“Why don’t you turn the radio on so that we can get this road trip started, huh?” He suggested. Castiel smiled and nodded at that, reaching out pressing the button on his car’s stereo system. After adjusting the knob for a bit, he was finally able to pick up a station that he liked. A staticky version of “’Till The Wheels Fall Off’ by L7 came on the radio, and Castiel smiled as he leaned against Dean and listened to the lyrics over the soft hum of the car’s engine.

_You and me 'till the wheels fall off!  
You and me, we just fit.  
I'm addicted and I can't quit.  
You and me 'till the wheels fall off!  
You're enough to make me hot.  
What we got can't be bought…_

\---

A day and a half later, a tired Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak pulled into the driveway of the Winchester residence. As Castiel parked the car, he and Dean both saw the window shades shuffling. Several seconds later the door opened and Sam flew out of the house, his long hair flopping ehind him as he ran towards the car. Dean hopped out and stepped forward, catching his brother and spinning him around.

“Hey, Sammy.” He grinned. “Jesus Christ, you’ve grown nearly a foot!” He laughed. Sam smiled and blushed, glancing over at the car as Castiel climbed out of the front seat.

“Who’s that?” he asked, frowning slightly as he looked Castiel up and down. Dean blushed and stepped away from his brother, reaching out and taking Cas’s hand in his own.

“This is my… my boyfriend. His name is Castiel.” Dean said quietly. Sam’s eyes flickered between Dean and Castiel for a moment before he smiled brightly and stuck his hand out for Castiel to shake.

“Hi. I’m Sam.” He said. Cas smiled back at him and reached out, shaking the young boy’s hand.

“It’s nice to meet you, Sam. Dean’s told me a lot about you.” He said. Sam beamed, looking over at his brother, who rolled his eyes. Sam chuckled quietly and released Cas’s hand, looking back at his brother.

“I didn’t know you were into guys.” He said. Dean blushed and shrugged, and Sam licked his lips. “I actually didn’t know you were dating again. I thought you swore you wouldn’t-”

“That was the past, Sammy.” Dean practically growled. Sam frowned slightly, biting his lips.

“Alright… I’ll help you guys with your bags.” He said. Castiel handed him the keys, looking at Dean curiously, a small frown on his face. Dean smiled tightly at him, leaning in and pecking his cheek.

“Come on, babe. My mom is probably dying to meet you.” He said as he grabbed two bags from the trunk, then waited for Sam and Cas to get their bags before he walked up the path to his house. He walked through the open door. He dropped his bag and looking around the house for his mother.

“Mom! Guess whose home!” He called. He heard a muffled shout come from somewhere in the house – he presumed that it came from the laundry room- and then his mother poked her head into the dining room where Dean was. She smiled widely, rushing over to him with open arms. Dean met her half way, squeezing her tightly and kissing her cheek.

“Hey, mom.” He breathed, pulling back from the hug to smile at her. Mary cupped his face, smiling fondly at him.

“Hey baby. I missed you.” She said, then glanced over his shoulder and gasped, her smile growing even wider. She pulled away from Dean and walked passed him, and Dean turned to see that Castiel was now standing in the doorway.

“ou must be Castiel.” Mary said, wrapping her arms around Castiel’s neck and hugging him tightly. Castiel looked surprised by this, but he quickly wrapped his arms around Mary and returned the hug.

“It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. Winchester. I’ve heard so many amazing things about you.” He said. Mary smiled and pulled back, beaming up at the boy.

“You have?” She asked, glancing back at Dean and grinning. “Yeah, Dean always was a bit of a mama’s boy.” She teased. Dean turned red and rolled his eyes as Castiel laughed.

“Really? I never would have guessed.” Cas said, smirking slightly. Dean pursed his lips.

“I’m starting to think this was a bad idea.” He mumbled. Mary shook her head, grinning at her son and Cas.

“Oh no, this is terrific. We’re going to have such a good time this week. And Castiel, we are so happy to have you here.” She said. Cas smiled down at her.

“I’m happy to be here, Mrs. Winchester. You have no idea how much this means to me… so thank you for having me here.” He said. Mary waved her hand, shaking her head.

“It’s fine, Cas. You’re practically family.” She said. Both Castiel and Dean turned red at that, but Mary didn’t seem to notice. Either that or she didn’t care. “You know, Dean said that you had a lot of piercings, but I didn’t realize you’d have so many.”

Castiel’s lips twitched and he looked over at dean, an amused look on his face. “Dean told you I have a lot of piercings?” He chuckled. Dean groaned and out his head in his hands, and Castiel chuckled. Mary pursed her lips and looked over at her oldest son, frowning slightly.

“Oh, honey, am I embarrassing you?” She asked. Dean peeked at her from between his fingers, scowling when he saw the smirk on her face. He glared at her, his jaw clenching.

“I hate you.” He said. Mary grinned widely and laughed, stepping forward and cupping Dean’s face in her hands again.

“Oh, Dean, I missed you.” She said, leaning in and kissing his cheek. Then she patted him on the shoulder. “Now, go show Castiel your room and out your bags away. And no funny business, you two!” She said. Dean narrowed his eyes at her.

“Is that supposed to be a joke?” he asked. Mary turned away, whistling. Dean huffed and rolled his eyes, turning away and walking towards the staircase.

“Come on, cas. I’ll show you where we’re sleeping.” He said, picking his bags up off of the floor and climbing the staircase, his boyfriend following close behind him. As they entered Dean’s old bedroom, Dean closed the door. Castile smiled at him.

“I love your mom.” He said, then blushed. Dean smiled and set his began down on the bed, unzipping the first one and beginning to unpack his clothes.

“I’m glad. She seems to like you too.” He said. Castiel hummed and placed his bags on the bed beside Dean’s, opening up his luggage.and beginning to unpack as well.

“Where’s your dad?” he asked. Dean shrugged.

“he must have gone out. But it’s fine, you don’t want to meet him anyway.” Dean said. Castile frowned slightly, tilting his head to the side and looking at Dean carefully.

“Why not?”

“He’s what you might call a pig-headed bigot.” Dean said, opening up one of his dresser drawers and stuffing a pile of shirts into it. Cas swallowed.

“Oh. He must have the same disease as my mother.” Castiel murmured. Dean nodded.

“Probably, but it’s okay. Hopefully we won’t see him much this week… I’m usually pretty good at avoiding him, anyway.” He said, then smiled up at Cas. “Plus, we have plans.”

“We do?” Castiel asked, his lips twitching a bit. Dean nodded.

“Yup. I texted my friend Chuck, and he agreed that we could go over to his place tomorrow to ride with him.”

Castiel gasped. “We’re going horseback riding?” He asked, his eyes lighting up. Dean nodded, grinning as he stood up.

“Yeah, we are.” He said, gasping as Cas pulled him close and kissed him hard on the lips. He buried his face in Dean’s neck, smiling against his skin. 

“Dean, I…” He trailed off, swallowing. He took a deep breath and pulled back, shooting Dean a small smile. “Thank you.” He said. Dean smiled and reached out, pushing Cas’s hair out of his eyes and cupping his cheek.

“Anytime, baby.”

\---

“Just get on the freaking horse, dude.” Chuck said to Cas, patting the side of the brown mare he had led out into the field. Castiel bit his lips, pulling his jacket tighter around him and shaking his head.

“On second though, maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.” He said. Dean turned to look at him from where he was sitting on top of a big black horse, his eyebrows raised.

“Oh, come on, Cas. Stop being a baby and climb up.”

Castiel bit his lips, shaking his head. “I don’t want to. It’s cold.”

“What are you talking about, ‘it’s cold’? It’s only 45 degrees. You go for jogs in the snow back in Massachusetts.” He said. Castiel huffed an drolled his eyes, turning back to glare at the horse.

“Please, Cas? You’ll have fun, I promise.” Sam piped up from where he was sitting on a large brown horse. Castiel looked at the boy and sighed, turning back to look at the large animal in front of him and shaking his head.

“Alright, fine. But if I fall off, you’re gonna get it, Dean.” He said. Dean rolled his eyes and watched as Castiel carefully climbed onto the horse, awkwardly swinging his leg over the saddle and grabbing hold of the reigns. Chuck smiled up at the young man, patting the horse’s neck.

“Just keep her steady and she’ll do most of the work for you. Make sure you keep the reigns taught, though, ‘cause she’s gonna want to run. If you want her to go, just click your heels against her side.” He said. Castiel nodded and watched as the young boy jogged over to his own horse, hopping on to her like a pro. He kicked her lightly in the side and the mare took off at nearly a full gallop through the field. Castiel watched with wonder as the horse flew by them.

Sam was the next to take off, his horse trotting off through the field and gradually speeding up until she was barreling through the plain like a freight train. Castiel swallowed nervously, glancing over at Dean. The young man smiled.

“Don’t worry, Cas. We’ll take it slow at first.”

“Okay.” Castiel whispered. Dean beamed at him and kicked his own horse in the side, starting off at a slow trot. Castiel watched him nervously, and it wasn’t until Dean turned to look at him and called his name that Cas remembered that he still needed to tell his horse to go.

He tapped his heel gently against the horse’s flank, gasping as she started to move. He pulled the reigns tight and she grunted, stopping for a moment before walking backward. Castiel’s yes widened and he immediately dropped the reigns, clutching onto the horse’s mane for dear life.

“Dean!” He called. Dean shook his head at Cas, brining his own horse to a gradual stop.

“You can’t yank the reigns like that, Cas. Just pick them up and try again.”

Castiel nodded slowly, taking a deep breath and taking hold of the reigns. He tapped his heels against the horse’s side, giving the reigns a little bit of slack this time. The horse began to trot slowly, Castiel bouncing on the saddle with each step that the horse took. Eventually Cas caught up to Dean, who smiled at the young man as theur horses began to walk side by side.

“See, Cas? You got the hang of it.”

“Yeah.” Castiel smiled breathily, nodding and tightening his grip around the reigns. He looked over at Dean and smiled, biting his lips and pulling his piercings in between his teeth.

“I’ve never done this before.” He said. Dean snorted out a laugh.

“No duh.” He chuckled. Castiel blushed and looked away, pursing his lips.

“What I meant is… thank you. This was really sweet of you.”

“Aw, cas don’t go getting all soft on me.” Dean teased. Castiel rolled his eyes and kicked out, aiming for Dean’s keg but instead accidentally kicking Dean’s horse in the side. The mare whinnied, stomping its feet and speeding up a little. Dean scowled.

“Shit, Cas.” He hissed, reaching for his reign and tugging on them lightly. The horse grunted and slowed down, turning around so that it was facing Cas and his horse. Cas could have sworn that she was glaring at him, too, and he blushed.

“Sorry.” He said sheepishly. Dean smiled and shrugged.

“No problem.”

“Can you… do you know how to gallop?” He asked. Dean nodded, beaming at Cas.

“Yeah. Wanna see?” He asked. Castiel nodded, biting his lips. Dean grinned and tapped the horse’s side with his heel, squeezing her sides so that she would go faster. In no time at all she was galloping, and Castiel stared on in wonder as Dean flew across the fiied. He watched as Dean caught up to Sam and Chuck, and the three of them ran around each other in circles for a bit before they began to circle back. Sam was the first to arrive back to where Cas was sitting on his horse, the boy’s hair wind-whipped and his cheeks red from excitement.

“Hey, Cas! So how are you liking hors back riding?” he asked. Castiel smiled a little.

“It’s… interesting, to say the least.” He chuckled, smiling at Dean as he came to a stop beside his brother. “I’d much rather stick to cars, though.”

“That’s ‘cause you’re a city boy.” Chuck said as he came trotting over, smirking at Cas. “Horses are like a foreign language to you people. Y’all think you can get a horse to move by clicking your teeth together and it’s as easy as pie.” He said. Castiel blushed hard and looked down, and Dean frowned over at Chuck.

“Hey now, leave him be.” He said. Castile bit his lips.

“It’s alright, Dean. It’s true.” He said. Dean narrowed his eyes and frowned, but nonetheless let it go. They stayed out for about another hour, but Dean hung out mostly by Cas while Chuck and Sam went out into the filed, teaching him better ways to control the horse and hold the reigns. 

He was even able to teach Castiel how to cantor, which resulted in castile eventually falling off of the horse and lying in the muddy filed, laughing and crying at the same time. Dean had hopped off of his horse and helped Castiel up, dusting off his clothes the best he could and kissing his cheek. He had offered to take Cas back to the house after that, but Cas was brave and decided to give the horse one last shot.

All in all, it was a good day. They went home for lunch around 1:30, where Mary made them all grilled cheese sandwiches. As Sam, Dean and Cas all sat at the dining room table eating their lunch, John walked into the room from outside. He frowned slightly as he hung his coat up on one of the chairs, his eyes flickering over to Castiel.

“Who’s this?” He grunted as he sat down. The three boys all looked up from their lunches, and Sam spoke.

“This is Dean’s roommate, Cas.” He said. John raised an eyebrow, looking over at castile. The dark-haired boy smiled and got up from his seat, sticking out a hand.

“It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Winchester.” He said. John didn’t return the gesture, instead regarding Cas through slanted eyes. He frowned.

“Are you fucking my son?” he asked suddenly, scowling. Cas’s eyes widened and Dean gasped, turning red.

“ _Dad_ ,-” He started, only to be silenced by John.

“Shut up, Dean. I asked the boy a simple question.” He said, looking expectantly up at Cas. The boy bit his lips.

“Uh… no, Mr. Winchester. I’m not…I’m not _fucking_ Dean, as you so eloquently put it. But we are pursuing a romantic relationship.” He said. Dean winced at Castiel’s words, flinching at the sound of his father’s angry voice.

“Really? So, Dean, on top of being a freak, you’re also a faggot?” John asked. Dean peeked over at his father, gulping when he saw how angry he looked. Fuck, this was not good.

“D-dad…” he started, only to be cut off my John again.

“Shut up, Dean. You’re a disgrace to this family. I don’t even know why you come home anymore; nobody wants you here.” He said before he stood up and stormed out of the room. Dean swallowed and looked back down at his plate, his eyes burning with tears he refused to let fall. He pursed his lips and reached for his sandwich, though he didn’t have very much of an appetite left, and took a bite. It was silent at the table for a few minutes before Castiel finally cleared his throat.

“Dean, I’m sorry if I-”

“Not your fault, Cas.” Dean said, looking up from his sandwich to smile tightly at Cas. The boy gave him a worried look, to which Dean responded by reached out and placing his hand over Cas’s for a moment. “Really, you did fine. If anyone should be apologizing, it should be… it should be him.” He whispered.

Cas nodded, tugginh his piercing between his teeth and looking down at his own sandwich. Mary walked in a few seconds later, frowning slightly.

“Why’s it so quiet in here?” She asked, hands on her hips. Dean glanced up at her but said nothing, and Sam sighed.

“Dad came in. He met Cas… it was… not pretty, to say the least.”

Mary frowned and sat down across from Sam, beside Cas. She looked between Castiel and her son, frowning slightly.

“Are you boys okay? What did John say?” She asked. Dean shook his head, pulling his hand away from Cas’s and focusing on the remainder of his lunch.

“He called Dean a fag.” Sam said after a few moments. Mary gasped, her hands coming up to cover her mouth.

“Are you serious? I can’t believe he would say something like that…” She shook her head, looking at her oldest son with tears in her eyes. “Are you okay, baby?” She whispered. Dean shrugged.

“I’m fine, ma. Just let it go.” He said softly. Mary shook her head.

“I most certainly will not let this go. John is going get it for this, believe me. And what did he say to Cas?” She asked, looking over at the boy next to her. Castielbit his lips.

“he… uh… he asked me if I was having sex with Dean.” He said, blushing. Mary scowled.

“Are you serious?” She whispered. Castiel swallowed and nodded in response, and Mary shook her head. “He has got some nerve.” She said, shaking her head. After a few moments, she turned back to Cas and rested her hand on his shoulder. “Listen, sweetheart, I’m really sorry for what John said to you,” she paused, turning to look at Dean, “You too, baby.” She said. Dean nodded to his mother, and she resumed speaking to Cas. “I just want you to know that whatever hurtful things he says, that is not how Sam or I feel. We love Dean and we love having you here, and we’re glad that you and Dean are friends. Please don’t let anything that my husband says to you make you feel unwelcome in this house.” 

Castiel nodded, whispering his thanks to Mary and leaning in to hug her. She embraced him willingly, squeezing him tightly and kissing his forehead. And even though he was still upset, Dean couldn’t help but smile at the sight of his mother and his boyfriend getting along so well.

\---

John never came back for dinner, which was a relief to basically everyone. Everybody stuffed themselves full of Mary’s delicious macaroni and meatballs, as well as her tasty brownie desert. After dinner, Sam, Dean and Cas all went into the living room to play video games.

After two hours of Call of Duty (Castiel kicked everybody’s ass, surprisingly), it was time for Sam to go to bed. Mary had to drag him away from the TV kicking and screaming like a six year old, and that left Cas and Dean alone in the living room, controllers on their laps. Dean was just about to start a new game when Castiel leaned over and kissed him on the lips, cupping his cheeks. Dean smiled into the kiss and wrapped his arms around Cas’s body, kissing him back softly.

“Hey.” He whispered against Cas’s lips, grinning widely when castile said hi back.

“I had such a good time today.” Castile whispered, pecking Dean’s lips. The young man smiled and nuzzled Cas’s cheek with his nose.

“Yeah? I’m glad.” Dean said. Cas hummed and nuzzled his cheek against Dean’s neck, kissing the skin there softly. Dean sighed and closed his eyes, rubbing is hands up and down Cas’s back.

“Wanna go to bed, babe?’ he asked, stifling a yawn. Castiel hummed and nodded, pulling away from Dean and stretching a little. He stood up off of the couch, reaching for Dean’s hand and helping him up from his seat. Dean smiled and squeezed his hand, pecking Cas’s lips as they began to walk towards the staircase.

“You looked so funny horseback riding today.” Dean said, smirking a little bit. “You looked like you were gonna throw up any second.”

Castiel blushed a little bit. “I felt like it, too. She wouldn’t listen to me!” He said. Ean chuckled.

“You gotta be patient, Cas.” He said, shaking his head. “How’d you like it is some moron stuck a piece of metal in your mouth and started tugging on it?”

Castiel nodded. “I guess you’re right…” he said, then frowned suddenly. “Hey, did you just call me a moron?” He asked. Dean laughed and let go of Cas’s hand, opening the door to his room and letting Cas in. He walked in and closed the door, gasping in surprise when Castiel wrapped his arms around him and kissed him hard.

“Jesus, Cas-”He gasped, cut off by the feeling of Cas’s mouth on his. He hummed and kissed him back, closing his eyes and rubbing his hands up and down Castiel’s back. Cas sighed and nipped at Dean’s bottom lip, and the young man willingly opened up his mouth for Castiel. They kissed until they couldn’t breath any more, and only then did Dean pull back, panting.

“I love you, Cas.” He gasped, his green eyes boring into Castiel’s blue ones. Cas’s eyes widened and he smiled, leaning up to kiss Dean on the lips and wrap his arms around his neck.

“I love you too, Dean. Fuck…” he gasped, a wide smile tugging at his lips as they met Dean’s again. Their teeth clacked together and Dean felt Cas’s piercings pressing painfully against his lips, and they were hardly kissing at all, but it was perfect. Dean wrapped his arms around Cas’s hips and made a small sound in the back of his throat, urging Castiel to kiss him again. Cas took the queue and slotted their lips together, nipping at Dean’s bottom lip and shoving his tongue into his mouth.

They stumbled backwards together, and before Dean could even register what was happening he felt the back of his knees pressing up against his mattress. He fell onto the bed with a soft gasp, tensing up when he felt Castiel’s body pressing against his, their lips still connected. Fuck, this felt familiar. A body on top of his… on a bed… kissing him…

“Dean?” Cas’s deep voice echoed in his mind and Dean gasped, his fists clenching around his sheets. He felt Castiel roll off of him and that was good- at least Cas wasn’t going to ride him, not like Rhonda… But- fuck, why was it so hard to breath? Tears ran down Dean’s cheek as he gasped for air, trying desperately to fill his lungs.

“Hey, hey, it’s alright, Dean. You’re safe.” He heard Castiel’s voice in his ear and he let out a broken sob, his body skaing as he tried desperately to fill his lungs with air. It was no use though- he was going to die- and he could see Rhonda on top of him, her long blonde hair flowing behind her as she bounced up and down. 

And there was Castiel’s voice again, and as much as Dean knew it should be calming him, all it did was make him more scared. Scared that Castiel would hurt him just like Rhonda had. “Just breath, Dean, you’re okay… Sam! Mrs. Winchester! Help!”


	12. Christmas Break (Part Two)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Is he gonna be okay?” Castiel’s gravelly voice was the first thing that Dean heard when he came back to reality, though he couldn’t bring himself to open his eyes just yet. Wherever he was lying at the moment was too comfortable. “I mean, has this ever happened before?”

“Once or twice.” Dean heard his mother’s voice, and it soothed him like hone soothes a sore throat. He sank deeper into the soft fabric of whatever bed he was lying on, relaxing a bit. “Dean… He’s been through a lot. I’m not sure if he ever told you…”

“He was raped.” Castiel said. Dean frowned slightly, wondering how on earth Castiel could know that. Evidentially Mary was surprised by Castiel’s words as much as Dean was, because she was silent for a few moments before she spoke.

“He- he told you?” She said. Dean heard Castiel sigh.

“No, he didn’t. He doesn’t even know that I know. It’s just…” Dean heard his boyfriend sigh again. “He has these… these nightmares… and he screams in his sleep. It only took me a couple weeks to figure it out.” He said. Dean frowned at his words. Why hadn’t Cas told him that he knew? And why didn’t he tell Dean that he was screaming in his sleep so much? Fuck, at this rate the entire Residence Hall must know what had happened to him.

“I think he’s awake, guys.” Sammy’s voice came from beside Dean, and Dean shifted slightly, cracking an eye open and looking up at his younger brother. He smiled a little bit and Sam smiled back. Dean was about to speak when his mother came and sat beside him, cupping his face.

“Are you okay, baby?” She whispered. Dean glanced over at Cas and blushed, then nodded.

“Yeah, ma, I-” he cleared his throat, which he found was exceptionally scratchy. He opened his mouth to speak again, but before he could Castiel was handing him a glass of water.

“Sit up and take this, babe.” He said. Dean nodded and reached out, taking the glass from Castiel and quickly looking away. Castiel frowned slightly and sat down at the edge of the bed where Dean was lying- Dean realized now that it was actually his own bed, and he was wrapped up in a soft quilt- and watched as Dean gulped down half of the glass before turning back to his mother.

“We were just… uh… kissing. I guess it just triggered something and I freaked out.” He whispered, looking down. Mary frowned and cupped her son’s cheek, threading her fingers through his hair.

“So you aren’t hurt?” She whispered. Dean quickly shook his head.

“No, no, Cas wouldn’t… he wouldn’t hurt me.” Dean whispered, sparing a glance over at Castiel, who had a sullen expression on his face. Shameful tears filled Dean’s eyes and he looked down at his bedsheets, turning away from his mother’s touch.

“Uh, ma… Could you give us a minute alone? Please?” He whispered. Mary nodded and stood up.

“Of course, dear. But I want to talk to you about this tomorrow, Dean.” She said. Dean nodded, not meeting her gaze. Mary sighed and turned away, walking towards the door. Sam followed behind her, gently closing the door behind him as he left.

There was almost a full minute of silence between Dean and Cas before Dean finally decided to speak.

“I guess I kind of ruined our little moment together, didn’t I?” He snorted, looking over at Cas. The young man shook his head and looked up at Dean.

“It was perfect, Dean. I still love you.”

Dean’s cheeks turned red and he smiled a little bit, biting his lips. “I love you too.”

Castiel smiled and scooted forward, gently praying the glass from Dean’s hands and placing it on Dean’s nightstand. He turned back to Dean and reached up, cupping his freckled cheek gently.

“Is this okay?” He whispered. Dean nodded and closed his eyes, leaning in and pressing his lips gently against Castiel’s. Cas wrapped his arms around Dean tightly and pulled back from the kiss, burying his face in Dean’s neck. Dean sighed and closed his eyes.

“Why didn’t you…” He started, swallowing nervously. “Why didn’t you tell me that you knew?” Dean whispered. Castiel frowned and tensed up, pulling back.

“Knew about…?”

“About me getting… raped.” He whispered, looking down. He dropped his arms from Castiel’s shoulders, but Cas quickly reached out and took his hands in his own, squeezing them.

“I didn’t tell you that I knew because I wanted you to tell me when you felt comfortable enough. And even now that you know that I know, you don’t have to tell me about it. It’s your business, Dean… I just… I don’t want to hurt you.” He sighed, tugging his purple lip piercing between his teeth. “What just happened was really scary. I thought I… like… killed you, or something.”

Dean frowned slightly. “I’m sorry.” He murmured. Castiel quickly shook his head and squeezed Dean’s hands again.

“Don’t apologize, honey.” He said softly. Dean looked up at him and smiled a bit, leaning in and pecking Cas’s lips. He buried his face in Castiel’s neck, letting out a heavy sigh and sinking into his boyfriend’s arms. They stayed that way for some time, Castiel simply holding Dean close and rubbing his back.

“Her name was Rhonda.” Dean said after a minute, his voice thick. Castiel looked down at him and kissed his forehead, stroking his hair back.

“You don’t have to tell me, Dean. It’s alright.” He whispered. Dean shook his head.

“No, I want to tell you. You deserve to know.” He said. Castiel was silent for a moment, studying Dean’s features before he nodded, pulling away.

“Alright. But let’s get into a more comfortable position, okay?” He suggested. Dean nodded, squirming in his blanket a little and moving around so that he and Castiel could lay together inside the blanket. They snuggled close to each other in the warm cocoon, their fingers still laced together as their bodies pressed against each other. Castiel smiled and reached out, pushing Dean’s hair out of his eyes and stroking his knuckles over his cheek. Dean blushed.

“Stop being so sweet to me.” He mumbled. Castiel frowned slightly.

“I’m not being sweet. I just like to be able to look into your eyes when you talk.” He said, making Dean blush harder. “They’re so green.”

“Alright, alright.” Dean said, rolling his eyes. Castiel smirked a little and Dean sighed, resting his head on the pillow underneath his head and looking up at the ceiling. He felt Castiel’s thumb stroking gently over the skin on his hand.

“So… like I said, her name was Rhonda.” Dean whispered, swallowing nervously. “She… she was beautiful. And I loved her.” Dean shook his head, closing his eyes. “She helped me discover myself in ways nobody ever had. She helped me realize that it was okay to be gender fluid.” He said, then paused to take a deep breath. Castiel said nothing, but Dean could tell that he was still listening by the way that his fingers tightened around Dean’s hand.

“After I came out to my parents as gender fluid, things got rough here. My mom was supportive but my dad… he was a nightmare. Even worse than what you saw at lunch today.” Dean said, sighing and shaking his head. “I was so desperate to be accepted, and Rhonda was there for me, and I loved her for it. So… I snuck out of the house one night- I was grounded at that time- and I went to her house. Sammy was at a sleepover so he didn’t know.

“I went over to her house and her parents were out. She gave me this dress… it was such a beautiful dress.” Dean snorted and shook his head, opening his eyes. He didn’t realize that he was crying, but he was, and he quickly pried his hands away from Castiel’s so that he could wipe away the tears. “I put it on and… she told me that I was beautiful. And I told her that I loved her.” He said, his lips quivering. He turned and buried his face in his pillow, feeling Castiel’s hand resting on his shoulder.

“What happened then?” he whispered. Dean shook his head, propping himself up on his elbow and looking at Cas with red, puffy eyes.

“She… she pushed me back on the bed and she…” He shook his head, his nostrils flaring as he looked away. Castiel frowned and reached out, taking Dean’s hand in his own again and giving it a squeeze.

“It’s alright, Dean.” He whispered. Dean nodded, squeezing his eyes shut. He took a shaky breath.

“I came home around midnight. My dad nearly killed me when I walked through the door, but my mom stopped him. She must have been able to tell that something wasn’t right… I… I think I threw up after that. I can’t remember.” He shook his head, closing his eyes again. Castiel kept quiet, his silence urging Dean on.

“I didn’t tell anyone, besides my family. And now you. I mean, who’d believe me? My own father laughed in my face when he found out. Told me that men couldn’t get raped by women, let alone a pretty one like Rhonda.” He said, his body shaking slightly. He opened his eyes and looked up at Cas, shaking his head. “But, Cas,” he choked. “I didn’t want it. I kept telling that I didn’t want it but she wouldn’t listen…”

“Hey, it’s okay.” Castiel whispered, squeezing Dean’s hands and pulling him a bit closer. He kissed his forehead and brushed his tears away, holding him as he cried. “You’re safe now.”

“I know.” Dean cried, leaning into Castiel and pressing his face in to the man’s neck. “I know, Cas. I’m sorry.”

Castiel sighed and stroked his fingers through Dean’s hair, rubbing his back. “Did you ever get help?”

Dean shook his head. “You mean did I go to a doctor?” he asked. Castiel nodded and Dean shook his head.

“No. My mom wanted me to, but it was just too much money. I figured that I could deal with it on my own. I guess I was wrong.” He said, his lips quivering. “I’m… I’m sorry, Cas. I fucked up. I’m sorry…”

“Stop apologizing, please.” Castiel said, cupping Dean’s face and brushing his tears away. “I’m not even sure what you’re apologizing for.” He said. Dean blushed and looked down.

“For panicking on you like that.” He mumbled. “For telling you that I love you and then fucking it all up. Ruining our day. For… for being a freak. I’m sorry, Cas. You deserve better than me.”

“Dean.” Castiel frowned, reaching up and cupping Dean’s face. “Dean, baby, please don’t think that way. You’re not a freak. You’re amazing. I love you, regardless of what happened to you in the past. In fact, I love you more now that I know, because I know how you came to be the man you are today.” He said. Dean’s lips quivered and he nodded slowly, closing his eyes when he felt Cas press his lips against his. “I love you. You are perfect, just the way you are.” He said, stroking Dean’s cheek with his knuckles. “And you didn’t ruin my day. I had a wonderful time with you and Sam today. Nobody has ever taken me horseback riding before, and I will never forget this. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my break with you.”

Dean sniffled and nodded, leaning into Cas’s warm body and nuzzling his neck. “Thank you.” He whispered. Castiel smiled and kissed Dean’s forehead, wrapping his arms around the young man.

“Go to sleep, baby. I’ve got you.” He whispered. Dean hummed softly and snuggled closer to Dean, sighing.

“I love you.” He said. Cas smiled and closed his eyes.

“I love you too.”

\---

The next morning, Dean woke up around ten o’clock. He figured that Castiel was in the shower, judging by the sound of running water coming from the bathroom, and he sleepily made his way down to the kitchen where his mother was. He walked over to where she was washing dishes from dinner the night before and began to help her. It was a few moments before she even noticed his quiet presence.

‘Oh, hey there sweetheart. How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay, mom.” He said, his voice hoarse from all of the crying and hyperventilating from the night before. “I’m sorry about last night. I know you were worried.”

“Of course I was worried.” Mary said, frowning over at Dean. “You blacked out for nearly half an hour. You were hallucinating and everything.”

Dean frowned. “Are you serious? Cas didn’t tell me that.” He said, frowning as he dried off the plate his mother handed him. Mary hummed.

“Yeah, it was very scary. We were starting to think we were going to have to call an ambulance.”

“Jesus.” Dean murmured. Mary frowned over at him and he cast his eyes to the floor, muttering an apology as he placed the plate he was drying in the cupboard. “I’m sorry about all that, mom. It’s the first time it’s happened in ages.”

“Is it?” Mary asked, pursing her lips and regarding Dean sternly. The boy nodded quickly.

“Yeah. I would have told you if something like that happened.”

Mary hummed. “I don’t know about that, Dean. You seem to keep these things from me, since you don’t want me to worry.”

“Mom-”

“Castiel told me that you have nightmares nearly every night.” Mary said, putting down the dish she had been holding and turning to face Dean. “Is that true? Every night?”

Dean let out a heavy sigh. “Not _every night_ , per se. And they aren’t always about Rhonda.” He said, ignoring the glare his mother gave him. He frowned and turned away. “Look, mom, I’m fine. I’m keeping my grades up and I’ve got friends and I’m-”

“Just because you look okay doesn’t mean you are, Dean!” Mary yelled suddenly, slapping her hand on the counter. Dean flinched and looked at his mother with wide eyes, and she huffed.

“Mom-”

“No, Dean. I’m done standing here and watching you wither away because of this… this _bitch_ , Rhonda! I don’t care how old you are, you’re my son and it’s my job to take care of you. You are going to see a therapist over this!”

“Mom!” Dean gasped, clenching his fists. Mary shook her head.

“No arguments, Dean. I’m putting my foot down.” She said. Dean scowled and turned, storming away from his mother. He went back up the stairs and into his room, slamming the door. He didn’t even pay attention to Cas, who was changing his clothes beside the bed, as he stormed past him and into the bathroom to take a scolding shower.

Half an hour later Dean emerged from the shower, his skin red and raw from how hard he had scrubbed it. He was calmer now, though, and he decided that he should probably go back down to his mother and apologize for storming out on her like he had. He was still angry at her, of course, but he knew that she was only looking out for him. He resented that, or course, but he certainly couldn’t blame her.

He dressed quickly and went down to the kitchen, where he found Castiel and Mary working together on breakfast and chatting idly. He walked in, clearing his throat awkwardly. Mary turned to look at him, frowning slightly. He bit his lips.

“Mom, I’d like to… uh… apologize for storming out earlier. Whatever you want me to do, I’ll do.” He mumbled. Mary hummed and turned back around, flipping one of the pancakes that she had been cooking.

“I’m glad to hear that, Dean.” She said, then paused for a moment before speaking. “Why don’t you and Castiel go set the table for breakfast? I can take care of the food in here.”

“Of course.” Dean said, walking over to where the plates were and taking some down. He got the forks out for Cas and handed them to his boyfriend, smiling a little at him.

“Good morning.” He said sheepishly as they walked into the dining room. Castiel smiled back at him and leaned forward, pecking his cheek.

“G’morning, babe.” He said. Dean smiled and nudged Cas playfully with his elbow.

“Were you gossiping about me with my mom?” He teased. Castiel rolled his eyes.

“Not everything is about you, Dean.” He said. Dean smirked, snickering to himself as he watched Castiel move around the table, laying forks down at each table setting. He spoke after a moment. “She was actually telling me about how your Cousin Jo and Uncle Bobby are coming over tonight for Christmas Eve dinner.”

“Oh yeah, I almost forgot.” Dean said, smiling a little. Castiel chuckled.

“Yeah, I figured you did. You’re very forgetful.” He teased. Dean pursed his lips, pouting slightly and laying down the last plate on the table. Castiel grinned and walked over to Dean, wrapping his arms around the young man and kissing him chastely on the lips.

“What are we doing today?” Castiel asked. Dean smiled.

“I was planning on taking you out to lunch, actually. There’s this really nice burger place downtown where all the waitresses where roller skates.” He said. Castiel pursed his lips.

“Ooh, fancy.” He said. Dean rolled his eyes.

“I know, right?” Dean said dryly. Castiel smirked and leaned forward, pressing his lips against Dean’s again. Dean sighed and sunk into the kiss, grunting in surprise and pulling back when he heard his brother’s voice behind them.

“You guys are gross. Could you get a room?”

“Shut up, Sam.” Dean said, scowling slightly as he pried himself from Cas’s arms. “You’re just jealous!”

“Yeah, okay.” Sam said, rolling his eyes and walking into the kitchen. Dean and Castiel both watched him go, and once he was gone Castiel began to laugh. Dean frowned, narrowing his eyes at Cas as the dark-haired man cackled beside him.

A few seconds later, Mary and Sam reentered the dining room carrying plates of pancakes and bacon. As she set the plates down, Mary looked up at Cas and Dean.

“Boys, if you’re going to make out, please do it privately. The last thing we need is for John to walk in on you two kissing.”

Dean and Castiel both turned red, nodding.

“Of course, Mrs. Winchester.” Castiel said as he took a seat beside Sam at the table, smiling as a plate full of pancakes was handed to him. “These look absolutely delicious.” He said. Mary smiled.

“Thank you, Cas.” She said, then gave Sam and Dean a look. “Maybe you two should take a leaf out of Cas’s book and learn some appreciation.”

“Become more like Castiel?” Dean asked, pretending to be disgusted. “God forbid.”

“Shut up, jerk.” Castiel said, kicking Dean under the table. Dean snorted, chuckling to himself as he began to serve himself a plate full of pancakes. Mary eyed her son carefully.

“Be nice to your boyfriend, Dean.” She said. Dean bit his lips and nodded.

“Of course. But he has to be nice to me too.” He said, mock-glaring at Cas. The man smirked back at him, hooking their ankles together under the table.

“I’ll think about it, baby.” He said, taking a bite of his pancake. Dean beamed at him, and Sam made a gagging noise.

“You guys are so sappy. I’m gonna puke.” He complained. Mary shook her head at him, scolding him.

“Leave them be, Sam. They’re in love.” She whispered. Dean and Cas both turned red but didn’t deny it, simply looked down at their food and continued to eat.

\---

Later that night, Dean was sitting on the couch playing video games as Castiel lounged beside him, his head resting on Dean’s lap as he watched him play. Dean groaned as he lost his life in the video games, scowling and dropping the remote onto the couch beside him. Castiel looked up at him, smirking. And Dean blushed.

“Shut up.” He mumbled, punching Cas lightly in the shoulder. Cas snickered a bit and sat up, grabbing on to Dean’s collar and pecking his lips.

“I didn’t say anything.”

“And you still said too much.” Dean said. Castiel grinned and resumed his spot on Dean’s lap, watching the TV as Dean started up a new game and began to play. Dean was just about to beat the level when the doorbell rang. He glanced back at the front door, pausing his game and hopping to his feet. Castiel grunted as he rolled onto the floor, glaring at his boyfriend as he ran to open up the door.

“JoJo!” Dean yelled, embracing the blonde girl who stood on the doorstep and spinning her around. Dean yelped and clung to Dean’s shoulders, her hair flying everywhere as he spun her around and around.

“Put me down!” She hissed, punching his shoulder repeatedly until he finally put her down. He laughed as she glared at him and stumbled into the house, turning to greet his Uncle Bobby with a hug.

“Nice to see you, boy.” Bobby said, patting Dean on the back. Dean smiled.

“You too, Bobby.” He said.

“Who’s this?” Dean heard Jo’s voice behind him, and he turned to see Jo standing in front of Castiel, who was still lying on the floor. Dean bit his lips and walked over to his boyfriend, clasping onto his hand and helping him up.

“This is Cas… He’s my… my…” Dean swallowed, his eyes flickering between Bobby and Jo before he looked away and spoke. “He’s my boyfriend.”

“Oh.” Jo’s eyes widened and she looked at her cousin curiously. Bobby stepped forward.

“It’s about damn time, boy.” He grunted in Dean’s direction, extending his hand for Castiel to shake. Cas smiled brightly at him and shook his hand.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, sir.” He said. Bobby smiled back at him.

“You too, son. Take care of Dean, here, now.” He said. Castiel smirked and turned to look smugly at Dean, who blushed and rolled his eyes. Before he could make a snide comment, though, he heard his mother’s voice from the kitchen.

“Dean, did I hear the doorbell?” She called.

“Yeah. Come in here, ma, Bobby and Jo are here!” he called. Mary emerged from the kitchen moments later, flour covering her apron and her body. She smiled brightly and walked over to Bobby, hugging him tightly and kissing his cheek.

“It’s good to see you, Bobby.” She said, then turned and hugged Jo as well. “You too, baby. How’s school?”

“It’s great.” Jo said, shaking her head and smiling. “One of my sculptures made it into a local exhibition at the college.”

“We’re very proud.” Bobby said, beaming at Jo. She blushed and shook her head, waving her hand.

“It’s not a big deal.” She said. Castiel smiled over at her.

“You’re an artist? What’s your focus?”

“Sculpting, but I also do photography and watercolor on the side.”

“That’s really cool. Do you have any pictures with you? I’m minoring in photography at MIT.”

“Oh, of course.” Jo said, nearly bouncing over to her bag to get her camera out. Bobby watched her, shaking his head.

“I’ll leave you kids to it, then. Where’s John?” he asked Mary.

“He’s in the living room watching TV. Come on, I think Sam’s in there too, and he’s been dying to see you again since Thanksgiving.” She said, leading Bobby into the living room. Dean watched them go, then turned to look at Jo and Cas, who were huddled over Jo’s camera. He smiled.

“Trying to steal my boyfriend, Jo?” He teased his cousin. She smirked up at him.

“I don’t know, Dean, he is pretty cute.” She laughed, nudging Castiel. He blushed a bit but continued to look at her camera, transfixed by the photos she had taken. Dean rolled his eyes and walked over to his cousin, craning to see her photos. He rolled his eyes when he saw a picture of flowers, turning to look at her.

“Flowers? Since when do you like girly crap like that?” He asked. Jo narrowed her eyes at her cousin and blushed.

“You’re not the only one who’s allowed to be a girl, Dean.” She said, shoving him. Dean rolled his eyes and Castiel glanced up at him, smirking slightly and shaking his head before he pressed a button on Jo’s camera and moved to the next picture.

“These are really amazing, Jo.” He said, smiling up at her. “The lighting is amazing. You could be a professional photographer.”

Jo blushed and smiled, reaching out and taking her camera back from Castiel. “Thanks, Castiel.” She said, then smirked over at her cousin. “Where’d you get this guy, Dean? He’s awesome.”

Dean snorted and shook his head. “Yeah, well, you haven’t seen him in the morning before he gets his cigarette and coffee.” He said. Castile pursed his lips.

“Hey, you said that you love me in the morning.”

“Yeah, but I love you all the time, so it doesn’t really count.” Dean said. Castile smiled, tugging his purple piercing between his teeth as Jo made a loud ‘aww’ sound. After a few moments Dean sighed, glaring at Jo and grabbing Cas’s hand.

“Come on, it’s time for dinner.” He said. Castiel smiled and nodded, following Dean into the kitchen as Jo trailed close behind. They helped her move the food into the dining room, and then everybody was called in to eat.

The meal passed without incident, and after enjoying a delicious dinner of baked ham and mashed potatoes, Jo and Sam took to the kitchen to clean up. Dean took Cas’s hand in his, holding it loosely as he led his boyfriend into the living room. They sat down on the arm chair nearest the TV, facing the couch. It was a tight squeeze, since the chair was really designed for only one person. Still, Castiel made it work by draping his legs over Dean’s lap. Dean blushed and glared halfheartedly at him, looking up to see his uncle smirking at him and his mother smiling. John simply snorted and looked away, watching the TV.

“How long’s it been?” Bobby asked suddenly. Dean’s eyes met his and he turned red, looking down at Cas’s legs across his own lap. Then he glanced up at Cas, swallowing.

“Since October, I think.” He said. Castiel nodded and smiled at Dean, then looked over at his boyfriend’s uncle. Bobby smiled easily back at him.

“I’m glad you boys are happy. Though, I didn’t think Dean’d ever go for a guy with so many piercings.” He chuckled. Dean blushed and dropped his gaze to his lap as Castiel chuckled.

“Apparently that’s the popular consensus.” He said, licking his lips and pulling his purple piercing between his teeth. “Seems like everybody just loves my piercings… can’t resist them.”

Dean snorted, looking up at Castiel and shaking his head. “Shut up, man.” He laughed. Castiel grinned and leaned back, resting his head on Dean’s shoulder. Dean smiled and shook his head, looking over at his uncle. The man smiled back at him and then turned his attention to the TV, where a wrestling match was playing.

Several minutes later, Jo and Sam walked into the room. Jo grinned when she saw Castiel sitting across Dean’s lap, rushing forward and plopping herself down in Dean’s lap, throwing her legs over Cas’s.

‘Dog pile!” She yelled, slinging her arm over Dean’s shoulders as he tried to push her off of him. Sam laughed loudly at the sight and rushed forward, jumping into Jo’s lap and effectively crushing the three of them.

“Get off of me, you gangly horse.” Jo complained, pushing Sam away as the fifteen year old continued to laugh. Dean glared at both his brother and cousin, grunted as he shoved at them.

“Why don’t both of you get off of us?’ He growled out. Castiel looked over at Dean and laughed, grinning at his boyfriend.

“Oh, Dean, they’re just trying to cuddle with us. I thought you liked cuddling.” He said, smirking. Dean turned bright red and glared at Cas halfheartedly as Jo and Sam burst out laughing.

“Could you kids take this somewhere else?” John grunted, glaring over at his sons. Sam stopped laughing and frowned, looking between his cousin and brother before he sighed and rolled off. Jo followed, climbing off of the armchair and standing up straight.

Dean stood up after them and stretched, then reached down and helped Cas up. He shoot his mother and uncle a small smile before the left the room, climbing the stairs. Soon they all found themselves upstairs in Sam’s room. Sam draped himself over his bed as Dean and Cas took a seat on the floor, leaning against Sam’s desk. Jo sat across from them on the floor, leaning against the bed. Jo smirked at Dean and Cas.

“You know, I don’t think I never got to interrogate you, Castiel.” She said. Dean rolled his eyes.

“Leave him be, Jo.”

“It’s fine, Dean. What do you want to know?” He asked. Jo bit her lips.

“Why are you here?’ She asked. Castiel frowned slightly, tilting his head to the side curiously at Jo’s words. She bit her lips. “I mean… I get that you’re here with Dean for Christmas. But why aren’t you at home with your family?”

Castiel frowned and swallowed, his eyes locking with Jo’s for a moment before he looked away from her. Dean frowned.

“Jo, why is that-”

“It’s okay, Dean.” He said softly, looking back up at his boyfriend’s cousin. “You’re curious, I get it. I… I’m not home for Christmas because…” Castiel swallowed. “My mother won’t let me come home. Because I’m gay.”

“Oh.” Jo frowned, falling silent. Sam looked over at Cas, pursing his lips.

“I’m sorry, Cas.” He said. Castiel shrugged.

“It doesn’t matter. I’m here with you guys and that’s all that matters now.”

Dean smiled and reached for Cas’s hand, giving it a squeeze.

“Yeah.” He whispered, brining Cas’s hand up to his lips and kissing it. “That’s all that matters now.”

\---

“Merry Christmas.” Dean said as he hovered over Cas’s sleeping body, kissing his face. Cas whined and squirmed, turning his face away from Dean’s kisses. The man chuckled and leaned in, kissing him again anyway. “Wake up, Cas. It’s time for breakfast.”

“Leave me alone, Dean, or I’ll spank you.” He growled. Dean laughed and nipped at Cas’s ear, kissing his earlobe softly.

“Come on, your empty threats don’t scare me.” He breathed, smiling as Cas moaned and rolled over, blinking sleepily up at Dean. He smiled slowly and Dean smiled back, pressing his lips softly against Castiel’s.

“Good morning.” Castiel said quietly, snaking his arms around Dean’s waist. Dean hummed softly and leaned in, kissing Cas softly and smiling at him.

“I love you.” He whispered, nuzzling his nose against Cas’s stubbly cheek. “Are you ready to go downstairs for breakfast?”

Cas hummed softly. “Maybe, but it’s warm in here.” He whispered. Dean smiled and rolled off of his boyfriend, rubbing his hand up and down the side of Cas’s body.

“I know sweetheart, but we have to go downstairs. Everyone’s waiting… there’s food… presents…”

“Hmm.” Castiel smiled and closed his eyes again. “I got you something.”

“Yeah?” Dean smiled and sat up a bit, stretching out and yawning. Castiel cracked his eyes open again and grinned up at Dean, nodding. The man bit his lips. “I got you something too.”

“Ooh.” Castiel sat up on his elbows then, his hair sticking up in every direction. Dean grinned and hopped out of bed, grabbing a pair of sweat pants from his dresser and tugging them on. Castiel followed suit, dressing in some warm clothes and heading to the bathroom to brush his teeth.

They joined the rest of the Winchester family downstairs within fifteen minutes, enjoying a big breakfast of pancakes, eggs, and bacon. Sam was the first to finish, excitedly hopping up from his chair and bolting to the living room to open presents. The rest of the family followed suit, slowly making their ways into the living room to exchange gifts.

Sam opened his presents first. From his parents he received a new football, as well as a PS4. Dean smiled as he watched his brother tear open his presents, grinning widely and laughing in happiness. After Sam was done opening his presents from his parents, he opened Dean’s, smiling when he found an entire new set of collector’s edition Star Wars action figures wrapped neatly in a box. 

“Dean, this is awesome. Like, seriously.”

‘I hoped you would like it.” Dean beamed, grinning at his little brother and messing up his hair. Sam blinked up at him.

“I wish I had gotten you something better.” He said, frowning slightly. Dean shook his head.

“It’s alright, Sammy. Whatever you got me, I’m sure it’ll be great.” He said. Sam smiled sheepishly at him and handed him a small, neatly wrapped present. Dean opened the parcel slowly, gasping when he saw what was inside. Two AC/DC vinyl albums sat neatly on top of each other; one was Fly On the Wall, the other Back in Black.

“This is freaking amazing, dude!” Dean said, grinning at his brother and reaching out to hug him. Sam groaned as Dean crushed him, hugging him back.

“I’m glad you like it.” He said. Jo smiled over at Dean.

“I got you something too.” She said, holding out a small bag. Dean smiled and let go of Sam, taking the bag from his cousin and opening it up. He laughed when he saw what was inside, shaking his head.

“A model car? Seriously?”

“You can build it yourself!” She laughed. Dean rolled his eyes.

“Very funny. I got you a present as well.” He said, reaching down and picking up a neatly wrapped box. He handed it to his cousin, who eagerly snatched it up and tore it open. Dean had bought her an art set, and though it was pretty basic (only $11.99, plus tax) she appreciated it. She hugged him tightly, smiling.

“Thanks, Dean.” She said. Dean smiled.

“Of course. I got something for you too, mom.” He said, grinning at his mother and handing her a small box. “And you, dad.” He said, looking over at John and smiling. John grimaced at his son and begrudgingly reached out, taking the present that Dean offered him.

Mary gasped as she opened up the box Dean had handed her, pulling out a pair of beautiful diamond earrings. Dean looked up hopefully at his mother, who moved her lips to speak but was unable to produce any sound. He bit his lips.

“Do you like them, ma?" he whispered. She shook his head, her eyes filling with tears as they met Dean’s.

“They’re… they’re beautiful.” She breathed, his face splitting into a smile. “How did you… how could you afford them?”

Dean shook his head. “I got a job and I saved up. I figured that you deserve something pretty.”

She smiled through her tears and stood up, walking over to Dean and wrapping him in a tight hug. She kissed the top of his head as he wrapped his arms around her, grinning.

“I love you, Dean.” She whispered, kissing his forehead once more before resuming her seat. Dean blushed and smiled.

“Love you too, ma.” He said, then looked over at his father, who was opening up his gift. John raised an eyebrow when he pulled out a small, wooden box from the gift wrap. He opened up the clasp, his eyes widening when he saw what was inside. Seated on black felt, there was an arrangement of six fishing lures. He looked up at his oldest son, who smiled a little.

“I figured you could use them for fishing in the spring.” He said quietly. John pursed his lips and set the small, wooden box down on the couch beside him, nodding once.

“Thank you.” He said gruffly, quickly looking away. Dean swallowed, frowning slightly and leaning into Cas’s arms as his boyfriend squeezed his hand a little. Mary smiled at her oldest son.

“I bought you something too, sweetheart. Under the tree, over there.” She said, pointing towards a neatly wrapped parcel under the Christmas tree. He smiled and stood up, walking over to it and picking it up. He tore the paper away, then quickly covered the item back up once he recognized what it was; a blue sundress. He smiled up at his mother as he placed the present under himself, sitting on it.

“Thank you, ma.” He said, and she smiled brightly at him. Suddenly Castiel cleared his throat, nudging Dean with his elbow.

“I think that it’s time for you to open my present, Dean.”

“It is kid safe, right?’ Jo teased Castiel and Dean, wiggling her eyebrows at them. Dean rolled his eyes and took the present Castiel had handed to him, opening it up slowly. Inside was a stack of CD’s, mostly punk bands and a couple rock bands as well. Sitting on top of the stack was a CD of the Misfits latest album, and Dean couldn’t help but grin.

“This is great, Cas.” He said, smiling over at his boyfriend. “Thank you.”

“I figured we could use some new music to listen to.” He said, then shook his head and turned to address the rest of the Winchester family. “Dean listens the same five CD’s on repeat every day.”

“You love it.” Dean said, blushing slightly. Cas shook his head.

“No, I don’t. I love you. There’s a difference.” He said. Dean turned bright red, looking down at his lap as Jo and his mother both made cooing noises at them. Dean placed the CD’s on the couch beside him and quickly reached out, grabbing a small box and handing it to his boyfriend. Castiel smirked at him.

“What’s’ this?” he asked, nudging Dean playfully. Dean pursed his lips.

“Just open it up before I change my mind and return it.” He said.

“Be nice to Castiel, Dean.” Mary scolded. Dean’s cheeks turned red and he looked away, keeping his eyes trained on Cas’s clumsy fingers as he tried to unwrap the present without damaging any of the wrapping paper. It seemed like ages before Cas even got the wrapping paper off, and then he slowly opening up the box inside to reveal two small, silver triangle shaped earrings. Cas’s lips twitched up a bit and he looked up at Dean, his blue eyes twinkling.

“What’re these for?”

“They’re earrings. For your ears. You could wear them, I you like… or get another piercing. I don’t know. It’s up to you, really… if you don’t like them I could always return them, too, I don’t… I don’t…”

“I love them.” He said, smiling at Dean and fingering at the earrings. He spun them in their place, turning the triangles upside down and smirking up at his boyfriend. “Maybe they’d look good on you.”

Dean snorted and blushed, shaking his head.

“Dean, he’s totally right! You should get your ears pierced!” Sam piped up from the floor. Dean narrowed his eyes at his little brother.

“Nobody asked you, sasquatch.” He grumbled. Sam rolled his eyes and turned away, beginning to clean up the discarded wrapping paper that was all over the room. Mary stood up.

“Who wants a cup of coffee?” She asked. John, Bobby and Jo all agreed to a cup, and Castiel asked for one as well before he turned back to Dean and grabbed his hand. He smiled at him.

“I love these earrings. They’re so thoughtful.”

Dean’s lips twitched a little bit. “I figured that they were your style.” He mumbled, reaching out to touch the purple and black piercings on Cas’s lips. “You’re so expressionistic.” He mumbled.

“Hey, lovebirds,” Bobby’s voice distracted Dean and Cas from their private conversation. Dean’s uncle smiled over at them. “You coming to have some coffee, or what?”

\---

“Wear it home.” Castiel urged softly in Dean’s ear, standing behind him as Dean looking into the full body mirror that hung on the back of his bedroom door. He swallowed, shaking his head and flattening his hands out over the dress he was currently wearing. It was the same one that his mother had given him on Christmas, and now, a week later, he was wearing it for the first time.

The dress was dark blue with a beautiful floral pattern on it, and a big blue bow right in the middle of his stomach. It was short and sleeveless, and it fit snugly against Dean’s flat chest, squeezing his pecks and almost making it look as if he had some sort of boobs. He wore white leggings along with it that complimented the dress perfectly. With a little bit of makeup and hair gel, Dean knew that he could pull it off. Evidentially Cas knew that too, because he was standing right behind Dean, encouraging him to wear the dress back to Massachusetts because it ‘looked beautiful’.

“I can’t, Cas.” Dean said, shaking his head and looking down. Cas wrapped his arms around Dean’s waist and kissed the back of his neck, nuzzling Dean’s cheek and forcing him to look at himself in the mirror again.

“Yes, you can. You are so beautiful, Dean, you should show everybody.”

“People will laugh at me. They’ll stare and whisper and glare at me.” He said quietly. Castiel frowned.

“Fuck people. Remember what we said about societal convention?”

“We said that hopefully it would change one day.” Dean mumbled, frowning slightly. “But it hasn’t changed yet, Cas, and I’m not gonna wear this dress out of the house.”

Castiel pursed his lips. “But who says that it has to change on its own?” Cas said softly in Dean’s ear, his fingers pressing into Dean’s hips. “What if we changed it? What if you walked out of your house like this, right now?”

“I’d get lynched and nobody in this town would ever speak to my family again.” He deadpanned. Castiel’s eyebrows drew together and Dean sighed, shaking his head and pushing Cas’s hands away.

“Just forget it, baby. The world isn’t quite ready for liberals like you and I.” he said, flashing Cas a small smile before he reached around and unzipped the side of his dress. It fell to the floor in a head and Dean stepped out of it, reaching for this jeans on the bed. Castiel continued to frown as he watched Dean redress, his lips pursed.

“I just don’t get it.” He said after a while, shaking his head and looking out the window. “All of the hatred and bigotry out here. I mean… I know that it happens in New York and New Jersey and Massachusetts too, but it’s just so blatant out here. Just the way everyone talks… even the ‘accepting’ people. It’s like… they don’t even understand how to accept that someone is gay or trans.”

Dean shook his head, remaining silent for a few moments before he looked up at Cas and smirked slightly. “You’ll never understand, baby,” he said, buttoning up his plaid shirt. “You’re a city boy.”

Castiel frowned slightly as Dean took a step closer to him, wrapping his arms around the man and kissing his lips chastely.

“Is that a bad thing?” He asked, frowning. “If I’m a city boy, then that would make you a cow boy.”

Dean laughed, grinning and reaching up to cup Cas’s face. He shook his head slightly, pushing Cas’s hair back out of his eyes.

“I love you, man.” He said quietly, leaning forward and kissing him. Cas’s lips twitched up a bit and he kissed back, holding onto Dean’s arms tightly before he pulled back, walking over to Dean’s bed and placing his last few items of clothing in his suitcase before he zipped it shut and smiled back at Dean.

“You ready to say bye to your mom and head back to campus?” He asked. Dean laughed and shook his head.

“Hell no, but I guess it’s got to be done.” He said. Cas smiled a little and kicked up his luggage, walking over to Dean and taking his hand.

“Come on, baby. Our midterms our waiting for us back at MIT.” He said. Dean laughed and shook his head, lacing his fingers with Cas’s and following him downstairs and into the kitchen, where he would say goodbye to his mother and little brother, and then set off to go back to Massachusetts with Castiel. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you mishainmydreams from Tumblr for editing that photo for me. xoxox


	13. Matching Tattoos

Castiel frowned down at his computer, reading over the introduction paragraph of his Biology Thesis for the ninth time in the past hour. He sighed, rubbing at his eyes and reaching for his bedside table, picking up the coffee cup that was sitting there and taking several large gulps. He smacked his lips, scowling at the bitter taste of the cool coffee and turning back to his laptop. Something about his essay just wasn’t right, but for the life of him, he couldn’t figure out what the problem was.

Castiel highlighted the entire paragraph and was about to delete it when the dorm room door opened. Charlie stumbled in, giggling and flipping her long red hair behind her shoulders as Dean followed her into the room. Charlie smiled over at Cas, waving to him as she threw herself down onto Dean’s bed.

“Hey, baby.” Dean said, walking over to Cas’s bed and leaning down to capture the man’s lips with his own. Castiel hummed, reaching up and grabbing on to Dean’s shirt, pushing his tongue into Dean’s mouth. Dean gasped and pulled back, blushing and looking away, a large smile on his face.

“I hope you don’t mind that Charlie is hanging out in here.” Dean said, pulling away from Castiel and walking over to his dresser. He knelt down, opening up the drawer and rifling through his stuff, looking for something. He looked up at Cas as he waited for a response, and the boy shrugged in response.

“It’s fine. Just try to keep it down… I have a paper to _not_ write.” He said, raking a hand through his messy black hair and glaring at the computer screen. 

Dean gave his boyfriend a sympathetic look, turning to look inside the drawer of hid dresser. He made a triumphant noise once he found what he was looking for, pulling out a small makeup kit that was still in the wrapper.

“I told you I had it, Charlie.” He said, standing up and walking over to her, plopping down on the bed beside her. Castiel glanced over at Dean to see what he was holding, frowning slightly.

“Where’d you get that?” He asked. In the month that they had been back from Christmas break, Castiel hadn’t seen Dean with that makeup kit once. Dean turned to look at his boyfriend, smiling brightly.

“My mom slipped me some cash before we left Kansas, back during New Years. She made me promise to take pictures of what I did with whatever I bought, but I haven’t had time to… to use this, you know?” He said, blushing slightly as he held up the makeup kit. Castiel’s lips twitched a little bit and he shook his head, looking back at his computer.

“Have fun, babe. Don’t stain your sheets; I’m not washing them again.”

“Again?” Charlie smirked at Dean, wiggling her eyebrows. Dean rolled his eyes and slugged her in the shoulder.

“Shut up. I spilled ketchup on my bed _once_ when we ordered burgers.” He said. Charlie snickered, shaking her head and taking the makeup kit from Dean’s hands.

“I’m not gonna lie, Dean, it looked like you’d gotten your period all over the sheets.” Castiel said. He laughed loudly as Dean glared at him, squealing and ducking out of the way when the young man threw his pillow at him.

“Don’t you have a paper to write, asshole?” Dean quipped. Castiel rolled his eyes.

“I do, actually, and I would appreciate it if you would stop distracting me.”

“I’m not distracting you. You’re distracting yourself.” Dean said, looking down to see what Charlie was doing. She had already opened the kit, and was now getting the makeup brushes ready for use.

“Shut up and do your makeup, Barbie.” Castiel said, throwing Dean’s pillow back at his head. He missed by a few inches and Dean rolled his eyes, choosing to ignore his boyfriend and instead turn to Charlie. She smiled at him and reached up, grabbing his chin and tilting his head to the side.

“I love doing your makeup.” She said as she brought up the first brush, dusting it lightly over Dean’s cheeks and tinting them pink. “Your cheekbones are perfect.”

Dean pursed his lips, blushing slightly. Charlie grinned and laughed, shaking her head and looking back down at the makeup kit, trying to pick which eyeliner pencil to use. Dean made the decision for her, pointing to a dark violet pen. She nodded appreciatively at his choice, picking the pencil up and removing the cap.

“There’s Happy Hour tomorrow night at the Roadhouse. Are you guys coming?”

“I have an exam tomorrow night.” Dean said, frowning slightly. “I’m probably not going to get out until about seven o’clock.”

“Sucks to suck. Are you going, Cas?” Charlie asked, glancing over at Castiel and then back at Dean’s face as she poked at his eyelids with the purple pencil. Castiel shrugged.

“I don’t see why not. You and I can have a little date night.” Castiel said, smirking over at Charlie. She wiggled her eyebrows back at him, and Dean made an annoyed sound in the back of his throat. Castiel bit his lips, looking over at the back of Dean’s head.

“Is there a problem, Dean?”

Dean pursed his lips. “Of course not. Shut up.” He snapped. Charlie snickered, shaking her head and putting the cap back on the eyeliner, reaching for the mascara.

“It’s so funny when you get jealous, Dean.” She said.

“I think it’s cute.” Castiel commented. Dean whipped his head around, glaring at his boyfriend.

“I’m going to beat the shit out of you-”

“I don’t have time for your empty threats, Dean.” Castiel smirked, waving his hand at Dean. “Just let Charlie finish what she started. As of right now you look like a purple monster.” He said. Dean gasped, making a pained noise in the back of his throat. Cas looked up at him, biting his lips and tugging his piercing between his teeth.

“But you’re a beautiful purple monster. The most beautiful purple monster I’ve ever seen. Barney would be jealous.”

Dean scowled, rolling his eyes and turning back to Charlie so that she could finish his makeup. 

“You have to stop pouting, Dean.” Charlie said, removing the cap from the lip liner she wanted to use. Dean sighed and glared over at Cas.

“I can’t. My boyfriend is such an asshole that I’m always stuck in a constant pout.”

“Hey, I _said_ that you were a beautiful purple monster. What more could you ask for?” Castiel said. Dean rolled his eyes and Charlie snickered, shaking her head and grabbing hold of Dean’s jaw.

“You guys are hysterical.” She said, shaking her head. Dean blushed a bit and Castiel rolled his eyes, turning his attention back to the paper that he needed to write. Fr almost ten minutes it was quiet in the dorm room, the only sound being Castiel’s typing and Charlie’s periodic sighs of frustration.

When Charlie was finally finished she pulled back, grinning and holding a face mirror in front of Dean. He gasped, smiling widely and looking over at Charlie, a surprised expression on his face.

“Shit, Charlie, I look great. You are a fucking artist.” He gasped, wrapping his friend up in a hug. She yelped, wrapping her arms around Dean’s neck and grinning.

“I’m glad you like it.” She said, pulling back and smiling at him. He grinned, shaking his head and lifting the mirror up again. He touched his own face, then ran his fingers through his own hair. He turned to smile at Cas, who was staring at him.

“What do you think, babe?” he whispered. Castiel swallowed, licking his lips before he slowly stood up and walked over to Dean. He kissed him hard, sitting down beside him on the bed and pulling Dean into his lap. Dean gasped and made a little noise in the back of his throat, grabbing on to Cas’s shirt and tugging lightly.

“Ew, ew, ew.” Charlie squealed, standing up and turning away. Dean laughed into Cas’s mouth, breaking the kid and resting his head against Castiel’s shoulder, looking up at Charlie and grinning. Castiel smirked over at the redhead.

“Sorry, Charlie. I just can’t resist her.” Castiel said, stroking his knuckles over Dean’s cheek. “She’s a princess.”

Dean blushed and turned his head, pressing a soft kiss against the skin of Castiel’s neck.

“I love you.” He whispered. Cas smiled and stroked his fingers through Dean’s soft blonde hair.

“I know.” He said, pressing a soft kiss to Dean’s forehead and releasing him. Dean shuffled off of his lap, leaning back on his bed as he watched Castiel stand up. Cas walked over to the little mini fridge they kept in the dorm room, pulling out a can of Coke and glancing over at Charlie.

“Do you want a soda, Picasso?” he asked, his lips twitching a little bit when Charlie blushed.

“Sure. Toss one over to me.” She said. Cas turned back and grabbed a can, tossing it to Charlie. She caught it and popped the tab, holding the can away from herself as it hissed and fizz dripped out onto the floor. Dean huffed.

“Cas, how many times do I have to tell you not to throw the soda?” he growled out. Castiel looked over at him and rolled his eyes.

“Fine, Princess, then I guess you won’t be getting any soda.” He said. Dean glared at Cas as the boy shot him a cheeky grin and plopped down onto his own bed, pulling his laptop close and rereading his essay. There was silence in the door room for a few seconds before Dean hopped up, jumping onto Cas’s bed and draping himself over the guy. Castiel gasped, shouting out in surprise as Dean stretched out over him and snatched the soda can right from his hand.

“Get off of me, Dean!” Castiel yelled, moving his laptop out of harm’s way as Dean squirmed on his lap. Dean smirked.

“With pleasure, sweetheart.” He said, climbing off of Cas’s lap and taking the man’s coke with him. Castiel watched through slanted eyes as Dean strode back to his bed, plopping down and taking a long drink from Cas’s coke can. Dean grinned cheekily at him, shooting him a wink before he rolled over and began to talk to a smirking Charlie about a sociology paper that they were working on together.

\---

Castiel threw back a shot of vodka, his fourth one of the night so far. He grinned over at Charlie, sliding his empty shot glass towards her.

“You should get me another one of those, Charles.” He said, tugging at his purple piercing with his teeth. Charlie laughed and shook her head, sipping at her beer.

“I don’t think so, Cas. It’s not even seven o’clock yet and Dean will kill me if I get his boyfriend sick.”

“Dean is…” Castiel hiccupped, shaking his head. “Dean isn’t going to kill you. Did you know that Dean has a… a birthmark… on his stomach?” Castiel giggled. “He sleeps with his shirt off and get to… touch it.” He paused again, snorting as he laughed. “It’s so soft!”

Charlie snickered, shaking her head. “Cas, you are _wasted_.” She said, shaking her head. She looked over at the bartender, raising her hand. “Ash, come here!” She called. The bartender, a young man with a mullet, walked over and flashed Charlie a big smile.

“What do you need, sweetheart?” He asked. Charlie smiled up at him.

“My friend here needs a glass of water.”

“Nooo!” Castiel protested, shaking his finger at Charlie and Ash. “I need vodka. Another shot of it, please.” He said, pushing his shot glass towards the bartender. Ash chuckled.

“How about I bring over a glass of water and a glass of vodka?” he asked. Cas shrugged and Ash chuckled, walking away to get what they had asked for. As Ash walked away Cas looked around, gasping and smiling when he saw Dean walk through the doors of the bar.

“Baby!” Castiel called, running up to Dean and wrapping his arms around him. “I was just telling Charlie about…” He hiccupped, seeming to be surprised by the noise his own body made. Dean chuckled, pushing Cas’s hair out of his eyes.

“You’re a little drunk, aren’t you, baby?” he laughed. Castiel hummed, smiling and swaying a little.

“Maybe. But you know what they say…” he bit his lips. “Being drunk is only fun when you’ve got someone else to be drunk with.”

Dean laughed. “Is that so?” He asked, walking Cas over to the bar and calling for a shot of whiskey. “Who ever told you that?”

“Gabriel.” Cas said, leaning against Dean and giggling. He reached for his vodka, which Ash had placed on the table, but Charlie stopped him.

“Nu-uh, drink the water first.” She said. Castiel whined in protest and Dean laughed.

“Aw, Charlie, let him be. We don’t need a baby sitter.” He said. Castiel nodded in agreement, and Charlie rolled her eyes.

“Whatever. I’m gonna go over there and talk to that sexy woman over there,” she said, gesturing towards the other end of the bar, “and I don’t want either of you to come whining to me tomorrow about hangovers.”

“Blah, blah, blah.” Castiel drawled, rolling his eyes. Dean grinned and reached for his whiskey, tossing some money down onto the bar and calling for another as he drained his first. Castiel smiled up at him, leaning in and mouthing at Dean’s jaw. Dean gasped and set his whiskey down, laughing and pulling at Cas’s hair to prevent him from giving Dean a hickey.

“You get awfully touchy when you drink don’t you?” he chuckled. Cas hummed and smiled up at Dean.

“Nothing you can’t handle.” He said, snaking his arms around Dean’s waist. Dean swallowed and smiled at Cas, stroking the man’s hair behind his ear.

“Let’s not do anything we’ll regret tomorrow, alright?”

Castiel frowned. “What do you mean? What would we regret?” Castiel breathed. Dean swallowed and looked away, and then Castiel got it. He frowned, reaching up to run his fingers through Dean’s hair. “Dean… We’re not going to have sex. Don’t worry.”

Dean swallowed and nodded, smiling down at Cas. Castiel leaned in and pecked Dean’s lips, reaching for the water that was still sitting on the table and taking a long drink. Dean let go of him and they both sat down, ordering two more drinks each.

It was nearly midnight when Ash kicked them both out. He told them that they were being too loud and that he was going to get busted if they didn’t shut up. Dean had flipped him off and that was the tipping point.

Now he and Cas were standing on the side of the highway by the Roadhouse, waiting for a taxi. Castiel leaned into Dean, nipping at his ear.

“Where do you want to go?” he slurred. Dean grinned down at him.

“I’ve got an idea.” He said. Castiel’s eyes widened and he grinned up at his boyfriend.

“Yeah?”

“Let’s get matching tattoos.” Dean said, tilting his neck back to allow Cas to suck at his skin. The young man hummed, smiling against Dean’s neck.

“That’s a good idea. I like tattoos.”

“Me too.” Dean grinned.

“We should get our anniversary date tattooed onto our wrists!” Castiel decided. Dean gasped, nodding enthusiastically.

“You’re right! That’s such a goof fucking idea, fuck, I love you so fucking much.” He said, pulling Cas close and kissing him.

So that was how Dean found himself in a tattoo parlor in downtown Cambridge, getting a tattoo at the only tattoo parlor that was open at such a ridiculous hour. Cas sat across from him, grinning at him through the pain as the tattoo artist carved their anniversary date into his arm. Dean watched Castiel carefully, hoping that it wouldn’t hurt too much when it was his turn. It was just as he sat down to get his tattoo that everything went black, and he remembered nothing after that.

He woke up on the floor of his dorm room, Castiel draped over his back. He groaned softly and shifted, hissing in pain when he put pressure on his wrist.

“Cas?”

“Fuck.” He heard his boyfriend grumble behind him, and he sat up to find Castiel staring at his wrist. He frowned slightly and leaned over, reading the red and swollen tattoo that his boyfriend had acquired.

_**01-19-15** _

“Dude, why the hell did you get yesterday’s date tattooed on your arm?”

“I don’t know.” Castiel said, scratching the back of his head and glacing over at Dean. He frowned, grabbing Dean’s hand.

“You’ve got one too!” he said. Dean frowned and looked down at his arm, raising an eyebrow.

_**11-03-80** _

“What the fuck is the significance of November 3, 198-?” he asked, frowning and rubbing the aching skin on his wrist. Castiel frowned.

“That’s my birthday.” He said, squinting at Dean’s arm. “Why do you have my birthday tattooed on your arm?”

Dean groaned and laid back down on the floor, closing his eyes. “What the fuck happened last night?” he groaned. There was silence for a few minutes before Cas spoke.

“I think… We went to a tattoo shop to get matching tattoos. We wanted our… our anniversary date tattooed onto our arms.” He said. Dean frowned, glancing down at his own arm, then at Cas’s and snorting.

“I think we made a mistake, somewhere along the way.”

“No duh.” Cas said. Dean bit his lips, then smiled up at Cas and pulled him down to the floor, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend.

“It’s alright. Just because our tattoos don’t actually match doesn’t mean that we don’t match.”

Castiel chuckled and flicked Dean’s shin. “You’re such a sap, Winchester.”

“You know what’s sappy? Getting matching tattoos.” He said. Castiel rolled his eyes.

“Dude, I’m pretty sure it was your idea.” He chuckled. “You’re the sappiest sap that I know.”

Dean smiled and closed his eyes, nuzzling Cas’s neck. “You love me for it.” He said. Castiel grinned.

“Yeah, I do.”


	14. Meeting The Therapist

Dean turned the knob on his radio, blasting Metallica as he studied on his bed. He flipped the page in his Physics text book, frowning slightly as he read over the same paragraph three times. He sighed and looked around the room, grabbing his phone and checking to see if he had any messages. He saw that he had one from Charlie, asking him when they could get together to study, and one from Cas telling him he would be back to the dorm around noon.

Dean glanced at the clock, frowning when he saw that it was nearly one o’clock. Of all things, Castiel was usually punctual. Dean flipped his phone open, wondering if Cas had stopped to pick up lunch as he dialed his boyfriend’s number.

His phone was on the third ring when the door opened and Castiel walked in, his hand held up to his face as blood trickled down the side of his head. Dean frowned and dropped his phone on the bed, standing up quickly and crossing the room to where Cas was standing.

“I’m fine, I’m fine…” Cas said, waving Dean off and taking a step away from him. He stumbled to the side then, holding his head as he tripped and fell onto his bed. Dean frowned and grabbed a dirty shirt from the floor holding it up to Cas’s face and wiping some of the blood away.

“Let me see, Cas.” He said, crouching down in front of him. The boy hummed and nodded, closing his eyes and leaning into Dean’s touch. Dean frowned as he brushed the blood away, seeing that Cas had a large bloody gash on his cheek, right under his eyes. “What the hell happened to you?”

“Azazel was talking shit. Called me a fag, said you were a tranny. I had to…” he stopped, closing his mouth as a sudden wave of nausea overtook him. Dean frowned and stood up, grabbing a water bottle and handing it to Cas.

“You didn’t have to, Cas. Jeez, you look like you got ground up in a meat grinder.”

“I fell when he punched me. I hit my head on the concrete.” Cas said, wincing as Dean poked at the cut on his cheek. Dean frowned.

“You probably have a concussion.” He said. Cas shook his head.

“nothing a little sleep won’t remedy.” He said. Dean raised an eyebrow.

“I don’t think so. Give me your keys and I’ll drive you to the hospital.” He said. Cas shook his head.

“You have exams to study for. I’ll be fine, Dean, I swear.”

“You’re more important.”

Cas rolled his eyes, glaring at Dean as he stood up and pulled his keys from his pocket, handing them to Dean and hanging on his boyfriend’s arm for support.

“I hate you.” He grumbled. Dean leaned in, kissing Cas’s temple and smiling a little bit.

“I know.”

\---

Dean hummed softly to himself as he sat in front of the closet door in his and Cas’s dormroom, looking into the mirror that hung there as he ran his oily fingers through his hair. He was currently shitless, the only clothing on his body behind a pair of baggy, comfortable sweat pants. Once he was satisfied with the way that his bangs hung into his face and his hair was pushed to the side, he reached over to his desk and picked up his makeup kit.

Smiling to himself, Dean reached down and picked up one of his three liquid eyeliner pens. This one in particular was black, and Dean bit his lip as he brought it up to his face. Very carefully he began to dot his eyelids, careful not to blink or smear the eyeliner. Then he drew a line across his eyelid, filling it in. He even surprised himself by drawing two almost-symmetrical wings, and he grinned at himself in the mirror as he placed the cap back on the pen.

He reached down, carefully selecting eyeshadow. He settled on green blue, knowing that it would complement his eye color and make his green eyes sparkle. He bit his lips, slowly dragging the eyeshadow brush across his eyelids, layering the colored dust perfectly. Once he finished he put his hand down, smiling at his work.

He reached down and grabbed his mascara, applying it to his eyelashes. He ignored the burn in his eyes when he accidentally poked himself with the brush, instead grabbing some lip liner from his makeup kit. He decided on light pink, since he knew that it would go great with his green eyeshadow. He was just beginning to outline his upper lip when the door opened. Castiel walked in, smiling over at Dean.

“Hey babe.” He said, walking in. Dean hummed in response, too distracted by his work to look up. He nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard another voice in the room.

“Woah. Are you putting makeup-”

“Oh my God!” Dean nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard Gabriel’s voice, quickly jumping up. He pushed the man out of the room and slammed the door shut, looking over at Cas angrily.

“You brought your _brother_ into our dorm room?” He yelled, his heart pounding in his chest. Castiel frowned.

“Uh… yeah. I told you that he was going to stop by like a week ago.”

“What the fuck, Cas! You need to give me some sort of warning, or something!” Dean yelled, grabbing one of his facial towels and scrubbing his face violently. Castiel frowned.

“Don’t do that, Dean. You’re just going to scrub your skin raw.” Castiel said softly, lighting a cigarette and tossing his lighter to the side. Dean glared at him, shaking his head.

“I don’t give a fuck, Cas! I don’t need your brother thinking I’m some sort of freak, okay? I don’t need that!” he yelled. Castiel frowned and sat up, holding his cigarette between his fingers.

“You’re not a freak, Dean. You’re _you_ , and I love you. Quit thinking like that.” He said, then sighed and looked away. He laid back on his bed, flicking his cigarette and then placing it back in his mouth. “Besides, Gabriel doesn’t judge. He’ll probably ask you if you can show him how to do _his_ makeup, when he comes back in here.”

Dean snorted. “Yeah right, okay.” He grumbled, tossing his used washcloth into the hamper. “I’d rather save myself the embarrassment, thanks.”

There was a soft knock at the door, and then Gabriel spoke. “Is it safe to come in now?”

“Entrance granted!” Castiel called. Dean glared at his boyfriend as the door opened, and then Gabriel walked in. He smiled softly at Dean.

“Hey, Dean-o. Sorry if I embarrassed you.” He said. Dean grunted as Castiel looked up at his brother.

“You didn’t embarrass him. He hasn’t got anything to be embarrassed about. Right, Dean?” He asked, raising an eyebrow at his boyfriend. Dean rolled his eyes and dumped himself on his bed, glaring over at Cas.

“Fuck you.” He said, then rolled over. Cas sighed and rolled his eyes, looking up at his brother. He shrugged and scooted back a bit, letting Gabriel sit down. The man quickly reached out and snatched Cas’s cigarette from his hand.

“Don’t smoke these, Cassie. You’ll be dead by the time you’re thirty.” He said. Dean rolled back over to face Cas, a smug look on his face.

“I _told_ you, Cas.” He said. Gabriel smirked.

“See? Dean knows what’s right for you, too.” He said as he placed the cigarette in his own mouth, taking a long drag. Castiel rolled his eyes.

“Hypocrite.” He grumbled. Gabriel grinned.

“Yeah, well, this hypocrite here still wants to know what the hell happened to your face.” Gabriel said, reaching out and poking at the stitched on Cas’s cheek. Cas winced, swatting his brother’s hand away.

“I told you, I got into a fight. It was stupid.” He said. 

Dean looked over at his boyfriend, frowning slightly. It had been a week since Cas’s fight, and his black eye was only now starting to fade away. He couldn’t help but feel extremely guilty about it all, considering that the fight had been about him. Cas had gotten beat up defending him, and Dean felt terrible about it. In fact, he had gone out of his way all week to give Cas everything his wanted. Of course, Castiel was fitting nicely into the role of spoiled brat, and he flourished under all of the attention Dean was giving him.

“I just don’t want you get hurt, Cas. This is like the third fight you’ve gotten into-”

“It’s only the second.” Castiel growled. Gabriel rolled his eyes.

“Whatever, Cas. In high school, you got into a fight nearly every other day. I just don’t want to have to wind up bailing you out or something. The last thing you need is a criminal record at the age of 18.”

Castiel sighed. “Okay, Gabe. I’ll be more careful from now on.”

Gabriel gave Cas a hard look, and the boy groaned.

“I promise, Gabe!” he whined. Dean smirked a little bit.

“Aw, Cas, you look so cute getting reprimanded.”

“Shut up, you.” Castiel grumbled, pointing a finger at Dean. Dean only laughed harder, grinning at Cas.

“Why should I?” he asked. Castiel pursed his lips.

“I’ll spank you if you don’t.” he said. Dean chuckled.

“I doubt it.” He said. Castiel glared halfheartedly at him, and then Gabriel cleared his throat.

“Alright… I’m going to go get some lunch. If you two weirdos want to come…”

“Lunch sounds great, actually. I could really use a burger right now.” Cas said, standing up. Dean snorted.

“You could always ‘use a burger’. You’re the Burger King.”

Gabriel laughed, and Cas rolled his eyes. “Are you coming or not, Punny the Clown?” he asked. Dean swallowed and glanced over at Gabriel, then shook his head.

“I don’t think so…”

Castiel pursed his lips and walked over to Dean, covering the young man’s hand with his own.

“Come on, baby. It’ll be fun.” He said gently. Dean looked up at him and swallowed, slowly sitting up. He looked over at Gabriel wearily, blushing slightly and then looking at Cas.

“Only because I love you.” He murmured. Cas smiled and pecked his lips, squeezing his hand.

“I love you too.” He said, pecking Dean’s lips gently. Gabriel made a gagging noise and Dean blushed, ducking his head and staring at the floor as he followed Castiel and Gabe out of the dorm.

They wound up going to a small diner right off of campus. Dean found himself staring at his lap for most of the time, avoiding eye contact with Gabriel as best as he could. He could feel Castiel’s hand on his thigh, supportive and reassuring, but it did little of soothe his embarrassment.

“Dean.” Gabriel said after finishing a conversation with Cas. Dean looked up, then quickly averted his gaze form Gabriel and focused on a small blonde waitress on the other side of the restaurant.

“Yeah?” He asked. Gabriel frowned.

“I can’t help but notice that you’ve been awfully quiet. I really hope that I didn’t upset you earlier-”

“No. It was my fault.” Dean quickly blurted out, finally meeting Gabriel’s gaze. The older man frowned.

“There was nothing wrong with it, Dean. I would be lying if I said that I have never worn makeup before…” He said. Dean squeezed his eyes shut as he turned red, swallowing. God, he wanted to die right then. “I just want you to know that whatever you do in your free time is your business, and I am not judging. I hope you can forgive me for invading your privacy and embarrassing you… because my brother really loves you and anybody who can steal his heart is worth being friends with in my book.”

Dean bit his lips and nodded, looking over at Gabriel. He smiled when he saw the look on Gabriel’s face, nodding.

“I hope so too. I… I am sorry that I’ve been so quiet. I’ve been rude.”

“It’s fine. You were embarrassed. Though, like Cas said earlier, you’ve got nothing to be embarrassed about.

Dean preened at Gabriel’s words.

\---

Later that night, Dean lay in Castiel’s bed, his body pressed flush against Cas’s as he mouthed at his neck. Soft rock played on Dean’s radio, and Castiel smiled as What About Now by Daughtry began to play.

“I love you.” He murmured, moving his head so that he could kiss Dean’s hair. Dean looked up at him, smiling.

“I love you too.” He breathed, sliding his hands under Cas’s shirt and letting his hands roam over the boy’s chest. It wasn’t sexual; just an intimate touch. Castiel smiled and closed his eyes, wrapping his arms around Dean’s waist in response.

“When you walked through the door of our dorm room six months ago… I was sure that this year was going to be hell.” He said. Dean smiled and leaned in, nipping at Cas’s neck.

“Were you wrong?” He asked. Cas chuckled.

“For the first time in my life, yes.” He said cockily. Dean rolled his eyes and propped himself up, cupping Cas’s face. Castiel blinked up at him through the darkness, blue eyes sparkling brightly. Dean licked his lips.

“I was so sure I’d never love anybody ever again.” He admitted quietly, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down in his throat. “I was so sure that I would die alone.”

“You don’t have to worry about that anymore.” Cas whispered, reaching up and stroking Dean’s cheek. He carded his fingers through the man’s hair and he swallowed, closing his eyes.

“I love you, Cas.” He whispered. Castiel smiled.

“I love you too.”

Dean smiled and laid back down, kissing Cas’s cheek. Castiel sighed.

“Gabriel really liked hanging out with you today. He doesn’t like many people but he got along very well with you.”

Dean chuckled. “What can I say? I’m a people person.”

Cas rolled his eyes. “Whatever.” He snorted. “I’m just glad that he likes you. He absolutely hated my last boyfriend.” Castiel said bitterly. Dean looked over at Cas with a raised eyebrow.

“Something tells me that you have a dramatic story to share.” He said. Cas rolled his eyes.

“It was stupid. I was stupid.” He shrugged. “I had a boyfriend named Fergus in my senior year. We were supposed to go to prom together… until he stood me up and went with my best friend, Naomi, instead.”

“Yikes.” Dean frowned.

“Yeah… it was pretty bad. I wound up staying home from prom and crying all night.” Cas shook his head. “Gabriel wanted to kill him.”

“I can understand why. He was a jerk.” Dean said. Castiel shrugged, and they fell silent for a few minutes before Dean spoke again. “Wait, so you never had a prom?”

Cas sighed heavily. “Nope.” He said, resigned. Dean frowned.

“We’ll see what we can do about that.” He mumbled. Cas looked over at him, a sad look on his face.

“Just forget it, Dean.” He said, then leaned forward and pecked Dean’s lips chastely. Then he rolled over, yawning loudly. “I’m tired now. Get out of my bed.”

Dean snorted. “Wow, Cas, say what you think.” Dean mumbled, shuffling out of bed. Castiel snickered.

“Love you, baby.”

“Fuck off and go to sleep.” Dean laughed, laying down in bed and shutting the radio off. Castiel grinned widely and closed his eyes, drifting off into a restless sleep. Dean watched him for about twenty minutes before he finally drifted off himself, thoughts of Castiel and his stolen prom dancing in his mind.

\---

“Why didn’t you tell me that being in love would be so magical?” Dean asked his mother, laying across his bed with the phone to his ear as he fiddled with a rubrics cube. He heard Mary chuckle on the other end.

“I did, Dean. You just never listened.” She said. Dean smiled a little bit and sighed.

“Well, either way, it’s amazing. Cas is amazing.”

“You’ve told me.”

“Mom…” Dean took a deep breath. “I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I want to wake up every day for the rest of my life and see his face. I want to spend every minute with him until I die.” Dean swallowed. “Is that… is that bad?”

“No, sweetie. It means you’re in love with him, and that’s a good thing.” She said. Dean swallowed and relaxed.

“You’re right.” He breathed.

“I’m glad that you’re happy. You deserve something nice, Dean.” She said, then paused. “Listen, Dean. I know you don’t want this, but I booked you an appointment with a psychologist. She’s only a few miles off campus, and-”

“I don’t need it, mom.” Dean huffed. Mary made an annoyed noise in the back of her throat.

“I don’t want to hear any arguments, Dean. After what happened at Christmas, I think that it’s pretty obvious that you need to see a doctor.”

“She’s just going to tell me I’m a freak, mom.”

“Doctor Barnes is completely professional, Dean. She would never do something like that.” Mary said. “I talked to her on the phone. She said that you could drop by the office any day this week between 9 and 4.”

Dean huffed, closing his eyes. “You know what? Fine. I’ll go. But only to get you off of my ass!”

“Thank you, Dean.” Mary said. Dean scowled.

“By the way, I am _not_ going to talk to her about my feelings.” He growled. Mary sighed.

“Alright, baby. Whatever you say.”

\---

Dean leaned against the window in Castiel’s car, glaring at the rainy road as he watched it go by. Cas frowned over at him, reaching out and touching his knee.

“Don’t pout. You look prettier with a smile on your face.” He coaxed, squeezing Dean’s knee. Dean swatted his hand away, his frown deepening as he stared out the window. Castiel sighed and pulled his hand away, reaching forward and turning on the radio. Enjoy the Silence by Depeche Mode started to play and Cas left it, humming along quietly to the music.

Cas pulled to a stop after a few miles, parking in the parking lot of a large office building.

“Do you want me to walk you up?” he asked. Dean shook his head, glaring up at the building.

“It’s okay, Cas. I’ll be fine on my own.”

Castiel bit his lips, worrying his piercing between his lips. “You know that this is for the best, Dean.”

Dean snorted. “Yeah? Well then why do I feel like a dog who’s about to go into the vet’s office and get a thermometer shoved up my ass?”

Castiel raised an eyebrow. “Well, hopefully they won’t be shoving any weather-mesuring devices up your ass today.”

Dean glared at Cas halfheartedly, and then man leaned forward and kissed Dean softly. Dean sighed and closed his eyes, reaching up to cup Cas’s face. Cas pulled away after a few seconds, smiling.

“You’re gonna be fine in there, Dean. Just go and see if you like it. I’ll be here when you come out in an hour.”

Dean swallowed and nodded, opening up his door and sliding out. Rain pelted Dean’s face and he scowled, about to slam the car door shut when he saw that Cas was holding an umbrella out to him. His lips twitched a little bit and he reached out, taking it from his boyfriend. Their fingers brushed as he took it, and Dean’s face broke into a full smile.

“I love you.” He said. Castiel grinned and put the car into gear, shooting Dean a wink.

“Love you too, babe.” He said. Dean closed the door softly and watched as Cas tore out of the parking lot. He opened up the umbrella, held it over his head and made his way into the office building. He quickly found the office of Dr. Pamela Barnes. He stood in front of the door for several seconds before he took a deep breath and knocked on the door, waiting nervously for it to open up.

Dean only had to wait about ten minutes before the door swung open and a pretty black haired woman stood in front of him.

“Hello, sir. Can I help you?” he asked. Dean swallowed.

“I… uh… I’m Dean Winchester. I think that my mom called you last week…”

“Oh, Dean! Come on in.” She stepped to the side and let Dean into the room, closing the door behind him. “I was just filling out my datebook. You can take a seat anywhere you like.” 

Dean swallowed and nodded, slowly walking into the room and taking a seat on a large leather couch. He sat there awkwardly, his hands between his legs as he looked around. He saw that the office walls were covered in small children’s drawings, and one corner of the room was filled with stuffed animals. There were chairs all over the office, and the doctor sat down in a wheely chair behind a desk. She smiled over at Dean and held out a clip board for him.

“You can fill this out while you tell me why you’re here today?”

Dean nodded, standing up and grabbing the clip board. “Well… Don’t you already know why I’m here?” he asked, biting his lip. Dr. Barnes gave him a pointed look, and he quickly blushed and looked away. “Right, you want to hear it from me.” He said.

“I want to do whatever you’re most comfortable with, Dean.” She responded coolly. Dean frowned and nodded, resuming his seat on the couch as he began to fill out the medical forms and insurance information. Silence filled the room, which Dean was fine with, until he was about halfway through filling out the paper. He glanced up at Dr. Barnes, who was watching him, and swallowed.

“I don’t want to be here.” He blurted out. Barnes nodded.

“I can tell.” She said, smiling wryly. “But that’s okay. A lot of my patients don’t like coming here at first.”

Dean nodded and looked away. “It’s just… my mom thinks I need to talk to somebody. I keep on telling her that I’m fine, because I am. I’m coping, anyway. And I don’t need… I don’t need someone like you to tell me that I’m broken. I already know that, and I don’t need it!” Dean said, suddenly feeling very angry. Dr. Barnes frowned and shuffled in her chair, looking at Dean carefully.

“Dean, I’m not going to tell you that you are broken. What I am going to do is try and help you deal with whatever it is you are going through right now.”

“I’m not going through anything!” Dean exclaimed, standing up and turning away from the doctor. He ran his fingers through his hair, taking a few steps towards the corner of the room and then spinning around to face the doctor again. “Just because I had one little panic attack doesn’t mean that I’m sick! I can take care of myself.”

“I know that, Dean.” Dr. Barnes said calmly. “Can you please sit down so we can keep on talking?” She asked, gesturing towards the couch. Dean frowned.

“No, I’d rather stand. Thanks.” He said. Dr. Barnes nodded.

“Okay. Now, do you want to tell me what happened? You said that you had a panic attack; what was it about?”

Dean sighed and looked away from the doctor again, and out of the corner of his eyes he saw her writing something down on a notepad. He turned to look back at her, scowling.

“My girlfriend raped me.” He said, his jaw clenched. “When I was 17. She pushed me back on her bed and undressed me and forced me to… to…” he swallowed, shaking his head. His nostrils flared and he reached up, stroking his face with his hands. “I kept telling her to stop, but she wouldn’t listen. She just kept telling me that it was going to be good.”

Dr. Barnes frowned. “Did you ever report it to the police?” She asked. Den snorted.

“Is that fucking joke?” He asked. “I live in Kansas. My own father laughed in my face when I told him what happened. If I had gone to the police, I would have been the laughing stock of the town and nothing would have happened to her anyway. There was no point.” Dean sighed, sitting down on the arm of the couch and placing his head in his hands.

“I’m sorry, Dean.” Dr. Barnes said. Dean shook his head.

“Yeah, everyone is so sorry. Sorry for the little bitch who got raped by a fucking girl.” He scowled and looked away. Barnes frowned.

“Dean, just because you were raped, it doesn’t make you any less of a person. No matter what anybody says, you are strong.”

Dean looked down at the floor, then slowly brought his eyes up to meet Dr. Barnes’. “You don’t even know me.” He whispered.

“No, I don’t.” Barnes said. “But I know people. And I can tell that you are a strong person, Dean.”

Dean shook his head, blinking back tears. “You’re wrong. You’re wrong, Dr. Barnes. I’m not strong. I’m a weirdo. My dad doesn’t even talk to me because I’m so pathetic. He-”

“Dean, your father isn’t your judge.” Dr. Barnes said softly. Dean swallowed and shook his head, and the doctor sighed. “Dean, I spoke to your mother. She told me what your father put you through in your senior year of high school.”

“So you know-”

“I know that he was wrong for what he did to you.” Dr. Barnes said, cutting Dean off. Dean swallowed, watching Barnes with wide eyes as she spoke. “You weren’t the problem, Dean. It was the way he handled you that was the problem.”

Dean shook his head and looked away, tears finally beginning to fall from his eyes. Once he started he couldn’t stop, and before long he was sobbing into his own hands. Dr. Barnes handed him a tissue box, patting him on the shoulder.

“Just let it out, Dean. There’s nothing wrong with crying.” She whispered. Dean choked on the words that he wished to say, instead nodding in thanks to the doctor.

He walked out of the office about ten minutes later, thanking Dr. Barnes and scheduling an appointment for the same time next week. As raw as his eyes felt from all of the crying he had done, Dean couldn’t help but feel lighter. He never knew that crying could make me feel so good. As he climbed into Cas’s car in the parking lot, he smiled over at him.

“Hey. Have you been crying?” Cas asked, concerned. Dean shrugged.

“Yeah, but I’m fine. Great, actually.” He admitted, smiling shyly. Castiel smiled.

“I’m glad. You look more relaxed.”

“Yeah, I feel better too. Hopefully I won’t wake you up screaming tonight.” He said. Cas reached over and stroked his knuckles over Dean’s stubbly cheek, pursing his lips.

“Let’s go get some tacos, huh?” he asked. Dean nodded, leaning in and resting his head on Cas’s shoulder, then kissing him behind the ear softly.

“Yeah, that sounds great.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Sorry for the long wait, guys... I had a bit of writer's block, but now I'm over the hump and back in the game! Thank y'all for reading, please leave your feedback in the comments section!**


	15. Valentine's Day

_“180 over 100 BP. His pulse is dropping.”_

_“I can’t see anything, I need suction.”_

_“Suction.”_

_“Doctor, his pulse is erratic. 190 over 100 BP.”_

_“This shard of glass has punctured his lung as well as his spleen. I don’t know how long its going to take to remove it without causing any further damage.”_

_“If it’s not out in the next five minutes we’re going to lose him, Doctor.”_

_“Shit. Okay, hand me the scalpel.”_

_“Scalpel.”_

_“I need suction. I’m going in.”_

 

 

**3 Days Earlier**

“What does sex feel like?” Castiel whispered, propping his elbow up on his pillow and looking over at Dean, who was lying next to him. Dean turned his look at Cas, frowning.

“You’re drunk.” He said after a few minutes, looking away. Cas pursed his lips.

“Am not.” He said, searching in between the sheets for the bottle of brandy he had been nursing. It was Cas’s last day of finals, and he had spent the entire night out partying with his classmates. When he finally stumbled back into his dorm room at 2 AM, still clutching half a bottle of brandy, he collapsed onto Dean’s bed, effectively waking him up. Against Dean’s better judgement he chose to stay up with Cas, and they had been lying awake talking for over an hour. “I only drank…” Cas picked the bottle up, saw that it was empty, and giggled. “Oh, I guess I might be a little drunk.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “You think?” He grumbled. Castiel let out a breathy laugh, sliding his hand up over Dean’s chest and resting his head on the man’s shoulder.

“I’m just curious, you know? I just wonder how it feels.”

“I don’t think that I’m a very good person to ask these questions to, Cas.” Dean deadpanned. Castiel sighed and flopped onto his back, turning away from Dean.

“Forget it.” He said. Dean frowned and propped himself up, looking down at his boyfriend through the darkness.

“I don’t understand, Cas. Are you asking me if we can try having sex?”

“No, no.” Castiel said quickly, rolling over and looking Dean in the face. “I just want to _know_. But it’s an idle curiosity. I want to know what it’s like to get ‘turned on’ by someone.” He said, frowning slightly. “I mean, sometimes I wake up with morning wood, but I never get a boner by looking at anybody. And I’m certainly not going to lie and say that I’ve never jerked off before, but I’ve never jerked off thinking about anybody.”

Dean made a disgusted face at Cas, shaking his head. “That was more information than I ever needed to know, Cas.”

Castiel looked down at the sheets, tracing the pattern on the fabric with his fingers. “I’m sorry.” He mumbled. Dean sighed.

“Why don’t we just get some sleep, Cas? I still have exams tomorrow morning, and you’re going to be pretty busy nursing a major hangover.”

Cas nodded in agreement with Dean. Dean rolled onto his back and closed his eyes, about to drift off when he felt Cas sliding his body up against Dean’s. Dean cracked one eye pen, looking down at Cas curiously for a moment. He was about to tell Cas to get out of his bed- that he and Cas always slept separately because the beds were too small- but then Cas made the cutest sighing noise in the entire world and Dean simply couldn’t tell him to leave.

One night in the same bed with Cas wasn’t going to kill him, anyway.

Dean slid out of bed much earlier in the morning than he would have liked, careful not to wake Castiel, who was curled around Dean’s pillow like a baby. He smiled fondly down at his boyfriend as he dressed, watching the young man sleep soundly in his bed, his hair tousled and his lips pursed, snakebites on full display for anybody to kiss.

Once Dean had finished dressing he reached into his dresser drawer, pulling out a small bottle of aspirin and placing them on his bedside table. He scribbled out a note for Cas, writing, _Don’t get so drunk next time, asshole. You’re lucky I didn’t make you sleep on the floor. XOXO_ Then he grabbed his book bag and left the dorm room as quietly as he possibly could, rushing out of his Residence Hall to make it to his exam on time.

Dean got out of his exam right around lunch time, and he met up with Charlie in the cafeteria. They both went and bought themselves burritos, then took a seat in a far corner of the cafeteria.

“Wait, Castiel got drunk last night?”

“Wasted.” Dean snorted. “And then he asked me a bunch of invasive questions about my sex life.”

“What sex life?” She chuckled. Dean shrugged.

“I don’t know. He was drunk; I can’t really blame him.” Dean said, unwrapping his burrito and pouring some hot sauce on it. Charlie watched with a confused frown on her face, not saying anything for a while. After almost a full two minutes of silence, Dean finally spoke.

“So I was thinking that we could do a Dr. Who role play next weekend.” He said. Charlie smiled brightly.

“Ooh, I like the sound of that. You can be 11 and I’ll be Rose.”

Dean grinned, picking up his burrito and taking a large bite. As he chewed he spoke. “Yeah, and we could even do it in the city if you want. There’s this older part of Cambridge where there are a couple telephone booths that could definitely be used as Tardises.”

Charlie smiled widely. “Dean Winchester, you are such a nerd.”

Dean blushed a bit and smiled at Charlie. “Only for you.” He said sweetly, winking at her. She rolled her eyes and nudged his arm.

“Shut up.” She laughed. Dean stuck his tongue out at her, then took a rather large bite of his burrito. They finished their lunch after that, and Dean bid Charlie goodbye in the Student Center parking lot. He had a paper to write for his Econ class, and he also needed to check up on Cas.

He walked into the room to find it dark, the shades drawn tight over the windows. Castiel sat withhis legs crossed on his bed, a cigarette hanging loosely from his lips. Dean frowned as he walked in and closed the door.

“Dude, it looks like a scene from some crappy black and white 20’s movie in here.” Dean chuckled. “What gives?”

“Hangover.” Castiel answers, looking up at Dean with hooded eyes. He plucks the cigarette from his lips and yawns, running a hand through his tussled hair.

“Dean, I would like to apologize for what I said last night. Those questions… they were invasive. It was wrong of me to ask them.”

Dean shrugged. “It’s fine, man. You scared me for a minute, though. Thought you wanted to have sex with me or some shit.” He snorted, flipping the light switch on and plopping down in his bed. Castiel looked over at Dean and frowned slightly.

“I’m sorry. I hope I didn’t make you upset.” He said quietly. Dean shook his head, reaching down under his bed and pulling out his laptop.

“It’s fine, Cas. I knew you wouldn’t hurt me.” He said, then smiled crookedly at Cas. “’Sides, you were too drunk to do anything anyway. Lightweight.”

“Shut up.” Cas laughed, blushing. He tugged at his purple lip piercing, worrying it between his teeth. “Still, I’m really sorry for making you uncomfortable. I feel like I should make it up to you.”

Dean raised an eyebrow and glanced over at Cas as he powered up his computer. “Yeah? And how’re you gonna do that?”

Cas bit his lips. “Well, tomorrow _is_ Valentine’s Day…” he said. Dean’s eyebrows shot up, and he almost gasped aloud. He had totally forgotten. After all, that’s what years of being single on Valentine’s Day did to a guy.

Shit, he felt horrible.

“Fuck, Cas, I totally forgot.” He said weakly, frowning. Cas shrugged.

“It’s fine, Dean. I don’t want anything, anyway.”

“I can’t imagine that that is true.” Dean said, frowning. Cas shrugged, and Dean sighed. “Anyway, what do you want to do?”

“I don’t know. We could go bowling.”

“How cliché of you. Maybe we should just get a bottle of wine and lay out some rose petals and have a whole romantic night in.”

“Sounds gay.” Castiel laughed.

“You’re gay.”

  
“Homoromantic, actually.” Castiel said, tilting his nose up in the air. Dean laughed and grabbed his pillow, chucking it at Castiel’s head.

“Shut up.” He snorted, turning his attention towards his laptop. Cas grinned and held onto the pillow, laying on his side and holding it close. Dean began to type away, the feeling of Cas’s eyes on him less of a nuisance and more of a comforting presence. He wrote for an hour or two, watching Cas shuffle around the room out of his peripheral vision, fumbling with his phone and playing around with his laptop for a bit.

Dean was halfway through his paper when he decided to take a break, and he slowly stood up, stretching and yawning. Cas looked up at him, dropping his phone on the bed.

“You up for a walk?” Dean asked. Castiel shrugged and stood up, reaching out and taking Dean’s hand in his own as he pocketed his phone.

“Where to?” He asked, following Dean out of the dorm room. Dean shrugged, smiling over at Cas.

“I don’t know. We could take a walk around the football stadium, or something. I just need a break from that stupid paper.”

“Hmm.” Castiel nodded, reaching up with his free hand and pushing Dean’s hair out of his eyes. “You look so cute when you write. Your face gets all crinkled up and you make this little pouty face.”

Dean blushed hard. “Are you trying to embarrass me?” He mumbled. Castiel laughs and leans in, pressing a soft kiss to Dean’s cheek.

“Nah. Just want you to know that I love you.”

Dean rolled his eyes, but smiled nonetheless. “Yeah. I love you too.”

 

 

\---

_“Well I’m hot blooded, check it and see… I got a fever of a hundred and three. Come on baby, do you do more than dance? I’m hot blooded, I’m hot blooded!”_

Castiel sang along quietly to the Foreigner song, tapping his fingers against the steering wheel of his crappy car. The engine rumbled as he pressed on the gas, traveling down the road. He was heading back to campus, a small bouquet of daisies sitting in the passenger seat. He knew that Dean would balk at them when he saw them, but Cas had big plans for them. He was going to set them in a vase full of black and purple dye before he gave them to Dean, and he was sure that Dean would love them.

Then again, Dean seemed to love everything Cas did for him. Castiel smiled at the thought of his boyfriend, who just so happened to be the biggest romantic sap on the face of the earth.

He pulled to a stop at a red light, reaching out and fumbling with the radio, tying to find a station that would come in better. Lately his car radio hadn’t been picking up many stations clearly. It was hard for him to admit that it might be because he needed to get a new car.

Castiel looked up just in time to see it. A huge pick-up truck, headlights blaring, barreled past the intersection. Castiel gasped, reaching out and pounding on his horn before the truck hit his car headlong. Castiel took in a deep breath, his body slamming back into the car seat. He screamed, crying out in pain as he felt his car crunching in on him. Somewhere in his mind it registered that his air bags had failed, and panic coursed through him.

He must have blacked out, but he wasn’t sure. He groaned out loud, his body numb. He slowly lifted his arm, touching his side. He felt something sticky and he blinked, looking down at his abdomen. All he saw was red, though, and he began to panic.

“Hey, man, calm down.” He heard a stranger’s voice at his window and he looked up, blinking rapidly as bright sunlight flooded his vision. He couldn’t see the face of the man who was speaking, but he was sure he was standing in front of him. Cas groaned and closed his eyes, leaning back in his seat.

“Mom. _Mom_.” He cried out, his numb body tingling slightly as his breathing grew rapid.

“Shit, kid, we’ll get your mom. Just hang in there. Help is on the way.”

 

 

  
**Now**

 

 

Dean ran through the doors of the emergency room, out of breath and panicked as he looked around. He quickly spotted Gabriel, who stood up when he saw him and stepped forward, pulling Dean into a hug. Dean didn’t hesitate to return the gesture, squeezing his boyfriend’s brother tightly.

“Is Cas okay?” He asked quickly, pulling back. Gabriel scratched the back of his neck and shook his head.

“I don’t know, Dean. They’ve had him in surgery for over an hour and a half. I haven’t gotten any news.”

Dean felt his heart pounding in his chest, blood rushing in his ears. He looked down the hallwaus towards the OR, his eyes filling with tears. In one of those rooms down the hallway, Cas was fighting for his life. Dean had seen the pictures Gabriel sent him of Cas’s car, and he knew that it wasn’t pretty.

He swallowe down the lump in his throat, steeling hmself up a bit and swiping his eyes.

“Cas is a tough guy. He’ll make it through this.” Dean said. The words were spoken more for his own benefit than anyone else’s, but Gabriel seemed to stand a little straighter at Dean’s words. He nodded.

“You’re right.” He said, biting his lips. “Cas is strong. He’ll be just fine.

Dean nodded and looked down, falling silent. After a few seconds, Gabriel cleared his throat.

“The- uh- the cops gave me these.” He said, holding out a small, crushed bouquet of daisies. Dean choked on his own breath as he reached for them, taking them into his hands. They were all wilted and crushed, but they still smelled like daisies, and Dean felt more tears welling up in his eyes as he looked down at them.

“He must’ve… must’ve…” Dean swallowed, looking up at Gabriel. “He wanted to do something for Valentine’s Day, y’know? I was gonna surprise him and take him to a Steakhouse downtown.” He said. Gabriel smiled a little, reaching out to touch Dean’s arm gently. Dean clutched the flowers close and closed his eyes, trying to fight the urge to cry.

The silence between them was interrupted by Dean’s phone ringing.

“Shit.” He murmured, pulling his cell phone out of his back pocket and checking the caller ID. It was his mother. “I was supposed to call home over two hours ago. I’ve got to take this.” Dean walked off towards the men’s restroom, leaving Gabriel alone in the waiting room. He resumed his seat, looking nervously at the clock on the wall. It had now been an hour and 45 minutes.

Gabriel was fiddling with his phone in an attempt to distract himself when he looked up and came face to face with his older brother Michael. He frowned and stood up, narrowing his eyes at his brother.

Gabriel nearly growled out his next sentence. “What the hell are you doing here?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I fixed the formatting for the chapter, since it was all weird before. My apologies.
> 
> Please comment your thoughts on this chapter! I love hearing you guys whine ;)


	16. Michael

Gabriel clenched his fists, glaring at his older brother as they stood in the middle of the Emergency Room waiting area. The tension began to mount as they stared at each other, and eventually, Michael spoke.

“Gabriel, can’t we interact like peaceful adults?” He said, his voice low and steady. Gabriel scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I don’t know, Mike. Can we?” He snapped, raising an eyebrow at his older brother. “I mean, you’re the one who told Castiel that he was a ‘dirty fag’ and ‘he’d be lucky if he didn’t die of AIDS by the age of 30’ the last time you saw him.” He hissed. Michael sighed and looked away, running his fingers through his dark, black hair.

“I made a mistake, Gabriel. Can’t I at least try to make it better?” He asked. Gabriel rolled his eyes.

“Since when do you want to try making things better, Mike? You’ve been making life miserable for Cassie since the _day_ he came out, and now all of a sudden you want to change?” He snorted and shook his head. Michael sighed.

“Gabriel, I don’t want to fight. I just want to be here for my brother. Is that so much to ask?” He asked. Gabriel’s jaw clenched and he turned away from Michael, looking towards the bathroom that Dean had disappeared into earlier. He said nothing in response to Michael’s words, and then he felt Michael rest his hand on his shoulder befo3re he took a seat. Gabriel sighed and looked down at his older brother for a few moments before resuming his seat beside the man.

“How’d you find out about the accident, anyway?” Gabriel asked. Michael looked at his younger brother and frowned.

“I was home when you called mom to tell her what had happened. After she hung up with you, she told me. She said some other pretty horrible things, too.” He said, swallowing and casting his green eyes down to the floor. “I couldn’t just sit there while I knew… You know, she said the accident was really bad. I just didn’t want to sit there at home knowing that Cas might… Might…”

“He’ll be okay. He’s strong.” Gabriel whispered when Michael couldn’t finish his sentence. Michael nodded, a solemn look on his face as Gabriel reached out to touch his shoulder. When Michael was silent, Gabriel snorted out a sad little laugh. “Do you remember… Remember when he was 10 and he broke his arm as baseball practice?”

Michael nodded, smiling weakly. “Yeah, I do. He didn’t tell anybody about it for three whole days, ‘cause he thought mom would make him quit the team.”

Gabriel snorted and shook his head, smiling a little bit. “Yeah… He’s always been a tough cookie.” Gabriel said, biting his lips. Michael nodded, and silence fell between the two brothers once again. When Michael spoke again a few minutes later, his voice was strained.

“I’m not going to be able to live with myself if the last words I ever said to my brother were that he… he deserved to die because he… he…”

“Likes guys?” Gabriel finished his sentence for him, raising an eyebrow. Michael swallowed and nodded, running his fingers through his hair and shaking his head.

“It seems so stupid now.” He snorted to himself and looked up at Gabriel. “I mean… We were raised to think that being gay was the worst thing in the world. But… I feel like abandoning your family is a greater sin than homosexuality ever could be. I know… I know that I treated Cas really bad, but…” Michael shook his head and wiped his eyes, which were now filled with tears. “Fuck, I can’t imagine living without him. He’s my little brother and I love him. I love him so much.”

Gabriel frowned and draped an arm over Michael’s shoulder, pulling him in for an awkward half-hug. “I know. I love him too.” He whispered, closing his eyes. He felt Michael shivering in his arms, and when he pulled back from the hug Michael quickly concealed his face from his brother.

“I’m sorry. I don’t usually cry like this…”

“S’okay.” Gabriel said, smiling a little at his brother. “We’re all allowed to cry sometimes.”

“You need a tissue?” Dean’s voice came from beside Gabriel. Both men looked up to see Dean standing there, a small plastic package of Kleenex held out towards Michael. The dark haired man swallowed and reached forward, taking one of the tissues from Dean’s hand.

“Thanks.” He murmured, ducking his head and blowing his nose. Gabriel bit his lips.

“Dean, this is my brother Michael.” He said, placing a hand on Michael’s shoulder. “Michael, this is Dean. He’s Castiel’s… His… Umm…”

“I’m his boyfriend.” Dean said, extending a hand to Michael. The man took it slowly, carefully shaking Dean’s hand.

“It’s nice to meet you, Dean.” He said softly, almost unsure of his words. He bit his lips. “So... you’re a homosexual as well?”

Dean frowned and glanced over at Gabriel, then back at Michael. “I… uh…”

“You don’t have to answer that, Dean.” Gabriel said, resting a hand on Dean’s forearm, giving his brother a pointed look. “Mike, don’t be rude.”

“I… apologize.” Michael said, swallowing and releasing Dean’s hand. “I really am happy to meet you, though. How long have you and my brother been… together?”

“Since October.” Dean said, looking towards OR. “This was supposed to be our first Valentine’s Day together.” He said, quieter now. “I just hope he makes it out of this okay.”

Gabriel swallowed and looked up at Dean. “I still haven’t gotten any news from the doctors.” He said. Dean swallowed nervously and shook his head, sinking down in the seat on Gabriel’s left side. Gabriel reached over and draped his arm over Dean’s shoulder, squeezing it gently. Dean leaned in and rested his head on Gabriel’s shoulder.

“My mom wanted to know what was wrong. Why it took so long for me to call her.” He whispered, his Adam’s Apple bobbing in his throat. “I couldn’t… I couldn’t tell her what really happened. I told her my phone died and I couldn’t get a chance to charge it until now.” He said, sighing. “I hate lying to her.”

“Why couldn’t you just tell her the truth?” Gabriel asked, frowning. Dean shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut tight. He didn’t say anything for a while, and when he finally spoke, it was in a hushed tone.

“He’s the love of my life, Gabriel.” He whispered, his voice shaking. Both Gabriel and Michael looked over at him, and Dean drew in a deep, shaky breath. “I’m so scared.” He admitted. “Everyone that I love… I always let them down. I always let them down and they leave me and now Cas… Now he’s gonna leave me too and I… I can’t… I…”

“Okay, okay,” Gabriel shushed Dean, hugging him around the side of his body. Dean shivered and closed his eyes, ducking his head and wiping his face. Gabriel rubbed his back. “It’s gonna be okay, Dean. Don’t cry. You look prettier when you smile.”

“Shut up.” He grumbled, glaring up at Gabriel. Gabriel smiled a little, and Dean rolled his eyes. “Cas would break your nose if he heard you calling me pretty.”

Gabriel chuckled. “I know.” He said softly. Dean looked at Gabriel’s face for a moment before he smiled weakly, wiping his face again. As Gabriel was rubbing Dean’s back, a doctor made their way over to them.

“Mr. Novak?” He asked. Michael and Gabriel both looked up when the doctor spoke, and Gabriel quickly stood up.

“Is Castiel okay?” He asked. The doctor sighed, looking between Gabriel, Dean and Michael before speaking.

“He’s stable at the moment, yes. But it was touch and go for a while. He’s very strong. He’s asleep now, but if there are no complications, he should be awake within a few hours.”

“Can we see him?” Dean asked, standing up as well. The doctor frowned a little bit.

“At this time we’d prefer if he didn’t have any visitors, unless they are direct family members. And I’d prefer that only one family member see him at a time. He needs his rest.”

“O-Okay.” Dean said, looking down. Gabriel looked down at him, reaching out and placing a hand on Dean’s shoulder. Dean shook his head.

“Just go. You need to see him.”

“Alright.” Gabriel said. “Why don’t you and Michael go get some coffee in the cafeteria?”

“Okay. Coffee sounds good, actually.” He said, looking over at Michael. “Is that okay?” he asked. Michael nodded.

“Of course.” He said, then looked over at Gabriel. “I guess… You’ll come meet us when your done? I would like to… Ahh…”

“Of course, bro.” Gabriel said, patting Michael on the shoulder before he turned around and walked down the hall. Michael and Gabriel watched him go before they looked at each other. Michael offered Dean a weak smile and Dean swallowed.

“So… coffee?” He said. Michael smiled and nodded.

“Yeah. Coffee.”

\---

.

Castiel woke up at 2 AM. Gabriel and Michael were both in the room when it happened. Gabriel was sitting by Cas’s bedside and Michael was standing behind him, talking on the phone with their sister, Anna. 

“he’s awake!” Gabriel suddenly gasped, reaching for Cas’s hand and squeezing it. Castiel groaned softly, shifting a bit. He hissed in pain when he did so, his hand going to his stomach. “It’s okay, Cassie, just stay still. Mike, go get the doctor.” He said quickly.

“Michael is here?” Castiel asked, his voice hoarse as he turned to look at the door, which opened and closed as Michael ran to go get the doctor.

“Yeah. He came as soon as he heard what happened.” Gabriel answered softly. Castiel frowned, shifting again and grimacing in pain.

“Why would he do that? Michael hates me.” He said, opening his eyes again to look up at Gabriel. Gabriel gave him a soft look, squeezing his fingers again.

“That’s not true, Cas.” Gabriel said, biting his lips. “You can talk to him when he comes back in here. But I’ve got to tell you, Cas, he’s been worried sick about you for the past 5 hours. He wouldn’t leave your side.”

Castiel blinked slowly, then looked away from Gabriel and towards the door. “Where’s Dean?” He asked. Gabriel sighed.

“I think he’s in the cafeteria drowning himself in a coffee pot. I’ll call him.” He said, pulling his phone out and dialing Dean’s number. As he raised his phone to his ear, Michael came back in, followed closely by a nurse. She checked all of Castiel’s vitals, helping him get into a more comfortable position.

“Do you want some pudding, sweetheart?” She asked him quietly as she helped prop his head up on some pillows. He nodded.

“Could I get some orange juice too?” He asked quietly. The nurse smiled and nodded.

“Of course. I’ll be back soon.” She said, then stood up and left the room. As the nurse left, Michael took a seat beside Cas’s bed. At the same moment, Gabriel walked back towards the bed, sliding his phone back into his pocket.

“Dean is on his way.”

“Good.” Castiel said, closing his eyes as he felt the medicine the nurse had given him begin to set in. He felt Michael lay his hand over his gently, and he opened his eyes to look up at his brother.

“Cas.” He whispered. Castiel frowned.

“Michael.”

“I… I was worried sick, Cas. I thought…” He swallowed, shaking his head. “Anyway, I’m glad you’re awake. I wanted to tell you…”

“That you hate me?” Cas asked, frowning at his brother. Michael opened his mouth to speak, but Cas beat him to it. “Or did you come here to tell me that I deserved to die? Dirty fags like me don’t deserve the right to live. Isn’t that what you said?”

“Cas, I… I didn’t mean it when I said that…”

“Sure sounded like you meant it when you said it.” He murmured, looking towards the door to see Dean standing there, panting and out of breath. His face lit up with a wide smile when he saw him, and instant relief swept over Dean’s face as he crossed the room. He crouched down next to the empty side of Cas’s bed, reaching forward and grabbing his free hand.

“Oh, baby.” Dean whispered, showering Cas’s skin with kisses. Cas reached out and cupped Dean’s face, stroking his fingers through his hair.

“I’m sorry I ruined our Valentine’s Day, Dean.” He murmured. Dean shook his head tears springing to his eyes.

“No, no, you didn’t ruin it. You didn’t ruin our Valentine’s Day.” He gasped, squeezing Cas’s fingers and kissing his hands again. “I’m just glad that you’re okay.”

Cas smiled and continued to stroke his fingers through Dean’s hair, finally letting his hand slip down the side of Dean’s face and fall back into his open hand. Dean gave his fingers a gentle squeeze, smiling at his boyfriend.

“Castiel.” Michael’s voice interrupted his and Dean’s conversation. Castiel turned his head towards his older brother, regarding him with a cold look.

“What do you want, Michael?” He asked, scowling. Michael bit his lips.

“Can… can we talk? Please?”

“About what?” Castiel gritted out, his fingers tightening around Dean’s hand. Dean stroked his thumb over Cas’s skin, trying to soothe him. It hardly helped.

“I just want to apologize for what I said to you the last time we spoke.” He said, ignoring the way that Castiel scoffed at him as he continued to speak. “The way I treated you was sinful. It was wrong. I just… I got so caught up in mom’s righteous religious bullshit that I think I forgot…” He swallowed, looking down at his lap guiltily. “I forgot that you’re my family and I’m supposed to love you no matter what. And I’m sorry for that, little brother, and I love you.”

Castiel stared at Michael with wide blue eyes, his mouth hanging open ever slightly as his heart thudded in his chest. Blood rushed in his ears as he let Michael’s words sink in, burning into his brain and lighting an angry fire in his heart. 

Who the hell did Michael think he was? What made him think that he had the right to show up in Cas’s hospital room and tell him that he was sorry and that he loved him- _loved him_ \- after everything that he had put him through. He had had to deal with Michael’s unwavering hatred and nasty comments every day since he was sixteen years old, and now Michael thought that he could fix all of that by showing up and telling him that he _loved_ him?

Cas didn’t think so.

“Get out.” He hissed angrily, tears filling hi eyes and betraying his real emotions as he pointed towards the door. Michael opened his mouth to speak, but before he could, Castiel repeated himself. This time, his voice was even more broken than it had been the first time. “Get. Out. _Now_.”

Michael stood up, looking down at Gabriel for some sort of support. Gabriel simply shook his head at his brother, his lips pressed tightly together. Michael frowned and looked over at Dean, who looked away from him and turned his attention back to Castiel. Michael huffed out a sigh and turned, storming out of the room.

As soon as he heard the door close, Castiel burst into tears. He turned his face and buried it in his pillow, his body trembling as he sobbed.

“How could he say that he loves me?” Castiel choked out between sobs. Dean shushed him, pushing Cas’s hair out of his face and brushing his years away. Dean’s actions seemed to help calm Cas a little bit, though he continued to cry into his pillow.

“He made my life hell. He made sure- made _sure_ that I never made any friends. He- he made me hate myself every day of my life… And now he says that he loves me! How could he say that? How could he _lie_ like that?” Castiel sobbed, his eyes squeezed shut and his fists clenched in the sheets.

“Baby, you need to calm down.” Dean whispered, smoothing his hand over Castiel’s tousled head and shooting Gabriel a worried look. If Castiel kept screaming and crying like this, Dean was scared that he might start coughing up blood, or something worse. “You’re going to hurt yourself.”

“You don’t get it, Dean!” Castiel screamed, making his heart monitor go crazy. “I’m not going to hurt myself- _he’s_ going to hurt me!” he yelled, pointing towards the door. “He- he as no right… he told me… He told me that he hoped I would die! He told me that he hoped I would get AIDS and drop dead!” Castiel let out a wet sob, his body shaking. “He’s only here ‘cause he feels guilty. He doesn’t love me.” He whimpered softly as he pressed his face into the pillow. “He couldn’t.”

“Okay.” Dean whispered, his voice strained as he fought the urge to cry. He cupped Cas’s red face, wiping his tears away. He looked up at Gabriel, who reached out and rested a gentle hand on his brother’s shoulder.

“We won’t let him in here again. Okay, buddy?” He asked.

Cas sniffled and nodded, silent tears still sliding down his cheeks. Gabriel sighed.

“Why don’t you get some sleep? You look exhausted.” He said. Castiel frowned a little bit, shaking his head.

“What about my pudding?” He mumbled. Gabriel chuckled.

“Your pudding will be here when you wake up, little bro.” he whispered. Castiel hummed sleepily, turning to look at his brother through puffy red eyes.

“You’re lying. You’re gonna eat it.” He grumbled. Gabriel laughed, smiling at his brother and reaching forward and ruffle his hair.

“Go to bed, Cassie. You look like shit.” He said. Cas grunted and leaned back on his pillows, closing his eyes. Dean reached out and took his hands again, squeezing his fingers.

“I’ll be right here when you wake up, baby.” He whispered, leaning in to kiss Cas’s forehead. Cas hummed, his voice thick and sleepy when he spoke.

“Thanks Dean. Love you.” He mumbled. Dean smiled a little bit, giving Cas’s hand a gentle squeeze.

“I love you too. Now sleep.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So Castiel finally confronted his older brother... sort of. 
> 
>  
> 
> **Please comment your thoughts and feedback below! ^_^**


	17. In The Hospital

When Cas woke again, it was morning. Orange rays of sunlight flooded the room through the open window, and he blinked several times before he looked down to see Dean sleeping against the side of the bed. He smiled, slowly reaching out and carding his fingers through Dean’s hair.

“He really loves you, y’know.” Gabriel’s voice startled Cas, and he turned to see his brother standing in the doorway, holding a plastic McDonalds bag. Castiel smiled and nodded.

“I know he does. He loves me more than he loves himself.” Cas said the last sentence with a frown on his face, removing his fingers from Dean’s hair and watching as his brother came closer to the bed. Gabriel sat down beside Castiel, placing the McDonalds bag on the table beside his bed and smiling.

“I’m glad that you two have each other. He seems like a nice kid. Blushes a lot, though.”

Castiel snorted and smiled, looking back down at Dean. “Yeah. I think it’s cute, though.”

Gabriel made a mock-gagging noise, though he continued to smile at his brother. “Anyway, how’re you feeling, Cassie? Ready to get right back up and run a mile?”

Castiel snorted. “As if. Is this for me?” Cas asked, reaching for the McDonalds beg and opening it up. Gabriel hummed and nodded, watching at Cas hungrily tore the bag open and pulled out a hash brown. He nearly crammed the entire thing down his throat, moaning happily when he tasted the greasy, salt treat.

“Don’t be gross, Cas.” Gabriel said. Cas rolled his eyes and licked his fingers off, reaching into the bag and pulling out an Egg McMuffin.

“Shut up, Gabriel. I almost died. I have a right to be hungry.” He said through a mouth full of food. Gabriel laughed, reaching out and ruffling Cas’s hair. He let his hand rest in his younger brother’s hair for a moment, smiling at him.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” He said, dropping his hand and letting it rest in his lap. Castiel hummed around his food, making a pleased sound as he reached out to wash it down with some water.

“Where’s… Ahh… Where’s Michael?” He asked after he finished eating, looking towards the door uneasily.

“He’s back at my apartment.” Gabriel said. “He said that he was gonna swing by around noon.”

Castiel frowned, reaching for his water and taking a long sip. Once he finished his drink he placed it back on the bedside table, narrowing his eyes at his older brother.

“I don’t want to see him, Gabriel. I don’t want him to come in here.”

Gabriel sighed. “Cas, I know that he hurt you, but he really is sorry. I know that it doesn’t make everything better, but he really does love you and feels horrible for the way that he treated you…”

“I don’t care.” Castiel said stubbornly, crossing his arms over his chest. “I don’t care how many empty apologizes and ‘I love you’s he lays on me. He won’t ever be able to make up for all of the things he said and did to me growing up.”

“Cas, he’s family…”

“He’s family? Really?” Castiel snorted. “Where were you to tell _him_ that three years ago when I came out? Why couldn’t you tell him that every day that he beat my ass for being gay? Why couldn’t you have told him that when he bullied Anna so badly that she ran away? Or when he told me that I should follow her; that if I died, nobody would miss me? Where was your ‘family’ then, Gabriel?”

“Don’t you _dare_ turn this on me, Castiel.” Gabriel growled in response. “I did all I could when we were growing up. I did my best to protect you every day. But you’ve got to remember that I was a kid too. I couldn’t be there all the time…”

“You could have been there at least some of the time, then. Instead you just let Michael and mom torture me while you went out and did drugs and shacked up with your girlfriends!”

“I cannot believe you right now.” Gabriel hissed back, standing up and grabbing his jacket off the back of his chair. “I’m the only person in our God forsaken family who has gone out of my way to make sure that you’re always okay; always doing alright. How _dare_ you act like I _let_ Michael hurt you. Did you ever think that maybe I tried to stop him? That maybe I _couldn’t_?” He snorted and shook his head. “Not everybody is against you, Cas. _I_ am not against you. I suggest that you get that chip removed from your shoulder before somebody removes it for you.” He said, then turned and stormed from the room.

Castiel groaned and threw his head back against the pillows.

“Cas?” Dean’s groggy voice beside him caught his attention, and he turned to look at a messy haired, sleepy eyed Dean.

“Hey.” Cas whispered, reaching out to cup Dean’s stubbly cheek. “Sleep well?”

“Hardly. Was somebody yelling?” He asked, looking around as he sat up. He yawned loudly, sitting up straight and stretching. Cas sighed.

“Just family drama. You don’t have to worry about it.” Castiel said. Dean hummed and nodded, leaning forward to nuzzle his nose against Cas’s chin. Cas smiled a little and carded his fingers through Dean’s hair, wrapping his arms around him as the man slowly climbed up on to the bed and lay down beside him.

“Hey, I didn’t give you permission to lie in my bed.” Castiel pouted. Dean rolled his eyes.

“Is it alright if I lie in your bed with you, then, Your Highness?”

“Certainly.” Castiel grinned, leaning in and slotting his mouth against Dean’s. The young man hummed, reaching up to tug lightly at Cas’s hair as he pushed his tongue into his mouth, claiming him. He pulled back a few seconds later, smiling.

“I love you so much.” He whispered. Castiel’s lips twitched up into a small smile and he leaned forward, nuzzling Dean’s neck and smiling against his skin. 

“I love you too. Thank you for staying the night.” He breathed. Dean hummed and stroked his fingers through Cas’s thick black hair.

“Couldn’t leave you.” He said quietly, pressing soft, open mouthed kisses all over Cas’s neck and jaw. “Not after everything that happened. Thought I was gonna lose you, Cas.”

“I’m sorry.” Castiel said, shifting slightly so that he could better face Dean. He grimaced as he moved, but reached out to cup Dean’s cheek nonetheless. “I dreamt of you.”

“Yeah?” Dean asked softly, leaning into Cas’s touch. Cas smiled and nodded.

“Yeah. You took me to this restaurant for Valentine’s Day, and then we walked on the beach. It was nice. I wanted to kiss you, but for some reason I couldn’t. And then… you lit me a cigarette and put it in between my lips for me.” Cas paused to lick his lips, mumbling something under his breath about wanting a cigarette before he continued. “And then you look my hand and you brought me down to the surf. You told me to go… You pointed towards the ocean. But, you know, I’m scared of the ocean…”

“Wait, are you serious?” Dean interrupted Cas, smiling at him. Cas nodded.

“Duh. There are way too many sharks and killer whales and poisonous jellyfish out there for the ocean to be safe to swim in.” He said, then sighed. “Anyway, you kept telling me to go. You said it was ‘time’ or some shit. So I said ‘fuck you’ and I marched away from the water. And then I woke up and Gabriel was there.”

Dean smiled and pulled Castiel close squeezing him and kissing his forehead. “Thank God you’re a stubborn little shit.” He snorted, kissing the top of his head. 

“Hey, I may be a stubborn shithead, but I’m _you’re_ stubborn shit head.” He said. Dean smiled.

“Yeah, you are.” He breathed, kissing Cas’s lips in a slowly, wet kiss and pulling him close again. Cas sighed and rested his head in the crook of Dean’s neck, closing his eyes. They lay together in silence for a few moments before speaking again.

“My brother Gabriel wants me to talk to Michael.” He mumbled, opening his eyes and looking up at Dean. The young man frowned.

“Is that what all the screaming was about earlier?”

“Yeah… Gabriel told me that I should consider forgiving Michael because he’s family and I… I snapped at him. I feel bad, though. I accused him of not really caring about me, and I know that that’s not true. I know that he cares about me, I was just…”

“You were angry.” Dean finished Cas’s sentence for him when he couldn’t. Cas sighed and nodded. “I’s okay, Cas. We all have those moments.”

“I think I have to apologize to him.” He said, resigned. Dean pursed his lips and ran his fingers through Cas’s hair.

“That shouldn’t be so hard.”

“Dean, this is my brother we’re talking about. Apologies aren’t something that we… do… in my family.” He let out an annoyed huff. “Maybe I can just avoid him instead.”

“Cas, the dude’s paying for your college. I think that an apology _and_ a thank you are in order.”

Castiel’s nose scrunched up and he narrowed his eyes at Dean. “I hate you.”

“That means you know that I’m right.” Dean said, smirking slightly. Cas rolled his eyes.

“No, it means that I hate you.” Cas grumbled, though he couldn’t help but smile when his blue eye met Dean’s green ones. Dean leaned in and placed a chaste kiss on his lips. He smiled as Cas leaned into the kiss, moaning softly. Dean pulled away smirking and Cas rolled his eyes.

“If you keep smirking like that, you’re face is gonna get stuck in that position.”

“And?” Dean asked, raising an eyebrow. Castiel chuckled and shook his head, rolling back onto his back and sighing.

“Shut up and go get me some pudding, asshole.” He said. Dean smiled and sat up, sliding out of Cas’s bed and stretching.

“Vanilla or chocolate?” He asked. Cas shrugged.

“Surprise me.” He said, shooting a wink at Dean. Dean laughed and shook his head.

“You are _such_ a dork.” He grinned, walking out of the room. He closed the door to the room and turned, bumping right into Cas’s older brother. Michael. He frowned at the man and straightened his back, his jaw clenching.

“Cas doesn’t want to see you.” He said, a little harsher than he had intended. Michael frowned.

“I’m his brother. I have a right to see him.”

“Not if he doesn’t want to see you.” Dean said easily, giving Michael a hard look. The man let out an annoyed sigh.

“Dean, I need to speak to Castiel now. This is family business, okay? So please just-”

“Dean is family.” Dean looked to his right to see Gabriel standing there, two coffee cups held in his hands. Dean felt a blush rising on his cheeks as Gabriel and Michael stared at each other, and after a few awkward moments of silence Dean cleared his throat.

“Gabe, I think that Cas wanted to talk to you about… something.” He said. Gabriel’s eyes flickered over to Dean, his gaze immediately softening. 

“Thank you, Dean.” He said. Dean nodded, smiling weakly.

“Okay. I was just about to go get the brat a pudding cup, anyway. I’ll be back in 10.” He said before he turned and quickly walked off towards the elevators, happy to escape the awkward moment. He couldn’t imagine what Novak family dinners must have been like back when Cas was a teenager, and he cringed at the thought. He could remember his own father breaking plates and throwing glasses when he was drunk and angry at Dean or Mary, and it made him upset to think of Cas ever having to live through a situation like that.

By the time he had made it to the cafeteria, Dean was making himself sick with worry over Cas and his family. What was going to happen to Cas? What was going on upstairs? In the hallway Gabriel had seemed fine, but if Gabriel was anything like Cas, he was probably hotheaded and loud-mouthed. Dean cringed at the thought of them fighting, and then to throw Michael in the midst of it all, Dean was surprised that the hospital wasn’t on fire yet. He rushed to get the pudding cup, then made his way back upstairs to Cas’s floor.

When he reached the hallway outside of Cas’s room, both Gabriel and Michael weren’t in sight. He frowned slightly and stepped towards the door to Cas’s room, straining his ears to hear what was being said inside of the room. He soon found himself pressed up against the door, clutching the pudding snack to his chest as he eavesdropped intently.

“I know you hate me, Michael. You can quit acting like some angel on a noble mission to reunite our family.” He heard Castiel snap, his voice muffled slightly through the door. Dean frowned, listening to Michael’s response.

“That’s not what I’m trying to do, Cas. I know that I treated you badly and I’m _sorry_. I just want to… I want to make it up to you. I want us to be brothers again.”

“But why?” Castiel asked after a beat. “According to you, I’m a piece of trash who-”

“I was wrong when I said those things, Cas. I was wrong to ever think less of you because of your lifestyle, okay? I was wrong to think… Wrong to think that I hated you. That I’d be happy if you died.”

“Mike…” Gabriel started, but Michael cut him off.

“I know you said baby steps, Gabe, and I’m sorry. But I think that Cas deserves a real apology, so that’s what I’m gonna give him.”

Dean could hear the sarcasm in Cas’s voice as he spoke next. “So what then? You heard I was in a deadly accident and had some ‘vision’ and now you realize that you can’t live without me? That’s a bit cliché, even for you, Michael.” He said.

“Cas, you promised that you would be polite.” Gabriel said.

“I _am_ being polite.” Castiel responded.

“What’chu doing?” A female voice beside Dean had him jumping back in surprise, and he nearly toppled over at he jumped away from the door. A blonde nurse stood in front of him laughing, shaking her head at him. He swallowed.

“I was just… uh…”

“Eavesdropping on the family drama?” the nurse asked, raising an eyebrow. Dean swallowed and the women smiled, waving a hand at him. “S’okay, I do it all the time at my house.”

“I just… Uh… I went to get pudding.” Dean said awkwardly, holding up the chocolate pudding snack. The nurse laughed and smiled.

“I can see that. So, which family member are you? The baby brother? Uncle Jim’s secret lovechild that everyone knows about but nobody ever talks about? Which one?”

“I’m… Uh… I’m the gay lover.” Dean couldn’t help but laugh as he spoke, and the nurse grinned, sticking out a hand.

“Nice to meet you, Gay Lover. The name’s Meg. Don’t wear it out.”

Dean smiled a little and reached out, shaking the nurse’s hand. “I’m Dean.” He said. Just then the door swung open, and Gabriel whistled at Dean and meg.

“Woah, look at this, Cas. Dean is holding hands with another woman!” He hollered. Dean rolled his eyes and dropped his hand back to his side, casting Meg an apologetic look. She looked more along the lines of amused than annoyed, though, so Dean took that as a good sign. He glared over at Gabriel.

“Haha, you’re so funny.” He said dryly, stepping past him and into the room. He saw that Michale was sitting silently in the chair beside Cas’s bed, and Cas was laying on top of the bedsheets looking rather uncomfortable. Dean could see now that Cas’s leg was in a large cast, but other than that and the large bandage wrapped around his torso, he looked fine. He held up the pudding snack for Cas to see. “I got your pudding. Chocolate.”

“Cool. Toss it.” He said, holding out his hands. Dean tossed the pudding snack and Cas caught it, looking up at Dean expectantly. “You got a spoon?”

Dean bit his lip and shook his head. “No, sorry. I forgot.”

“You’re so useless.” Castiel teased. Dean smiled a little.

“Really, now? I can think of quite a few things that I’m very useful for.” He said, smirking slightly. Cas grinned and held his arm out, beckoning Dean closer as he spoke.

“Yeah? You wanna show me?” He asked. Dean grinned and stepped forward, letting Cas wrap an arm around his waist as he leaned down to kiss his boyfriend. He heard Gabriel making gagging noises behind them as the nurse Meg cooed in the background. When Dean pulled away from the kiss he was blushing, and he quickly ducked his head and went to sit on the other side of the room.

“Hey, sugar lips, it’s time to change your bandages. One person can stay, all the rest need to scram.” The nurse Meg said from the doorway.

“Dean.” Castiel said quickly. Michael huffed and stood up, following Gabriel out of the room as Meg walked towards the bed. She helped prop Cas up on his pillows before she began to unwrap his bandages slowly. Dean walked over to the bed and sat down beside it, reaching out to take Cas’s hand in his own.

“What’s going on?” he asked softly. Cas shrugged.

“Just Michael being himself. He wants me to accept his apology. Right now I’m ‘considering’ it.”

“Are you actually considering it, or do you just want him to stop pestering you?

Cas shrugged. “I don’t know. Both, I guess,” He said, sighing. He winced as Meg began to clean his wound, his fingers tightening around Dean’s as he looked down at his stomach, which was a sweaty wet mess of dried blood and stitches. “Is it always gonna look like this?” He asked the nurse nervously. Meg shook her head.

“Nah, it’ll heal up. Though I doubt you’re gonna walk out of this without any permanent scars. You’ll probably have a couple on your chest, but nothing too prominent. Just ask for some ointment before you check out. It won’t get rid of all of the scars, but it should prevent extensive scarring.”

Cas nodded, then smirked over at Dean. “Gotta look sexy for my boyfriend here.” He teased. Dean laughed and shook his head.

“Shut the hell up, Cas.” He grumbled. Castiel laughed and meg shook her head, grabbing a new bandage from one of the cabinets in the room and returning to Cas’s side to wrap him up.

“S’okay, Dean. Nothing to be embarrassed about.” She said with a wink. “Though, I would advise you two to refrain from any sexual activity or exercise for at least a month or so. You wouldn’t want to tear the stitches or the scar tissue. That’d be bad.” She said. Dean snorted.

“Don’t worry, Nurse Meg. Not gonna be a problem.” He said, giving Cas a hard look. Castiel grinned back at him like a Cheshire cat, and in that moment, all Dean wanted to do was strangle his boyfriend. 

Meg finished wrapping Cas up a few minutes later, and the she left. As soon as the door closed, Cas was pulling Dean in for a soft, slow kiss on the lips.

“I love you.” He whispered. Dean smiled against his lips.

“I love you too.”

“Aww.” Gabriel and Michael both chorused from the doorway. Castiel frowned and grabbed his pillow, throwing it at them. The door slammed shut against just before the pillow could hit Gabriel in the face, and Cas laughed, smiling over at Dean.

“Come on. I want to cuddle.” He said, patting the bed. Dean rolled his eyes and slid into the bed, wrapping his arms around Cas’s wait and kissing his temple.

“You told me a few months ago that you didn’t like cuddling.” He said. Cas shrugged, turning his head so that blue eyes bore into green ones.

“Yeah, well, maybe I changed my mind.” He said. Dean smiled a little bit and leaned in, slotting his mouth against Cas’s and kissing him for a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope y'all enjoyed this chapter! Lots of Novak family drama getting stirred up, and as you can see, the Novak Family dysfunction is already starting to remind Dean of his own family's dysfunction.
> 
> Anyway, **please comment with your feedback below.** I always love to hear from you guys!!!


	18. Grumpy Castiel

Castiel was released from the hospital one week later. He was in a foul mood by then, suffering severely from cigarette withdrawals. Apparently there was a no smoking policy in the hospital, and the nurses weren’t as lenient as Dean had been when Cas offered to open up a window. Dean was actually surprised that Cas hadn’t ripped off the head of the nurse who had told him to put his cigarette out. He had looked like he wanted to, anyway.

At least Gabriel and Michael knew enough to stay away from Cas when he was pining for a cigarette. Dean was positive that Cas would have cursed both of them out if they had shown up and even tried to talk to him. As it was, he had already snapped at Dean a couple of times.

They clambered into a taxi outside of the hospital, Castiel first with his newly acquired crutches, then Dean. As Castiel laid his crutches down on the floor of the car, the young man in the driver’s seat asked them where they were headed.

“The nearest CVS.” Dean responded. Castiel shot him a confused look, and Dean quickly explained. “We have to buy Your highness here some cigarettes before he starts shooting lasers out of his eyes and breathing fire.”

Castiel rolled his eyes and the cabby chuckled. “Alright. We’ll be there in five minutes.”

Ten minutes later, Dean had bought Castiel a pack of cigarettes at the CVS, as well as a bag full of power snacks, and was climbing back into the cab. Castiel snatched the plastic shopping bag from his boyfriend as soon as he entered the car, rifling through it and grabbing his cigarettes. He tore the package open and lit a cigarette, placing it between his teeth and sinking backwards in his seat. Dean scowled.

“Dude, you didn’t even ask if it was alright to smoke in here.” He said. Castiel glared at his boyfriend, but said nothing. The cabby chuckled.

“It’s alright, sir. You look like you had a bad day anyway.”

“More like a bad life.” Castiel grumbled. Dean frowned and reached out, squeezing Cas’s knee.

“Hey, it’s gonna be okay. You’re alive, and we’re gonna go hang out with Charlie and her girlfriend tonight.”

“Gilda?” Castiel scrunched up his nose. Dean frowned.

“Yeah. What’s the matter?”

“She’s so peppy.” He paused. “I’m not peppy.”

Dean sighed, patting Cas’s thigh. “I know. But we’ll have fun. I promise.”

Castiel Cas t a sideways glance at Dean, the corners of his lips twitching slightly around the cigarette in his mouth. “What if I don’t have fun, huh?” He smirked. “Can I spank you?”

“Cas.” Dean growled. Castiel laughed, blowing cigarette smoke into Dean’s face as he did so. Dean couldn’t bring himself to care less, though, because Cas was laughing for the first time in over a week. He smiled and leaned in, pecking Cas’s cheek. 

“I love you.”

“And this is your stop.” The cabby interrupted them before Cas could respond. Dean looked up to see that they were back at MIT already, and he reached into his wallet grab some cash. Cas beat him to it, though, smiling at Dean.

“For the cigarettes.” He explained, slowly climbing out of the cab and hobbling after Dean on the sidewalk. Dean waited for him, placing a supportive hand on Cas’s lower back. “I know you hate buying them.”

“Yeah, well, my Aunt Ellen died from smoking ‘em.” He said, frowning. “Mom made me and Sammy promise never to smoke after that.”

“Oh.” Castiel frowned, plucking the cigarette from between his lips and flicking the bud. “I’m sorry, Dean.”

The young man waved a hand at Cas. “It’s okay. You ddin’t know.”

“I’ll, uh…” Cas swallowed, looking down at the cigarette in his hand. “I can try and stop, if you want me to. I can’t say that I’ll be successful, I just…” he bit his lips. Tugging his purple piercing between his teeth. “You know, there things aren’t very good for me, anyway.”

Dean’s lips twitched up a bit. “I’d like that.” He whispered. Cas sighed.

“Of course you do.” He grumbled, his breath hitching when he felt Dean wrap his arms around him and pull him closer. He dropped his cigarette on the ground, looking up at Dean with fiery blue eyes. Dean smiled.

“Baby, you could stop a clock with that attitude of yours.” He said softly, leaning in to press a soft kiss against Cas’s pink lips. Cas blushed, ducking his head and pressing his face against Dean’s shoulder. “Anyway,” Dean added, “I just want you to be around for me to love for a long time.”

“Fucking gay.” Castiel grumbled into the skin of Dean’s neck, nudging him playfully. Dean smiled.

“Actually, I prefer the term biromantic.” He said. Cas snorted and pulled away from Dean, shaking his head at his boyfriend.

“You are _trash_.” he said. Dean continued to smile at him, and Cas sighed. “You’re lucky that I love you.”

Dean grinned. “Come on.” He said, nodding towards their Residence Hall, which was still about a thousand feet away. “We both have some homework to catch up on, and then we’ve got to get ready to go out.”

“Blah, blah, blah.” Castiel huffed, limping after Dean as they walked across the quart towards residence Hall C. 

It took them nearly ten minutes to reach the building, and as Cas walked in he was nearly trampled by their RA, Becky. She gave Castiel a tight hug when she saw him, oblivious to the pained squeaking noise that he made as she manhandled him.

“Oh, Castiel, we all saw what happened on the news! We were so worried!” She announced, giving him one last squeeze before pulling back. Cas offered her a tight smile, shuffling out of her reach. “Thank God you’re alright, though.”

“Yeah.” Cas smiled tightly, nodding. “Thanks.”

“Of course. You know, we were watching it on the news after it happened, and I was just so torn up about it! The accident looked really bad- We were all so worried that you wouldn’t make it.”

Castiel cleared his throat, looking away from Becky and nodding. “Yeah, I’m not going to lie, I thought I was gonna die too.” He said. Becky gasped, surging forward and hugging him again. He moaned in pain, and Becky quickly released him.

“Oh my God! I’m _so_ sorry!” She yelled. Castiel waved a hand at her.

“It’s alright, Becky.” He said, the cleared his throat. “Look, it’s been a long day, and I’ve got a ton of homework waiting for me upstairs…”

“Of course, go do what you have to do.” Becky quickly said. “And if you need anything, I’m just a phone call away. Or a trip down the stairs. I live right below you and Dean, you know!”

“Noted.” Cas said forcing himself to smile one last time before he hobbled off with Dean. Dean laughed as he slid an arm around Cas’s hip, helping him into the elevator.

“Looks like you’ve got a friend, Cas.”

“Shut up.” Castiel hissed, his cheeks turning bright red. This only made Dean laugh harder. Castiel rolled his eyes and pressed the button for the third floor, leaning against the wall of the elevator and closing his eyes, sighing.

“I’m tired.” He said. Dean hummed, sidling up next to Cas and wrapping his arms around his waist. He kissed his forehead and rested his chin on his shoulder.

“I bet you are. You should forget your homework and take a nap instead.” He said. Castiel licked his lips, opening up his eyes.

“That actually sounds pretty good.”

\---

Three hours later, Cas woke up from his nap. He grunted and sat up, letting out a pained grunt and holding his abdomen as he moved. Dean looked over at him from where he was sitting on his own bed, laptop resting on his knees as he flipped through a text book. He frowned and moved his things to the side, sliding off of his bed.

“You okay, babe?” He asked as he walked over to Cas’s bed, sitting down beside him and raking his fingers through his hair. Cas nodded, turning his head and kissing Dean’s wrist softly.

“I’m fine. Just a bit uncomfortable.” He said, closing his eyes and leaning into Dean’s soft touch. Dean hummed.

“The doctor said you would be pretty uncomfortable for the first few days. I’ll get you your meds.” He said, standing up and going over to Cas’s dresser. On top were Cas’s pills, which Gabriel had picked up for him a few days ago when the hospital prescribed them. He got one pill for Cas, as well as a bottle of water, handing them to his boyfriend.

“Thanks, Dean.” Castiel said, taking the items and popping the pill into his mouth. He drained the water bottle in a minute flat, tilting his neck back and closing his eyes as he quenched his thirst. Dean smiled and sat down on the bed beside Castiel, leaning in to kiss Cas’s neck. Castiel groaned softly and put the water bottle down, raising an eyebrow at Dean.

“Can I help you?” He asked. Dean grinned, nuzzling his nose against Cas’s neck.

“No thanks, I think I’m good.” He said. Castiel snorted and reached down, grabbing Dean by his hair and pulling him up for a kiss. Dean hummed and smiled into it, wrapping his arms around Cas’s middle and resting his forehead against Cas’s.

“Your phone’s been buzzing for nearly an hour now.” Dean informed his boyfriend, nodding towards the dresser. Castiel pursed his lips and turned, reaching for his phone. He sighed.

“Michael is texting me.” He said, frowning and scrolling through the messages. “He wants to get lunch with you and me next weekend.”

Dean frowned slightly. “What are you going to say?”

Castiel sighed and shook his head, putting his phone down. “I think I’ll make up my mind after a few beers with Charlie. Are we still going out?”

“Hell yes.” Dean grinned, pulling away from Cas and standing up. He reached out, grabbing Cas’s hand and helping him up off the bed as well. Castiel yawned, stretching a little bit and running a hand through his messy hair.

“I’m gonna take a shower, and then we can go.”

“Alright. Think about me.” Dean said with a wink. Castiel rolled his eyes, punching Dean in the chest.

“As if. I’ll be back in like 20 minutes.” He said, and then he left. Dean grinned and shook his head before going to his dresser to pick out his outfit for the night.

\---

“How are your nightmares?” Dr. Barnes – Pamela, she had told Dean to call her- asked. Dean frowned and shrugged, looking down at the fluffy green carpet beneath his feet. He was currently seated on a comfortable leather couch, his elbows resting on his knees and his hands clasped together.

“They… come and go. The exercises you taught me help. And when I do have them, Cas usually lets me get into bed with him, and that helps stave them off.”

Pamela smiled a little bit. “That’s good, Dean. That’s progress. How is Castiel, by the way?”

Dean bit his lips. It had been nearly a week since Castiel’s return from the hospital. He was still in a lot of pain and uncomfortable using his crutches, but he was doing pretty well altogether. He was a bit more snippy than usual, of course, but Dean blamed that on cigarette withdrawal and the fact that his brothers were annoying as all hell.

“He’s doing okay. Moving causes him a lot of pain, but he’s starting physical therapy tomorrow, and the doctors said that that should speed up his recovery.”

“That’s good to hear. Castiel is a nice boy.”

“Yeah, I have to say I agree with that.” Dean smiled, biting his lips. It was silent for a few moments before Dean spoke again. “Doc, can I ask you a question?”

“Go ahead, Dean.” She said, smiling softly.

“You ever been in love with somebody?” He asked. Pamela simply smiled in response, and Dean licked his lips. “And when I say love, I mean full on head-over-heels, I would die for this person love.”

The doctor chuckled and nodded. “Once or twice, yeah.” She said. Dean leaned back, a goofy grin spread across his face.

“Yeah.” He said. Pamela smiled.

“And he helps you?”

“Every day.” Dean said softly. Pamela smiled and put her pencil down.

“Well then, I think that that’s all that matters.”


	19. Lunch At A Diner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel and Dean have lunch with Michael, and Dean has a profound discussion with his therapist that may change the way he lives his life.

“Is this okay?” Cas asked, flattening his hands out over his button down white shirt, turning to look at Dean. He ran his fingers through his hair, biting at his lip nervously and tugging his purple piercing between his teeth. Dean stepped forward, reaching out and adjusting Cas’s tie, which was flipped over.

“You look fine, babe. Why are you making such a big deal out of this? It’s just lunch with your brother.” He said, smoothing his hands out over the planes of Castiel’s chest and rubbing at his shoulders. Cas sighed and dropped his head, looking down at his feet.

“I know, but its Michael. And Michael…” Castiel sighed, tugging at his tie and fiddling with the fabric of it. “Michael isn’t Gabriel. He’s always been the… the serious one. And for years he and I have been…” Castiel made a frustrated sound in the back of his throat, huffing out a sigh and looking back up at Dean with blue, teary eyes. “He’s giving me a second chance, and I don’t want to mess this up. I don’t want him to hate me.”

“Hey, baby, don’t cry.” Dean said softly, brushing Cas’s cheeks off with his fingers. Cas scrunched his nose up and turned his face away, sniffling.

“I don’t cry. You know that I- I don’t cry.” He said indignantly. Dean smiled little and reached forward, cupping Cas’s cheek and threading his fingers through his hair. Cas leaned into the touch, huffing as Dean wrapped his arms tightly around his body. He pressed his nose against Dean’s shoulder, sniffling again.

“I do know, sweetheart, and I also know that this is gonna be okay. We’re gonna go have a nice lunch with your brother, and I’ll be there right next to you the whole time. And if he does anything you don’t like, you know we can get right up and leave. I’m not gonna let him bully you, alright?”

Cas nodded, pulling back and wiping his nose off on his sleeve. “Alright. Okay. You’re right, I’ll be fine. It’s just my brother. Nothing to worry about.” He smiled weakly, and Dean smiled back at him, combing his fingers through his boyfriend’s unruly black hair.

“That’s right. Now, how about we get you out of these clothes and into something more comfortable?” He asked, smiling. “You look so out of place in this suit and tie.”

Cas nodded, leaning in and pressing a chaste kiss to Dean’s lips before he turned around, going back to his dresser to change, unknotted his tie as he went. Dean smiled and leaned against the doorway, watching as Cas changed into his favorite, worn out ACDC shirt(Okay, so maybe it had originally belonged to Dean, but did it really matter?). He pulled on a pair of jeans and slipped into his sneakers, tussling his hair in the mirror and taking a deep breath. He turned to smile at Dean, who grinned right back at him and reached out to take his hand. Cas grabbed his keys off the dresser and stepped forward, kissing Dean softly and handing them to him. He grabbed his crutches, following Dean out when he opened the door and stepped out. 

It took them ten minutes to get to the diner where they were meeting Michael for lunch, and they were seated at a table for four in the front of the restaurant. The atmosphere of the diner was very relaxed, sixties music playing softly over the din of people eating. Autographed photos and movie posters hung framed on the walls, advertising famous films like Grease and Chitty-Chitty Bang-Bang. Their waiter arrived, placing two menus in front of them and taking their drink orders. Dean ordered a Coke, and Cas just managed to stutter out his request for a Dr. Pepper before the waiter bustled away to get them their drinks. Dean decided that Cas needed a distraction so that he wouldn't work himself up so much over the idea of lunch with his brother, and they were talking idly about their plans for the weekend when suddenly, there was Michael standing beside the table. Castiel looked up at him, swallowing nervously and pulling out a chair.

“Hey, Michael.” He said, sitting up a bit straighter. “You want to join us?”

“Yeah, Cas. Thanks.” He said awkwardly, his eyes flickering towards Dean as he slipped out of his jacket and hung it on the back of his chair. “Hello, Dean.”

“Hey, Michael. Nice to see you.” He said, smiling at his boyfriend's brother and watching him carefully as he took his seat. Michael smiled back, sitting down beside Castiel and reaching over to squeeze his little brother's shoulder.

“How’re you feeling?” He asked, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. Cas swallowed and shrugged, his eyes flickering down to Michael’s hand and then back up to his brother’s face.

“Good. I mean, my leg is sore and walking makes my back hurt, but the physical therapy is helping a lot.” He whispered, quickly reaching forward and grabbing his glass of Dr. Pepper, which the waiter had delivered moments earlier. He brought it to his lips, chugging half of the glass down before slamming it back down on the table and looking away from his brother. Michael cleared his throat and looked down at his lap, silent for a few moments before the waiter returned to interrupt the awkward silence that had fallen over the table. He gave Michael a menu, smiling politely at him as he took it.

“Hello, gentlemen. Are you all ready to order?” She asked. Michael looked between Dean and Cas, biting his lips as the three of them stared awkwardly at each other. Dean realized that lip biting must be a family trait, something that all three Novak brothers seemed to do when they were nervous.

Dean cleared his throat, smiling up at the waiter. “Yes, actually. I’ll have the Classic Cheeseburger with onion rings, pickles on the side please.” The waiter scribbled down Dean’s order, then looked over at Michael and tapped his pen against his notepad. The man made a soft humming noise, quickly opening up his menu and scanning it.

“I’ll just have the Ceaser salad with the dressing on the side, please. I’ve been trying to lay off the calories.” He said with a chuckle. Castiel snorted beside him and Dean gave his boyfriend a pointed look, which he ignored. The waiter looked over at Castiel next, smiling softly.

“I’ll just have the Bacon Cheeseburger.” He said, closing his menu and pushing it aside. The waiter nodded and collected their menus, promising that their food would be out shortly. Dean thanked him kindly, and once the waiter had walked away a tense silence settled over them again, the only sound between them being Cas’s fingers rapping against the wooden table. Finally, Michael cleared his throat.

“So, how are your classes going? Are you still going for that English major?” He asked. Castiel nodded curtly, staring down at his fingers.

“Yeah, English major with a minor in Entomology.”

“Ah, that’s right, entomology.” He said, smiling a little bit. “You always were obsessed with bees.”

Castiel shrugged, his blue eyes flicking up to meet Michael’s dark green ones. “Well, shouldn’t I be? They are wholly responsible for the survival of our ecosystem and our species, and they are going extinct.”

Michael put his hands up as if to surrender, shaking his head slightly. “Hey, little brother, if it interests you, go for it.” He said, tilting his head slightly so that he could look Cas in the eyes. He put his hands back down on the table, biting his lips again. “You get what I’m saying?”

Cas turned red and nodded, looking back down at his drink and playing with his straw. It was quiet for a few moments, and then Michael clapped his hands together.

“Alright, then. So, uh… How did you two meet?’ Michael asked, smiling at Dean and Cas. Cas shrugged, still looking down at his drink. Dean cleared his throat.

“Well, it was the first day of the semester, and I walked into my dorm room and there was Cas, laying on his bed smoking a cigarette.” Dean smiled at the memory, chuckling. Cas looked up at him, pulling his piercing between his teeth as he listened to him talk. Dean continued. “The whole damn room was filled with smoke, and this stubborn ass here refused to put out his cigarette.” 

“Hey, those things are expensive.” Castiel complained, crossing his arms over his chest. Dean rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, an expensive way to kill yourself.” He grumbled. Cas shrugged, picking up his drink and taking another long sip. Dean sighed and continued, looking over at Michael. “Anyway, as I was saying, Cas was a complete asshole when I first met him-”

“Hey, you were an asshole when we first met, too.” Castiel protested. Dean raised his eyebrows.

“Was I, now?” He asked. Castiel snorted.

“Hell yeah, you were. You hadn’t even known me for five minutes and you were already hitting on me.” He said, rolling his eyes. Dean blushed hard and reached for his own drink, hiding his face behind the glass as he took a long drink. Cas laughed easily, relaxing a bit as he bantered with Dean. He chances a glance over at his brother, surprised to see that Michael was regarding both him and Dean with a kind smile.

Dean set his drink down, obviously having recovered from his embarrassment, and shrugged.

“Whatever. Obviously you didn’t think I was that much of an asshole, because you’re dating me now.” He said. Castiel snorted.

“Oh, believe me Dean, I know you’re an asshole. I’ve just learned to love you for it.” Cas said, then turned to look at his brother. “Have you… Uh… Do you have a girlfriend? Or something?” He asked, scratching the back of his neck. Michael shook his head.

“No, I’m single at the moment. I actually just broke up with my girlfriend a week or two before your accident.” He frowned slightly. “We were together for almost a year.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.” Cas said, stirring the straw in his glass around nervously. Michael shrugged.

“It was for the best. We wanted different things.” He said, then smiled at his younger brother. “I’m just glad that you’re happy with Dean.”

Castiel blushed and nodded. “Uh… Thanks, Mike. I’m glad I’m happy with him too.” He said, turning even redder as he ducked his head to look at his lap, twiddling his fingers. Thankfully their waiter arrived with their food at that moment, saving Castiel from embarrassing himself any more than he already had.

Forty five minutes and two cups of coffee later, Dean, Cas and Michael had paid the check and were walking out of the restaurant. Castiel hobbled on his crutcheS behind them as Dean and Michael laughed over a story that Michael was telling.

“I swear to God, Gabriel looked like he was going to explode when he found out. I’m surprised he didn’t kill Anna right there, actually.” He chuckled. Dean laughed.

“Yeah, well, if somebody sold my Beatles Vinyls to buy a ferret, I would be angry too.” He laughed. 

“Yeah, well, at least she named the thing after Ringo Starr. I swear it looks exactly like him sometimes, too.” He grinned. Castiel looked up at Michael.

“Wait, Ringo is still alive?” He asked. His brother nodded.

“Yeah, he’s got a nice little cage with all these obstacles he climbs around on. He lives with Anna in her apartment.” He said, looking back at his brother and smiling. “Which you have to see sometime, by the way. She has the best view of Central Park from her living room window.”

Castiel bit his lips, looking down. ‘I don’t know, Mike. I haven’t talked to Anna in months. I doubt she even wants to see me.”

“That’s not true, Cas. Anna misses you so much.” Michael said, frowning slightly as they exited the diner. He turned to look at his younger brother, reaching out and resting a hand on his shoulder. “We all miss you.”

Castiel frowned slightly and looked away, clearing his throat. “When do you go ba k to New York?” He asked after a few moments. Michael sighed.

“I leave in two days. I have to get back to my job.” He said, letting his hand drop back to his side. Cas nodded, looking up at his brother as the wind blew his messy hair into his face.

“I’ll swing by Gabriel’s place and see you before you leave, alright?” He said. Michael nodded.

“That’d be great, Cas.” He said, biting his lips. “And look… I know it’s only the beginning of March, but I’d really like for you to consider coming down to New York for Easter. Gabriel is coming down and I know that Anna misses you and…”He swallowed, scratching the back of his neck. “And I miss you.”

Cas swallowed and nodded. “I’ll think about it, Mike.”

“Great.” He said, reaching out and tussling Cas’s hair. Castiel scrunched up his nose, swatting Michael’s hand away.

“I had a great time today, kiddo.” He said, then stuck his hand out for Dean to shake. “It was nice seeing you again, Dean.”

“You too.” Dean smiled, and he and Cas both watched as Michael turned and walked back to his car. Only after he had driven away did Castiel let out a deep breath, leaning into Dean’s side and pressing his face against Dean’s neck. The man wrapped his arms around him, kissing Cas’s thick black hair and rubbing his back.

“You did well, Cas. That was a really nice lunch.” He said softly. Cas nodded, mumbling something incoherently against Dean’s arms. They stayed like that for a few minutes, until Dean finally decided that they had been standing there in the cold for long enough and it was time to go home. Cas was obviously exhausted, and he had a paper to write anyway.

\---

Dean was sitting in Dr. Barnes’ office, laid out on her big leather couch with his eyes closed. “Do you think I’m broken, Pam?” He asked, opening his eyes and looking over at the doctor. She frowned slightly.

“What do you mean?” She asked softly. Dean huffed and turned his head away, closing his eyes again.

“I’ve been thinking… You know, what if Rhonda hadn’t raped me? Do you think… Do you think I’d be better off? Do you think I’d be more… More… Normal?” He asked. Dr. Barnes’ eyebrows scrunched together.

“What do you mean by ‘normal’?” She asked. Dean shrugged, opening his eyes.

“I don’t know. Do you think that I wouldn’t be so… repulsed by the idea of sex?”

Dr. Barnes sighed. “I don’t know, Dean. Your experiences with Rhonda certainly had an effect on your sexual development, but you told me that even before Rhonda hurt you, you had never really felt attraction toward anyone. So if you’re saying that Rhonda made you asexual by raping you, I don’t think that that is true.”

“But… what if she did? What if she’s the reason that I’m broken?”

“You aren’t broken, Dean.” Dr. Barnes said. Dean snorted and turned to give her a skeptical look, but she continued anyway. “You’re just a little different, and that’s okay. If we were all the same, then life would be boring.”

“You sound like my boyfriend.” Dean grumbled, and Dr. Barnes laughed.

“Well, I think your boyfriend might be right. Dean, just because you don’t get aroused by the idea of sex doesn’t mean that you’re ‘broken’. It just means that you were built differently, and that’s okay.”

Dean frowned at her, going quiet for a moment before he spoke. “Okay, you really sound like Cas now. Are you guys reading the same script or something…?” he asked. Dr. Barnes sighed

“Dean, we’ve been over this plenty of times. I don’t know why you’re so convinced that you’re broken or damaged just because you don’t get aroused by things that you think should turn you on.” She said. Dean huffed.

“it’s not just that.” He mumbled, crossing his arms. Dr. Barnes raised an eyebrow.

“I’m sorry, what do you mean?” She asked. Dean huffed and looked away, staring at a water stain on the ceiling for a few moments before he grumbled out his words.

“I like wearing dresses.” He mumbled, barely audibly.

“I’m sorry, Dean. You’re going to have to speak up.”

“I said I like wearing dresses!” Dean yelled, throwing his hands up into the air. “I like dressing up in heels and skirts and putting makeup on and doing my nails… and dolling myself up because it makes me feel right. Because sometimes I don’t feel like I’m in the right body and I wish I could slice my dick off and I know…” He swallowed, tears welling up in his eyes. “I know it’s not normal but it makes me feel good. And I just wonder if I would have an easier time being myself and letting myself enjoy doing those things if Rhonda had never… Never raped me.” He looked down at the ground, biting his lip to keep it from trembling.

“Dean…”

“She was the first person to ever accept me, and then she took advantage of me. I let myself be vulnerable and she used that against me.” He sighed and wiped. “I just wonder sometimes if she’s the reason why I don’t feel comfortable being myself in front of other people.”

Dr. Barnes was quiet for a few minutes, allowing Dean to catch his breath and calm down before she finally spoke.

“If you want to wear dresses and do your makeup, by all means, go ahead Dean. It’s the 21st century. Not to mention that if anybody says something mean to you, you can just flip them the bird.” She said. Dean’s breath hitched and looked up at her, eyes red and puffy. She smiled softly at him. “In fact, I’d be more than happy if you came here next week covered in makeup and wearing your favorite dress.”

Dean sniffled, sitting up a little more and looking at Dr. Barnes carefully. “You mean that?” He whispered. She smiled, nodding.

“Certainly.”

Dean smiled a little bit, nodding slowly. “Alright.” He said softly. “I’ll do it.”

When Dean returned to campus and went up to his dorm room, it was to find Castiel sitting cross legged on his bed as he and Balthazar built a Jenga tower on Cas’s lap desk. Dean frowned slightly, closing the door to their room and setting his bags down on the bed.

“What are you guys doing? I thought you were supposed to be working on a project or something.”

“We are.” Castiel said, distractedly as he carefully worked a block of wood out from the middle of the tower. He smiled victoriously when it slipped out and the tower was still standing, tossing the piece to the floor, where there was a growing pile of wooden blocks.

“Whoever loses has to write the paper.” Balthazar explained to a confused Dean. The man nodded, making an understanding sound as he plopped down on his bed. Cas looked over at him, smiling softly.

“How was your appointment, baby?” he asked. Dean shrugged. “We’ll talk about it later.”

“Alright.” Cas said, turning his attention back to the tower when Baltahzar whacked his arm and told him that it was his turn. As he wiggled another block of wood out from the middle of the structure, he began to speak.

“Michael called me earlier. I guess his flight got home safe, or whatever. He asked me if I was going to come home for Easter again.” He said, finally removing the block of wood from the tower and tossing it to the side victoriously. 

“What did you say?”

“I… uh… I said yes.” He said, biting his lips as he looked over at Dean. “And, uh… I was wondering if you wanted-”

 _”Fuck!”_ Balthazar cursed loudly as the Jenga tower collapsed, blocks of wood falling all over the place. Castiel cheered, clapping his hands and sticking his tongue out at Balthazar, wiggling his tongue ring at him. Dean smiled and chuckled as Balthazar began to childishly chuck pieces at Cas.

“Alright, alright, that’s enough.” Cas laughed, shoving Balthazar off of his bed and collecting all of the stray Jenga pieces into a pile. Balthazar groaned from the floor, slowly standing up and going to get his laptop case from his backpack, which was sitting beside the door.

“Anyway,” Cas huffed as Balthazar practically laid on top of him and opened up his laptop, ignoring the jealous glare that Dean gave him in favor of powering up his laptop. “I was thinking that maybe you could come to New York with me for spring break.” He said, biting his lips. “You could meet my sister, and I could take you to Times Square… We could even see a Broadway show, if you like. I think that Wicked is playing that weekend.” He said, swallowing and scratching the back of his neck. “If you want to, anyway.”

“I’d love to, Cas.” Dean said, standing up and going over to the side of Cas’s bed, kissing him sweetly on the lips. He pulled back after a moment, frowning slightly. "Are you sure that I'll be welcome, though?"

"Of course, sweetheart." Cas said, running his fingers through Dean's hair. "Even if my family doesn't accept it, you're my family and I love you. I want you to come with me to New York."

“Oh, aren’t you two the sweetest. I could just _barph_.” Balthazar said, making gagging noises in the back of his throat. Dean rolled his eyes.

“You’ve just never been in love before.” He said. Balthazar laughed.

“I’ve been in love plenty of times, thank you very much. In fact, just this past month there’s been Hannah, and Samandriel, and Bartholomew, Ester- Oh boy, she was a feisty one. Let’s see, and then there was-”

“Don’t you have a paper to write?” Castiel asked, chuckling a Jenga piece of Balthazar’s head. The man scowled and flipped Cas off, turning his attention back to his computer and beginning to type. Cas grinned and chuckled, laying back on his pillows and resting his hands behind his head. He smiled over at Dean.

“I got you a present.” He said. Dean raised his eyebrows, and Castiel pointed towards the mini fridge. “It’s in there.”

Dean got up quickly and walked over to the fridge, gasping in surprise when he saw what was there. A hand pie sat on the shelf, _pecan_ flavored.

“Oh my God, Cas!” He yelled, turning to grin at his boyfriend, who was smiling amusedly. “Where the hell did you find this? I didn’t even know that they made these!” He cried as he tore the package open. Cas laughed.

“I found it at the drug store. It was the last one.” He said.

“Oh my God.” Dean groaned as he took his first bite, eyes rolling back in his head. He smiled back at Cas. “Have I told you how much I love you today?”

Cas grinned, pulling at his lip piercing with his teeth. “I love you too.”

\---

“Come on Charlie, we’re going shopping.” Dean whined as he stood in the doorway of her dorm room, tapping his foot impatiently.

“Dude, I have a huge test tomorrow! I have to study. Just take Cas instead.”

Dean turned red at the mere idea. “I can’t take _Cas_. He doesn’t know the first thing about dress shopping.”

“I’m sorry, Dean, but I can’t. I’ll go with you next week, I promise.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Dean grumbled, toeing at the carpet. Charlie sighed. 

“You’re making me feel bad, Dean. But you know I can’t go; I’m already failing Calculus, and if I don’t study really hard for this test I’m not going to pass the semester.”

“I know.”

“Just take Cas. I’m sure he’d love to go with you.” Charlie suggested. Dean sighed and nodded.

“I guess… I’ll ask him.” He said, turning to leave. “Good luck on your test.”

“Thanks. I’m gonna need it.” She said. Dean snorted out a laugh and left, trudging up the stairs to his dorm room. He knocked on the door, waiting a second before he entered. He found Cas lying on his bed, flipping through his science text book as he listened to one of Dean’s Metallica records. He turned the music down when Dean came in.

“Hey Dean. You okay? You look flustered.”

“I’m fine, baby. Say, you wanna go to the mall with me today?”

“Sure.” Cas said, sitting up and turning the music off completely. He slipped out of bed, putting his sneakers on. “I’ve been meaning to go shopping for some new studs anyway.”

Dean bit his lips. “Yeah…” He cleared his throat. "I actually thought… um…” He looked down, his cheeks growing red. Cas tilted his head to the side as he looked carefully at Dean.

“You okay, honey? Cat got your tongue?” he teased lightly.

“Shut up.” Dean grumbled, shoving his hands into his pockets. “I just... Dr. Barnes and I were talking about some stuff the other day, and I thought that maybe we could go dress shopping. Or something.” He mumbled. Cas’s eyes widened.

“Oh.” He said, pausing for a beat before he smiled. “Sounds great, babe.”

“Really? I didn’t think that you… I thought you wouldn’t be interested.” He said, looking up at Cas hopefully. The man shook his head.

“Babe, if it’s got anything to do you with you, you know I’m interested he said. Dean grinned.

“Aww, Cas, you’re going all soft on me.” He teased. Castiel rolled his eyes and stood up, grabbing his crutches off of the floor.

“Just for that, I’m going to make you try on every pink dress that we see.” He said, hobbling out of their dorm room after Dean. The man turned back at him to grin, his green eyes twinkling.

“You don’t see me complaining, do you?” He asked. Cas rolled his eyes and continued walking. Once they left a building they found a rhythm, and Dean walked beside Cs, a hand resting on his lower back for support. 

“I actually had something in mind. It’s this R2D2 dress… it’s at Hot Topic.”

Castiel raised his eyebrows. “You shop at Hot Topic?” He asked. Dean shrugged.

“Yeah, sometimes. I’ve even got my own Friends With Benefits card right here.” Dean said, digging into his pocket and pulling out his wallet. Castiel snorted.

“You’re such a dork.”

Dean grinned. “And I’m proud of it.”

“Oh my God, I’m dating an absolute _nerd_. Shopping at the _Hot Topical_. Do you get your panties there?” He teased. Dean blushed and clenched his jaw, reaching out and flicking the side of Cas’s head.

“Shut up.” He whined. Castiel laughed, coming to a stop in front of his car and tossing the keys to Dean.

“It’s alright, baby. I still love you.”

Dean crossed his arms over his chest. “Are you talking to me, or your ugly-ass pimp mobile?” He asked, raising an eyebrow. Cas grinned and stepped forward, cupping Dean’s cheek and pecking his lips.

“Only you, baby.” He smiled, his blue eyes sparkling in the morning sunshine. Dean smiled slightly and wrapped his arms around Cas’s waist, kissing him again.

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I AM SO SO SO SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT!!! I FEEL SO SHITTY FOR MAKING YOU GUYS WAIT THIS LONG.**
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> But now the chapter is up, and I hope that you guys liked it. I can't wait to get back into this story.
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> _PLEASE LEAVE ME COMMENTS!!! I NEED FEEDBACK!_


	20. Dresses and Stresses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Castiel go dress shopping, and it turns out to be quite an enjoyable afternoon. It's Dean who might have a little trouble dealing with dressing up in public again.

“You should try this one, Dean.” Castiel grinned, holding up a lacy black dress that was covered in skulls and cross bones. Dean turned crimson, rushing forward to snatch the dress from his boyfriend’s hands and place it back on the clothes rack.

“Could you keep your voice down?” He hissed, looking around to see if anybody had heard them. Castiel rolled his eyes.

“Dude, there’s practically nobody here. Take a chill pill.” He said. Dean frowned and went quiet, thumbing through the clothes rack that Cas had picked the black dress from and looking at the different items. He nearly jumped out of his skin when a short girl with red tipped blonde hair sidled up to him, a kind smile on her face.

“Can I help you two with anything?” She asked, metal tongue piercing clicking against her front teeth. Dean’s cheeks turned red and he was about to politely say _no, they didn’t need any help_ when Castiel opened his mouth.

“We’d love your help.” He said, ignoring the way that Dean glared at him as he stepped forward. “We’re looking for a dress that you guys have on your website- it’s an R2D2 style piece.” He said. The girl smiled and nodded.

“Oh, I know what you’re talking about. We have some in the back.” She paused. “Are you shopping for somebody? Do you know what size she is?”

Castiel was silent, turning to look at Dean. Dean squeezed his eyes shut, tilting his chin up and silently cursing whatever God had decided to punish him today before he cleared his throat and spoke.

“It’s for me, actually.” He said, then opened his eyes. The girl’s mouth had fallen open, but she quickly closed it again and smiled kindly at Dean. It was probably obvious to her that he was embarrassed (Dean could _feel_ his own cheeks burning) and he was eternally grateful to the shopping clerk that she wasn’t making a scene over this.

“Okay. You look like you’re probably a five or a six, so I’ll go get the dress in those sizes for you, and you can try them on. Is there anything else you’d like to try on?” She asked. Dean scratched the back of his neck, shaking his head.

“Uh… I don’t know…”

“Here, try this one.” Castiel said, grabbing the lacy black dress he had chosen for Dean earlier and holding it up to him. He huffed, rolling his eyes and taking the dress from Castiel’s hands. The clerk peeked at it, smiling.

“Ooh, I like it. But that’s a size three; I doubt it’s going to fit. I think we have it in a six out back. I’ll go check for you guys, just wait right here.” She said cheerfully, turning and bouncing off towards the back of the store. Castiel turned to Dean, smiling.

“See? That wasn’t so bad.”

“Shut the fuck up, Cas.” Dean growled out, crossing his arms over his chest.

Castiel sighed behind him but said nothing more, and they stood in silence until the clerk returned with four dresses in her hands. She smiled and handed them to Dean, then led him to the dressing rooms and unlocked the stall.

“Is that all you need help with?” She smiled, looking between Dean and Cas. Castiel was silent, allowing for Dean to answer her with a nod. She told them to come to her when they checked out, then bustled off to the front of the store. Dean watched her go, then opened the stall door all the way and stepped inside. He gestured for Cas to follow him, and the two of them crammed into the small space. Castiel took a seat on the bench, pulling his phone out and checking his email as Dean began to change, since he knew that Dean didn’t like it when people watched him get changed.

“Alright.” Dean said suddenly, and Castiel looked up with wide eyes to see Dean wearing the black lacy dress he had picked up for him. Cas quickly stood up, zipping up the back of the dress and letting his hands find Dean’s hips, standing behind him in front of the mirror.

“Oh, baby.” He breathed, turning to press soft kisses against Dean’s neck. Dean smiled.

“You like it?” He asked quietly, flattening his hands out over his torso and thumbing at the ruffles of the dress. Castiel grinned.

“I love it. I think you should get it.” He said. Dean nodded in agreement, stepping away from Cas and reaching around to unzip the back of the dress. He slipped it off, letting it fall to the ground around his feet.

“I think so too. I like the ruffles.” He said it with a smile, his cheeks turning pink when Castiel raised an eyebrow at him. He huffed and turned around, picking up the R2D2 dress and sliding it off of its hanger. Castiel smiled a bit as he watched Dean wiggle into the outfit, twirling around and smiling at his boyfriend once it was all the way on.

“How does it look?” He asked. Castiel laughed, smiling widely and reaching out to wrap his arms around Dean’s waist.

“You look so happy.” He said, kissing Dean’s lips softly. Dean bit his lips, his cheeks turning red as he ducked his head. He cleared his throat.

“Yeah… But, uh… How does the dress look?” He asked.

“It looks great. I think you should get this one too.” He said, running his hands up and down over Dean’s back. Dean smiled, big and gummy and so, _so_ happy, and he pressed his face against Cas’s chest and hugged him back. Cas sighed happily and kissed Dean’s forehead, his arms tightening around Dean’s waist.

“You’re beautiful, Dean. So beautiful, just the way you are. I hope you know that.” He breathed. Dean simply held Cas tighter, mumbling his response into Cas’s shirt.

“Don’t go getting all sappy on me now, Novak.”

Castiel sorted out a laugh, smiling down at Dean and pushing his hair out of his eyes. Dean tilted his chin up, smiling softly as Cas cupped his cheek and leaned in, kissing his lips gently. Dean hummed, kissing Cas back and then pulling away.

“We should probably check out now.” He said, slipping out of the dress and tugging his tee shirt back on. Cas nodded in agreement, leaning against the door and watching his boyfriend move as Dean redressed himself. They were ready to go within three minutes, and Cas grabbed both dresses that they were buying and brought them up to the cash register, smiling at the blonde clerk who had helped them. As she rung up their items she smiled at Castiel.

“Did you find everything that you need?” She asked. Castiel nodded, looking around at the product displays that were all propped up on the counter.

“Yes, thank you for your help. Dean can be a little shy sometimes.” He said, looking back at his boyfriend, who was busy examining a display of underwear. Suddenly he spun around, holding up a pair of Star Wars panties that displayed a cartoon version of Boba Fett.

“Cas, look! I have a _Boba Fett-ish_!” He laughed, then suddenly realized that the clerk was looking at him. He turned red and spun around, dropping the panties and quietly making his way over to the counter just as Castiel handed the clerk his credit card. Dean frowned.

“You don’t have to pay, Cas. I’ve got it right here.” He said, pulling his wallet out. Castiel waved him off.

“Put that away, Dean. I’m buying these for you.”

Dean pursed his lips. “But Cas, you don’t have to…”

“But I want to.” Cas said, thanking the clerk as she handed his credit card back to him and placed their bag on the counter. Dean huffed and grabbed the bag, following Castiel as they left the store.

“Fine, ya pain in the ass. But I’m buying lunch.” He said stubbornly, turning and marching off towards the food court, Castiel following closely behind him.

 

 

 

\---

“I’m starting to second guess this.” Dean mumbled, flinching when Charlie poked him in the eye with his black eyeliner pen.

“Sorry.” She said quickly, tightening her grin on Dean’s chin and repositioning the pen.

“You don’t need to do it if you aren’t okay with it, baby.” Cas said as he leaned against their door, arms crossed over his chest. “But I think that this will be good for you. You should be comfortable being yourself in public.”

Dean sighed. “I know you’re right. I’m just nervous, I guess.” He said. Castiel bit his lips, silent for a moment before he spoke.

“This isn’t Kansas, Dean.” He said softly. “Nobody is going to hate you for wearing a dress. Nobody is going to hurt you.” He said. Dean closed his eyes and Charlie frowned for a moment before she dropped the eyeliner pen back into Dean’s makeup case, picking up a lip liner pencil and beginning to trace his lips as Castiel continued to speak. “Your father isn’t going to hurt you, Dean.”

Dean began to shake, tears welling up in his eyes. He sniffed loudly, nodding and sitting up a bit straighter.

“You’re right, Cas. You’re right.” He breathed out, opening his eyes and looking over at his boyfriend. Cas smiled sweetly at him, mouthing the words _‘I love you’_ to him. Dean closed his eyes again, staying still for Charlie as she finished doing his makeup. Ten minutes later she was done, and he thanked her as he looked in the mirror.

His makeup was done to perfection; large black wings drawn on his eyes and complimented by thick mascara that made his eyelashes curl upwards. He wore pale fuchsia eyeshadow behind it all, the shade matching perfectly with his lipstick. Along with Charlie’s excellent shading and contouring, Dean thought he looked amazing.

He shooed Charlie out of the room so that he could change, slipping into the lacy black dress that Cas had bought him at Hot Topic earlier in the week. The material clung to his muscular body, but somehow, it still looked nice. He thought that the light pink colors of his makeup did a good job of toning down the black colors in his outfit. Dean pulled on some stockings and slipped into a pair of black boots that he had borrowed from Charlie.

“Do I look okay?” Dean asked as he stood up straight, running his fingers through his light brown hair and smiling at Cas. The boy grinned, tugging his piercing between his teeth and pulling out his phone. He held it up, quickly snapping a picture of Dean.

“Hey, what’re you doing?” He asked, frowning and walking over to Cas. He stumbled a little in the boots, but he made it to Cas safely as he peeked down at his phone.

“I’m sending it to your mom. I’m sure she’d love to see.”

Dean’s cheeks turned pink. He couldn’t say that Cas was wrong- but that didn’t stop him from crossing his arms over his chest.

“How do you have my mom’s number, anyway?” He asked. Castiel shrugged.

“She gave it to me over winter break.” He said, then leaned in and pecked Dean’s lips. “Come on, sweetheart. We’re gonna be late for your appointment.”

Dean narrowed his eyes at Castiel but didn’t say anything, handing him his crutches and then locking their dorm room door behind them. Dean swallowed as he looked around the hallway, silently thanking God that there was nobody else hanging out in the hallway to see him.

They made their way down to the lobby, and as they entered the room, Dean could feel people’s eyes on him. He began to shake, but then Castiel laid a gentle hand on the small of his back and he looked over at his boyfriend. He took a deep breath, collecting himself and offering Cas a weak smile. Castiel smiled back and leaned in, pecking Dean’s lips and then continuing on their way through the building lobby. Dean stood up a little straighter as he walked out of the lobby, though he still made sure not to meet anybody’s eyes.

They made it out to the car without incident, and as Dean slipped into the driver’s seat of Castiel’s car he let out a shaky sigh, closing his eyes. Castiel slipped in beside him, reaching out and rubbing his hand back and forth over Dean’s knee.

“You okay, baby? You did great.” He said. Dean nodded weakly, looking over at Cas and biting his lips.

“Yeah. Thanks.” He smiled a little, though Cas hardly seemed convinced by Dean’s words. Dean found himself leaning forward and kissing his lips reassuringly- though Deana wasn’t really sure whether he was reassuring Cas or reassuring himself. When he pulled back Cas was smiling, and he leaned back in his chair, turning the radio on in the car and turning the knob until he found a hard rock station.

Dean turned the car on after that, pulling out of the residence hall parking lot and driving down the street. The music blasted loudly in his ears, and Dean flushed when he realized what song had started to play on the radio. Aerosmith’s _Dude Looks Like A Lady_ was pouring through the speakers, and Dean nearly crashed the car when he turned to look at Cas, whose mouth had dropped open and was now covered by his hand.

_Never judge a book by it’s cover,_   
_Or who you gonna love by your lover._   
_Sayin’ love put me wise to her love in disguise…_   
_She had the body of a Venus, but Lord imagine my surprise…_

_That, that dude looks like a lady_   
_That, that dude looks like a lady_   
_That, that dude looks like a lady_   
_That, that dude looks like a lady_

Castiel finally seemed to regain his composure, and after a few seconds he stuttered out, “I’ll change it.” He reached for the knob, but Den batted his hand away, shaking his head.

“No, it’s okay.” He said, biting his lips. He looked over at Castiel, who had a perplexed expression on his face. He shrugged and smiled a little.

“What? It’s a good song.” He said, nodding his head along to the beat. On the next round of the chorus he sang along, and Cas found himself laughing and singing along too after a while. And Castiel thought in that moment, as he looked upon his boyfriend dressed in full drag and smiling wider than he though he had ever seen him smile, that there would never be a more confusing creature than Dean Winchester. But, fuck, if he wasn’t going to try to figure him out anyway.

Castiel promised to wait in the car while Dean went to his appointment, something he hadn’t had to do since the very first week of Dean’s therapy sessions. But he didn’t seem to mind, and he was already pulling out his phone to play Candy Crush as Dean closed the driver’s side door to the car. He flattened his hands over the skirt of his dress, making sure that it wasn’t tucked into his underwear before he took a deep breath and began to walk up the sidewalk towards the front door of Dr. Barnes’ office building.

He took a seat in the waiting room, smiling nervously at the confused looking receptionist and waving his hand. She smiled back at him, continuing to eyeball him for a few seconds before she let her attention slip back to the novel she had propped up in front of her. Dean sighed and turned away, rifling through the magazines on the table beside him and settling on one that depicted a picture of a sparkling cherry red corvette on the cover.

He was halfway through the magazine when Dr. Barnes’ door opened up. A tall brunette girl slipped out of the office, smiling politely at Dean as she went- though he was pretty sure that she hadn’t actually looked at him for more than a second before she made her way out of the room. Dean stood up, clenching his fists up into tight balls as he slowly made his way to the door of Dr. Barnes’ office, clearing his throat once he was standing in the entrance way. Barnes looked up from her desk, smiling softly.

“Hello, Dean- Oh.” Her eyes widened when she took in the sight of him- tight dress, stockings, boots, makeup, the whole nine. Dean swallowed as she stood up, grinding his teeth and watching her carefully as she walked towards him.

“Wow.” She finally came to a full stop in front of Dean, smiling as she looked him up and down. “You look wonderful, Dean.”

Dean’s cheeks turned red and he looked down at his feet, shuffling nervously and tugging at the hem of his skirt. Dr. Barnes seemed to sense his discomfort, and she took a step away from him, gesturing towards the couch.

“Why don’t you take a seat, Dean, and then you can tell me all about your outfit. I have to say, I like your taste.” She laughed, smiling widely at him as he walked towards the couch. Dean sat down, smiling smoothing his hands out over his dress.

“Actually, Cas was the one who picked it out.” He mumbled, though he couldn’t contain the happy grin that broke out over his face at his doctor’s words. Dr. Barnes smiled back at him and resumed her seat in her chair, grabbing her notepad and flipping to a new page.

“Well, it looks terrific on you.” She paused before speaking again. “And do you feel comfortable? Wearing it in public?”

Dean opened his mouth to reply, pausing for a moment to think. Did he feel comfortable in the dress? He certainly liked the way that he felt while wearing it, but comfortable? That was such a strong word…

Dean was interrupted from his thoughts by his phone vibrating in the pocket of his dress, and he apologized to Dr. Barnes as he dug it out to check the message. He was surprised to see that it was a text from his mom.

**From: Mom  
3/11/15 4:04 PM**

You look beautiful in that dress. I’m so proud of you.

Dean couldn’t help but smile as he read the text, and he stuffed his phone back into his pocket, looking up at Dr. Barnes and replying brightly.

“Yeah, I think I do feel more comfortable. Definitely.”

 

 

 

\---

“I booked us a room at the Marriot, right off the Hudson River. You can walk right from the hotel to the ferry.” Castiel said, his voice muffled and sleepy as he stroked his fingers through Dean’s freshly washed hair later that night. They were lying on Castiel’s bed, covers drawn tight around their bodies as they snuggled close to each other ( _strictly for the purpose of maintaining body heat_ , Castiel had sworn). Dean smiled and hummed, nosing at his boyfriend’s stubbly neck.

“That’s nice. I’ve always wanted to go on a ferry ride.” He said. Castiel smiled.

“Really?”

“Nah.” Dean chuckled, gasping when Castiel punched him in the arm. He rolled back over, clambering on top of Castiel and crushing him with his body weight. He laughed as Cas tried to push him off, cursing loudly as he wiggled underneath him.

“Get _off_ of me, fat ass.” He laughed, finally shoving Dean off of him and then rolling over so that he was now on top of Dean. Dean grinned and wrapped his arms around Cas’s back, leaning up to kiss Castiel sweetly. Cas smiled against Dean’s lips, licking into his mouth and letting his hands find Dean’s hips. Dean hummed, breaking the kiss and turning his head away, so that he could catch his breath. Castiel did the same, relaxing his body against Dean’s and panting into his shoulder.

They made out for a while after that, leisurely kissing and enjoying each other’s presence. In between kisses they just held each other, nosing at one another’s necks and whispering confessions of love between them. When they were finally too tired to carry on and they decided that they were ready for bed, Castiel rolled off of Dean, stretching his arms out over his head and kissing Dean’s head as the man tucked himself into his side.

They were quiet for a few minutes, and then Dean spoke against Cas’s neck.

“What’s your sister like?” He whispered. Castiel tensed, his eyes popping open and flicking down to Dean’s face, which was tilting upwards towards his. He sighed, shifting slightly and tugging his purple piercing between his teeth.

“Anna is… She is much different than my brothers, to say the least.” He spoke slowly, frowning slightly. Dean raised an eyebrow at his boyfriend.

“Is she like you?” He asked. Castiel snorted, chuckling and shaking his head.

“Um, no. Anna is nothing like me, and I’m sure that she would be appalled to hear that you had suggested such a thing. I am what you might call the disappointment of my family.” He answered with a laugh. When Dean didn’t laugh back at him he sighed, raking tired fingers through his thick hair. “My sister is very independent, since we were kids. It’s always been her way or the highway. When I came out to my family…” He sighed, rolling over onto his back and blinking up at the ceiling. “She was not very accepting. It wasn’t her fault, really, it was just the way we were raised. And she didn’t hate me, like Michael… She just wanted the best for me, or so she said. She was convinced that she could persuade me to be straight.” His jaw clenched and his nostrils flared. “The amount of dates she set me up on… it was ridiculous, quite frankly. My last girlfriend before I left for college, Meg, was very kind to me. She knew that I was gay, but she also knew that my sister was very hardheaded. She agreed to pretend to be my girlfriend for the rest of the school year, to quell the demands of my family.” He sighed. “Of course, the entire façade was destroyed when Anna caught Meg making out with Luke Milton behind the gym on prom night. She forced Meg to tell her everything, and to put things simply, the fallout was not pretty. When I left for college, my sister and I were not on very good terms. She was very angry at me for lying to her, but… I mean… What was I supposed to do?” Cas sighed.

Dean made a clicking sound with his tongue, shaking his head. “I don’t know, Cas. I mean, what else could you have done? It was an impossible situation.”

Castiel sighed, nodding and shifting into a more comfortable position. Dean shifted as well, tucking himself back into Cas’s side.

“Well, apparently she’s forgiven me, now.” He sighed and tucked his head into the crook of Dean’s neck. “I just hope she doesn’t try to turn me straight again.” He said. Dean chuckled.

“Hey, if she thinks you need a girlfriend, I could always put on a dress…”

Cas laughed, smiling against Dean’s skin and wrapping his arms around him. “Well, you do look pretty good in that dress…” He murmured, kissing at his skin. Dean laughed again, pressing his face into Cas’s chest.

“Oh, shut up.” He mumbled. Castiel grinned, peeking over at the alarm clock beside his bed, cursing when he saw that it was already 2:36 AM.

“Jesus, it’s late. We have classes tomorrow.” He said. Dean frowned, turning to look at the alarm clock. He groaned when he saw what time it was, rolling back over and flicking Cas’s neck.

“Why the hell would you keep me up so late? You know that I have a Physics test tomorrow.”

Castiel snorted. “Me? You’re the one that started it, making out with me.”

“Whatever.” Dean mumbled, though there was a trace of a smile on his face. Castiel rolled his eyes, leaning in and pecking Dean’s lips gently.

“Whatever is right. I’m exhausted…” He sighed and closed his eyes. “Goodnight.”

Dean smiled, humming and resting his head against the pillow. “Night, babe. I love you.” He murmured, falling into a restless sleep.

 

 

 

\---

Dean woke up gasping for breath, the tail end of a scream on his lips and Castiel’s arms gripping his shoulders tightly. His chest heaved as he looked up at Cas’s panicked face. Cas reached down and cupped his face, stroking his cheek.

“You alright, sweetheart? Just breath, you’re safe here.” He said softly. Dean nodded, gasping for breath and closing his eyes again.

“I just… She was here, Cas. She was in my bed, she rucked up my dress and she just…” He whimpered, closing his eyes and shaking his head. Tears leaked from his eyes and down his cheeks, and Cas brushed them away, shushing him.

“I know, Dean, but you’re safe now. She isn’t here, it was just a dream…”y

Dean sniffled, nodding. “I know, it’s just…” He looked away. “Every time that I… I take one step forward, it’s like I’m taking three steps back! She’s always there, always there to… to rape me again and again. It’s like I can’t escape her.”

“Oh, baby…” Cas breathed, sitting up and pulling Dean with him, into his arms. Dean shook in his grip, crying into his shoulder until he was all dried up. Cas rubbed his back, kissing his forehead and holding him close. “You’re not going backwards. You’re making so much progress, and you’re so brave. I’m so proud of you.” He sighed, pulling away and looking at Dean gently. “Do you want to call Dr. Barnes in the morning? She can see you for an emergency appointment, or something.”

Dean sniffled, shaking his head. “No, no… It’s not that bad. And I have that Physics test in…” He glanced at the clock, groaning when he saw that it was already 6:18 AM. “Four hours. Oh God.” He moaned. Castiel sighed, stroking Dean’s hair from his eyes and cupping his cheek.

“Just try to catch some more shut eye, sweetheart. I’ll be right here when you wake up.”

Dean took a deep breath and nodded, laying back down in bed. Castiel snuggled up next to him, wrapping his arms around his waist and kissing the back of his neck.

“I love you.” Cas whispered, nuzzling the back of his neck. Dean sniffed loudly, snuggling closer to Cas’s chest at his words.

“I know.” He whispered, sighing and closing his eyes. “I love you too.”

 

 

 

\---

Dean waited with his cell phone to his ear as the house phone rang. He was currently lying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling as he nervously waited for his mother to pickup the phone. Castiel was out having drinks with his brother, something Gabriel had referred to as a ‘Girl’s Night Out’. Dean was glad that Cas was out enjoying himself with his brother, though, and it gave Dean a chance to call his mom and talk to her, something he hadn’t done in more than a week.

After six rings the phone was finally picked up, and Dean smiled when he heard his mother’s voice.

“Winchester residence, Mary speaking.” She spoke softly.

“Hey, mom.” Dean said cheerfully.

“Oh, hey, baby.” Mary sounded happy to hear Dean’s voice, and Dean smiled as she spoke. “How’re you doing? You didn’t call this weekend.”

“I know mom, and I’m really sorry. Time just got away from me, and then Cas and I went shopping…”

“Oh, I saw the dress you bought.” He could hear the fondness in his mother’s voice. “Did Castiel pick that one out? It seems very much like something he would like.”

Dean chuckled. “He did pick it out, actually. How did you know?”

“Just a feeling.” Mary said. Dean snorted.

“Yeah, right. Did he tell you?” He asked. There was a pause, and then Mary spoke.

“There _may_ have been some texting going on between us…” She trailed off, and Dean laughed. Once he was done, he sighed happily.

“I’m glad that you two get along so well.”

“Well, he’s a nice boy. And if he managed to steal my baby’s heart, well, I had to assume that there was something good about him.” She laughed. “Is he coming out with you for spring break?”

Dean bit his lips. “That’s, uh… That’s actually why I called, mom. I think… Cas and I are going to go to New York for Easter. To see his family.”

“Oh.” Mary said after a moment, speaking slowly after that. “I thought that he didn’t get along well with his family.”

“He didn’t. But after the accident, him and his brother sort of made up and-”

“Wait, what accident?” Mary asked, cutting Dean off suddenly. And that was when Dean remembered that he hadn’t told Mary about Cas’s car accident. He coughed, stuttering a bit.

“Um… Cas got into a car accident, a few months ago. It was… uh… It was really messy. He almost… almost died.” Dean cleared his throat, pausing to see if Mary had anything to say. When she didn’t speak, he continued. “His brother Michael came all the way up from New York when it happened, and they’ve been trying to mend their relationship ever since.”

Mary was quiet, and then she finally spoke. “Why didn’t you tell me, Dean?”

He sighed. “I… I don’t know. It was all so overwhelming when it happened, and then Cas started physical therapy, and I guess that I just… you know… forgot.” He bit his lips. Mary huffed.

“You forgot to tell me that your boyfriend almost died? OH, he probably thinks I’m such an ass for not asking him how he’s been doing!” She yelled.

“No, mom, don’t worry. Cas doesn’t think you’re an… an ass. He doesn’t really care.” Dean said quickly, scratching the back of his neck. Mary huffed angrily.

“Fine. But you better tell him to expect a care package from me soon.” She said, pausing for a moment before speaking again. “Now, did you say you weren’t coming home for Easter?”

“Um… Yeah. I’m sorry, mom. I really wanted to come home, but Cas really wants me to meet his siblings.”

Mary sighed heavily. “I get it Dean. It’s okay… I just hope Sam isn’t too upset.”

“Tell him I’ll make it up to him. Tell him he can have my comic book collection.”

“Are you sure, Dean?” Mary asked, surprised. Dean paused, thinking for a moment.

“Just the Spiderman ones. Don’t let him touch any of my Wonder Woman copies.” He said. Mary chuckled.

“Alright, baby, I’ll tell him. I have to go get dinner started now, but you’ll call me, right?”

“Of course, mom. I love you.”

He could practically hear the smile in Mary’s voice as she responded. “I love you too, dear.”

 

(Dean's Dresses)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!!! I hope you guys like Dean's dress choices!
> 
> **PLEASE LEAVE COMMENTS!!! I WANT TO SEE WHAT YOU GUYS THINK!!!**


	21. New York City

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel and Dean embark on their journey to New York for Spring Break. Things don't go as well as planned.

By the time that Dean and Cas were ready to leave for New York, his cast had been removed and he was walking on his own again. He relished in the return of his freedom, forcing Dean to accompany him on a walk around campus in the brisk spring air. Dean had agreed only because Cas had promised to buy him Chinese food- although he hadn’t realized that Cas was bringing him to the Chinese place all the way on the other side of Cambridge from their campus.

“Stop brooding, babe. A little bit of walking isn’t going to kill you.”

Dean pursed his lips and pulled his jacket tighter around his body, grumbling in response to Cas’s words. “That’s not true. I could be walking and get hit by a car.”

Castiel’s neck snapped in Dean’s direction and he shot him a glare, at which point Dean snickered and dropped his head, looking down at the sidewalk and kicking a bottle cap with his toes. Cas reached out and grabbed Dean’s elbow, pulling him closer and wrapping his arm around the man’s waist.

“Did you ever get around to finishing that project for your Structural Design class?” He asked conversationally. Dean nodded, smiling a little bit.

“Yup, turned it in yesterday. Professor Milton actually looked pretty impressed.”

“Yeah, well, you’ve been working your ass off for weeks on that project. He better be impressed.” Castiel said. Dean blushed a bit and shrugged, scratching the back of his neck.

“Yeah…” He sighed. “I just hope that I get an A on it. Right now I’ve got a C in his class, and this project was worth almost 30% of my final grade. It’s our biggest assignment of the semester, right next to the final paper.” He sighed and crossed his arms over his chest. “I don’t know what I’m gonna do if I fail.” He mumbled.

“Hey, you’re not gonna fail.” Cas said, quickly leaning in to press a gentle kiss against Dean’s jaw. Dean looked back at him, eyes narrowed. Cas smiled reassuringly. “Seriously, Dean. You busted your ass, triple checked all of your calculations, printed your ‘final copy’ out seven times. That’s right, I counted. You were damn near obsessive over that stupid project. If you don’t get an A+, I will personally march down to Professor Milton’s classroom and kick his ass.”

“But baby…” Dean sighed, looking down at Cas and smirking a little. “You only just got your cast off. Do you really want to have to get another one?”

“Oh, shut up.” Castiel laughed, punching Dean in the arm. Dean grinned, pulling Cas close and kissing his lips chastely.

“You know you love me.” He said, slinging an arm over Cas’s shoulder as they walked down the sidewalk.

“Love is my sin, and thy dear virtue hate, hate of my sin, grounded on sinful loving, O, but with mine, compare thou thine own state, and thou shalt find it merits not reproving.” Castiel recited, tugging his purple piercing between his lips and looking up at Dean. The man snorted and rolled his eyes.

“Dude, are you reciting Shakespeare at me?” He asked. Castiel shrugged in response, and Dean laughed. “And you say that _I’m_ a nerd.”

“You are a nerd.” Castiel said simply, smiling widely as he looked up at Dean with dazzling blue eyes. “CThat doesn’t mean that I can’t be a nerd too. I am an English major, after all.”

“That you are.” Dean chuckled, smiling and leaning down to kiss Castiel’s lips again. “I forgot that reciting Shakespeare is like dirty talk to you guys.”

Castiel laughed. “In most cases, it literally is.” He snorted and shook his head. Dean smiled.

“You’re so cute.” He said. Castiel crinkled his nose up.

“I’m not cute, Dean. The word you’re looking for is dangerous.”

“Adorable.” Dean insisted, grinning when Castiel scowled at him.

“Blood thirsty.”

“Oh, shut the fuck up.” Dean laughed, nudging Cas in the side. Castiel laughed and stepped away from Dean then, much to the man’s protest. But Dean soon realized that he was only stepping away so that he could open the door to the Chinese place, and he pecked Cas’s lips one last time as he entered the little shop.

They took their lunch out, because Castiel insisted that he didn’t want to sit inside. Dean groaned as he dragged him back out into the chilly spring air, and they walked to the park together, takeout clutched close to their chests. They walked about ten minutes to the park, sitting on a bench in front of a lake. Dean leaned into Cas’s side, smiling when the man wrapped an arm around his shoulder and began to open up their bags.

“You want some?” Cas asked as he opened up a carton of dumplings. Dean nodded, humming softly as Cas forked a dumpling for him and held it up to his mouth. He bit off half of it, smiling as Cas brought the rest of the dumpling up to his own mouth and finished it off.

“Hmm, tastes good.” Cas said, peeking over at the carton of chicken lomein that Dean was opening. He licked his lips and placed his chin on Dean’s shoulder. Dean looked over at him and smiled, forking some noodle up and holding them up to Cas’s mouth.

“Taste?” He asked. Cas obliged, slurping up the food and then turning his head to press a chaste kiss to Dean’s lips. Dean smiled, licking the salt off of his lips before he turned back to his food and began to eat.

He and Cas spent almost an hour in the park, sharing each other’s food and swapping occasional kisses. They didn’t even notice people staring at them, but if they had, would they have really cared. Dean may have been a little put off, had he noticed, but for the most part he was completely enraptured with Castiel.

“Are you all packed for New York?” Castiel asked as they walked back to campus later on, his fingers intertwined with Dean’s. Dean nodded.

“Yeah, I’m all ready to go. How about you?”

Castiel grinned cheekily, shaking his head. “Babe, this is me we’re talking about. I’m a professional procrastinator. Of course I haven’t packed yet.”

Dean smiled fondly and leaned forward, kissing Castiel softly. “You’re pathetic.” 

Cas grinned. “I know.”

\---

“Just a small town girl, livin’ in a lonely world… She took the midnight train goin’ anywhere...” Dean sang loudly over the radio, out of tune and obnoxious. Castiel looked over at him and snorted, shaking his head. Dean grinned.

“Come on baby, sing along!” He urged. Cas shook his head and gripped the wheel tighter, keeping his eyes trained on the road. Dean shifted, sliding clos o his boyfriend. “Come on baby; I’m the small town girl, you know you’re… just a city boy, born and raised in South Detroit! Took the midnight train goin’ anywhere…”

“I was raised in New York City, Dean.” Castiel said, pulling off the exit ramp so that they could stop for gas and coffee. Dean ignored him, kicking back in his seat and signing even louder than before. 

“A singer in a smokey room! Smell of wine and cheat perfume! For a smile they can share the night, it goes on and on and on…”

“You want a coffee, babe?” Castiel asked as he parked in the mini mart parking lot, unbuckling his seat belt. Dean paused his singing to nod.

“Sure thing. Two sugars, no milk.”

“Gross.” Castiel scrunched his nose up and leaned forward, stealing a kiss from Dean before the man could continue his singing.

The two were currently somewhere in New York state, about five hours from their hotel room in Queens. It was just past noon, so they figured that with this mid-day cup of coffee they would be able to reach the Marriot by that evening. They had a standing dinner invitation at Anna’s apartment, and Michael would be joining them.

The sing had ended by the time that Castiel climbed back into the car, and he sipped his coffee carefully as he buckled back into his seat. Dean leaned over, resting his chin on his boyfriend’s shoulder as he sipped his own coffee.

“Do you want me to drive, honey?” He asked. Cas shook his head.

“It’s fine, baby. I think I can go another couple of hours.” He said. Dean hummed.

“Alright. If you need to switch just tell me.” He said. Cas nodded, turning and kissing his forehead.

“You got it. Just let me finish my coffee.”

\---

They arrived at the hotel and checked in around six, lugging their bags behind them. Castiel groaned and threw his bags onto the bed, plopping down in the middle and burying his face in the blankets.

“I’m. So. Fucking. Tired.” He groaned out, gripping the sheets tightly and turning his head to look up at Dean. Dean pursed his lips, stepping forward and stroking his fingers through his thick black hair.

“Yeah, I know.” He leaned down, pecking his boyfriend’s lips gently. “I’m gonna go take a shower.”

“Hey, hey, that’s not fair.” Castiel sat up, grabbing at the back of Dean’s shirt as he turned to walk away. Dean stumbled, looking back at Cas and frowning.

“What?”

“I drove all the way here, I should get the first shower.” Castiel whined, tugging his purple piercing between his teeth and looking up at Dean with wide blue eyes. Dean huffed and rolled his eyes, turning to face Cas and crossing his arms over his chest.

“You said that you were fine with driving home.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t say I was fine with you stealing my shower.”

“Your shower?” Dean raised his eyebrows. Cas sighed, rolling his eyes.

“Fine, whatever, take the first shower. Can’t you just come lay with me for a few minutes before you go?” he asked. Dean huffed, clenching his jaw and staring at the wall for a few moments before he finally conceded, heaving a loud sigh as he laid down beside his boyfriend.

“Thanks, baby.” Cas said with a smile, wrapping his arms around Dean and nosing at his cheek. Dean’s lips twitched a bit and he leaned forward, kissing Cas’s forehead.

“No problem, babe. I love you.”

Cas tugged his bottom lip between his lips for a moment before speaking. “Sucks for you.”

“Wha-” Dean groaned as Cas rolled on top of him, pinning him down to the bed for a moment before he hopped to his feet, making a beeline to the bathroom with the agility of a fox.

“Fuck you!” Dean yelled just as Cas slammed the bathroom door shut and locked it behind him. Dean could hear him laughing on the other end of the door, and he groaned loudly as he clambered to his feet and made his way to the bathroom door. He slammed his fist against it, leaning against the door frame. “You crushed my balls with your knee, you son of a bitch.”

“Poor baby.” He heard Cas’s voice through the door, slightly muffled. “Do you want me to rub it for you?”

“I hate you.” Dean spat back, turning and walking back to the bed, where he began to unpack his bag. He heard Castiel yell his response from the bathroom.

“I was under the impression that you held the exact _opposite_ sentiment towards me!”

Dean rolled his eyes. “You’re gonna get it when you get out of there.” He called, then narrowed his eyes in the direction of the bathroom door. “And don’t use all of the hot water, either!”

Dean received no response to that, and a few moments later he could hear the sound of Cas singing a horrible, out of tune rendition of _Pour Some Sugar on Me_ by Def Leppard. He huffed, rolling his eyes and removing his last pair of jeans from his suitcase before he zipped it back up and shoved it under the bed.

Ten minutes later Castiel emerged from the bathroom in a cloud of steam, a towel wrapped tightly around his waist as a lopsided grin on his face.

“Oh, look, his royal highness finally decided to get out of the shower.” Dean said, looking up from the bed where he had been reading. Castiel smiled and went over to his suitcase, unzipping one of the smaller flaps and pulling out a change of underwear.

“She’s all yours now, Dean, by all means.” Cas answered, gesturing towards the open bathroom door. Dean huffed and rolled over, folding over the page he was reading and closing his book. He hopped up then, grabbing a change of clothes and walking towards the bathroom.

“Have a nice shower, my love.” Castiel said. The other man looked back at him, raising an eyebrow at his smirking boyfriend. 

“Bite me, Count.” He snapped. Castiel grinned and bared his teeth, chomping at the air in Dean’s direction just as the man turned around and closed the bathroom door.

Dean’s eyes widened when he walked into the bathroom and saw that, on the shower door, there was a big mess of shaving cream shaped into a heart. The words _‘I love Dean’_ as well were written in sloppy letters below it, and Dean couldn’t help the gummy smile that spread across his face at the sight of the artwork. He clambered into the shower after that, humming quietly to himself as he began to scrub away at his body.

When Dean came out of the bathroom he was fully dressed, as was Castiel. Cas smiled at him from where he was sitting on their bed, flicking through the channels on cable. He put the remote down and scooted over, patting the bed. Dean sat down beside him and Cas smiled, leaning in to kiss Dean’s stubbly cheek.

“You look happier now that you’ve showered.”

Dean’s lips twitched a little and he leaned in, kissing Cas slowly. “Yeah, well, a certain boyfriend of mine may or may not have left me a very sweet message in shaving cream on the shower stall door.”

“Hmm. Sounds like he’s a great guy, this boyfriend of yours.” Cas murmured against his lips, kissing him again. Dean grinned, reaching out and grabbing a fistful of Cas’s shirt so that he could kiss him again in response, humming into his mouth.

“Yeah, he is a great guy. Too bad he’s really ugly.”

Castiel pursed his lips. “You’re not very nice.” He grumbled. Dean laughed, leaning in and kissing Cas’s pursed lips.

“I’m just kidding, baby. I love you.”

“Yeah, you better.” Castiel quipped, looking at Dean through narrowed eyes. His expression quickly softened though, as Dean continued to kiss his lips. He soon found himself opening his mouth for Dean’s kisses, allowing the other man to push his tongue in and pull him closer. He moaned into his mouth, clinging to Dean’s shirt and balling the fabric up in his fists.

“I love you too.” He gasped when they finally broke apart, panting into each other’s mouths and resting their foreheads against one another’s. Dean smiled, reaching up and stroking his fingers through Cas’s messy damp hair.

“I’m glad to hear it.” He chuckled, nosing at Cas’s cheek and working his way down Cas’s jaw, so that he was mouthing at his neck. He hummed, biting at his boyfriend’s pulse point. 

“We have to go to dinner soon.” Castiel said after a few moments, stroking his long fingers through Dean’s hair. Dean hummed and nipped at Cas’s skin, making no movement to get up. Cas sighed and tilted his head back a bit. “Come on, Dean… We promised Anna that we would be at her apartment for dinner by 7:30 and it’s already…” He glanced at his watch. “It’s already 7:00.”

“Can’t we just skip dinner and cuddle instead?” He whined. Castiel huffed and Dean sighed, sitting up straight and pursing his lips. 

“Fine, we’ll go. But we’re cuddling when we get back.” He grumbled as Cas stood up, handing him his jacket and slipping into his own. He took Dean’s hand as they left their room, squeezing it and smiling over at his boyfriend.

“Of course, princess.”

\---

“Cas!” Anna smiled as she opened the door to her apartment, enveloping her brother in a big hug. “You’ve gotten taller.”

“And you’ve gotten shorter.” Castiel said dryly, laughing when Anna punched him in the shoulder. She continued to smile up at him, and then her eyes flickered to Dean where he was standing off to the side.

“And who’s this? A friend?” She asked. Castiel bit his lip nervously.

“Actually, no. This is Dean.” He said, reaching out and taking Dean’s hand in his own. He squeezed his tightly- a bit too tightly- but Dean didn’t mind. He knew that Cas was nervous. “He’s my boyfriend.”

“Nice to meet you.” Dean smiled kindly at her, waving a hand at her. She forced a smile, though it didn’t reach her eyes.

“Oh.” Anna bristled, her smile fading as she straightened her posture. She quickly averted her eyes and cleared her throat. “Well, uh, you two can come in, then.” She said, stepping to the side. Castiel quickly stepped forward, dragging Dean across the threshold and into his sister’s apartment.

“Dinner is still in the oven. Michael will be here soon, I think he said he’s bringing desert.” Anna said as she walked towards the living room. Castiel and Dean followed, sitting down on a small couch after Anna. She smiled tightly at Cas, avoiding eye contact with Dean as she spoke.

“So… How are classes going?”

“They’re fine. I’ve been enjoying my writing classes.”

“Oh, that reminds me,” Anna said, standing up from where she was sitting. “I have all of your notebooks. Mom was gonna throw them out, but I saved them. I thought you’d want them.” She said, then walked over to the corner of the room and pulled out a large cardboard box filled with composition notebooks. She picked them up with a grunt, and Castiel quickly went over to her to take the boc from her arms.

“Thank you, Anna.” He said, smiling at her. She smiled back at him.

“I figured you’d want them back… After all the hours you spent working on them. It would be a shame for them to go in the trash.”

“I agree.” Castiel said with a smile, turning around and walking back to the couch. As he came closer, Dean reached out and took the box from his arms, setting it on his lap. He pulled out the notebook on top and opened it up just as Cas sat down beside him, oblivious of the glare that Anna was directing at him.

“Can I read this?” Dean asked as he flipped through the pages, not really reading the words but simply skimming to see how many pages were filled. Evidentially, all of them were.

Cas shrugged. “Knock yourself out, babe.” He smiled. Anna frowned and cleared her throat, regaining Castiel’s attention.

“So, how have you been doing? Since the accident? Michael told me that it was pretty bad.”

“I’ve been doing better. The physical therapy helped a lot. It still aches sometimes, but lucky for me Dean gives a pretty good massage.” He chuckled, reaching out and squeezing Dean’s knee. He looked up from the notebook, lips pursed.

“Huh?”

Cas smiled. “Nothing, Dean. You can go back to your reading.” He said, looking back at his sister. For the first time that evening he noticed the way she was looking at Dean, the way her face was twisted and her lips were pursed. He frowned slightly.

“Are you okay, Anna?” He asked, his tone hard. Anna cleared her throat and looked away from her brother.

“Uh, yeah. I’m fine. Actually, I think that the chicken is probably ready by now…” She stood up, bustling off to the kitchen. Castiel sighed heavily, leaning back in the couch and crossing his arms over his chest. Dean looked up from the notebook again, frowning slightly.

“You okay, sweetheart?” he asked, running his fingers through Cas’s hair. Castiel sighed again and shook his head, resting his head on Dean’s shoulder.

“I don’t know.” He answered quietly. Dean pursed his lips and stopped moving his hand, resting it on Cas’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry, baby. Do you want me to put this away?” He gestured to the notebook. ‘You think I can help?”

Cas shook his head. “I doubt it. Anyway, I wouldn’t want to take you away from your reading. You seem to be enjoying it.” He paused, leaning over and peeking at the book. “Which story are you reading anyway?”

“Um… Something about this guy whose pining over this girl Penny Stewart. He keeps talking about how much he loves her pie.”

“Oh.” Cas smiled fondly, reaching out and running his hand back and forth over Dean’s knee. “I wrote that back in my Junior year, I think. Anna made me watch Little House on the Prairie and… Well, I guess this just happened.” He smiled a little, and Dean turned to smirk at him.

“Anna _forced_ you to watch Little House on the Prairie?”

Castiel pursed his lips. “Yes, she did.” He insisted, crossing his arms over his chest. Dean snorted.

“Uh, okay. I’m sure that’s why you have the entire series tucked away in your sock drawer back at MIT.”

“What were you doing in my sock drawer?” Castiel asked, avoiding the topic. Dean shrugged and flipped a page in the notebook, focusing on the words on the page.

“I ran out of socks. Yours were there. It seemed like a good idea.”

Cas opened his mouth to respond, but before he could speak Anna called to them from the dining room.

“Dinner is ready.” She called, coming to stand in the doorway. She smiled at them as they got up, and Dean dropped the notebook back into the box as he followed his boyfriend into the dining room. Anna sat down, flipping her hair over her shoulder. “I’ll just text Michael, see where he is.”

“Alright, cool.” Cas said, leaning back in his chair. Dean smiled at Cas, then looked over at Anna.

“Dinner looks absolutely delicious, Anna. I can’t wait to eat.”

Anna nodded, smiling weakly at Dean. “Um… Thanks.” She said unenthusiastically, then looked down at her phone. She smiled. “Oh, Michael is only a few minutes away. Traffic is bad.”

“Alright, well, he better get here soon or we’ll just have to start without him.” Cas chuckled. Anna laughed, nodding in agreement.

“Oh, I hear you Cas. I’m starved.”

“I think the last time we ate was… It was that gas station in Albany. Wasn’t it?” Cas asked, turning to look at his boyfriend. Dean hummed.

“Yeah. Had a Twinkie and a large soda for lunch and haven’t eaten since.” Dean chuckled. “Actually, I need to use the restroom. Where is it?” He asked, pushing his chair out. Anna nodded in the direction of the hallway.

“Last door on the right.” She said tightly. Dean smiled and thanked her before he left the room. Castiel watched him go, frowning as he left. He turned to Anna once he was out of earshot, leaning forward in his seat.

“Okay, Anna, tell me what’s wrong now.”

Anna pursed her lips. “Nothing is wrong, Cas.” She insisted. Castiel snorted.

“Yeah, I’m sure. That’s why you’ve said barely a word to Dean all night, and all you can do is give him dirty looks when you think no one is watching.” He scowled. “if you have a problem with my boyfriend, just say it.”

Anna huffed. “It’s not your boyfriend, Cas. It’s the fact that you _have_ a boyfriend.” Castiel’s mouth dropped open at her words.

“You’re still on this, Anna? How old are we, again?”

“I could say the same to you, Cas.” Anna bit back. Cas’s eyes widened in shock and he sat back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest and raising his eyebrows.

“What does that mean?”

“It means you’re being a child, Castiel. Don’t you think that this whole ‘gay’ thing has gone on for long enough? Don’t you think it’s time that you found a girlfriend?”

Cas’s nostrils flared. “Sorry to shock you, Anna, but I don’t think that that’s going to happen.” He snapped. “See, I’ve been gay since the day I was born. I’m not attracted to women at all- never have been, never will be. Can’t exactly help it. And, unlike you, I’m okay with that. I have a boyfriend and I love him, and he loves me exactly as I am.”

Anna’s jaw clenched and she narrowed her eyes at her brother. “You’re being ridiculous, Cas. Being gay… Living the way you do… It’s a choice you’ve made. I don’t know why you would ever want to live that way, but…” She sighed. “You know, Cas, its not too late. God is forgiving. If you change your ways now He can look past your sins…”

Cas snorted and looked away. “Oh, please don’t bring God into this discussion.”

“Why, does it make you uncomfortable? Or are you going to tell me next that you don’t believe in God anymore?”

“Am I interrupting something? Both Anna and Cas turned their heads at Michael’s voice. Castiel scowled and stood up.

“No, actually, Dean and I were just leaving.” He said. Michael frowned, his eyebrows knitting together in confusion. His gaze shifted from Castiel over to Anna, and he frowned.

“What did you do?” He asked, his tone harsh. Just then Dean came out of the bathroom, and Cas walked over to him, taking his hand.

“Come on Dean, we’re leaving.” He said. Dean frowned in confusion and was just about to ask what happened when Michael stepped forward and spoke.

“Now, come on Castiel. Don’t leave. It’s been so long since we’ve all been together…”

“No, Michael. I’m done with letting myself be abused by people who don’t accept me.” He said, nostrils flaring. “Besides, if I hadn’t gotten into a near fatal car accident, neither of you would even give the slightest shit about me. I could be in Kansas right now with my boyfriend- who loves me- hanging out with his mother and his brother, two people who actually _do_ care about me.” He snorted. “But _no_ , instead I’ve dragged that same boyfriend all the way to New York so that he could be treated rudely by my sister, who just told me that it was about time I broke up with him and got a girlfriend!” He laughed sarcastically, shaking his head. “Well guess what? I don’t want a girlfriend. And if this is the kind of shit I’m going to have to put up with every time I see you guys- getting propositioned to “become” straight and rid myself of sin- well then I don’t want a family either.”

He grabbed his and Dean’s jackets off the back of the couch after that, storming out of the apartment as Michael tried to get him to come back. They made it to the lobby of Anna building before Castiel finally stopped, wobbling where he stood. Dean came up behind him quickly, placing a hand on his back.

“Are you okay, Cas?”

“I thought she would be different.” He said, his lips wobbling as tears filled his eyes. Dean shushed him, pulling him close and stroking his fingers through his hair.

“Hey, it’s okay. It’s okay Cas, sometimes things don’t work out like we think they will but the world isn’t gonna end…”

Castiel sniffled against Dean’s chest. “And I… I yelled at Mike. Mike didn’t do anything and I…”

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. Mike is a grown man, I’m sure he can handle being yelled at by his baby brother.” Dean said. Castiel frowned.

“I’m not a baby.”

“I know. You’re a baby in a trench coat.”

“I’m not even wearing my trench coat right now, Dean.” Castiel argued, a pout on his face. Dean smiled a little and leaned forward, kissing his pursed lips.

“Whatever. Come on, we’ll get a taxi back to the hotel and pick up some takeout. How’s that sound?”

Castiel sighed. “Alright.” He conceded, taking Dean’s hand and letting him lead him out of the apartment and into the bustling streets of New York City.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _PLEASE LEAVE YOUR FEEDBACK!!! If you leave kudos, please leave a comment! I appreciate everything, but I really need your guy's feedback so I know if I'm taking this story where it needs to be!!! Love y'all!!!_
> 
>  
> 
> **Castiel's Story:**
> 
>  
> 
> Sometimes on rainy days in the fall, when the sky was dreary and the house was cold, Mama would warm it by baking one of her infamous blueberry pies- the kind with a flaky crust and sticky sweet filling that leaves your fingers all messy. When Mama died I thought that I’d never taste that pie again. Yet here I was, sitting at Penny Stewart’s dining room table eating a pie that tasted just like my Mama’s, right down to the filling. Maybe it was my imagination, or maybe I was crazy, but that pie tasted like home. 
> 
> That was the moment I think I realized that I should marry Penny Stewart.
> 
> I was 17 years old, then. I look back on that day now and I wonder what a fool I was, to think that a girl like Penny Stewart would ever marry a poor farmer boy like me! Of course, I thought I was a fool then, too. That’s why as soon as I finished that pie and courteously thanked Penny for the treat, I rushed out with the excuse that I had chores waiting for me at home.
> 
> When high school ended, I went and begged the local druggist for a job stocking medicine shelves, and Penny went off to college in New York. I saw her to the train station the day that she left, and I can still remember it like it was yesterday. The air was dry and the sun was hot, beating down on the two of us as we stood by the doors of the train car, the smell of steam and burning coals overwhelming our senses. She wore a pair of brown trousers and a blue blouse, her honey-brown hair tucked neatly behind her ears. Still, loose strands blew into her face on occasion, and she would have to push her hair out of her eyes- blue eyes- so that she could see. She told me before she got on the train to take care of myself, and how I had wanted to kiss her then! But that wouldn’t have been right of me, because I was just a farmer boy and she was Penny Stewart. So instead, I wished her good luck and I waved to her as she boarded the train. She waved back to me as it began to pull out of the station, metal wheels screeching against the tracks. There was a shimmer in her bright blue eyes that almost looked like tears as her car pulled away, but I knew that it was just a trick of the light. Just my hopeful mind fooling me into believing something that wasn’t true.
> 
> She often wrote to me from college. Long letters that detailed her adventures in the city, the people that she met, how much she loved it in her new home. She also spoke of how she missed Kansas, and how every now and then she just wanted to get back on the train and come home. Sometimes it seemed like her letters spoke of how much she missed me, and how much she wanted to come home to me, but I knew that that wasn’t true. A girl like Penny Stewart could never love a boy like me!
> 
> So, when my daddy told me that it was time for me to find a wife and start my own family, Penny Stewart didn’t even come to mind. Why would she? What was the point in even thinking about it, with her being the woman she was and me being the poor farm boy that I was. I started dating the butcher’s daughter, Martha Golden, painfully. Six months later I proposed to her, and then we were married.
> 
> All of that was ten years ago. I try not to think of Penny anymore, or of that blueberry pie she had made that tasted so much like home. I know that she made it big somewhere, probably married a banker and lives in a big old house with her children, now. She probably bakes blueberry pie for them too, and I reckon they love it just as much as I used to. And I know that it’s better this way, that I never could have given her the life she really deserved.
> 
> The screen door creaks open, and I look up to see Martha standing there wearing her faded blue apron around her waist, a smoldering cigarette hanging loosely from her chapped lips. She plucks the bud from her mouth, blowing smoke into the wind as she squints at me.
> 
> “What are you thinking about?” She asks. I shrug, not looking towards her as I answer.
> 
> “Blueberry pie." 
> 
> Martha laughs, but it’s an empty sound, almost as if she feels obliged to laugh. For some reason, the sound of it makes my chest ache. "That’s always your answer,” she drawls out, “You must really love blueberry pie.”
> 
> I smile fondly, turning my head to look at my wife. She has her hands on her hips, her thin blonde hair framing her pale face. A small smile tugs at her lips, but that smile doesn’t reach her eyes. It never reaches her eyes. I look away again, sighing out my response as I think of how my wife will never be any bit like Penny Stewart.
> 
> “You’re right. I really do.”


	22. Time's Square

“Come on baby. Orange chicken.” Dean smiled around a mouthful of food, holding up a plastic container to Cas. The young man shrugged in response, shaking his head and turning away.

“I’m not that hungry after all, Dean.” He said quietly. The smiled faded away from Dean’s face and he swallowed his food, watching as Castiel walked away and out onto the balcony of their room. He slid the glass door shut behind him, and Dean sighed heavily as he stared down at his food.

He knew that Castiel was upset after his encounter with Anna. Hell, he would be upset too if his brother or his cousin said what Anna had said to him. He also knew that Cas probably needed his space right now. Maybe once he cooled off, he’d be ready to eat a little and talk about what had happened. Dean still wasn’t entirely sure what had gone down at Anna’s place, but he knew that it had to have been- wait, was that smoke? Was Cas smoking?

Dean stood up quickly and walked over to the balcony door, sliding it open and stepping out into the warm spring air. Cas looked up at him, quickly hiding the cigarette behind his back and blowing smoke out from the side of his mouth. Dean rolled his eyes.

“Smoking, Cas? Really?” He asked, reaching behind Cas’s back and plucking the bud from between his fingers. “I thought you quit.”

Cas’s Adam’s Apple bobbed in his throat and he looked away, his fists clenched by his sides. “I… I did, Dean. I quit and I haven’t… I haven’t-” He choked on his sentence, looking own as tears filled his eyes. Dean frowned, stepping forward and pulling Cas into a tight hug.

“God, Cas, you must be really upset.” He whispered, stroking his fingers through Cas’s hair. “It’s okay, sweetie. It’s all gonna be fine.”

Castile began to shake, his hands fisted in the front of Dean’s shirt as he cried. “I forgot how much this hurts.” He squeaked out. “To just have everything about you... dismissed. As if I would ever choose to be gay. As if I’d ever _choose_ to be treated like this.”

“I’m sorry, baby. I know it sucks. I wish I could tell you that it would get better, but…” He sighed heavily and rested his chin on top of Cas’s head, holding him close. “I can’t do that. But I can tell you that you do have people who love you. I love you, Gabriel loves you… Even Michael loves you, and he doesn’t seem like that much of an outgoing guy.”

Castiel chuckled at that, wiping his eyes and nodding. “You’re right, Dean. I’m… I’m sorry that I smoked. And I ruined your shirt.”

Dean smiled a little and shrugged. “Hey, I never really liked this shirt anyway.” 

Cas laughed again, sniffling and nodding his head. “Yeah… doesn’t mean I’m not sorry.” He mumbled, ducking his head and shuffling a bit. Dean reached out, pulling him into his side and leading him back into their room.

“Sit down and we’ll get some food into you, alright? Then we can go to bed. I bet you’re exhausted.” He said, sitting down and resting a hand on Cas’s shoulder. Cas nodded, reaching out and pulling a carton of rice closer to himself. He began to eat slowly, and Dean decided that he would have to settle for that, and he pulled his own carton of food closer.

They ate in silence, and once all of the food had been consumed, Dean led Cas over to the bed. Cas was quiet (brooding, Dean realized)as he climbed into bed, still fully dressed in jeans and a teeth shirt. Dean sighed, sitting down on the bed beside Cas and reaching out to remove his clothes.

“What are you doing?” Cas mumbled into the pillow as he felt Dean’s hands on his hips, though he didn’t look up. Dean gave Cas’s jeans a tug, slipping them off of his body as he spoke.

“I’m undressing you, smart one. You can’t go to bed still wearing your jeans.”

Castiel grunted in response, shrugging his shoulders. Dean sighed again and shifted up the bed, tugging at Cas’s shirt until the man finally rolled over, glaring at his boyfriend as he peeled his shirt off of his chest.

“You look like a cat.” Dean said, poking Cas’s nose. Cas pursed his lips.

“Do not.” He argued. Dean smiled a little.

“Do too. Now roll over.”

“Why?” Castiel groaned, turning over nonetheless. Dean crawled up on top of him, straddling his hips and sitting on top of his butt. He leaned forward then, pressing his hands into Cas’s shoulder blades and beginning to knead at his muscles. Cas moaned softly. “Oh.”

“Yeah, don’t hear you complaining now.” Dean chuckled in response, kneading his knuckles into the tense muscles of Cas’s back and shoulders. Castiel moaned again.

“Why would I complain when you’re doing _that_ with your hands?”

Dean smiled and leaned down, kissing Cas’s right shoulder blade gently before he sat up straight again, digging his fingers into his boyfriend’s lower back and rubbing him there.

“You’re so tense. You just need to forget about her, baby.”

“Yeah.” Castiel whispered, tilting his head to the side and looking back at Dean. Dean flashed him a small smile before turning his attention back to his boyfriend’s back, continuing to massage his tense muscles. He smoothed a hand over his shoulder blades, pressing his fingers into the tendons there and rubbing small circles into the skin. Cas moaned quietly and Dean couldn’t help but blush, moving his hands up Cas’s body so that he could focus more on his neck.

“Are we still going over to Michael’s for breakfast?” Dean asked quietly, after a while, shifting slightly so that he could put pressure on Cas’s lumbar with his knees. This seemed to take the man’s breath away- or maybe he was too zoned out to articulate a response- because it was a few seconds before he responded.

“Should be. I mean, unless he- ugh, fuck, Dean right there…” He trailed off, groaning softly when Dean pressed strong fingers right up against the base of his spine and began to massage the sensitive nerves there. Dean chuckled.

“The people next door probably think we’re having sex.”

“It’s a hotel. _Everyone_ probably thinks we’re having sex.”

Dean snorted. “And here I am, flaccid as ever.”

Castiel turned his head so that he could look back at Dean at that, raising an eyebrow. “Stop being so crude and rub my back.”

“Rude and bossy.”

“S’what you signed up for.” Castiel sassed back, a small smile on his face as he buried his face in the pillows once more. Dean laughed, wholeheartedly, before digging his knuckles back into the flesh of Cas’s back and working out the knots.

This went on for nearly half an hour, and Dean finally rolled off of Cas’s back and onto the bed beside him. Cas looked up at him from under droopy eyelids, a tired, sated smile on his face. He reached out, pulling Dean close and nuzzling at his neck.

“I love you.”

Dean smiled. “You’re just saying that because I rubbed your back…” he teased.

“Nah.” Cas grinned, leaning in and kissing Dean’s chapped lips. “I wouldn’t lie about something like that.”

Dean smiled and wrapped his arms around Castiel, carding his fingers through his hair. “I know, sweetheart. I love you too. Now get some sleep.”

“Okay.” Cas whispered, closing his eyes and quickly falling into an exhausted sleep.

\---

Dean awoke to a dark room and cold sheets. He frowned as he blinked his eyes open, reaching out and patting the spot on the bed where he was sure Cas had been laying when they fell asleep. Grunting, he shifted in bed and glanced at the alarm clock, looking at the large blinking red blocks that read 2:27 AM. He scowled, pulling the covers off of his torso and swinging his feet out of bed.

Dean shuffled to his feet, rubbing at his eyes and stifling a yawn as he made his way out to the open balcony. He frowned when he found Cas there, leaning against the railing, a smoldering cigarette poised on the tip of his lips. Dean squinted at him, shuffling over to him and resting a warm hand on his lower back.

“What’s the matter, baby?” He asked, his voice scratchy from sleep. Castiel pivoted, plucking the cigarette from his lips and holding it at his side.

“It’s nothing, sweetheart. Why don’t you go back to bed” He asked, stroking his free hand through Dean’s hair and pecking his lips. His mouth tasted stale from cigarettes, and he frowned.

“No. Not until you tell me why you’re out here smoking– for the second time today, mind you– in the dead of night.” Dean insisted, pursing his lips. Castiel sighed and reached out to the ash tray, smashing his cigarette in it and looking over at Dean.

“Not smoking anymore. Are you happy?” He asked. Dean frowned.

“No.” He said softly, reaching up and flattening his hands out over Cas’s chest. “Babe, I can tell that you’re hurting. Please don’t shut me out.”

Castiel snorted and looked away from his boyfriend. “It’s just humiliating.” He mumbled, shaking his head. Dean frowned.

“Humiliating? What’s humiliating?”

“Seriously? _What’s humiliating?_ I dragged you all the way out here, away from your family over Easter Break, only for my sister to tell me that I should break up with you and find some girl to date. My sister… she was horrible to you. She treated you like you were this insignificant little insect and she was the Queen Bee, and I just…” Castiel made a choke off sound in his throat, looking down at the concrete floor of the balcony. “I never want anyone to make you feel like your insignificant. Because you aren’t. You’re the most significant part of my entire life, Dean.”

Dean swallowed hard, pressing his lips together because he didn’t know what to say. Castiel sniffled in front of him and reached up, wiping away at his own nose and eyes.

“It’s stupid- it’s stupid, I know… But I just want you to know that you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I’ve never felt this way about anybody before… Well, I guess I never had the chance to, before. Fuck, how cliché is it that my first real boyfriend is the love of my life?”

Dean smiled a little bit and reached out, taking Cas’s hands in his own. “It’s not cliché at all, honey. And hey, who doesn’t love a good story about a nerdy virgin meeting a sexy jock and falling in love?”

Castiel snorted and rolled his eyes. “I’m anything but nerdy, Dean… And just because you can catch 118 peanuts in your mouth in a row doesn’t make you an athlete. I’ve told you that a million times.”

Dean smiled widely and pulled Castiel close, kissing his forehead and holding him tight. They swayed where they stood, but didn’t move, and from any other balcony it may have even looked as if they were one person. Castiel continued to sniffle into Dean’s chest as he began to whisper into his ear.

“…we don’t need her approval and you know that, Cas. We’ll build our own family. Move to a nice little house and get married, maybe adopt some kids. Raise ‘em good, and love ‘em no matter what. A little girl, maybe? Someone to tug at all your piercings and cry for you to sing I Don’t Wanna Lose Your Love Tonight just _one more time_ before bed time?”

“I-I… Dean…”

“If you’re wondering how I know that you can sing that song, you’re really loud when you sing in the shower back at campus.” Dean said nonchalantly, and Cas was amazed that he could just drop a huge relationship bomb like that and then act like it was the most natural thing in the world.

“You want to marry me?” Castiel squeaked, his blue eyes wide and still brimming with tears. Dean bit his lips, nodding carefully.

“Well…yeah. I mean- is that okay?” He asked quietly. Castiel chose not to answer, instead surging forward and kissing Dean flush on the lips. Dean moaned in surprise, stumbling backwards but recovering momentarily. He gripped Castiel close, laughing once they broke apart.

“Of course it’s okay, you big bloke.” He smiled. Dean grinned and pushed his hair back out of his face.

“Wow, Cas. If I had known that proposing to you was the only way to get you to stop crying, I would have done it _ages_ ago…”

“Oh, shut up.” He laughed, poking Dean in the chest. “And that _so_ does not count as a proposal. You’re gonna do it right, Mister, or I’ll do it for you. A ring, on one knee, maybe some candles… whole nine yards. And not for a couple years at least. Maybe once I get a job at a good Newspaper, and you’ve gone back for your Masters.”

“Geez, you’re high maintenance. I didn’t know there had to be _criteria_ for a proposal…” Dean mumbled, rolling his eyes. Then he grinned teasingly at Cas, who kissed him again.

“I love you.” He whispered. Dean smiled back at him.

“I love you too. Now, come on. It’s cold out here and I want to go to bed. Might as well prepare myself to regret this in the morning.”

Castiel grinned at him, following Dean back into the hotel room and sliding the balcony door shut. “Oh, shut up.”

Dean hummed as he slipped back into bed, pulling Castiel close and pressing his nose against his neck. He still smelled of cigarette smoke, but it was more of a comforting scent now than anything else. Still, it didn’t keep Dean from quietly promising Castiel retribution.

“By the way, don’t think I’m letting you off the hook for smoking tonight. Gabriel and I are going to kick your ass tomorrow.”

Dean could feel Castiel smiling against the pillow. “I’d like to see you try.”

\---

Dean woke up an hour or so sooner than Castiel, so he had time to take a shower and brew some coffee for the both of them. He was sipping at his coffee on the balcony when he decided that he should probably call his mother, so he pulled out his cell phone and dialed the home phone.

The phone rang for almost two minutes with no response, and Dean remembered that Kansas was about an hour behind New York. He waited out the message machine, leaning on the rail and waiting for the tone to go off. Then he spoke.

“Hey mom, just wanted to let you know that Cas and I got to New York safe and sound last night… It’s pretty cool here. We’re probably going to go down to Times Square today with Cas’s brother Gabriel, so it should be fun. I’ll take pictures for you.” He cleared his throat. “Last night… I, uh… I sort of proposed to Cas, I guess.” He chuckled, replaying the scene from the night before in his mind. “It wasn’t planned or anything, kind of spontaneous… And nothing is official, really, but he said yes.” He grinned into the receiver. “He said yes, that he wants to marry me. He wants me to propose officially, though, so I don’t know when we’re gonna do that.” He laughed, smiling widely. “I’m just so happy. Please call me back as soon as you get this, ma. I love you.” He said, then hung up.

When he walked back into the hotel room, Cas was just stirring awake. Dean set his coffee down and crawled onto the mattress, kissing Cas’s face and stroking his hands over his back.

“Dean…” He mumbled, his face scrunched up grumpily. He coughed into his hand, wet and gross, groaning. “It tastes like a possum died in my mouth.”

“Yeah… That’s what happens when you get up in the middle of the night to smoke cigarettes.” Dean said dryly, giving Castiel a pointed look. Cas groaned and waved a hand back at Dean.

“This is all Anna’s fault.” He mumbled, rolling over so that he could face Dean, blinking when the light from the balcony window hit him in the face. Dean pursed his lips and stroked Cas’s hair back.

“Let’s not talk about her, huh?” He said. Cas hummed and nuzzled his face into Dean’s neck, snuggling closer to him. Dean smiled and wrapped his arms around the other man, kissing his forehead.

“Come on, sleepyhead. We’ve got to get up so we can go get breakfast. You want to see Gabriel, don’t you?”

“Don’t talk to me like I’m a child.” Castiel grumbled, pushing off of Dean and sitting up. Dean laughed.

“What did I do?” He asked. Castiel grunted in response and slid out of the bed, walking over to the counter and pouring himself a cup of the coffee that Dean had brewed for them. As he sipped the coffee he glanced over at Dean, who was now sitting on the bed among a mess of covers. He smiled slightly.

“You’re up early.” He said once he set his coffee down, leaning against the counter. “Who were you talking to out there?” He asked, gesturing towards the balcony.

“I was trying to get in touch with my mom, but I realized a little too late that Kansas is an hour behind us and she’s probably still asleep.”

“Ah.” Castiel nodded, sipping at his coffee and looking out the window. He sighed. “I’m gonna go take a shower now. Then we can get going.”

“Okay.” Dean rolled over, reaching for his bag by the side of the bed and pulling it closer. He pulled out his laptop, sitting on the bed and opening up internet explorer. Castiel often ridiculed and made fun of him for using internet explorer, but what was he supposed to do? Google Chrome seemed stupid.

Okay, maybe the real reason what because Dean didn’t know how to download Google Chrome. But he wasn’t about to tell Cas that.

Dean checked his email, noting that the LARPing club had sent him an invitation to their latest event, which would be at the local Renaissance Faire, which was coming to Massachusetts in a few weeks. He marked it down on his phone’s calendar before sending back his RSVP. He had just started browsing eBay for discount cosplay costumes when Cas came out of the bathroom, towel hung loosely around his hips and wet hair matted down.

They left a few minutes later, jackets shrugged over their shoulders and intertwining their fingers. They left the hotel then, walking out to the sidewalk. Dean was surprised when Cas nearly stepped into traffic to hail a taxi, and as the driver pulled over, Cas caught Dean gaping at him.

“What?” He asked as he opened the door up for Dean, who clambered in and was quickly followed by Cas. Dean shook his head.

“You just… you were like, in the middle of the street. You could have gotten hit.” He said quietly. Castiel frowned.

“I doubt it. That’s how you hail a taxi in New York.” He said simply. Dean didn’t quite believe him, of course, but he let if drop. Instead, he just reached out and took Cas’s hand, squeezing it. Cas’s lips curled up into a smile and he leaned forward to kiss Dean chastely, piercings pressing up against Dean’s skin and making him grin.

“I love you.” He murmured quietly as Cas pulled away from the kiss. Castiel smiled ad said nothing, opting instead to lean his head on Dean’s shoulder and stroked his fingers over the back of his hand for a bit. They were quiet together for almost half of the ride before Cas finally spoke.

“Dean?”

“Yeah?”

“Were you just shutting me up last night? Or do you really wanna get married?” He spoke quietly, so that the cabby wouldn’t hear. “Because if you were just trying to get me to stop crying, then that’s okay… I… I get it and I-”

“No, Cas, I was being serious.” Dean said, quickly cutting Castiel off before he could continue with his rambling. “Were you?”

“Yes!” he said quickly, then blushed and lowered his voice a bit. “I mean, of course. I wouldn’t’ve said yes if I didn’t mean it.” He said softly. Dean smiled and leaned in, capturing Cas’s lips in a gentle kiss.

“Good.” He breathed, and that was the end of the conversation.

When they arrived at Michael’s apartment, he was quick to let them in, pulling Castiel into a tight hug and apologizing profusely for what had happened the night before. Castiel wound up having to push him away in the end, he was squeezing him so tight. He pulled away, shushing him quickly.

“Mike, calm the fuck down. What Anna did last night wasn’t your fault.” Castiel said. Michael frowned and bit his lips.

“Yeah… But what you said last night. About us not being there for you unless you had gotten into that accident…”

“I was angry.” Castiel cut in quickly. Michael frowned at him.

“But its true, Cas. And I feel horrible about it. I just… I’ve treated you so horribly, and I don’t know how I’m ever going to make it up to you. I don’t even know why you’re here right now, honestly. I don’t deserve the second chance that you’re giving me…”

“Woah,” Gabriel walked into the room, fuzzy pajama pants and a large sweat shirt draped over his shoulders. “Are we really getting deep and emotional this early in the morning?”

“No.” Castiel answered quickly, before Michael could open his mouth. Then he looked up at his older brother, reaching out to squeeze his shoulder. “Listen, bro. I know that right now, things aren’t really ideal between us. I mean, we haven’t really had the best relationship in the past, is all. But right now… you’re trying. And I mean, _really_ trying. And I appreciate that, and I want to work on becoming… becoming brothers again, you know?” He sighed and dropped his hand from Michael’s shoulder. “What Anna did last night was the exact opposite of what you’ve been doing. She was ignorant, inconsiderate, and insulting. I lashed out at both of you because of it… And I’m sorry if I made you upset. You didn’t deserve it.”

Michael was silent, and Castiel offered him a small smile. Finally, Michael cleared his throat and looked over at Dean, then back at Cas.

“Alright, glad we got that sorted out. You two hungry, then?”

“Starving.” Dean said, stepping forward and twining his fingers with Cas’s. Castiel squeezed his hand in response and turned, pecking him on the cheek and leaning into his side. Michael smiled.

“Come on. Gabriel’s making chocolate chip pancakes.” He snorted and rolled his eyes, walking into the dining room with Cas and Dean close behind him. “I swear to God that kid’s gonna rot his teeth out by the time he’s forty.”

“I can hear you, y’know!” Gabriel yelled from the other room. Michael rolled his eyes, then looked over at Cas/ he gasped and snapped his fingers.

“Oh! I have something for you.” He said. He walked over to the corner of the room, where there were two cardboard boxes sitting next to a potted tree. “You left these at Anna’s place last night. I figured you would want them.” He grunted as he lifted both boxes into his arms,walking over to Cas and thrusting them into his arms. The man stumbled back a bit, bumping into Dean’s chest. He steadied him.

“Thanks, Mike.” Cas’s reply was muffled by the boxes. Dean took one from off the top, heping Cas to go put them on the couch back in the living room. 

“We’ll remember to take them back to the hotel once we leave.” Dean said. Castiel nodded in agreement, and the two of them walked back into the dining room, where Gabriel was setting down a stack of chocolate chip pancakes a mile high. Cas smiled and sat down, quickly serving himself and Dean.

“These look delicious, Gabriel.” Dean said. Gabriel grinned.

“I always knew I liked you, Dean-o.” He said, then winked at him. Dean flushed and looked down at his plate as Castiel glared at his brother.

“As if Dean would ever go for you, chubby.” He quipped. Gabriel gasped, feigning insult.

“Rude.” He said, his voice going up an octave.

“These really are good, though.” Michael said, shoveling a large bite of pancake into his mouth. “I never thought I could enjoy chocolate chip pancakes.”

“Who the hell doesn’t enjoy chocolate pancakes?” Dean laughed. Castiel pointed to his older brother.

“Michael. He’s hated them since he was five years old.”

“You weren’t even alive when I was five.” Michael said dryly. Castiel shrugged, smirking at his brother as he shoveled some pancake into his mouth.

“Doesn’t mean I don’t know that you were a tight ass even then.” He retorted. Michael rolled his eyes as Gabriel laughed, nodding in agreement with Cas’s words.

“He _has_ always been a tight ass! Do you remember when we used to play Legos together? If the building wasn’t color coded you would like… Freak out.”

“I don’t remember that.” Michael said tightly, narrowing his eyes at his brother. Castiel grinned.

“It sounds pretty accurate to me.”

“Oh, shut up, Salazar Slytherin.” Michael said, taking the piece of pancake on his fork and flicking it in Cas’s direction. It landed halfway across the table in a glob of syrup, and Cas began to laugh.

“Excuse you, but I’m proud to call myself a Slytherin.” Cas said, poking his tongue out of his mouth and wiggling his piercing at Michael. The man rolled his eyes and shook his head, going back to his breakfast. Dean grinned over at his boyfriend.

“We get it babe, you’re a Slytherin. You can put your tongue away.”

“Not until Michael feels uncomfortable.”

“Too late.” Michael said dryly. Castiel grinned and pulled his tongue back into his mouth, slicing up some more pancake and shoving it into his mouth. Then he looked over at Dean.

“So, what house are you?”

“From Harry Potter?” Dean frowned for a second, considering the question. “Probably Hufflepuff. I don’t fit in anywhere else, anyway.”

Castiel frowned, biting his lips. “Maybe. But you are pretty brave. You’d probably be in Gryffindor.” Castiel argued. Dean’s cheeks turned bright red and he looked down at his plate.

“M’not that brave.” He mumbled. Cas’s hand moved under the table, coming to rest on Dean’s thigh. Dean offered Castiel a small smile, then looked over at Gabriel. “Pass the pancakes over here, please.”

\---

Times Square was amazing. Dean had thought that Cambridge was a big city, but boy had he been mistaken. Block after block of stores, cafes, theatres, libraries and all sorts of shops spanned for what seemed like miles to him. There were food carts and vendors along every side walk, and people of all shapes, colors and sizes bustled about.

After taking a taxi back to their hotel to drop Cas’s journals off, Dean, Cas, Michael and Gabriel had taken the Subway to Times Square for the day, before Michael and Gabriel would have to go have dinner with their mother. It was only Dean’s second time on a subway in his entire life, since there weren’t many in Massachusetts, and he decided that he really did not like it. He could feel every movement that the fast little car made, and the smell of piss and body odor invaded his nostrils. He must have looked like he was going to be sick because Cas reached out and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Are you okay, sweetheart?”

“I’ll be fine.” Dean assured him, holding at his stomach as the car lurched, slowing down a bit. “At least it’s better than flying.”

“You’re not gonna throw up, are you?” Cas asked quietly. Dean shook his head.

“Like I said, I should be fine. Just…” he trailed off, his face going white as the car sped up again and he had to fight back the urge to vomit up his breakfast. Cas leaned in and kissed his cheek, rubbing at his back.

“We’re almost at our stop.” He assured him. That was when Gabriel leaned over to ask if he was okay, and they went through the whole ordeal once again.

About ten minutes later they arrived at the terminal, and Dean was the first person off the car. Cas took his hand once they got onto the platform, and he led his boyfriend out into the street, closely followed by Gabriel and Michael.

The first place they went was the Coca Cola Shop. There were hundreds of displays and the place was bustling with shoppers. There was even a large machine set up where you could punch your name in and a Coke Bottle would be printed with your name on it. Dean made sure to buy one for his little brother, knowing that Coke was his favorite drink and he would appreciate the gift. Of course, he probably wouldn’t appreciate that the can read ‘Sammy’ rather than ‘Sam’, but beggars can’t be choosers. Soda flavored candies lined the walls, as well as vintage bottles of soda and merchandise. The four of them didn’t stick around long in the shop, though, considering how busy it was and how many children were running around.

They walked towards Broadway, down to where the New Year’s Ball Drop takes place every year. Dean couldn’t help but take his phone out and snap a few pictures. Castiel glared Michael and Gabriel into silence as they snickered at him, but Dean didn’t care. He knew he looked like a tourist, but that’s what he was, after all.

As they walked along and it grew later, Castiel suggested that they get something to eat. They stopped at a food cart where the vendor was selling Gyros. Dean took Cas’s hand, leaning against him as they looked at the menu and Gabriel placed his order.

“What do you want, babe? I’m paying.” He said.

“No you’re not. I’m paying.” Castiel argued back. Dean raised his eyebrows.

“Are you kidding me? You paid for our meals the whole way up here. You’ve gotta cut me some slack, man.”

“That’s not true. I let you pay when we were at that gas station right out of the city.” Dean said indignantly. Dean snorted.

“That was like… _six dollars_. Stop being such a pain in the ass and-”

“Hey, lovers, could you quit arguing and order already? Or are you gonna wait until the sun goes down?”

Dean huffed and glared at Cas before stepping forward and ordering a lamb gyro. Castiel nudged him out of the way before he could pay, though, slamming a twenty dollar bill on the counter of the truck and ordering a chicken gyro. Dean glared daggers at him as he smiled smugly, thanking the vendor as he handed them both their gyros.

“I hate you.” He hissed as Castiel tangled their fingers together. Cas leaned forward and pecked his lips.

“You can pay next time.”

“Nope. You lost the right to ask me to pay for any of our dates from now on.” Dean quipped, sticking his nose up. Castiel laughed loudly.

“You’ve got to be kidding me! You’re such a baby.”

“Would you two shut up?” Gabriel snapped, hitting his brother upside the head. Castiel winced and batted Gabriel’s hand away. “Your flirting is gross.”

“We’re not flirting. We’re fighting.” Dean said indignantly. Michael snorted.

“Yeah, okay, and you’ll be making out in five minutes.”

Castiel huffed out a sigh. “Where are we going?”

Michael was the first to speak. “I was thinking we could go to the Museum of Natural History, then maybe Central Park. Then Gabe and I have to head back to the apartment to get changed for dinner… You guys are welcome to come, by the way.”

“Dinner at your mom’s house?” Dean asked for clarification. Gabriel nodded, and Castiel quickly shook his head.

“No way.” He said. Gabriel sighed heavily.

“Cas…”

“No. I’m not going to subject myself or Dean to dealing with that wicked woman.” He said, scowling as he crossed his arms over his chest. “Not to mention that if Anna is going to be there, I want no part of it.”

“So are you even going to come to Easter Dinner, then?” Michael asked. Castiel shrugged, and his older brother frowned, stepping closer to him. “Cas, the whole reason you came here is so that you could spend time with your family…”

“The only reason I came here is because _you_ felt guilty.” Castiel spat, his blue eyes going soft the moment the words came out of his mouth. He tugged his purple pierving into his mouth, about to speak when Gabriel cut in.

“Let’s start walking to the museum then, shall we?”

\---

A few hours later, Gabriel and Michael were climbing into a taxi bidding farewell to Dean and Cas, off to have dinner at Cas’s mother’s house. Before the taxi doors could close Dean came up behind Cas, rubbing at his shoulders and kissing the back of his neck.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go with them? If you’re doing this for my sake, then I’ll have you know that I deal pretty well with homophobic parents.”

Castiel sighed against Dean and shook his head. “No. I really don’t feel like dealing with Naomi right now, is all.” He said, then closed the door to his brothers’ taxi and waved farewell to them, turning back to Dean and taking his hand as they walked down the sidewalk.

“Naomi is your mom?”

“If you can call her that.” Castiel said with a roll of his eyes. “Do you know that she sent me to Christian Bible camp the summer after I came out to her? Tried to ‘cure me’ of my homosexuality.” He said, using air quotes around the words ‘cure me’. Dean’s mouth nearly dropped open.

“Shit. Are you serious?”

Castiel shrugged. “It wasn’t too bad. I met my first boyfriend there. Lost my virginity to him.” He smiled a toothy grin, scratching the back of his neck. “Sammy Milton. Sammy was short for Samandriel, but nobody had time for such a long name.” He smiled fondly. “He taught me how to fish, and, you know- how to suck dick, for the first and last time ever. He was the one who convinced me to get a tongue ring, too.”

“Wow.” Dean paused, smirking over at Cas. “And you told me you never slept with anyone.”

“I haven’t.” Castiel insisted. “All that Samandriel and I did was suck each other off behind a barn, which doesn’t really count as sex at all in my book. It was sort of gross… And I certainly didn’t feel any sexual attraction towards him. I just…” He trailed off, sucking his piercing in between his lips. “He was nice to me when nobody else was. And I loved him for that.”

“That’s sweet.” Dean said softly. Castiel shrugged.

“I guess. In any occasion, I think that he enjoyed it much more than I did.” The conversation died off there, and as they were walking along the street Castiel smiled and pointed to a dress in the window of a small boutique shop. The dress had a black lace trim and was covered in a floral print of pretty white daisies.

“You would look amazing in that dress, don’t you think?”

Dean blushed and bit his lips, looking up at the dress. It was beautiful, and Dean was sure that he _would_ look amazing in it. He cleared his throat.

“I don’t know…”

“Come on.” Castiel urged, pulling Dean by the hand and leading them up the stairs and into the shop. Dean cheeks turned crimson when a clerk came up to them and asked if they needed any help, and he quickly declined her offer before Castiel could say anything.

Castiel found his way over to the rack where they were selling the dresses quickly enough, picking up a large and holding it up to Dean’s body. He backed away quickly, looking around to make sure that nobody had seen. Castiel huffed in annoyance and rolled his eyes.

“Oh come on, Dean, nobody is looking. Why don’t you just try it on?”

“Because…” He swallowed and looked around again, and Cas raised his eyebrows at his boyfriend.

“Hey, look at me.” He said, reaching out and grabbing Dean’s wrist. Green eyes met blue ones, and Castiel smiled. “Screw societal convention, remember? God gave us free will for a reason. Now use it and try this freaking dress on.” He said, thrusting it into Dean’s hands. The man snorted.

“Taking orders from some baby in a trench coat hardly seems like free will to me.”

“Yeah, yeah, shut up and go try it on.”

Twenty minutes later they checked out, the dress folded neatly and tucked into a plastic bag. Castiel insisted on paying for the piece, much to Dean’s anger, and they walked from the shop down the block to a small pizzeria that Castiel remembered had really good food.

They spent an hour there, eating and fooling around, until the sun was just about going down and they decided to head back to the hotel. They hailed a taxi and got a ride back to their hotel, clinging to each other and talking into one another’s necks the whole way there. Whispered plans of their wedding were passed between the two of them, secrets for their future that they didn’t even know they were hiding from anybody.

Dean wanted to live in the mountains, in a nice little house on a big piece of land, where they could raise their kids and keep lots of animals. He said that there would be horses, and their children would learn to ride them. There’d be a garden for Cas, where he could plant flowers that would attract bees. And in the winter they would invite their brothers and their families over, and bake pies and turkeys and live happily every after.

Cas wanted to move to the beach, where they’d live in a small little house and raise their kids and keep cats- lots of cats, and a nice big garden too. Dean tried to remind Cas that he was allergic to cats, but he shushed him, insisting that they could always stock up on Benedryl. And there they would take long walks on the beach at night, and lay together in the sand and just hold hands, and spend the rest of their lives together.

By the time they got back to the hotel the two of them were nearly drunk with giddiness, and they stumbled into their hotel room kissing like freaks, clinging to each other as if one of them might disappear. They lay on the bed together like that, kissing slowly and tenderly, holding each other as close as they could get. Finally Cas rolled off of Dean, sighing and looking up at the celing as he caught his breath.

“I’m gonna go take a bath.” He said, but made no move to get up. Dean hummed and rolled closer to him, nosing at his neck.

“Ooh, a bath sounds nice. I think I have some bath bombs in my suitcase, actually.”

Castiel raised his eyebrows. “Really? You should let me borrow one.”

“Or we could just take a bath together.” Dean suggested, nipping at Cas’s collarbone. Castiel tensed up, but only for a second before he spoke.

“You-you want to?”

Dean sat up. “I mean… if that’s okay with you.” He said quietly. Castiel sat up as well, nodding.

“Of course it’s okay. I just… I thought… You…”

“Just no touching.” Dean said quickly, watching the anxiety disappear from Cas’s face. “I mean, like… No touching each other’s dicks.”

“Yeah, no, I got that.” Castiel said quickly. “And we can still kiss, we’ll just be…”

“Naked.” Dean finished his sentence for him, gulping. They looked up at each other, green eyes catching blue. Suddenly Cas smiled and grabbed Dean’s hand. 

“Well, what are we waiting for?”


	23. Bath Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Dean and Castiel take a bath together, and Castiel learns something about Dean

Dean watched Castiel get undressed slowly, his Adam’s apple bobbing nervously in his throat and his heart beat increasing with every article of clothing that Castiel removed. He knew this had all bee his idea, but _God_ it had been a stupid one, and he wished to Jesus that he would just spontaneously combust on the spot.

“I wouldn’t like that very much.” Castiel said suddenly, cutting into Dean’s train of thought. He snapped his head up to look at his boyfriend, eyes wide.

“Shit. Did I say that all out loud?”

“Just the part about spontaneously combusting.” Castiel said, kicking his jeans off of his legs and stepping towards Dean. He cupped his cheek. “Look, babe, if you don’t want to do this that’s fine by me. I wouldn’t be insulted or anything-”

“No.” Dean said quickly. “I want to do this.” He took a deep breath and reached up to his collar, slowly but surely beginning to unbutton his shirt. “I want to do this with you.”

Castiel sighed. “Okay, man. Suit yourself.” He said, then reached down and dropped his boxers, revealing himself in all of his naked glory to Dean. Much to Dean’s relief he wasn’t hard, though his dick did look pretty big, and Dean wondered if it was possible for his heart to leap out of his chest from pure anxiety. As castiel sunk into the water, already pink and foamy from the bath bomb, he raised an eyebrow at Dean.

“Babe, you have to take your clothes _off_ in order to take a bath.” He said, then sat forward and leaned against the side of the tub, looking up at Dean. “Honey, if you don’t want to do this…”

“I do, I do.” Dean said, quickly returning his focus to unbuttoning his shirt. He let it fall to the floor, sucking his stomach in a bit so that Cas wouldn’t be able to see the smell layer of fat that hung around his mid-section. Then he pulled off his belt and dropped his pants as well, only hesitating again once he reached his boxers.

You see, Dean had a secret that he had never told anyone. He wasn’t even sure if his mother knew, or at least knew the extent of it, and she was usually pretty keen on weeding Dean’s secrets out of him. But see, all throughout Dean’s senior year of high school, he had self-harmed. He’d hidden a box of razors under his mattress, and every night before he went to sleep, he would tally up everything he had done wrong that day and punish himself for it. His thighs had gotten the bulk of the abuse, since he hadn’t wanted anybody to be able to see his scars.

His mother had found out about it when she was cleaning his room one day and stumbled upon the box. She also found, inside that very same box, a folded up suicide letter that Dean had written a week or so earlier. He had planned to kill himself that Friday- hang himself from the bleachers at school after football practice.

Now, he was done self-harming, and hadn’t done it in almost over a year. He’d promised his mom that he would stop hurting himself, at least physically, and he had kept that promise. But the scars were still there, and so was the shame, and Dean almost felt like crumbling in on himself at the prospect of letting Castiel see his deepest, darkest, most embarrassing secret.

“Dean…” Castiel whined, flicking some water at him. Dean flinched back, his fingers paused at the waist band of his boxers. “The water’s getting cold, and I miss you.”

Dean offered Cas a weak smile, his eyes flickering down to his boxer shorts. Taking a deep breath, he made up his decision and dropped them, waiting for Cas’s shocked, horrified gasp. It never came.

Instead he was surprised when a warm, wet hand wrapped around his own fingers and pulled him closer to the tub, guiding him to step into the hot water and sit down. By the time he was fully seated he had his back to the linoleum, his head in the perfect position to lay on Cas’s chest. Cas smiled gently at him and reached out, pushing his hair from his face and kissing him softly.

“C-Cas, I…”

“Shh.” Castiel quieted him with another kiss, wrapping an arm around his shoulder and nuzzling at his neck. “You don’t have to tell me about it if you don’t want to.”

“But I… Cas… I’m a-a freak, I’m not…” Dean got all choked up and couldn’t continue, tears burning his eyes and threatening to spill over. Castiel shushed him, kissing him all over his face. Finally Dean found his voice, and the first words that he said nearly broke Castiel’s heart. “I don’t deserve you.”

“That’s not true, Dean.” Castiel insisted. Dean sniffled and shook his head.

“It is. It is true. Almost anybody on this planet would look at me and see those scars and tell me I was a freak for doing that to myself. And yet you… You just pulled me into a kiss and told me that I don’t even have to explain myself if I don’t want to. I mean that…” He swallowed and shook his head. “I’ve just never even heard of something like that before.”

“Dean, I’m just being nice…”

“I know, I know, but I…” He sniffled again, shaking his head. “I guess I’ve just never met anyone like you before.”

“Nor I you.” Castiel said softly in response, kissing Dean’s cheek again. The man closed his eyes, sighing and reaching for Cas’s hand.

“I love you.” He said softly. Castiel hummed against his neck in response, no doubt working on leaving a dark hickey there for everyone to see. He sighed and leaned back, closing his eyes and swallowing. “I guess… I mean, you want to know the story, right?”

“If you’re comfortable telling me.” Castiel whispered against his skin. Dean shrugged.

“I might as well. Nothing left to hide anymore.” He said. He bit his lips for a moment, trying to find the right words, before he spoke again. “After I came out to my dad, and then Rhonda…. Things sort of just spiraled out of control from there. Kids at school were real shitty about everything, and because of what Rhonda was telling them, they all thought I had fucked her and then broken up with her the next day. The whole cheerleading squad started trashing me behind my back, and I could hardly even walk down the hall without getting snapped at by somebody or other. Even some of the teachers were in on it too, I think, and it was just really hard. I started failing my classes, since I had never been too smart of a student anyway… Quit my job at the local supermarket too, since a bunch of kids from school always used to hang out there and bother me when I was on duty. 

“I guess I sort of turned into a recluse after that. Slept most of the afternoon, until Sammy would get home from junior soccer practice, and then I would help him do his homework and just sit around with him. I stopped eating too, because it was just so much work that I didn’t seem to have the energy for. There were… other reasons I stopped eating too, but they were…” Dean blushed and looked away, and only continued when he felt Cas’s fingers tighten around his own reassuringly. He swallowed. “I never had any energy,” he paused again, a knot forming in his throat as he remembered. Castiel moved his hand, scratching at the back of his neck.

“It’s okay, Dean.” He whispered. Dean took a shaky breath and nodded.

“At some point, I realized that it was all my fault. And really, it was. I was the freak; I was the one who came out to my dad; I was the one who gave Rhonda the wrong message… I deserved what I got. And what I got…” Dean bit his lips, shaking his head as tears began to roll down his cheeks. “I started cutting myself. For everything I did wrong during the day, it’d be one slice. Some days were good and I’d only get one or two. Other days…” He swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat. “Well, that’s where the scars come from.”

Castiel frowned. “Oh, Dean, you know that wasn’t the solution, right? Cutting yourself is never the solution.” He said softly, resting a hand on Dean’s leg and giving it a squeeze. Dean closed his eyes and nodded, tears still running down his cheeks. “You weren’t wrong for what happened to you, Dean. It wasn’t your fault, and you didn’t deserve to be punished. You never deserved to be punished.”

“I-I know that now, Cas.” Dean finally managed to choke out. His jaw clenched and he swallowed back the tears that wanted to spill, continuing. “But then… Then, I didn’t know. And I just had this-this pain inside of me. I was so alone, and so tired. And I… I wrote a note and everything. And I was going to do it, to k-kill myself, but my mom…” He took a raggedy breath, his lips trembling. “My m-mom…” 

“She stopped you.” Castiel finished Dean’s sentence for him. Dean nodded, wiping his tears away and drawing in a deep breath. 

“She stopped me. And she took away my razors, and she told me that she loved me, and told me to never hurt myself again.” He wiped his eyes again, sniffling. “And I promised her. And I’ve kept that promise.”

“That’s good. You shouldn’t hurt yourself.” Castiel said, leaning in and kissing the tears away from Dean’s cheeks. Dean sniffled and nodded, rubbing at his eyes. Castiel squeezed his thigh again, nuzzling his neck.

“I know that, now. I know I was stupid to ever… Ever think I’d be better off dead.” He drew in a shaky breath. “It’s just… it’s hard sometimes.”

“Yes, well, I’m proud of you for being so strong, Dean.” He paused. “Does Dr. Barnes know any of this?”

Dean shrugged in response, and Cas pursed his lips. “You should really tell her.”

“I will, I will.” He said, then leaned his head on Cas’s chest and slowly began to trace shapes into the hair of the other man’s back. Cas smiled and leaned down, kissing his hair.

“I’m glad that you’re here, Dean.” He said softly. Dean was silent for a moment or two before he answered, quite honestly.

“So am I.”

Castiel smiled and pressed a soft kiss to Dean’s temple, reaching for the shampoo that was sitting on the ledge in front of them and squirting some into his palm. “Turn for me.” He instructed, moving around so that when Dean turned, his back was to Cas’s chest. He pushed his fingers into Dean’s damp hair and began to massage the soap in, rubbing his head until his hair was all foamy.

“You need a haircut.” Castiel noted. Dean mimicked him childishly, and Cas grinned, dipping his hands into the warm water and bringing water up so that he could rinse Dean’s hair thoroughly. He rinsed his own hands off ad slid his arms around Dean’s waist, mouthing at the back of his neck with wet, open mouthed kisses. As his hands wound around Dean’s torso, his fingers brushed his soft cock, and Dean tensed. He felt the blog drain from his face and chest, his heart pounding in his ears. He jerked in Cas’s arms.

“C-Cas…”

Hmm?” Castiel looked up, freezing when he saw the look of panic on Dean’s face. He let his hands drop back into the water immediately. “Oh, God, did I hurt you? I didn’t touch you, did I? Dean, I’m sorry if I-”

“You…” Dean shook, closing his eyes and letting his fingers dig into his own sides. The water was warm but he felt cold, and it took everything in him not to burst into tears right there. He swallowed and shook his head, muttering quietly to himself as he worked to control himself and not hyperventilate. “I just need some s-space.”

Castiel quickly drew his knees up and away from Dean, water sloshing against the side of the tub. Dean looked back at him and saw fear om his face, and suddenly Dean felt horrible. He wanted to cry and scream and apologize and run away all at once, and then the intense surge of emotions made him want to puke. He started to shake- really shake- and tears filled his eyes.

“I’m s-sorry, I-” he stopped, his throat working but no words coming out. He looked down at his lap, at his soft cock laying against his thigh, and he hated what he saw. Hated the long scars that ran up along his thighs, the stretch marks that blended right in alongside them. In that moment he hated everything about himself, and he just wanted to curl up in a ball and maybe drown himself in the warm bath water.

“Hey,” Castiel’s voice was soft right next to him, though it seemed to be distant. Dean felt him touching his arm, and then he was pulled into Cas’s chest, where it was warm and safe. His shivering calmed a little and he closed his eyes, pressing his cheek to Cas’s wet chest. ‘Don’t be sorry. I didn’t realize I was touching you, okay? I will never you, Dean. I promise.”

“I know that,” Dean whispered, heart still hammering in his chest. He opened his eyes and looked up at Cas, a small and unsure smile tugging at his lips. “I love you.”

“Are you okay?” He asked, pushing the hair from Dean’s face. Dean nodded.

“Yeah, I’m fine now.” 

Castiel didn’t seem convinced, a frown still plastered on his face. But then Dean reached out and cupped his face, kissing him gently and smiling reassuringly at him.

“Let me wash you.” Dean whispered against Cas’s lips, twisting so that he could look up at Cas. The man nodded, shifting awkwardly so that he could sit in front of Dean in the tub. Water sloshed around and Dean placed his hands on Cas’s hips, steadying him as he moved about. Cas smirked back at him.

“Getting handsy there, babe?” He asked with a wink. Dean frowned and said nothing, taking the shampoo into his hand, pouring some onto Cas’s scalp and beginning to rub it in. He leaned forward and kissed the back of Cas’s shoulder, rubbing at his scalp.

“I like this a lot.” He whispered. Castiel smiled and turned to look back at Dean.

“Yeah?” he asked. Dean hummed and nodded, kissing Cas’s plush lips and smiling softly at him.

“Yeah. You’re beautiful, by the way.” He said, dragging his fingers down Cas’s back and rinsing them in the water. Castiel blushed as Dean slid his arms around his waist, hugging him tight.

“You’re beautiful too, you know.” He said, turning to look back at Dean with soft blue eyes. Dean kissed him again, humming when Cas turned around and leaned against his front, kissing him sweetly. Dean sighed and held him close, stroking his hands up and down over Cas’s sides.

“I love you so much.” Dean said softly as he pulled back, stroking his thumbs back and forth over Cas’s hips. Castiel smiled and leaned in to kiss Dean again, pressing his hands against Dean’s chest.

“I love you too. I never thought I’d be so lucky to find someone like you.” Cas’s Adam’s Apple bobbed in his throat and he leaned forward, pressing his forehead against Dean’s. Dean bit his lips, his eyes flickering down to look at Cas’s waist. There was a small tattoo on his left hip, and a small smile flickered across Dean’s face as he remembered some of the first words Cas had ever said to him.

_“Have you got any tattoos?” “None that you have any business seeing.”_

“So you do have a tattoo, then.” Dean smirked. Castiel frowned.

“Huh?” He asked, following Dean’s gaze and looking down at his own hip. He snorted out a laugh. “Oh, right. Got that when I was sixteen.”

“Yeah?” Dean traced the writing with his fingers, smiling softly. “What’s it say? I can’t see through the water.”

“It’s two scriptures. Matthew 7:6, ‘Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and tear you.’ And the second is another by Matthew, 25:40, ‘Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.’”

Dean smiled. “Who knew you were such a religious type.”

Castiel shrugged, smiling. “Jesus did have a few good points, you know.”

“Yeah, aside from the whole ‘gay is a sin’ thing, I guess he was a pretty good guy…”

“Jesus never actually said anything bad about gay people, you know. He was a very liberal sort of guy. A feminist too.” Castiel smiled. “Did you know that the Bible, Old and New Testament, never says anything about homosexuality at all?”

“Leviticus?” Dean raised his eyebrows, and Cas shook his head.

“Gross misinterpretation of the text. When the prophecy read that a man would be stoned for sleeping with another man, it was referring to the sin of adultery. Not homosexuality.”

“Heh.” Dean snorted, carding his fingers through Cas’s wet hair. “Learn something new every day.”

Once the water was cold, Dean and Cas climbed out and changed into the boxers, lying together and spooning in bed. Once Castiel was sure that Dean was asleep he rolled off of him, reaching for the nightstand and grabbing his phone. He pulled up a New Message, typing out a quick text to Mrs. Winchester.

**To: Dean’s mom  
04/12/16 at 12:39**

_Dean told me what you did for him in high school. Thank you for being such a wonderful mother and saving Dean’s life… I would be lost without him in mine. I wish we could all have a mother like you, Mrs. Winchester_


End file.
